Slimming Down to Sexy...Eventually

Taco Soup Recipe

2012-01-09T09:32:00.000-06:00

I had a couple of requests for the Taco Soup recipe I mentioned on my Facebook wall last week, so I wanted to share it with you guys! I believe it is originally a Weight Watchers recipe. It is a little more sodium than I would ideally like to ingest - but I have realized that sometimes I just need to pick my battles! It's better for me, and lower sodium, than a Big Mac....right?!? And not to mention, it is CHEAP! *bonus, bonus, bonus*

So here is the recipe, as it was originally published.

1 pound ground turkey
1 medium chopped onion
1 can regular stewed tomatoes
1 can Mexican style stewed tomatoes
1 can whole kernel corn
1 can pinto beans
1 can white kidney beans
1 packet taco seasoning
1 packet dry ranch dressing

Brown meat with chopped onion and drain fat. Add all ingredients to the crock pot. Do not drain corn or beans. Stir until completely mixed together. Simmer in crock pot all day long.

I made some adjustments to this, to better-suit me. Below are the changes I made.

Instead of Turkey, I cooked up a pound of chicken breasts, seasoned with pepper, and shredded them.

I used black beans instead of kidney beans. They're just better. =)

I couldn't find Mexican stewed tomatoes, so I used Diced w/ Green Chiles.

I used 40% less sodium taco seasoning.

Next time, in order to save on some sodium, and give it a little more zip, I'm going to leave out the can of regular stewed tomatoes, and just put two cans with Chiles in. I'm also going to drain and rinse the black beans, and then add some water.

For a cup and a half serving of this deliciousness, here are the stats: 274 calories, 2 grams of fat & 29 grams (I believe) of protein!! Low cal, super-low fat, and a bunch of protein to keep you feeling full!! And it is really flavorful!! SO GOOD!!!

Try it! And let me know if you make any variations to it you think make it healthier, or tastier!!

Once Every 7 Seconds

2011-12-12T20:34:00.000-06:00

No. I'm not talking about how the classic reference to how often men think about sex. It isn't nearly as much fun as that. What I'm talking about is the frequency with which it seems I think about food. It would appear so far that by finally owning the "emotional" component to my eating, I'm now going to be faced with ALL of my food issues. This should be a fun winter.

Admittedly, there are times where my thoughts of food are much more infrequent - but right now, it is too damn often! I didn't really realize how much time I devoted to food. By the time you factor in: making my grocery list, shopping, thinking about what to have for my next meal, talking myself out of whatever it is I want for my next meal, bargaining with myself to get to have at least part of what I originally wanted, calculating the caloric/fat/sodium damage that will do to my daily allowance, tracking what I'm eating, preparing what I'm going to eat, and actually eating - it's like 23 hours a day! A slight exaggeration, but you get what I mean.

this is funny because it's true

This is a problem. But how do I shut it off? It's like people that smoke or drink. I now understand how much time they probably dedicate to figuring out how to get more of what they're addicted to into their system. If guys really do spend that much time thinking about sex, how the hell do they actually get anything done...wait....I think that explains some things. =)

I knew I had a food fixation...obviously...one does not develop this smokin' physique without staying on task - but I didn't really realize how often I think about it. I was washing my car on Sunday. I wasn't hungry in the least. But I found myself thinking about Cheetos. And then rationalizing how I deserved to have them - - I was burning calories washing my car (like 12 of them) - so I deserved a treat (a "single serving" bag is probably like 400-500 calories). That math doesn't quite work out. But even more disturbing was stopping and thinking about how often I could recall thinking about food that day. That's not even counting the times I had forgotten about. And don't worry - I wasn't going to get my freshly cleaned car dirty by going to get chips!

I think it's better when I'm at work. I have my lunch there, so I know what I'm having. It's now freezing and winter, so cost/benefit analysis is too weighted in the cost column to actually leave work to get anything. So work days are a piece of cake - right? Wrong. Today someone brought in doughnuts. And a vendor brought in an entire bag of mini-candy bars. Guess what entered my mind...frequently...all afternoon? It is so damn annoying!!

The good news is that so far I've been able to control myself..so far. It helps that I'm not actually "hungry" because I'm actually planning out my calories for the day, and spreading them out. But I'm like a little kid. Tell me I can't (or shouldn't) have something, and it's all I can think about! I'm going to try and continue to be strong, and not waste entire days focusing on food. And if that doesn't work, I'll look into the return of the labotomy.

On a sad note, I just heard from my sister that they had to put her dog to sleep. I am not a total lover of animals, but I did love Reg. He was the best 80 pound lap dog, ever. He was a good boy, and was just so damn happy to see you every time you walked in.
I'm just hoping that he's somewhere running really fast, because he loved it - and always looked like he was smiling when he did it. I'll try to smile through my next workout in his honor.
RIP Reginald Martin

"I get so emotional, baby..." -Whitney Houston

2011-12-10T17:36:00.000-06:00

I'm guessing it will come as no surprise to you that I've been less-than-on-my-game, lately. The biggest hint may be my complete absence from writing this blog. It's not that I don't think of topics, or feel like I have anything to say. It's because I don't want to be a depressing downer. And I feel like that is exactly what my entries would be. Downers.

I made an agreement with myself when I started this blog that I would be honest. Through the good, the bad, the ugly, the stretch marks, the entertaining, the depressing, the chaffing....I'd be honest about what I wrote about. And I want to stick to that commitment. But for the last few months, I haven't felt like I've had a lot of wins - so I didn't think any of it was worth sharing. But a few days ago it finally dawned on me. All of that "life" crap that I was sure had nothing to do with my attempts at getting health, are right smack dab in the middle of the issue.

Hi. My name is Natalie, and I'm an emotional eater.

There. I've finally said it. I finally SEE it. I never really realized just how much what's going on in my life affects - both positively and negatively - my ability to focus on getting healthy. And getting healthy - for me at least - requires focus. Getting health is a thousand different choices and thoughts a day. And for the past few (5) months, I haven't been making good ones for myself. I've come to the painful realization that my whole goal of "getting healthy" isn't as limited (eating and exercise) as I'd originally thought. It also includes money and family and friends and bills and contentment and self-esteem and time and self-worth - and all the stress that bag of crap produces. I made my own flow-chart to demonstrate my discoveries, but it wouldn't open on my computer. (for anyone that knows about my limited skills with graphics, you'll know what a loss this is that mine can't be used =)) Luckily, I was able to locate the one below. It sums up beautifully what it appears to have taken me 36.67 years to finally understand.

And the last 5 months have been a minefield of triggers, and I've been earning a solid F- for my ability to deal with them in a healthy manner. The stress causers: looking for a job/looking for an apartment/adjusting to my new expenses/unexpected bills/my car breaking down. And what is stress? A damn emotion. Some people respond to stress by "forgetting to eat". I, on the other hand, only want to eat crap. And although the "crap" has changed because of my new budget - and I can't afford to eat fast food constantly - the truth of the matter is that junk food is cheaper than veggies. And the other truth: it tastes better. But what you can't see when you're in the middle of this emotional eating frenzy, is that you're just causing more of the same problem. Eating crap, when what you really want to do is become a more healthy person, just causes more....are you with me people...have any guesses?? Negative emotions.

Stress/sadness/loneliness/etc --> making poor eating choices --> sitting on my couch when I should be working out --> guilt (EMOTION) over not working out --> more unhealthy choices --> back to the beginning.

Looking back on it, it is so damn clear. But at the time....I couldn't see that. Or more likely - I wasn't willing to admit it. Truth bomb: this never-ending emotional eating circle doesn't give a shit if you're stressing about money, or family, or friends, or relationships - it's just glad you're focused on something else, to keep you on the loop.

So now that I see it (finally) - what am I going to do about it?

I'm going to start with my finances. I have been so focused on not digging myself back into the financial hole I was in through the spring of 2010, that I don't really allow myself to see the whole picture. Looking around, I'm not really spending money on unnecessary things - but instead of justifying that I can get a bag of chips for $1.19, I need to put that toward healthier choices. I've had a few sites forwarded to me with cheap/healthy options, and I'll be studying them intently. This is also good for you guys - because I'll send links to delicious things. Although I don't go out much now - I will be doing even less of it in the future. Probably not a really negative, since when I'm stress to the hilt, I'm no treasure to have around anyway. Also - winter is a time of hibernation for me, so I'm more than OK with this decision. Hopefully my friends will like me a little better when I return to the scene - hopefully a little more stress-free and a little healthier. My family has to love me anyway...right?

Next up: Food. Cooking healthy meals (other than Baked Ziti...because let's face it - you can only have that for so long before you completely lose interest. Variety is the spice of life, right?) on the weekends, so I have lunches and dinners (and no excuses) for the upcoming week. There is so much information available these days, I really have no damn excuse to just do it - - and I know I'll have the time! And I'm off booze. The last time I remember feeling fully in control of my life, I wasn't cocktailing. And drinking at your house, by yourself, isn't probably a great thing for a person with a dependent personality to do.

Finally: Exercise. So much easier to do when I'm eating well. And I honestly don't hate exercise - it just seems like time I don't have when I'm busy spending every spare second in my own head worrying about things I don't really have any control of anyway. I'm going to focus on cardio - for which there are machines right here in my building. And then strength exercises I can do right in my own apartment. I have this great nautilus machine - it's called my own ass! I have enough body weight to provide plenty of resistance for a while. Who knows - maybe one day I'll be able to hold a plank for more than .5 seconds, and do a real push-up? Maybe. Once I get that financial piece sorted out, I'll get myself into a cheaper gym and a weight routine. If anyone wants to come visit with me on the treadmills, there's room! Let me know when you want to schedule our first gym-date!

That's my plan. Or at least what I think will help ease some of the emotional burden that's currently causing me to be disgusted with myself. I know I can do so much better than I have been, and I also see that I'm lucky. I finally realized what I was doing before I gained all of the weight back that I'd lost. Yes - I gained about 15 pounds back - - and I'm not particularly happy about that - - but I caught it. I didn't allow myself to gain 140 pounds, again. And honestly - I feel like I need to cut myself some damn slack! I think you have to do that sometimes, or you're guaranteed to fail - and turn right back into the financially destroyed fatty that you most fear!

So there it is. The truth about where I've been. The hope for where I'm going. Thank you for reading my nonsensical ramblings. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for being there. I appreciate all of you, and I'll show you that by being better. Being better for myself, and for you guys.

Do you have any budget-friendly meal tips or sites? PLEASE share them! I can't imagine I'm the only one that would benefit!

Baked Ziti - - 8 servings of delicious

2011-12-01T20:41:00.000-06:00

I've shared a couple of times on my blog that I am absolutely in love with the Biggest Loser Baked Ziti. It is easy enough for me to make, but tasty enough to make me feel like I'm having a treat. It makes 8 servings (and who doesn't love one session of cooking, and eight meals?!?!) and the best part....dun, dun, dun....I actually like the leftovers! I don't typically do too well with warmed up food - so anything I find that is good out of the microwave is a total victory.

So let me get on with it. Below is the recipe from their book. I also add a 20oz package of ground turkey to this - - it adds some protein, and allows my brain to rationalize that it is even better for me because of it. =) They also get pretty specific about what types of cookware to use - - listen to them! I made this in a non-non-stick pan one time, and it tasted really metal-y. It isn't great. So listen. Surprisingly, they know more about this type of stuff than I do.

First you need to make the "Main Event Marinara Sauce". All of this will be used in the ziti.

Ingredients:
Olive Oil Spray
1 cup minced yellow or white onion
2 T freshly minced garlic
1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes
1/4 cup water
2 T no-salt-added tomato paste
2 t honey
1 T dried oregano
1 t dried basil
1/2 t crushed red pepper flakes
salt, to taste (optional)
20 oz package ground turkey

Directions:
Spray a medium nonstick saucepan with the olive oil spray and place over medium heat. Add the onions and garlic and cook until just becoming tender (they should not brown), 4 to 6 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and with a wooden spoon stir in the tomatoes, water, tomato paste, honey, oregano, basil and pepper flakes until well combined. Cover and cook, stirring occasionally, for at least 1 hour. Season with salt, if needed.

**Notes from Natalie: I don't add any salt. Also, I brown up the turkey, and add that to the sauce after about 1/2 hour. Then I simmer it all together for 30-45 minutes. And do you see what I mean about the specific cookware!?!? I thought they were full of it.

Now for the Ziti!!

Ingredients:
Olive Oil Spray
1 (14.5 oz) box fiber-enriched ziti or penne rigate (I use Ronzoni Smart Taste - and I prefer the ziti to the penne)
1 (15 oz) container fat free ricotta cheese
2 large egg whites
8 ounces (4 cups) finely shredded reduced-fat mozzerella cheese (you may notice - as I did - that their quantities don't add up here. I use 16 ounces - 4 cups. It still isn't that much....)
1/4 t garlic powder
salt, to taste
ground black pepper, to taste
crushed red pepper flakes, to taste
Main Event Marinara Sauce (see above)
2 T grated reduced-fat parmesan cheese

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 450degrees F. Lightly mist a 13"x9"x2" ceramic or glass baking dish with olive oil spray.

Cook the ziti according to package directions until al dente. Drain. (I do this while the sauce is simmering)

In a large mixing bowl, mix the ricotta, egg whites and all but 1 cup of the mozzerella until well combined. (see - - only using 2 cups here wouldn't make any sense. And I love cheese) Add the garlic powder and season with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Stir in the cooked pasta until well combined. (I don't add salt, and I think it's just delish...)

Spread 1 cup (I use slightly more b/c of the turkey) of the marinara sauce on the bottom of the prepared dish. Add half of the pasta in an even layer over the sauce. Top the pasta evenly with another 1 cup sauce. Layer the remaining pasta over the sauce. Spoon the remaining 1.5 cups of sauce evenly over the top of the pasta, then sprinkle the remaining mozzerella and the Parmesan over the top.

Cover the dish with aluminum foil (I spray the bottom side of the foil w/ cooking spray, so the cheese doesn't stick) and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the foil and bake 10 minutes longer, or until the mozzerella is melted. Let stand 5 minutes. Cut into 8 pieces, or spoon among 8 bowls and serve.

Here's the nutrition info (w/o the turkey) per serving:
350 calories, 22 g protein, 57 g carbs, 6 g fat (3 g saturated), 20 mg cholesterol, 8 g fiber, 429 mg sodium

OK you guys! I hope you love it. And when you try it, you need to tell me how it was. And if you come up with any health upgrades, please share!

I'm thankful....

2011-11-27T20:06:00.000-06:00

There are times (the last month in particular) when I host a mini pity-party for myself. While I do believe that all things are relative (example: a thin woman can feel the need to lose weight when she gains __ pounds, because that is uncomfortable for her - when I feel like that is just plain silliness, because she is 1/9th my size, and I would like very much to be that tiny) I have no legitimate reason to have this solo festivals of ridiculousness. So for Thanksgiving weekend, I decided to celebrate all of the things (and there are way more than I listed here) why I am one damn lucky lady. So, without further delay - my list of thanks (in no particular order).

I am thankful... for my parents. No matter what my issue - and Lord knows there have been (and continue to be) many...I know I can count on them to always be there to help. Always. Shout out to Sue & Steve. You guys rule.

I am thankful... for my nieces and nephew. I have known for years that kids weren't in the cards for me, and I still totally feel that way - but I am astounded by how much I love these little people. They are so awesomely entertaining. I'm so lucky to be a part of their growing up...and I really can't wait to watch their parents deal with that! Shout out to Macy, Jorey & G. Steve. You guys remind me I'm not completely dead inside.

I am thankful... that I decided to stock up on all sorts of kitchen supplies, even though I never cooked. Now that I cook regularly, this crap is really coming in handy.

I am thankful... that I have a job. This isn't a given these days. And having one I like is a bonus.

I am thankful... for my friends. You have let me live with you, introduced me to hiking and tolerate my anti-fitness, got me a phone when I "lost" mine, met me for countless gym dates, stood in as my IT specialist, and on and on and on. You put up with my victory dances and sass. I have friends from high school that although we only get together every couple of months, it's like we've never been apart. I prefer quality over quantity, and you guys are quality. You're just there...when there is no reason for you to be.

I am thankful... for helpful family friends. When JaLisa decided she wanted to challenge me last week, Mr. G stopped to test some things, and tried to get her started. Then he coordinated her tow and repair. Shout out to you Kenny G. You are handy as hell, and I appreciate you.

I am thankful... for my family. All the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, whatever you call the kids of your cousins, etc. I love that we still get together - maybe not as often as we used to, but we still see each other a few times a year. I love that you allow me to be a part of your lives. I appreciate each of you who does all the work of organizing, so we continue to celebrate holidays together. It's exhausting, but it's awesome. We are lucky.

I am thankful... that one of my grandma's was still alive to read my first (hopefully of many) book. Having your 80 year old granny tell you she really enjoyed your book is a pretty frickin' sweet thing. Shout out to Kay. She's living proof that you should smoke'm if you got'em. She's 80, and still likes her cigs. Enjoy your life, people. You only get one.

I am thankful... for the word "ninja". It never fails to make me smile.

I am thankful... that I still have my health. I may not be as healthy as I like, but I have my health. I can still work-out. I'm not on medication. It isn't something to be taken for granted.

I am thankful... for my sisters. Few people are lucky enough to have close relationships with their siblings like we do - not to mention you guys make me laugh like nobody else can. Ripping that piss-saturated carpet out really bonded us forever. Shout out to Wendy & Mackenzie. I love you.

What are you thankful for?

Post #251: the one where I get my shit together...again

2011-11-21T07:03:00.001-06:00

Well...did you guys miss me!??!?

I didn't really realize how much time had gone by since my last post, until I looked at the date on it. Oops. Been missing since October 10th. I wish I could tell you that I'd been absent because I was so busy working out, I didn't have time to post - but that would be a lie. A huge one. And you guys deserve better. So here's what I have been doing...in the form of a "Sometimes" list...

Sometimes... you finally break down and give ALDI (a discount grocery store in my area) a try, and find it actually isn't nearly as scary as you'd made it in your crazy brain

Sometimes... your return to the workforce messes with your ability to effectively time-manage yourself...for months...

Sometimes... you feel like you're eating a lot better than you were, because you're cooking it at home - and then you realize you're still eating processed crap because it's cheap, and it really bums you out

Sometimes... your costs triple, while your income remains the same - and it takes you a while to figure out how you're going to adjust to these new numbers - because you are terrified that you might slip back into your unresponsible (not a word, but you get my point) financial ways, and dig yourself right back into that hole

Sometimes... if you worked out for the half the amount of time you thought about working out, planned to work out, came up with excuses not to work out, felt guilty for not working out - you'd be able to run a damn marathon by now!

Sometimes... it really pisses you off that fruits and vegetables are as expensive as they are. I want the chips. They taste better. And they cost less? Come on world! Give me some damn incentive to eat the broccoli!! (other than it's "good for me")

Sometimes... You have to set yourself up with a weekly weigh-in - because you feel you have no accountability to anyone, or anything, anymore. It's Tuesday, by the way - and you can follow my progress (yes - there will be progress) on my Facebook page (see the link on the right side of my blog)

Sometimes... you make yourself a pan of Biggest Loser Baked Ziti, because it's fairly easy, delicious, makes 8 servings, and you actually like the leftovers - and your kitchen looks like a war zone. That's when you remember one of the major reasons you hate cooking. The clean-up.

Sometimes... you think you need YC to move to Minnesota so he can babysit you - because even though you know a lot of things: you need to work out, you need to eat well, you can feel much better than you currently do, you can do some amazing shit when you put your mind to it, you're going to love the way you feel when you do all of the crap you're supposed to, your confidence will improve, your brain will work better if the rest of you is taken care of...and on, and on... you just can't seem to make yourself do anything positive on a consistent basis.

Sometimes... enough is enough, and you get so damn sick of yourself that you just can't take it any more. Enough of the excuses. Enough of the hiding from you guys, because I don't have anything positive to write about. Enough. If I was J.Lo, I'd be training to kick my own ass when I got home.

Sometimes... you actually make yourself a schedule. Like literally start yourself a google calendar to schedule your health - like it's a job. Daily workouts, scheduled. I've also scheduled out to go back over all my literature from fat camp. You know those things that had me feeling like I had the world by the balls? Yeah - that stuff. Cover your nuts, world, cuz I'm back!

Preposterous Statements: why I can't go to the gym

2011-10-10T14:21:00.001-05:00

As many of you know, I have given my notice of cancellation at LTF. I just can't justify the cost of their monthly membership, when I don't currently use the services (group fitness & the pool) that would make that worth it. So I have the month of October to figure out what I'm going to do instead. One of my options is the gym in my building. This isn't a long-term solution - - it only has about 5 pieces of cardio equipment, and very few weights - - but would work just fine for a month or two, to get me back on track. So last night I hatched a plan. I was going to get up this morning and go check it out. I was working the late shift today, so had an extra half-hour to work with this morning - so as you can see, the stars were aligning for success! I set my alarm, and drifted off to sleep...visualizing myself workin' it on the elliptical...

How things can change in 8 hours. My excitement over this new option went from red hot at 10pm, to non-existent at 6am. While I was sitting on the can trying to talk myself into it, Remus kept arguing with me! Here's a little of how it went -

Me: just do it.
Remus: but what if people are in there
Me: who gives a shit - you aren't shy, and you'll feel so much better if you go.
Remus: yeah - but is it really worth going through all the work of getting ready to possibly get down there and have people using all of the equipment?
Me: whatever - how likely is that, really?
Remus: well, do what you want - but wouldn't you be better-served by 45 more minutes of sleep?
Me: (silence)

Remus won. I didn't go. I laid in bed, feeling like a lazy pile. I really didn't go because I though all of the equipment might be in use? Really? I can really come up with some absurd shit. And that got me thinking....this isn't the first time I've talked myself out of a workout using this flimsy crap.

But...I can't watch what I want...

So I decided to make a list of my most frequent, toxic, mind-thoughts. A list of crazed confessions, if you will. And let me state for the record: if I heard anyone else using these as excuses, I'd slap them....or at least really want to slap them....but like waxing my eyebrows - I just can't do it to myself. So I thought maybe by sharing them, I might be compelled to stop using them? It's a crap-shoot, but worth a shot! So here are a few more:

(typically thought on Sunday night)..."I have to go back to a full week of work tomorrow. I better just take it easy, so I'm ready"....because sitting on my ass at a desk is something I couldn't do if I burned a couple hundred calories the night before. And why isn't this the rationale during the week, when I still have to go to work the next day? No damn idea.
"The gym is going to be soooooo busy". Yes - until you hit the jackpot and can install a home gym (to probably just avoid, also), you are going to have to deal with other people there as well. The good news? Some of them might be hot. So just get your ass there.
"My shoes are worn out, and I need new ones". Maybe if I was a distance runner. Maybe if I was partaking in some sort of specialized training. Maybe...oh forget it! There is no probable instance in my foreseeable lifetime where my tennis shoes should hinder me from a workout. Short of the soles literally coming off - there is nothing. I could make it through a typical workout in my socks with very little issue - so the fact that I want to blame my laziness on my shoes is asinine.
"There probably won't be any good parking spots at the gym, and I'll have to park far away". Ummm - HELLO!! Why the hell are you going to the gym? Heaven forbid you walk an extra 100 feet on actual ground, instead of a treadmill. Idiot.
"The channel I want to watch isn't in front of the equipment I like to use". This is what people on twitter would call a #FirstWorldProblem. Basically meaning - there are people in this world with real issues, so quit your damn bitching about something so damn insignificant, and get your ass to the gym - but that hash-tag would be too long.
"My comfortable gym clothes are all dirty" to appreciate this one, you have to understand that I don't wear cute things to the gym. I wear some variation of sweatpants and old booze t-shirts. So it isn't like all of my matching separates are dirty. And I could go to the gym twice a day for two weeks, and not run out of t-shirts. Basically, my nice loose stuff - - you know what I'm talking about - the stuff that doesn't make you feel like you're wearing a sausage casing - - is dirty. And it's probably dirty from sitting on my ass around the house. If only my mind could comprehend that all of those slightly tight shirts would fit a whole lot better if I just went to the gym...but alas, my mind is dumb sometimes.

I'm sure there are, and will be more...but this is what I could remember off the top of my head. Now if only I could use this mind for good, instead of evil....

Do you have a favorite go-to excuse for skipping a workout?

A Budget: The New Motivation?

2011-10-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

I am still struggling to make the time to get on here and blog! I apologize that they're so spread out. I think about things I want to share, constantly - but I'm just not making the time to get on there and do it. That will change. It has to. I miss it. I am learning that I do not adapt quickly to the circumstances around me. I've been working for 2+ months not, and I've been moved for 1+ month, and I'm still not getting it fully together.

I am horrific at time management outside of work - which let's be honest, is probably a direct reflection of the fact that I haven't needed any in well over a year. I am also determined to be more financially responsible than I've been in....ever - so I don't dig myself back into the hole I was in around April of this year. Adjusting to only 2 pay periods a month is much more challenging than I would have thought it would be.

But I'm doing it. And I'll be fine. And I'll get my shit together. And I'll be a frickin' rock-star. It might just take a little longer than I had anticipated - but doesn't everything?

So I have found one major perk to my current $$ situation. It has forced me, now that I actually give a shit about going in debt, to devise a budget. I guess I should be more clear - I've devised many budgets in my life, but I have stuck to exactly zero of them. This time I'm doing, and will do, better. (about damn time....I'm 36) So that perk....you know what you can't do if you're on a budget? Eat out all the time. Specifically - you can't eat fast food all the time. What is one of my major weaknesses? Fast food. TA-DA!!! Problem solves itself! It is magical!

Last weekend, for what may have been the first time in my life, I actually prepared meals for the week. Again - I've hit the planning stage of this many, many, many times...but seemed to always fall short in the execution phase. And as much as it amazed me - it did actually make this week super-easy, because all of my lunches were made. Who would have thought that all of those nutritionists/health-professionals, hell - even Rachel Ray - would have been right!?!? Maybe I should start listening to these guys a little more often. I'm almost a believer! Almost.

Slimming Down to Sexy Food Review: My favorite trial: turkey tacos using the 40% less sodium seasoning + greek yogurt instead of sour cream + a little bit of cheese + sauteed red and green peppers = deliciousness. A couple of notes: I don't know why the hell they put that extra 40% sodium in the regular seasoning. It is completely superfluous. I, and I'm willing to bet you, don't need it! And the issue I've had with even the fruity flavored greek yogurts in the past - the fact that they taste like sour cream - can actually be a huge benefit when you love sour cream, but don't want the completely empty/useless calories. Greek yogurt is proteiny, so the "people in the know" (see also: nutritionist/health people above) say it is a much better option for us.

I also wanted to share a couple of other food-related finds with you. Let me preface this by admitting once again that I am a person who craves immediate gratification. In almost every aspect of my life - food being one of the larger problem areas. Why else would a person live on primarily fast food? You feel like shit when you eat it, and it isn't particularly cheap (don't buy into that dollar menu bullshit - - it's a hoax to get you hooked). Wow - I get easily sidetracked. Anywho...playing in to this, I like to keep a few frozen meals on hand for those times when I need food within 3 minutes, or I'm going to lose it. I have found one that is delicious, and vegetarian, and contains two of my favorite veggies, and it pasta. And its only like 240 calories. VICTORY!!

And because it's fall, I am obsessed with this yogurt. Target's Archer Farms brand is one of my favorite lines. They cover all sorts of crap I don't, and shouldn't, need - but still want. They also have Pumpkin Pie yogurt. It's do damn delicious! I don't think they have it in the fat free variety, and this "low fat" is 170 calories. Kind of a lot for yogurt, but this is like a legit dessert. And if you couple it with the meal above, you still have a reasonable lunch! =)

OK. I think I've rambled on about food enough for a while. I'm going to take a break, but I'll be back to blog about some real shit soon. I promise. I'll cover exercise on the next one. If only a budget helped that one solve itself....

Do you have any ideas for cheap crap that's still somewhat good for you? Please share....

Don't Be A Hero

2011-09-25T18:29:00.000-05:00

Today was the day. I was in charge of watching my two nieces (ages 6 & 4) and my nephew (8 months) at the same time. All 3 of them. At once. I was terrified! The two older ones - no problem at all. They can completely function independently - and tell me what the issue is, if one is to come up. That nephew on the other hand - - well, factoring him in made me nervous. Not because of him - he is awesome, and quite possibly the best baby I've ever met. Seriously. That isn't just my partiality speaking. But I'm uncomfortable with babies. I like them when they hit about 2 years old, and can speak. =)

So I showed up for duty this morning, got the low-down on what to feed them, etc. The sun was shining, so as soon as the boy woke up, we headed to the park. It was maybe like 1/2 mile away. The ladies rode their hot-wheels (I was told not to let them ride their bikes by their mom. I didn't ask why, I just decided to trust this tip and bank bikes.), and it went much better than the last time I took some kids to the park on their self-motorized transportation of choice. Rewind a few years (honestly no idea how many, somewhere between 5-10 is my best guess) to me watching my cousins S & J. J may have still been in diapers, and S is a few years older. S grabs his scooter and J hops on his bike with training wheels, and we're off. We get to the park, we're playing for a while when all of the sudden J looks at me and says "I have poop in my pants". I'm like...OK - this is not ideal. I didn't bring a clean diaper/underwear, and there was no bathroom in site. While I was working through that, J proceeded to inform me "...and I'm NOT riding my bike!". Perfect. So I got to carry his bike home, and then S's scooter the last half of the way. So you see - I have experience with tricky kid vs. park situations.

So back to today - - I load the nephew, the diaper bag, a bottle of water, cheerios, my phone, sweatshirts, jelly beans...you know...all of the essentials...into the stroller. I tell the 4 year old I will not be pulling them in the wagon - if she wants to go to the park, she has to pedal herself there. I go over the rules (basically just the one rule: Stop at every corner and wait for me) with the ladies, they confirm that they understand, and we're off. The trip to the park is almost incident-free. One small hiccup - the 4 year old stopping in the middle of the street to ask which park we're going to, when a car was coming - but other than that, perfect trip.

We get to the park, and there is much merriment. Climbing the rock wall, hide-and-seek, swinging (underdogs were requested, but I refused. I think we all know that would go one of two ways. 1. I fall flat on my face while trying to "run" under them or 2. I don't push them high enough, and their entire swing-encased body hits me in the head, knocking them to the ground. I agree to "push them really high" - so we it all works out). I got to push both ladies, and a friend of the 6 year old who showed up, on the circle swing. I can push really fast, so I am awesome.

Then comes the tricky point of the day. The "fireman's pole". The ladies are scared. I hold their legs the first couple of times down, but then tell them they have to do it themselves if they want to keep doing it. Why did I do that? I don't know. I will never do it again. The 4 year old (who is an attorney in the making) pipes right up and tells me I should show them how to do it. Shit. So I have a choice to make. I can tell them I can't - and lose all credibility when it comes to the ease of playing, or I can buck up and do it. Please keep in mind - I am 36. A good (at least) twenty years removed from my last playground experience. I am also severely too large for these new-fangled jungle-gyms (is that even what they're called these days?). But I knew I had to do it. How can I expect them to try new things, if I'm unwilling to try them?

So I find the steps up. The second my foot hit the first step, I knew I shouldn't do it - but I pressed on. I pushed my FUPA through the smallish openings in the frame to get from landing to landing. Finally I was up where they were, and looked down. HOLY CRAP you guys! IT'S HIGH! No wonder they're terrified! Of course the opening to get out to the pole is one of the more narrow areas, so I turn sideways, and wedge my fat ass through it. I hold onto the pole with both hands, put one leg out around the pole, and go for it.

blisters will form immediately

Mistake. For a split-second I thought everything would be fine. "I got this" were the exact words that ran through my brain. But no more did I have "this" through my noggin', then I remembered one major thing - I do not have nearly enough arm strength to hold myself up. SHHHHIIIIITTTTTTT!!!! That's what I was thinking for the .07 seconds it took for gravity to drag me down to earth. It was only once I landed, praying no one else was around to see my demonstration, that I realized that my right hand was ON FIRE! In my attempt to keep myself from breaking a leg with the sheer force with which I met the earth, I had given myself like a heat blister on two fingers of my right hand. I'm not going to lie - it hurt like hell! And I instantly had a huge blister on my middle finger. In my attempts to be a hero, and show them all of the fun that can be had at the park - I looked like a jackass, felt like a jackass and gave myself an injury. Who knew I could get into such shenanigans with young kids!?!?

But injury aside - it was an entertaining day. And I got a little exercise. And I got to soak in some vitamin D. And in this tundra we call Minnesota - we're never sure how many of those we have left. But I think next time I'll leave the playground demonstrations to their more fit aunts and uncles. I'll just remain the muscle on the ground.

I hope you all had a fantastic weekend, and have an even better week.

the anti-recipe for success

2011-09-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

Since I am in the midst of a segment of my life where I am the least of an authority on how to succeed, I figured I should share the results of some research I have performed that may help you avoid being a failure. That's almost as good as succeeding - right? I am working on serving a purpose, no matter what!

So here's what I've got - - PITFALLS TO AVOID WHEN TRAINING FOR A 5K - by Natalie Kath

Before I move on to sharing what not to do, let me paint you a picture of this period in my life. It was the first weekend in August, 2011. I had just started my new job 5 days earlier. It was a warm summer's eve...on a train bound for nowhere...I met up with the gambler....we were both too tired to sleep...wait! That's not it. So I had started a new job, after over a year of joblessness. I was trying to adjust to having actual duties during the day - things that I couldn't push off to a more convenient time. I was failing miserably in many areas - working out, eating well, prioritizing effectively.... During my month of "Move It 2 Lose It" success (June) I had gotten cocky, and signed up to do a 5K with my cousin-in-law while we were up at Family Fun weekend. Don't ever get cocky. No good can come of it. I don't know that I exercised since the day I signed up. I had also spent a fair amount of time eating like crap. It wasn't great. So now that I have somewhat set the stage, let's get this show on the road.

Pitfall to avoid #1... when planning to do a 5K (and by "do" a 5K in my world, I mean: walk slowly), and you have a lot of bod to haul along with you on the route, you may want to actually exercise consistently beforehand. Maybe workout a few days a week, for at least a month or so, leading up to the walk/run. It is a bad idea to completely stop working out for over one month prior to this walk, and assume everything will be fine.

Pitfall to avoid #2... completely ignore the fact that your body needs water the week before your "race". I'll admit it. When I started my new job, I struggled with how to drink as much water as I needed. When I was sitting at home, it was easy to keep the glass full - but as I was training in at my new gig, I would forget. Most days I only got a glass or two in when I got home. Considering you're supposed to divide your weight in 2, and drink that many ounces of water, I was failing miserably. Two glasses of water wasn't enough to support half the weight of my left foot, much less the entire mass of my bod.

Pitfall to avoid #3... it may not be the greatest idea to eat greasy/fatty food for an extended period of time, and then only eat one meal the day before your walk (or run if you're super-ambitious). And it is definitely not a good idea to make that one meal a plate full of cheesy, salty hotdishes (or casseroles, if you're fancy). Sure...you can try and tell yourself that you're "Carbo Loading" - but the truth of the matter is that any beneficial carbs you may be ingesting are far out-weighed by the amount of fat/butter/salt/cheese, that is not going to help you be successful.

I did not obey any of these pitfalls, and it lead to disaster. I was not feeling great from the start, but when I was almost to the half-way point, my side started to hurt. I couldn't catch my breath. Then the pain got worse. I didn't finish because I felt like I was being jabbed in the side with a knife, and couldn't breathe! Ridiculous and unacceptable. I mean, seriously. I've done 5K's before. This should not have been something beyond my capability range. I know it seems silly - but when you don't take care of yourself, your body will rebel. It was basically Remus' way of telling me that he was winning. His "screw you" to me, if you will. Mark that one for Remus, zero for Natalie.

What's Been Happenin'

2011-09-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Holy balls you guys! I have missed you! I've planned to get back to blogging about a million times, and then I always get sidetracked! My apologies for my extended absence, but I've had a couple of things going on - and I foolishly allowed them to keep me from you. I think I might be getting my crap together, so there should be smooth sailing from here on out!

I thought I might give you a rundown on what I've had going on the last month or two - and hope it is an acceptable excuse for going missing.

As many of you know, I was on the job hunt. I know I tried to explain to you what that was like (job hunting is the new dating, etc.) - but the best word to describe it was: STRESSFUL!! I was nervous because I hadn't had an interview for a job in like 14 years...little did I realize that was the least of my concerns! I wasn't even getting calls back for interviews! Seriously. I sent out what felt like a million resumes, and nothing. No response. No phone calls. No nothing. Well - that isn't completely true. I did get two responses from shady people who wanted me to work for them because they travel so much, and were out of the country. No thank you. I wouldn't do well in prison.

So the panic set in. And with the panic came laziness. I stopped going to the gym. When I could have used the endorphins most, I decided sitting in my friend's basement and stewing was the better option. (I can make some really good decisions). Skip forward a few weeks, and all of the sudden it happened! I was contacted back by three places. I had phone interviews, and two actual interviews (the third one found someone with matching experience, so I was out of the running). I got one of the my actual interviews. I am now the office bitch at Keller Williams Realty. WOOT! I love all of the organizational, behind the scenes stuff - so this is a really good fit for me. I kind of love it. I also genuinely enjoy the people I work with - and even more shocking - they seem to enjoy working with me!

So I started work on August 1st. Then I had Family Fun Weekend. Then I had to find a place to live. Then I had to pack. Then I had to move. By September 1st.

The apartment hunt was interesting. So many people are renting now, that there isn't a lot available. I went on Craigslist and looked around, and magically found something that is perfect! And it ended up being really close to my sister, her hubby and my nieces and nephew. Perfect! The application process was a bit of a mess - but everything worked out, and I was in! I recruited some fantastic friends and family to help me move on the 1st (basically just took my stuff up to my apartment, threw it in, and then went for pizza).

It has taken me about 2 weeks get fully unpacked. Labor day weekend was a loss - my youngest sister was visiting from Chicago, and it was Granny Kay's 80th birthday party that weekend. I lived among the ruins for a while, but it is finally coming together. And this weekend I get to shop for a new couch!

Then I realized that in my haste to figure out how to schedule my life (it is a major adjustment going back to working full-time after over a year of foot-loose-and-fancy-freedom), that I had forgotten to worry about hooking up cable/internet. That further delayed my return to you. I will work on getting that up and running next week. In the meantime, I will just have to go to the "business center" in my building, and use one of their computers to stay in touch with all of you!

So that is it. That's what I've been up to. It may not sound like much to you - but it was enough to sideline me. =) So now it's time to pull it back together. Start eating well, again. Start going to the gym, again. Get healthy...again.

I'll be back, soon! No more of this "months between postings" business!

Hope you all are well, and enjoyed your summer! Now let's bust it!

Under Construction

2011-07-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

Any good Minnesota resident knows - if the roads aren't covered with snow and ice, then half of them are being ripped up and repaired in some manner! It seems I can't get anywhere these days without merging, or detouring, or both. It is kind of how I would describe my life in general right now.

Nothing is easy. Nothing is a straight shot. No task can be completed incident-free. Or at least this is the way things seem. Now it could just be my crazy brain is giving me this skewed interpretation....and it is extremely likely that that is the case...but it is still causing me angst. So I am going to take things back, to when I shared everything with you guys. I'm going to be honest - not that I was intentionally trying to not be honest - but I've gone off the grid. So here we go...here's my vomiting of facts: (that paints a really pretty word picture, doesn't it?)

My slacking has been completely unacceptable for the month of July. There is really no other way to put it. And because I am going to earn that iPad - I am now in big trouble for August! Lots of ground to make up. But I will do it.
I have been eating like absolute crap. Not just a little. A LOT. Lite on the veggies, heavy on the grease. It is not a recipe (pun intended) for success.
I have actually had a few interviews/phone interviews over the past couple of weeks - and hopefully they'll turn into something. Someone has to realize how magnificent I am - right?
I have allowed my obsession over my job-hunt completely derail everything else. It made a really handy excuse to be lazy as hell.
One bright spot right now is that a book is printed, with my name on it, and that is pretty frickin sweet
I have determined that alcohol is not my friend. It makes me walk into pools with my clothes on. It makes me sing karaoke. It has even caused a victory dance to be choreographed, and performed, by me. It basically gives me the green light for all things jackass-like. I need to go back on the wagon. (Please note that I don't have a drinking problem - I've gone over-board twice in the last month, and that's a lot for me over the past couple of years. It is just one more thing I've let slip.)

The one in the blue is me last Saturday night!

So that's what I've been up to. Just derailing and obsessing. I had made a comment, or at least thought about making a comment, in a previous post about how job-hunting is like dating. It is true. Or at least it's like my form of dating. Or what I can remember of dating ... it's been a while. Here are the similarities, as I see them:

Sending out a resume is like giving out your number. You wonder if your resume will get them interested enough to pursue you. With a guy it's like: Will he call? Did he like what he saw of me enough to make the effort to learn more?
The interview is like the first date. With the interview you get kind of nervous. You try to be yourself, but it's a guarded version of yourself. Same way on a first date. You get butterflies. Some friends need a cocktail or two before, just to settle their nerves. (hey - maybe I should have been doing that before my interviews?) You try to be as honest as you can without over-sharing. You try to be witty, and sound smart, and smile. With the interview, or the guy, you don't want them to see all of your crazy up front! You want to ease into it over the next few (or few thousand) meetings.
Post-Interview and Post-first date: will they call? Was I what they were looking for? Did I say too much? Should I have shared that story? Did they think I was qualified - to be their office bitch, or their girlfriend - because everyone has a bit of a checklist? Did I scare them away? Should I have laughed at that? I was basically just being myself - - was that too much for them?

And I've discovered a negative of this cell-phone carrying, always in touch, day and age! (I can't even believe I'm saying this - because I LOVE MY GADGETS!!) But if you were starting to date before the world had cell phones you might be able to relate to this - - you got sick of staring at the phone, and willing it to ring. You could feel yourself going batty, hoping he'd call. So what did you do? You got the hell out of the house! For any reason! I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to run to Target, and wander for an hour. This would be the perfect time to buy stamps! Whatever you could come up with to kill some time so you didn't just sit there, gradually losing your mind. But now there are cell phones, that we carry with us at all times. And we get our emails directly to those phones. I am so grateful for technology most of the time - but now it is a bit of a curse! No matter where I go, it's with me. Taunting me with it's non-ringing and non-email-indicating-buzzing. The good news is that I leave it in the car when I'm at the gym. So I talked myself into going today. It was a nice break. =) And hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow. And the day after. Until something fantastic comes my way, and this nuttiness can subside.

So there you have it. Job-hunting is the new dating. And cell phones, for all of their great perks, can be the devil.

I hope you're all having a more productive month than I am! I promise to be more inspiring going forward. Enough is enough!

a wedding, two pools and the "accident"

2011-07-11T18:03:00.001-05:00

This weekend I was reminded of why it is that I don't drink very often anymore. Hangover. Major hangover. But at least I did the work to earn it. I had my sister's sister-in-law's (did you follow that?) wedding on Saturday. I tried to be somewhat helpful with a couple of the babies before and during the wedding. I ended up getting out of part of my duties when I got to stop for a beer on the way to the reception, and that is where things started heading downhill. It was delicious. You really can't beat a cold beer on a hot day - and it was h.o.t. The good part about high humidity - at least for me - is that it kills my appetite if I'm out in it. So I wasn't really hungry - but I sure was thirsty. And I had a ride home, so I was thirsty for beer. I did what I could to insure I will never be invited to another of their family functions by going in the pool with all of my clothes on at about 11pm. I figured I hadn't stopped sweating in about 7 hours - why not just finish the job off? Rational thinking...right? I'm not going to lie to you - it was the best decision my booze-addled brain has ever made. I was completely cooled off after that - and could even get in some dancing. I was basically just a visual treat for everyone still in attendance. I was a never-ending display of jackassery.

Then I opened my eyes on Sunday, and was reminded of why I don't do that anymore. Throbbing headache. I threw some water and ibuprofen down my throat, and went back to bed. I laid low for the day, in the AC - and was feeling better in no time. The one positive for me was that I finally let go of my "my arms have to be toned to wear a tank top" dream - and wore one anyway. Were my arms pretty? No. But did it possibly help my already over-heating body stay just a little bit cooler? I think it did. I finally took the leap, and I'm so glad I did! I feel so liberated!

Last week was an epic fail as far as moving my ass was concerned, but I went into this week with a plan. I headed to the gym today to put in somewhere between 5-10 miles - whatever I was feeling once I got there. I did 7. I feel like I was a little dehydrated (see the weekend torture above for the reason) - and my bod just wasn't feeling up to much more than that. I got my heart rate up, and did some major sweating - so I was feeling pretty kick ass when I was done.

I also decided that today would be the day to head out by the pool for a little bit after my workout. I even got to burn some extra calories by trying to wedge my sweat-soaked body into a swimsuit. No easy task, I can assure you.

The pool was packed - and had many resemblances to the "kid hell" that I have seen in my nightmares. I went to the back corner and picked myself out a chair. There were like 4 adults by me. It was perfect. I was just thinking I might be ready for my second trip into the water to cool down when I heard the whistles. I assumed it was just break time. I was wrong. One of the young lifeguards came by to tell me there'd been "an accident" in the pool, and they didn't know how long it would be closed. He was young and nervous, so I gave him a break and didn't pry further. Instead I put my detective hat on, and set to trying to figure this mystery out. An accident...hmmm...I don't see anyone looking particularly panic-stricken. I don't see emergency services personnel. I don't see a group huddled together trying to save anyone. So what could this "accident" be? With all of those kids in there - I was certain the first time I went in the water I was swimming around with about a 50/50 mix of chlorine water and urine, so I doubt it was just a pee-accident. And that's when I knew. Someone had a poop accident. Sure enough - there was one of the bikini-clad lifeguards (seriously - when did they start wearing bikini's? That is NOT going to go well if you're trying to save someone!) was over with the net on a stick attempting to fish something out of the kiddie area. All I could think of was Eddie Murphy singing "and then a big brown shark came...." from his Delirious stand-up video. My suspicions were confirmed when a girl that appeared to be about ten greeted her friend by my chair with "someone crapped in the pool". I took that as my cue to leave.

I'll be heading back for a workout tomorrow. Until then, may your day be crap-free!

Pity...party of one

2011-07-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

I found myself having one hell of a pity party for myself on Thursday. There was no legitimate reason for it, but it was happening. There were lots of tiny things I could blame it on - but the truth of the matter is, I was being a spoiled brat. I have this thing within me that on occasion allows me to feel completely entitled. Like things should go the way that I want them to, and move at the speed I want them to. That's legit, right? It all seems pretty easy, and cut-and-dried to me. I should control everything around me. I am at a complete loss as to why the rest of the world hasn't caught on to the fact that things should happen as I want them to!

Actually - I don't really feel that way about everything in life....or at least I don't think I do. I understand that I have to work to make things happen. That positive things are very rarely going to fall in my lap - - and I already had a horseshoe up my ass when I got this book deal. But when I've been making an effort, I just feel like things should work out. And they should work out quickly. At least some of the time.

So when I caught myself sitting at my desk - staring back and forth between my inbox and my phone, willing someone to contact me with a fantastic opportunity - I decided that was enough. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Well watching your email inbox like a hawk doesn't make a new message appear. And longingly staring at your phone won't make it ring - whether you're waiting for a prospective employer to call, or that hot guy you gave your number to last weekend. It just doesn't work.

So I once again had to have a stern talk with myself. I swear - I talk to myself more than I talk to other people sometimes. I guess I have been needing a lot of lectures. But this one was positive, and it seemed to work. I told myself to get my ass off this chair, and go to the gym. Quit using my self-imposed stressful life situation as another convenient excuse to be lazy. In other words - stop frickin' whining, and do something positive. And you know what - I felt so much better when I got home. Endorphins, baby. They're the real deal.

So I need to remember that over the next few weeks, as I continue to look for that perfect employment opportunity....the gym is a great stress reliever, and might just help me remain sane....maybe....

Checking Myself Out

2011-07-04T23:21:00.000-05:00

Get your minds out of the gutter people! When I say "checking myself out" I meant I google'd myself. Wait...that still sounds kind of dirty. But you know what I mean. I have been on the job-hunt trail lately - so I was curious what people would be able to find on me if they were looking. I figured on most of it: I have a facebook page, you can find me on Twitter, you can see I'm on LinkedIn, I write a blog...yadda, yadda, yadda....but there was one link I didn't expect to see.

It went a little something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Natalie-Kath/e/B0052XMDZK

this screams professional - right?

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!! MY NAME IS ON AMAZON.COM!!! I'm not going to lie! I was somewhat stunned!! I had absolutely no idea my book would be available through Amazon until January! And Amazon even has a place to do a bio and stuff in an area called "Author Central" - which I now, apparently, qualify for!! OMG!!! Now I just need to get a usable picture - because I'm not sure they'd care for this pic of me with my "sexy bitch" goblet.

This was just one of the many fantastic things going on this weekend! I may not have done a ton for my physical well-being (I was a gym slacker, but did get to do one beginner Zumba class on Monday) - but I did a crap-load for my emotional well-being. I spend the entire day Sunday on a deck overlooking Lake Minnetonka with a ton of awesome people, and then got to hang with family and friends on Monday. The weather was GORGEOUS, and I even have a bit of a tan to show for it. It is Monday night and the best description I have for myself right now is "content". This weekend was so great!

So now that I got to enjoy the most perfect weekend, it's time to get back at it tomorrow. I'm going for 10 miles on Tuesday....and I know I can do it.

What's the most shocking thing you found out when you google'd yourself?

Obstacles

2011-06-29T17:59:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. I had less than 15 miles to go to actually meet my June goal for our current mission. I went to happy hour and dinner with a bunch of friends last night, and was still on a high from seeing all of them. I was determined to not let my stress continue to ruin my life - everything is fine, and it's going to work out.

Then I got out of bed.

As soon as I looked in the mirror, I realized that the horn (see also: blemish or zit) I had developed and tried to treat by ignoring until Tuesday night - on the left side of my jaw had grown. And not just grown - it now had my entire jawline puffy, and it was now painful to touch it or smile. I am not claiming that my jawline isn't normally puffy - I have an anti-chiseled jawline - but it makes me feel like I look like I got punched. Mainly - I think my horn has taken on a life of it's own.

Trying to ignore the pulsating lower quadrant of my face, I got dressed and headed to the gym. The timing was just about perfect - the Twins game was about to start, so I'd have something to listen to. Walking in, I was somewhat more distracted than usual. There were a lot of large trucks working on the outside of the building, and a lot of taped off sections to avoid near the entrance. I clearly wasn't paying enough attention because I quickly realized once I was on the Octane machine that I had stepped in gum. Now I not only had gum on my shoe, but it was all over the foot area on the machine. Thank you, and shout out to, the jackwad that spit their gum out in the gym parking lot. You had to have passed a minimum of five garbage cans on your way out of the building. Hats off to you for waiting until you were in a high-traffic area to spit it on the ground. You're awesome.

In spite of my morning having a somewhat rocky start, I still put on 8.22 miles between the Octane machine (I wasn't feeling it today, and finally just surrendered to those feelings after 5 miles) and the bike. I have less than seven to do tomorrow to reach my goal for June.

I have been feeling somewhat sluggish the last couple of weeks - probably another sweet symptom of the stress I've been feeling. But Friday starts a new month. A month in which I have to do more distance. So I better turn this frown upside down, or get this butt out of it's rut, or go with the notion to get in motion. (sorry - I just made a couple of those up, and they're awful!)

So tomorrow I'm going to wake up in the optimistic mood of today, and trust it will go a little better!

the stress is great within me

2011-06-27T14:49:00.001-05:00


make that tacos, and that's been me

This week I've learned that a good positive attitude, and being really optimistic, only takes you so far - and only lasts for so long. Being fully immersed in the job-hunt is stressing me out! And as I have learned - I have some opportunities for improvement where my dealings with stress are concerned! When I'm feeling stressed out, I hoover anything filled with fat and salt. A deep-fat-fryer becomes my best friend. I guess something about the sound of my arteries clogging relaxes me? I also learned earlier this year, as an added bonus, my hair falls out! Awesome! Nothing hotter than a greasy, bloated, bald lady - am I right fellas?!?!

So the good news is that I was able to identify last week that I was in my stress-spiral, and tried to yank myself out of it. I stocked the pantry with healthy-ish vittles, and tried my best to be strong! I have learned (see also: been reminded of) a couple of things:

I LOVE grapefruit. Cut it in half, with a packet of faux-sweetener, and go to town. Delicious.
Plums are yummy. That is all.
Crystal Light might actually be saving me from having complete organ shut-down
When you stop eating a lot of salt, and simultaneously go back to the gym - your pancakes come back at full-force!
Job hunting is like dating. You wait by the phone (or computer) wondering if they'll call (or email). You wonder if you said the right thing. You wonder if they'll like you.

And although I can totally identify what is going on - I still can't stop myself from wanting to eat crap. Just last night I had to have a REALLY stern talk with myself. It was almost 9pm. I wasn't hungry. But I still wanted to go get tacos. Why? I have no damn idea. But I totally got the win.

I guess I was just feeling stress about the job hunt. But maybe I need to get some perspective. I have been hard at it for like two weeks. A number of the jobs I applied for didn't even close until last Friday. I have moments of extreme positivity, where I'm sure there is someone out there that is going to realize what a fantastic employee I will be, and how much value I will bring to their company. Then I have the lows - which is also tied to my need for immediate gratification - when I don't understand why I haven't heard from them within 24 hours of sending in my resume. I just need to take a chill pill, and trust that something fantastic is coming my way.

Add caption

I am not a person who is typically content to "drink" their calories. I want to actually eat. I need the satisfaction of chewing. But in the summer, post-workout, I am OK with a protein shake to hold me over for dinner. Here is the recipe for the protein shake I'm in love with! It uses powdered peanut butter!! The whole thing is only 260 calories - and it really does fill you up!

1 heaping scoop of (VegaMixx??) protein powder (I am using vanilla, because they didn't have chocolate - and it is still delicious) = 100 calories
2 Tbls powdered peanut butter = 45 calories (SERIOUSLY!)
1/2 sliced banana = 55 calories
1 cup almond milk = 60 calories
ice cubes/water = 0 calories

I use my Magic Bullet, and it is ready in less than 1 minute. Instant gratification is my friend.

UPDATE!! BOOK NEWS!! I guess they are going to reprint in paperback later this year - so it will be available in stores like Barnes & Noble around January 1st! That's pretty damn exciting!!

Do you notice you eat more based on certain emotions? How do you control it?

But I "earned" it!

2011-06-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

I cannot seem to shut my "validation" switch off. I'm not sure if anyone else out there has this particular issue. It is that internal voice that tells you that if you do something good - no matter how small it may be - you are somehow entitled to a reward. I have it in many aspects of my life. It is a major part of what dug me into the financial hole I wrote about recently. But for this post I am talking about my workout vs. food issue.

I have heard it a thousand times - it is more about what you're putting into your body, than how much you exercise. As much as I keep trying to prove that isn't true, unfortunately it is. But how do I stop my brain from telling me it's OK to reward myself with fat/sugar/salt for a job well done? The "I worked out really hard today, so it's OK to have cheese curds" or the "I'm having a salad instead of a burger, so I can pile anything I want on top of it....it's still a better choice". I can rationalize just about anything in this brain of mine. Now that I am actually working out more than I had been recently, this validation/reward issue is really back with a fury! Every day I heard: I did "x" miles today, so it is OK to get tacos and potato oles. I'm an idiot. Or actually - Remus is an idiot. I blame him. I need to get some duct tape to shut him up.

It went on for about a week, and then it dawned on me (again)...why the hell am I busting my ass at the gym, to immediately eliminate any benefit with what I shove in my mouth? Wouldn't it be nice to see a reflection of the work I'm doing at the gym on the scale? So yesterday I went out and got my fridge and pantry stocked with healthy vittle options.

Apparently, I need to put myself on a shopping schedule as well, I guess. One day a week I need to stock up. I abhor the grocery store (and I'm a poet and didn't know it) - so I tend to put it off. It's just easier to stop and grab something on the way home from the gym. But when I have healthy food on hand, I tend to eat it.


YUMMO!!

I remember them preaching at FC that it comes down to planning - and I have not been. It is time start. I've never been a person who planned out their week of meals, and then shopped for them. I've been a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-plus-sized-pants-and-hope-when-push-comes-to-shove-I'll-make-a-good-decision" type of girl. Why I still believe that is possible in spite of the 1239834 times I've proven it doesn't work for me, is beyond me.

My biggest issue is: I wait to long to eat, and then want something immediately. When I don't have anything healthy on hand to whip up quick, I make bad decisions. So I'm also going to try and put myself on more of an eating schedule too - so it doesn't get to the point where I'd like to eat my arm, and go for the first thing I can find.

Yesterday was my first run. I did pretty well - except I forgot the noodles for one of my dishes. Otherwise I have three "entrees" planned - that have leftovers I'll actually eat. I have eggs, english muffins, laughing cow, peppers, yogurt and fruit for breakfast (that is usually my largest meal at this point). I bought some 160 calorie chocolate oatmeal (it was really good once I let it cool down a little bit. It doesn't taste as good when you're worried about burning all of the skin off the inside of your mouth - which I think is weird! =)) to have as a snack, or a rush breakfast. I loaded up on string cheese. I have all of the fixins for protein shakes. I got a big bag of pistachios to snack on. I got lettuce to make myself salads (without 600 calories worth of stuff on top =)). I am prepared - which for me is way more than half the battle!

I have already had one small victory. I'm watching my nephew today (he has a fever and is banned from daycare) and I was on the verge of ordering a pizza - but I talked myself out of it.

Now that I appear to have gotten myself in the mode of getting my miles in - no matter if it takes two back-to-back days of hell like last week,or not - it is time to get just as serious and dedicated about what I'm throwing at my face.

How do you guys make sure you eat healthy? Do you plan? Do you have a routine? Do you prep? Do you just know you'll make good decisions? Do you just hope for the best?

Well...I'll be damned!

2011-06-20T19:01:00.001-05:00

I woke up Monday morning to a troubling realization. Because I had chosen to use my time rather foolishly over the last week, I was now going to have to basically move into my gym for the next two days in order to meet my mileage requirement for our Move It 2 Lose It mission! I had, as is fairly typical of me and my procrastination tendencies, dug myself into a bit of a hole. In order to reach my goal of 32 miles for this week, I needed to put in at least 14.35 miles both Monday and Tuesday. HOLY CRAP!! I know I am using machines that make it easier than actually walking - but that is a lot of distance to put on this big body!

So I had myself some vittles - 1 egg + 3 egg whites, laughing cow cheese, whole wheat english muffin and yogurt - and headed out. I was trying not to panic. I mean seriously - when is the last time I tried to do anywhere near this much work? Ummm...never? All I could picture was me getting woozy, and falling off my piece of equipment. Then having to call every person that works there, plus a few of the beefy-er weight lifters, over to try and move me. Everyone else just looking at me with pity in their eyes - feeling bad for the fat girl who overdid it. Seriously - I had this whole morbid scene worked out in my head. I really need to get back to work! =)


Octane

So I got to LTF - armed with my 2 iPods and Bonnie - and went to work. I was feeling better...more determined...less certain I was going to be laying on the floor, next to my machine, in a puddle of my own sweat. In short - I was feeling optimistic about actually getting this done. I hopped on the Octane machine. I think I've narrowed down at least part of why it makes me feel like my heart might explode - - it has "running stride" leg movements. And I think we all know that a runner I am not! The bonus is, it gets me further than the Precor does in the same amount of time - so suffer I must. I put in 8 miles. It tracks your laps on the screen, and all I could think about was when we had to run 10 half miles around the track in tenth grade gym. NIGHTMARE!! But I did it! And I didn't even feel like I was going to pass out! I think maybe my brain just took over and knew I had a long way to go before I could leave. Thank you brain! I appreciate you.

recumbent bike

Next I decided it would be OK to do some of my miles on the recumbent bike. I hadn't been on one in years. Hell! I haven't been on a real bike in years! My visions where a bike is concerned involved blown tires (caused entirely by the dimensions of my posterior) and me flipping numerous times into a ditch while kids point and laugh. It's just better to hold off on that for a while. But I'm OK giving this bike a chance. It is nice because you kind of get to sit back and relax while you use it. It is not kind of nice because you are sitting on top of the wall of mirrors when you use it. Let's face it - I just don't need all of this sweaty babe staring back at me from such a close distance. It ain't purty. At least for tomorrow I spied some up on the 2nd floor NOT up against a mirror wall - so I'll be using those tomorrow. I had some technical difficulties getting it all set up to run, but eventually got my 5 miles in in a fairly incident-free manner.

Precor

I was going for 15 total miles today, so I only had 2 to go. I decided the Precor was my best bet, so I hopped on. I have a shameful secret to share with you. Please don't judge me too harshly. I watched "Justin Bieber: Never Say Never" while I was on the Precor machine, and I have to admit - I find him adorable. I now see what my 4 & 5 year old nieces see in him. I just might have Bieber Fever! The best part? It made my time on the Precor fly by....well, sort of. I have still never been as happy as when I saw it flash that I was 90% done. I finished with 2.03 miles on the Precor.

15.03 total miles. And I wasn't even completely exhausted! How did this happen?!? Probably because I was well-rested. Tomorrow should be interesting. Wish me luck, folks! I am kind of looking forward to checking out what Bonnie has to say about today. I feel like she got as much of a workout as I did!

What's your go-to machine at the gym? Or what's your favorite exercise?

I've discovered...

2011-06-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

The last few days have been tough for me. I have been working to get some things done around the house - and allowed that (plus this stupid lower-back ache that has just finally gone away) to become a really convenient excuse to put off my workouts. Today I was ready to get back at it! I headed for the gym, prepared to put on at least eight miles. My body...well...it had other ideas. I blame Remus. I was just over 2 miles in when I got a serious pain in my right side. I've had this before, and it typically goes away fairly quickly - but not today. At 3.34 miles I threw in the towel. Not to worry kids - I am not deterred! I'll still be at 32 miles by the end of the day on Tuesday - - it's just going to make the new few days even more fun! (and by fun, I mean a cardiovascular nightmare) I am determined to meet my Mission: Move It 2 Lose It goals! I want that damn glitter headband!!

Now that I feel like I'm finally getting my over-sized posterior back on the straight and narrow, I've discovered (or probably rediscovered, but it's just been too damn long) a few things about this life of mine. They might not be as scientific or enlightened as the Discovery channel - but they are just as true and factual (where I'm concerned, anyway)

I've discovered... that I require visual stimulation while working out. When I'm at the gym, I like to use the same few machines every day and watch SportsCenter. This was tested a couple of weeks ago when I had back-to-back workouts with unacceptable programming on ESPN. One day it was soccer. I know a lot of people probably thing that is great - but I can't immediately think of another sport that bores me quite as much. The next time I went in...the Spelling Bee. Seriously. What is the Spelling Bee doing on ESPN??!!??!?! And I'm not talking one of the later numbers...like ESPN 3 - - but the first one. The real ESPN. I tried to make my own fun by trying to find one kid who looked like they weren't home-schooled, and maybe had a friend other than their parents - but I couldn't find one. I got bored...quickly.

I've discovered... that when you sweat as much as I do, and you put in considerably longer cardio sessions than you're used to - it causes some issues. I have left the gym on more than a few occasions over the last few weeks with my face on fire. It would appear that the repeated and constant wiping (especially using the abrasive gym towels, that are about one notch up from a brillo pad) will cause some irritation.

I've discovered... that actually going to the gym creates a boat-load of laundry! I go through a minimum of two outfits a day. (trust me when I tell you that my gym clothes are not acceptable attire after I put in anything over ten minutes) The good news is that I get a good workout doing laundry at my current location. I have four flights (yes - they're shorter flights - but still....) to get to the washer and dryer.

mutant apple

I've discovered... that although I may look like I would eat anything put in front of me, I am a bit of a food snob. I can't bring myself to go anywhere near anything that is expired. If my fruits or veggies appear to be even the least bit old, I have to throw them out. I don't do well with leftovers - except pasta and pizza. Now I can add that things need to look "normal" to my list. I couldn't bring myself to eat this mutant apple. How weird is that?

I've discovered... that when I am in need of a hair color, and I wear my silver hoop earrings, it really brings out my natural gray highlights. It's nice to have your accessories match so perfectly, and it is a huge bonus to have them accentuate one of your sweetest physical attributes.

On a different note - I saw this on someone's Facebook wall today, and I liked it:

"it is not how many times we fall but how many time we fall and get up again" ~LBJ

Do you have a quote that inspires you? Please share it!

** If you're having problems getting your comments to post, please email them to me, and I'll post them for you! Don't let Blogger win! =) My email address is: natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com **

what a pain in the ... back?

2011-06-14T15:22:00.000-05:00

For the last two days my lower back had been bugging me. I am assuming I am blaming the fact that I've been sleeping on my stomach - since lately I've been waking up laying on my face in a pile of my own drool. (It is dawning on me that I may never get another date if I keep sharing these types of details with you guys, but oh well). Or maybe it's the fact that I've spent hours at my computer lately, bent over trying to read fairly small print? Whatever is causing it, I am not a fan.

back pain blows

Monday I found it to be mildly annoying. I also allowed it to become one of the many circumstances that weren't beyond my control - but I let become the control - that kept me out of the gym. And with the end of week 2 for Mission: Move It 2 Lose It in sight, it is not what I needed to be doing. So I woke up Tuesday, knowing I had a lot of miles to do in order to remain even close to my weekly goal, with a major pain in my back. Getting out of bed, standing straight up, bending over to wash my face - all of these became major challenges. This is not the first time I have had back pain like this. It tends to happen fairly frequently. I'm just not used to it when I'm actually working out. I typically get this when my laziness reaches an all-time high. So I just had to tell myself that the gym would make it feel better. That by working out, I would break the pain's will to survive. That I had to beat the pain into submission. And it worked...sort of. While I was on the machine, I felt pretty good. When I got done, and was driving home, the pain returned. I did finally break down and take an Aleve - we'll see if that helps. If not, we'll do it all over again tomorrow.

Trying to help me eat better has become a world-wide proposition. My sister and I ordered salads from a restaurant Monday night - don't worry, they were grilled chicken, and I ordered the dressing on the side. I guess just doing the dressing on the side wasn't sufficient, however. When we opened up our salads, they left the dressing out all together. Luckily the salad came with pico de gallo and a side of guacamole, so there was enough going on to eat it without. I salute you, local food chain restaurant. Your efforts in helping me cut calories is appreciated. Now if someone could have kept my car from the McDonald's drive-thru this afternoon after the gym, that would have been great. Oh well. It is no longer a frequent lunch destination, and I was having a major craving. Now back to better eating for this girl. I promise.

Today I also received my new arm band for Bonnie in the mail! The velcro is coming off the one I have, and it...well...it stinks....so I thought I could get myself a new one. I decided I needed to try a different color, because black is a little boring. I got myself a pink one...surprise, surprise! I can't wait to try it out tomorrow! I can tell Bonnie is super-excited about it, too.

How do you eat out, and still be calorie-conscious?

Hot Fun in the Summertime?

2011-06-12T14:00:00.001-05:00

**Note: I just found out this weekend that some people are having an issue posting comments to my blog. I have NO idea what is causing that - and I am so sorry!! If you have a comment that won't post, please email it to me ( natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com )and I will post it for you! I LOVE the comments people leave, and am totally bummed that it isn't working!! I guess that is what you get for a free program? Please don't stop trying to post them! **

Now - on to the post:

A couple of year ago, while working a collection event, I realized a shocking thing about myself. I would prefer for it to be hot...and I'm talking 90's and humid....than have it be cold. I know. I couldn't believe it myself. And when you factor in that the slightest amount of humidity in the air makes my hair turn into a lion's mane, and makes me start sweating like I'm on fire - it is even more unbelievable.

ouch!

When it appeared that summer had finally arrived last weekend, I got a bit beside myself. My usual sound "pro-sunscreen" stance was temporarily shaken by jubilation over actually seeing the sun. I lathered up my face, but figured the rest of me would be fine - I was only going to be out there for a "little while". How stupid am I? My pasty winterized flesh didn't stand a chance! I was also not thinking clearly when I left Bonnie on for a while - providing me with not only a fantastic red hue - but giving me a sweet band around my ample arm. I took Bonnie off after a while, so I could burn my strap mark, also - but not before a glistening white stripe had been left. I hate being sunburned! I hate the feeling of heat radiating from my skin! I know, I know - I should be used to it! Someone as hot as I am should be used to radiating heat, right? haha But seriously. No more of this. The sunscreen Nazi is back on duty! Just in time for a nice cold snap. (it was like 50 degrees and raining at my cousin's graduation party Friday night) No worries about over-exposure to sun this weekend!! Only in Minnesota.

Speaking of that graduation party - it was kind of brutal. There were a ton of people there that I haven't seen in years. And what do people you haven't seen in a while always ask: "where are you, now?" and "what are you doing these days?". Not questions I love to answer. Let's see - "I am currently living in my friend Linda's basement until the end of the summer, when I will hopefully (segway into answer 2) have found a job I love so I can get out of there, and find a place of my own to live in". These are not answers that make me seem like a settled adult - which you definitely should be at 36. Right?!?! I was reminded by a friend that I could have told them about the book - but that just isn't how I roll. I talked about it with the few who knew about it, and asked - but I didn't bring it up. I get an F- for self-promotion. I suck at it. So I tried to muster up all of the positivity I've been feeling the last couple of weeks, and forge on - with the help of a little sarcasm. My standard answer: "I'm living with a friend in Shakopee until the end of the summer. Hopefully I figure out what I want to do when I grow up by then." Good answer? I thought so.

On a more positive note, I also saw the high-five lady at the gym again on Saturday. She remembered me, and we bonded again over how tough it is to get to the gym and work. I think I may have made a new friend. =)

I have one more thing I wanted to share. Let's call it a: Slimming Down to Sexy Food Review. If you are like me, and think string cheese is awesome - I have a note I wanted to share. I have found that I l.o.v.e. Frigo Cheese Head variety. The regular is only 80 calories. When I was at the store the other day, I saw that they also had a "light" version. It was only 60 calories per piece. I figured it was worth a shot. Mistake. In my humble opinion it is not worth saving the extra 20 calories. The regular one is so much more flavorful! I felt like the light variety was kind of dry, and pretty bland. And when you're treating string cheese as a total treat, because it tastes pretty salty - you want all of that flavor. Am I right?!? So there you go! Regular = delicious, Light = dry and flavorless.

Do you have a question you fear? Or a snack idea to share? I'd love to hear about it - and hopefully this program lets you post it here! =)

I'm On The Radar

2011-06-10T06:00:00.002-05:00

This week has been crazy! First it started out with crazy hot temps (103 degrees on Tuesday), now it is like 60 degrees on Thursday evening. But, this is Minnesota - what else would we have to do if we couldn't bitch about the weather? I was reminded of the largest perk of really hot temps - by the time I left the gym on Monday & Tuesday I was so hot that the last thing I wanted to do was eat. I needed water and some fruit, and I was set! (for a few hours, anyway) Do any of you guys experience that?

I am also being reminded that more time spent at the gym does create a culture of kindness. I experienced it at the WAC in Milwaukee, and it appears to be happening again here. Maggie - the delightful girl at the front desk has known me for a while, and has always been very friendly. But now, even the silent boy who is sometimes up there with her, will initiate contact! It's a miracle! Maybe he sees me enough that he feels safe, now? I also had two ladies (members, not workers) approach me this week. One said she'd seen me on the same machine the week before. She introduced herself, and I'm sure we will now become fast-friends...at the gym, anyway. Then on Thursday I had an older lady come over and give me a high-five while I was on the treadmill - - she told me "you keep workin!". I feel like I may now be the LTF-Savage charity case. Everyone is combining their efforts to make me feel like I fit in, and I'm loved - so I keep showing up. I haven't decided if it is a good, or bad, thing that I appear to be losing my "under-the-radar" status.

I do have to admit, however, that I am still slacking in a couple of areas. I am not lifting weights like I should be. That is definitely something I need to focus on improving over the next couple of weeks. The other is....I can't seem to make myself track my food! I am eating much better than I have been - so that isn't the huge issue. The problem is taking the time to enter it into my computer! I am horrible about it! I just need to make myself do it, and eventually it will become second-nature. I wish Bonnie also tracked calories coming in. That would be magnificent! In the meantime - I just need to keep telling myself: I can do it. I can do it.

Basically - I am a never-ending project! I'm improving...again...slowly, but surely. I'm putting in the miles. In the immortal words of Bill Murray in "What about Bob?" - "I'm doin' the work, I'm not a slacker!". Now I just need to carry that over to weights and food-logging.

Do you have something that you just can't seem to make yourself do?

I have also determined that this song is my new fave. On Thursday it helped me get through the last couple of laps on the Octane machine, when all I wanted to do was quit. It's "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull and like a million other people. It just makes me want to move! Enjoy!

Book News: The Summer I Lost It

2011-06-09T14:35:00.001-05:00

I received a couple of really exciting notes yesterday. Not only did I get to see what the book is going to look like, I also got to read a couple of reviews. It finally all seems real! And I don't know if I could love the cover of the book any more than I do! It is totally Natalie-esque! I think it is printed, and now I'm just waiting to get my copies. I am so damn excited!!


honestly...how great is this?!?! that's my name on there!!

As you can see, on the back cover it references "Kat". I named the main character Kat (her full name is Kathleen - after my granny) so it could rhyme with my name. I was planning to use "Nat Fat" (the name affectionately given to me by the kid on the bus) as "Kat Fat" in the book - but honestly can't remember if we did or not. Things were gone over so many times I honestly can't remember who/what is in it!! =) We were originally going to have her going to FC, but then decided to write it with her at home and doing it on her own. I feel like that worked a lot better, and will make it easier to relate to. I hope the young ladies out there enjoy it!

This has been a fantastic and interesting experience - and I am so grateful for it! I want to give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to Shannon Zigmund who turned EB onto my blog, and ultimately made this opportunity possible for me. I am eternally indebted to you.

getting it together

2011-06-07T16:33:00.000-05:00

The last 15 months have been a festival of challenges - all self-created - but challenges none-the-less. I had some things to sort out in this life of mine. I found myself unemployed, in debt and unmotivated. I fluctuated between feelings of frustration, helplessness, panic and annoyance about 95% of the time. I felt like there was no way to fix it, and the pressure I was putting on myself to come up with a solution was crippling.

About two months ago it came to a head. With the help of my family and friends - I finally figured out how to dig myself out. I am almost completely debt free, and that is an amazing feeling. I didn't really realize how negatively my debt was affecting me until it was gone. Now I am so optimistic! I feel like I'm on the verge of being responsible. I feel like, for the first time in years, I am finally moving in the right direction in all aspects of my life. I am just certain that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to.

I finally have my resume put together, and will be looking for jobs. (I am open to suggestions =)) I know it is a really crappy time to be searching for a job - but I'm not sweating it. Something fantastic is going to present itself.

There is absolutely no replacement for the feeling of getting your crap together!! I feel motivated - to go to the gym, to write this blog, and to start being a productive member of society. I can see success in my future, again - and that is something I've been missing for a long, long time. I see myself actually sticking to the mission we just started ( Move It 2 Lose It ) and finally getting that scale to start moving down. I see myself working toward being able to do things - physically - that I haven't been able to do in....well, as long as I can remember. I see myself finding a job that makes me content, and allows me to live the life I want to live - and be the type of person I want to be. I see myself working on finishing this book - because I'm finally starting to believe I might have something worth sharing.

In short - I am feeling a little bit kick-ass lately, and I'm loving it! I want to thank all of you for sticking with me over the last 15 months - and inspiring me enough to not completely quit while I went through my life crisis! I attribute not gaining all of the weight back to you guys - because had I not had you guys supporting me, I'm sure I would have. I appreciate all of you. You're phenomenal. Now let's get moving, and make this summer everything we deserve for it to be!

What makes you feel like you could take on the world, and win?

gym gear overhaul

2011-06-06T14:14:00.000-05:00

I feel like I've had more going on in the last week than I have in a really, really long time! I've been getting that born-to-run feeling a little bit, and I must say - I kind of like it! I had forgotten how much better I do when I'm busy. I feel like I have purpose. And I actually get so much more done because I know I have to get crap done to get onto the next things. I am finally feeling a little bit like I'm getting my crap back together, and I love it.

Last week marked the beginning of our "Move It 2 Lose It" mission - and it looks like everyone is a little more determined this time around. I know that I am. No more putting the gym last on the list, or just blowing it off for no reason. It is a necessity. Hello! I have a sparkle head band on the line!! This is no time to mess around!! Keep your tips and totals coming in on our Facebook wall! I love seeing it, and it helps remind me to get my own rear in gear!

I also tried out some new workout pants last week! My first round of Danskin pants have finally bit the dust. I do have to say - they are the best workout pants I've tried in a long time. Let's face it - I'm a big girl, and my thighs match the rest of me - they're BIG. So they rub together. It creates a lot of friction. (to the guys out there - I know I'm really turning you on right now - but please...for me...push through!) Most pants deteriorate quickly under that kind of constant pressure. These lasted almost a year! That is like 10 years in non-fat-girl pant years.

So anyway...I had ordered myself some Danskin Dri-More Capri Leggings for the summer. They come in plus-sizes, which I love - and is very necessary for me. Something shorter, that won't be so hot when I'm working all of this bod of mine. I found a cheaper place to purchase them then the Danskin website. I went through Walmart.com - they have all sorts of Danskin stuff on there. And the shipping is pretty reasonable. Now...these new pants aren't really cute - but let's face it. Anything fitted on this current body of mine isn't going to be cute. They do what I need them to: they are fitted, so things don't rub together.....ouch... and they are comfy. I don't go to the gym to be a fashion-plate. If me not looking cute in my pants doesn't scare you away, the amount of sweating that I do certainly will. It is just how I roll.

As an added bonus - I used the rest of my gift card, and a pretty sweet Memorial day sale to completely restock my overly-large gym underwear (I wear huge ones to the gym - there is nothing worse than having your underwear roll down your FUPA when you get movin'!) stash as well. I feel like a whole new woman! How could I not want to go work it?

What's your favorite workout gear?

Intimate Portrait: Bonnie

2011-06-03T21:54:00.000-05:00

I had a few of you ask me about "Bonnie" - so I figured I'd do you a solid, and type up some information - as I see it - about her.

A Body Bugg works great for me, for what I was looking for. It tracks calories burned (after you enter information about you), steps taken and activity minutes (it is the amount of time your heart rate is 3x your resting rate). It doesn't tell you your heart rate - so if that is something you're looking for, Bonnie isn't for you. When I was deciding what to order, I looked at the "Polar" straps (they sell them at my gym, and appear to be somewhat required for the group T.E.A.M. classes because it monitors your heart rate), but you had to keep the strap damp in order to track your daily calorie burn. Great for during a workout, but not so great for all day. Plus, the strap goes around your body right under your boobs. It just wasn't ideal for me. I thought the BB arm band seemed much more manageable for me.

Now....Bonnie was a bit spendy...there is just no other way to put it. But - she does come with a computer program (some months free with purchase, then it is $80 for the annual fee) manages everything for you (if you use it - which has been the hardest for me). There is a cord that you connect to your BB and computer, and it loads all of your burn/walk/activity info into the program. Then you manually load your food intake in (you can build recipes, and add additional food items). It charts everything for you.

my BIG arm

When you first start using it, it walks you through entering your weight, resting heart rate, and some other info that will help your BB track your personalized burn info. Obviously I burn more calories than most because I am beefy. You can also track your body measurements in their program (which I haven't done yet - but will be doing Tuesday). You can update your info (weight, etc) weekly, so Bonnie will continue to track your output accurately. It comes with a large strap (for extra beefy arms like mine) and a medium strap. You can also order replacements as frequently as you want/need to. After wearing it for so long, I honestly don't even notice I have it on.

You can also buy a display unit. It can be worn as a watch or clipped on your clothes. It tracks your daily burn/steps/activity. It also stores your info for the day before, and your goals - so you have them available at any time. There is a "trip" feature on it - so you can zero it out before your workout, and then see how many cals you burned during your workout. The only issue is that the display can sometimes get "out of sync" in wi-fi areas (at least that's what they told me caused it) - so then your "trip" numbers won't be accurate. That is the only annoyance I have found so far.

The program also helps you set goals. You enter how much you'd like to lose, and it what time-frame, and it tells you what you should burn and how many calories to eat. There are probably additional sweet things about this program - but I haven't found them, yet. I haven't really been using Bonnie to her full potential - but I am working on turning that around.

So here is the breakdown of the 2 place I found to buy them. I got mine from QVC with a 12-month subscription to the program, but they no longer sell them. Click on the links, and it should take you right to the pages on these sites.

Amazon.com - it lists the BB and a 12-month subscription at $275.99 - but makes no mention of the display. I don't even see where it is available on this site? But I left Amazon on here because they also have some different options for this type of tracker. I can't vouch for them - but they are cheaper. Maybe worth checking it out?
24hourfitness.com - I think this might actually be the brain-child of 24 hour fitness, so they've probably sold the most! They have a couple of different options.

If you want to use it with your iPhone (or a limited type of Android) - please go here: Body Bugg SP . With this one, you wouldn't need/want the display, because your phone will be the display. The BB is $189, and I don't see where that comes with any of the online program subscription - so you're looking at $189 + $49.95 = $238.95 +s/h for your first year. (**NOTE: this BB will not work with the regular display, so if you decide to switch phones it won't work with a display)
For the regular BB with the display, you'd want to look at the body bugg v3 . They have the band available for $159.00. It also comes in different colors and designs (right up my alley!!). You have to buy the display separately (the display is not required), and that is $69.00. This band comes with a 6-month subscription to the website, so you're looking at $159 + $69 + $49.95 = $277.95 + s/h for your first year.
They also have a bundle that has the band, display and 12-month subscription as one package. I wouldn't go for this, however, because they are charging $348.00 for it. As you can see above - you can get the same, purchased separately, for much less. Silly 24-hour fitness.

I hope this helps...at least a little bit? If you have any other questions, please comment here or send me a note on FB or email. I am pretty sure BodyBugg should make me a spokesperson! =)

Happy burning, everyone! Have a great weekend!

out with the pyramid, in with the plate

2011-06-02T20:30:00.001-05:00

I'm sure all of you have seen the food pyramid at one time or another. I learned at FC that it had been updated since I was in school - - something that had completely escaped me. But even though I just saw it a little over a year ago, I couldn't tell you what it said. Apparently, I am not alone in that.

On Thursday the USDA tried to simplify it a little bit. They now have "My Plate". Although it is missing one of my favorite sections - fats - it does seem a little easier to understand...a much easier thing to visualize than trying to remember where things fit on the pyramid, and how many of each you should have. I also love that it hits on everything! As a person who doesn't have any interest in limiting my diet to a few categories, this is ideal.

A small issue I see - from the girl who can rationalize herself into just about any destructive food decision - is: what size is the plate supposed to be? they may cover this somewhere, and I just didn't see it. But a slightly less than 1/4 of a plate serving of meat could be 3oz on the size they want us to use, or 10oz on some of the serving platters some people now use as dinner plates.

Basically, I could use better parameters. Now I am guessing they were just trying to dumb-down the chart in order to hopefully reach the masses. Not everyone is going to be a jackhole like me and try to find a way to make it difficult. The website I linked to above will also help you learn what fits into what category. I am sort of looking forward to trying this out, now that I'm actually trying to eat better again.

Bonnie's doppleganger

On a completely unrelated topic - you guys might know how I like to name my things....my car is JaLisa. My fat is Remus. You get the idea. Well now that I am going to be working out more, I have decided that my Body Bugg needs a name. I've thought about it - and determined her name is Bonnie. Yes - she's a girl. She shoots me straight. She tells me exactly how hard I've worked...or haven't worked. I can't fool her. She's a tough bitch.

How do you feel about the plate? Do you like to name your objects? Please share!!

Bones Don't Jiggle

2011-05-31T23:26:00.000-05:00

**Quick notice: Today is June 1st, so it is the first day of our new "Mission: Move It To Lose It"!! Check out our page on this blog named: "Move it 2 Lose it" to track our goals and progress!!**

I just watched the rerun of the "Mike & Molly" pilot episode over lunch today. I had forgotten how much I loved Molly's response to her mom's explanation of "you've just got big bones" as an legitimate reason for her being overweight. I just had to use it for the title of this post. It makes me giggle every time I hear it!

Don't worry, kids - I know better than to blame my weight on the size of my bone structure. I'm not even sure what size my bones are because they're buried deep...deep....deep down! On the bright side, I've never broken a bone. I think the impact required to get through all of my...ummm...padding...would probably kill me at the same time, so I am safe. At this point, I'd settle for just being able to see one of my bones. Maybe a kneecap? Instead of a large, padded, pocket of fat it would be nice to actually see a kneecap in there. I trust I have them! I just haven't seen them in a while. One day.....

I also just watched the first episode of "Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition". Did any of you watch it? I thought it was OK. Trying to pack that much time (one year) into that short amount of time (one hour) is hard when you're dealing with something as diverse as obesity. (Man - I really hate that word. I'm going to call it "Remus-ity" instead. I urge you to do the same.) There were a couple of things I thought were interesting about this show. I think the most shocking part for me was when the trainer made the family members carry her weight around the track. I remember when they had Bob put on the weight that Michael had lost on Biggest Loser. He couldn't move! All I could do was imagine my poor skinny family trying to walk around weighing what I do. Holy hell! That would be horrible. I can sort of see why he did it - this girl lived at home with her family, and they were going to be a huge part of her success (or failure). But at the same time - I wouldn't want my family to have to do that. They didn't make me fat. They didn't hoover Big Mac's and sit on the couch all day....every day.... I think it was nice of them to do it - but I wouldn't ever want my family to have to do it. They'd collapse. Seriously. They're too tiny.

It did also provide me with a good reminder - one I am reluctant to believe - and that is: it isn't so much what you're doing, as what you're putting in your mouth. That poor girl was working out 4-5 hours a day, but wasn't watching what she was eating close enough. She only lost 3 pounds in 3 months. Now - "only" might seem like the wrong word choice here - she'd lost 130 pounds in the six months leading up to that. But anyone putting in that kind of time at the gym should lose more than that! I keep wanting to fight it. I keep wanting to believe I can still eat what I want if I work out. And I can - if I want to bounce around in the same 10-20 pounds for the rest of my life. But since that is not my goal, I best remind myself numerous times a day that it's what going in that's going to decide my success. And why do I want to beat the hell out of myself at the gym to not see results. It's easy - I don't. So put it all together, I must. At least it's getting warm. It's always easier to eat better when it's nice outside.

Do you find that your eating and exercise habits change with the seasons?

All-or-Nothing

2011-05-30T10:34:00.001-05:00

There is something about me that really loves to hold onto the "all-or-nothing" philosophy. I had been doing it for years where my health was concerned. I was either 100% on a "diet" (to the point of eating only carrot sticks before going out to a beer bash, and then falling down at the bar because I was so hammered) and exercise - or 0%. It was salads and the gym, or pizza and the couch. There was no middle ground.

I was at a going away party for a friend on Saturday night (he is heading off to some war area to keep us safe for 6th months - SHOUT OUT to everyone willing and able to do it, because I am certain I couldn't) and realized another all-or-nothing area of my life. Booze. Now sure - as part of a healthy lifestyle, I probably shouldn't be going out to get fall-down drunk, but that isn't my largest deterrent. I don't do a lot of drinking because of the cost - because I don't think it's wise in my current financial situation to spend a lot of my dolla dolla bills y'all on booze. But the largest is - I don't need another DWI/DUI (I had one when I was 19, on Super Bowl Sunday). So when I go out I am the driver and have diet coke, or I am not the driver and have 1,000 drinks. Let's face it - I could have a drink or two, and still be safe to drive. But a drink or two is only going to succeed in making me tired, or want more. So why bother? I like to know that I am safe to drive home without the possibility of being arrested. It makes me feel superior. And honestly - I'm too pretty to go to jail. =)

It was shortly after declining the offer of cocktails at that party that yet another instance of this all-or-nothing life plan popped into my head. I realized I had been adopting this as my mantra since I was like 14! When I was 7th and 8th grade, I was trying to be a fastpitch pitcher. My uncle Jeff had pitched for the mens' team my dad coached, and I thought it might be fun. For those of you that weren't subjected to my unique style of pitching, I will try and paint a picture. I was horrible. My dad - who wanted me to be the next great talent to walk the halls of Owatonna Jr High - suffered the most. He nailed a 2x4 in the back yard to act as the pitching rubber, and then he tried to catch. I say "tried" not because he wasn't capable of catching, but because he would have been better suited with a soccer net and lot of pads. I couldn't throw two pitches in a row that were catchable, much less in the strike zone. I broke a window in the top of the garage (easily 30' off the ground). I can only imagine the quantity and pain of bruises I caused him, because I have failed to share - I could throw hard. No control, but it was movin'. I remember throwing over the backstop on more than one occasion. Not sure if they were all at practice, or maybe some were at games? Looking back, I have no idea how anyone could tolerate catching for me. My apologies to everyone that had to try. I think they spent more time running to the backstop to retrieve my errant pitches than they did behind the plate.

When I would throw in games, I was all (strikeouts) or nothing (walks). Rarely did anyone get the bat on the balls I was throwing. The summer after my 8th grade year we had our first summer fastpitch team. I believe there was one game where I went in and faced eight batters - I hit four of them, and walked four of them and was then relieved of my pitching duties. The highlight of my summer was my first no-hitter. It sounds great, doesn't it? A no-hitter! What an accomplishment! But wait....no one got a hit, but I walked....wait for it....NINETEEN!! I walked 19 batters in what I'm sure was only five innings (we tended to beat everyone by like 30+ runs). The other team still scored seven runs, because I was sponsoring my own walk-a-thon. My apologies to everyone that had to try and play defense behind me, as well. I can only imagine how boring that was.

So you see - I have a long history of this all-or-nothing attitude. It is at times where I am in danger of totally derailing that I remember that at FC they told us we'd have times where we fall off track. Where we temporarily resort to our old lifestyles. It doesn't mean we need to make it permanent. We can get back on track at any time. Obviously it would be better to do it sooner, than later - but you get my point. I have fallen off numerous times, but hauled myself back. And I'm doing it again. I'm ready to start this new mission in a couple of days, and I'm going to follow through on it. I'm going to make myself proud this summer. Not because I'll be in the "all" category all summer, but because I'm going to dwell comfortably in the gray area in between. I'm going to balance my life with my health, and it's going to be fantastic.

How about you? Are you an "all-or-nothing" type, or a "gray area" type?

Mission: Move It To Lose It - - the details

2011-05-27T12:50:00.000-05:00

Hi all! I have had some questions about the mission starting June 1st, so I thought I'd put together a little information on it.

It is a build-your-own mission! The basic premise is movement - miles, minutes, etc. You decide what you'd like to accomplish, and set that as your goal. You get to be your own boss - and who could ask for more than that?!?! But you also get to do it with some other folks, and that always makes it easier.
You decide how often you'd like to report on your goal. Do you want to set weekly, monthly, or mission goals? I set monthly goals, but am reporting weekly. Otherwise I'd end up with a million miles to do at the end! Some of you probably have better discipline than I do, and you'd be fine with the monthly or mission reporting. I would like to say - I am going to have a page for this mission on my blog. The more you report, the more others can see you moving, and maybe be motivated to move it a little themselves. =) (hint, hint) You can also "self-report" as often as you'd like on our Facebook page, and I urge you to do so! I am sick of monopolizing that thing! =)
I would like it if each participant would write a little bio - your name, where you live, how you plan to move it, and anything else you'd be willing to share. I like to learn about the participants, and I think everyone else would as well!
Send me an email ( natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com ) or a comment on this post or a note on Facebook/Twitter with your mission plan. I will set the page up with participants, bios and goals on June 1st and post it to my blog.
Send in your updates weekly (or monthly, or missionly) to my email address or on our Facebook page, and I'll post them to the page on my blog.
If you have any rewards for yourself, please share those as well! I'll add them to our page!

I am looking forward to being a much better mission participant this time around! I will actually stick with it. That is my promise to you, and myself. I will post my daily activity on our Facebook page to hold myself accountable. I would love it if you guys would do the same!

Here are my goals and rewards: (I figure you guys already have enough of a bio on me - right?)

June: 110 miles. If When I reach that goal, I get to get myself a glitter headband. I have wanted one for months now, and it is a cheap reward that will make me happy.
July: 120 miles. Smallish prize TBD
August: 130 miles. When I reach this goal, and have moved a total of 360 miles in 3 months, I will get myself an iPad2 (or whatever the latest version is at the time). I will use money from my last book payment to fund it. This is something I REALLY want, so it will be a good incentive to keep my ass moving!


my ultimate reward

So who's going to join me? The more the merrier! =) If you have any other questions, please comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email. Hope to hear from a bunch of you soon!!

I'm on a Mission....

2011-05-26T17:39:00.001-05:00

I received an email a couple of weeks ago, requesting that we have a summer mission. At first I was just going to say probably not. Let's face it - I have been less than inspiring to myself, and others, on the last 2. But then I figured: why the hell not? I'm going to be doing it anyway, so what is the big deal if we have a mission? It might get a few more ladies and gentlemen involved - and there is always strength in numbers...right?

So here we go. I got a suggestion from Meg to do total miles from June - August. I liked that idea. So I am going to name this one Mission: Move It To Lose It. If you'd like to participate, please email me at natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com before June 1st. Just let me know the total number of miles you're going to move this summer. Also let me know how often you'd like to report (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly.....). I'll make a page for our mission, and update it as you send your updates to me. For my part, I will actually follow through on this mission. I've been slacking long enough. I can breathe again, now it's time to start kicking a little ass.

And I have one more little thing. I had another less-than-supportive comment on our Facebook wall. I thought I had made my opinion on negativity clear after the comment made a couple of months ago, but apparently I did not. So let me say it again...for the cheap seats....

Dear Negative Nelly's/Ned's,

While I understand that I have opened myself up to public scrutiny with this blog, I really don't need any additional negativity sent my way. If I am not accomplishing what you think I should be accomplishing, or doing all that you think I should be doing, or losing all that you think I should be losing, or you are just tired of hear about my struggles (many of them repeated) - I would ask you to simply stop following my blog. Don't follow our Facebook page. Don't follow me on Twitter. If you are so disgusted and disappointed by what I am doing in my attempts to improve my life - I would prefer you stop following instead of trying to tear me down. Obviously this is something that is hard for me, that I struggle with every day. I don't have all of the answers, but I am trying to figure it out. Either you understand that, or you don't. You relate, or you don't.

That being said - I hope you stick with me. I have a few ladies that have offered up gym dates, and I will be taking them up on it shortly, now that I finally getting over this cold. I have been looking into some local groups to check out, to see if they might help me figure this all out. And regardless of all of this - I haven't gained all of the weight back that I have lost, and for me that is a victory. I typically would have gained it all back and then some, and completely given up on going to the gym. I am a non-stop, never-ending, work-in-progress. And I'm still trying. I have lapses. I have times where I am just flat-out lazy. I have times where I eat nothing but crap. But I come back. And I will figure this out for myself. And hopefully along the way I will help some others figure it out for themselves, too.

Negativity breeds negativity, and we don't need it here. Please go ahead and take that crap elsewhere.

Love,
Slimming Down to Sexy....Eventually

Update: As of 6:02pm on Monday, the negative comments have been removed from our wall by the author. Phenomenal!

Being Tested

2011-05-25T14:28:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is trying to test me. Maybe I'm being documented to see how I deal with irritation? Granted, I probably caused it (a running theme in my life) - and compared to what is going on with other people these things are nothing - but I'm still going to vent about it a little bit.

I woke up to find myself feeling about 86.4%. I wasn't coughing as much. There was less phlegm than I've grown used to. I had actually gotten to sleep without hacking for 2 hours. The biggest problem continues to be that I cannot take a deep breath without launching myself into a coughing spree. Needless to say, it is getting old.

So after putzing around for a little over an hour (Facebook and Twitter are like my morning coffee - - I can't get my day started without them) I was off to the gym. I get out of the car with my 2 iPods, headphones, gym card, keys and sweatshirt (it's in the damn 50's here today!!!) and head to the door. Once I am in I realize I dropped my card somewhere. Fantastic. So I head back out into the whipperwills, and retrace my way back to my car. Nothing. Look in my car. Nothing. Grrrrrrr. So I am heading back to the door when Maggie (seriously the nicest girl EVER who works at the front desk) was on her way out to tell me someone else found it. Good. Problem number one taken care of.

he is one good lookin' man!

I was looking forward to attempting a nice long cardio session today, and was looking forward to watching "The American" on my iPod. I haven't seen any of it, and thought it would be a good distraction to get me through my workout...oh, and George Clooney's in it. Yum. So I plug everything in, get my machine started up and hit play. The left side of my headphones won't work. SHIT! Now, I realize this isn't a huge deal, but it kind of drives me crazy. Plus, the gym is loud, (and I swear I'm sometimes partially deaf) so I have to have the volume up to hear what I'm watching - and didn't feel like deafening myself in my right ear. Damn it. Oh well. That can wait for tomorrow. Then I look up and realize the TV that usually has SportsCenter on it is still on TNT. I have no idea what was on it, but it looked sort of "Buffy and the Vampire Slayer"-esque. No thank you. I got innovative and made it through my 60 minutes on the elliptical.

I wanted to stop about half way through when it felt like someone punched me in the gut, but that passed soon enough. And the good news is, I ended feeling at about a 91.7% - so things are lookin' up!

I just wanted to share one other troubling thing that I read. I don't know for sure if it is true. I will do some additional investigating - maybe I could start a series: Slimming Down to Sexy Investigates.....? I wonder if anyone would watch it? Anyway - I read that when it comes to water consumption you should take your weight, divide it by two - and drink that many ounces. HOLY CRAP!! I might as well just grab a straw and head to the largest body of water I can find....

Are you up for the challenge?

2011-05-23T15:28:00.001-05:00

It is Monday as I type this, and I have a number of challenges extended to myself. Some fitness-based, some nutrition-based, some career-based, some overall-life-based. I'm makin' plans. I refuse to call them goals, because as many of you know - goal-setting for me tends to produce the opposite, undesired, outcome. I am my own worst enemy. I have self-destructive-personality disorder. And I apparently sometimes think I'm a doctor. =)

These "plans" aren't anything I haven't set as goals a million times - but it is necessary for me to start getting some structure to my days. Hopefully I'll be going back to work soon, so I might as well get used to actually having to get things done! Here's a little idea of what I'm working on:

Finish my damn resume! I have some really great references, but am stuck at trying to turn (I seriously just typed "tern" before I was like...duh! It's TURN!) my non-skills into things that a company cannot live without. I am an under-seller, so this job is proving to be ridiculously hard! (and apparently I have to leave "competent speller" off my list of skills!)
Get my ass to the gym at least 6 days a week and lift weights 4 times (2 upper body days, 2 lower body days) per week. The weights start this Thursday. It could be dangerous. Hopefully I can straighten my legs and touch my face by week's end.
Stop eating like crap. I have 1800-2000 calories per day. It would be in my best interest to not use them on Cheetos. It would also be in my best interest to start planning before going to the grocery store, and STICK TO MY LIST!!
Enough of the salt lick. I am going to limit myself to 2000mg/day of sodium. I seriously feel so much better when I do.
Get working on my book. I started a book of my own a few months ago, and it's just been sitting there. It is time to get cracking! I have so many genius insights to share with the world! I think at least an hour, three times per week, is a good plan. I know I can't force it, but that seems reasonable.

Those are my "plans" so far. I think my dad would be proud of me - I have even made spreadsheets to track a few of these things. I am finally feeling about 80% on my ability to breathe, so it's time to get moving!

I also had a request to start a summer mission, or challenge. I asked for ideas on Facebook and Twitter - but will ask here, as well. Do you have any suggestions, or requests, for a challenge? I'd like to have the first day be June 1st, and we can run it June - August. I have gotten a "total miles" suggestion, which I really like - but wanted to see if anyone else had any ideas. If you do, please comment here, or email me at: natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com . I'll make a final decision by Wednesday or Thursday, so everyone will have enough time to sign up if they'd like!

I hope things are going great for all of you, and none of you were affected by the crazy tornado's last weekend! Have any of you been making "plans" for yourself? I'd love to hear about them!

back to it.....

2011-05-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

I realized this week, that regardless of how slowly I may be moving - I have made some positive changes. There have been many times in my adult life where I have gone months between workouts, and it didn't phase me in the least. Sure...I would feel small pangs of guilt over the fact that I was just paying my fat tax (see: gym membership) and never using it - but that was about it.

I finally felt like the Remus got his gigantic ass off my chest enough to go the gym on Wednesday. I don't know if I have ever been so happy to be active in my life. There was still a fair amount of hacking to be done while I was there - but I tried to be as courteous as I could, and just cough into my arm. I didn't "fake cough" and then do the gagging face like the guy I had seen at the WAC do. Hopefully it wasn't frequent enough, or annoying enough, for anyone to want to come over and kick me (literally) off my machine.

I did the same on Thursday, with basically the same result. Some hacking, and a lot of bliss. I was just happy to be out of the house, and doing something that is good for me! Granted, I've been following that up with eating like crap - but I'll turn that around here soon, too. I can tell I'm not completely back. I still get winded easier than I did before - but I am able to move at a pretty good pace (for me), so I'm content. I think the thing that has me the most excited about being back at the gym is that I am now able to watch the last few episodes of "Sons of Anarchy" on my iPod. I put the last 4 episodes of season 3 on there with the understanding that I couldn't watch them unless I was doing cardio. It is a trick I have to play on myself, and it seems to be working here. I am down to the last episode, and will watch that Friday while I do the elliptical.

So I'm finally feeling better - but know I am not 100% back to normal. When I am finally over this crap I will never again undervalue the ability to breathe easy. I will appreciate it.

Do any of you have to give yourself workout incentives? I'd love to hear about it.....

Sending Out An S.O.S.

2011-05-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

Relationships. It is one of the greatest things to come out of starting this blog. Whether it is just that family and friends may understand me better. Or the fact that I am now contacted and approached frequently people that I have casually known for years. Or - and this is the craziest part for me - complete strangers become a very real part of my life. I "converse" with them frequently - and the fact that it is all electronically doesn't really matter.

I have never met, or rarely see, some of the greatest people in my life. I've come to know them better via email, facebook and twitter, than I know people I see on a regular basis. And there are people that reply regularly to my blog that I wish I could interact with, but I am too dense to figure out how to do it through the program I use. (Please don't hesitate to send me an email at any time - I LOVE getting them!)

I have now discovered an issue with these virtual friends, however. When I don't hear from someone for a while, I begin to worry. Like they are my little sisters, and have gone missing. I know it is somewhat psychotic, but it is true. If there is someone who comments with some frequency on my blog, and I don't hear from them for a while - I start to grow concerned. Now - I am trying to hold this in check right now, because I have been a total slacker, and when I am completely scattered/missing, it is hard to keep track of me I am sure. But now I will make an effort to get back to at least 3 posts per week, so I can rebuild some consistency.

But there is one lady - Lia - who I haven't heard from in a long time. Too long. She contacted me via email months ago, and I would hear from her frequently. She was also a part of our Mission: Move Your Ass challenge. She moved from Prague (I think?) to Finland (I believe?) - so I am trying to talk my self into the fact that she's just busy getting settled. I heard from her once or twice after her move, but then nothing for the last couple of months. I sent her an email about a month ago, and haven't heard back. This is the problem. I don't really know her well. I don't know what her currently living situation is. I am hoping winter has finally ended there. I am hoping she is well. And oddly - I miss hearing from her. That is just not normal for me. This person that I have never met, I miss. It is bizarre!

So this is my S.O.S. Lia - if you are alive and well, please contact me. I understand that I have been less than inspirational lately, but I would still appreciate hearing from you. Just to know that you're OK, and to see if you've gotten yourself another Y.C.

Here is hoping all of my followers are happy and healthy. And now you know - check in once in a while, or I worry!

you gotta know when to hold 'em

2011-05-16T06:00:00.009-05:00

I am so stubborn about some things - and the worst part is, I can't even trace back to why. The example for today's lesson is: medications.

I have been a nut about it as long as I can remember. I had knee surgery in 9th grade, and I recall trying to get off of my pain meds as soon as possible. I blame that one on the fact that Keith Millard (a former Minnesota Viking) had a similar surgery around the same time, and became addicted to pain medication. A few years ago I had a bacterial infection that required me to take antibiotics 4 times per day. I am still mocked for the fact that I would set my alarm to get up in the middle of the night to take them, so I made sure to take them six hours apart. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't had to do this for TEN days. I know. I am a little insane.

So about three weeks ago it was my turn to get the cough that's been going around. I was sort of a baby for the first week, but worked out a couple of times. The last two weeks have been nothing but lazy town. This "cold" got to the point where I couldn't go to sleep at night because I was too busy hacking. I took a hiatus from my cold medicine (all over-the-counter) because I don't feel comfortable using it too many days in a row (shout out to my medication neurosis). Last week, when it got to the point where I felt like someone was standing on my chest every time I climbed a flight of stairs, I re-stocked my medicine supply, certain I could kill it myself - using only OTC drugs and my determination. I was wrong.

Saturday, when my cough appeared to be getting worse, rather than better - and after getting told in no uncertain terms by Sara to get my ass to the doctor - I tried to make an appointment. I am an anti-hypochondriac, and feel going to the doc for a cold is ridiculous - but I was ready to surrender. I was out until Wednesday for my physician. Another one of my adorable (a total stretch, but I'm going for it) quirks is that when I decide the time is right for something, I want it done NOW. Needless to say, waiting for Wednesday wasn't going to work. I checked the urgent care hours for a couple of clinics, and headed in on Sunday.

I look like hell!

After sitting in the waiting room for over an hour, with every sick kid in the southern metro, I got in to see the doc. It didn't take long for them to figure out I wasn't getting enough oxygen, and I was wheezing. After listening to me breathe, I was put on a machine (a nebulizer, I think?) for 10 minutes to pump medicine to my lungs ASAP. After listening to me breathe again it was decided. I have bronchitis. Awesome.

So 2 types of meds and an inhaler later, I am on the road to recovery. I guess the good news is that at least I was legitimately sick, and wasn't imagining how crappy I felt. I am hoping by Tuesday I can get back to the gym, because I'm getting a little squirrely. I will never take breathing for granted, again.

What have I learned? That sometimes you just need to go to the doctor, as much as you don't think you do, because you can't always think yourself healthy. Oh - and wheezing is bad.

Here is hoping all of you are in fine health, and un-labored breathing!

Sick and Tired

2011-05-12T13:43:00.000-05:00

For the last two weeks I've been non-stop hacking up crap. I know - I can really create beautiful word pictures. But it is true. I know it has been going around - and almost everyone has, or will have, this fantastic form of cold. The problem is me. I turn into a complete baby when I'm sick. It is probably fueled on by the fact that I can't sleep worth a crap - but still.

But enough is enough. Today I went on a little shopping trip. The picture to the left is what I bought for myself. I know, I know - I shouldn't spoil myself in such a manner! But it is necessary. It is time for me to kill whatever illness has taken over my body! And in doing so, I am going to keep the cold meds industry in business.

Hopefully by taking these I will buy myself a few minutes of hack-free time to get to the gym!

On a brighter note - I got to spend last weekend with a few of my favorite moms - my granny Kay, my mama and my sister Wendy. To celebrate mother's day, my mom, sisters and nieces all went for some pampering in the form of manicures and/or pedicures. Those 2 young girls were slightly freaked out by the "bubbling blue water" that they were expected to put their feet in, but they did great. And I think they had a really great time. I think we have a fantastic new tradition on our hands.

I hope you are all breathing easy and free! It is a gift, and should be appreciated! =)

I might need to have my eyes checked

2011-05-05T18:46:00.000-05:00

It is official. I am off my game! I am typically a pretty observant person, I think. I enjoy people-watching, and taking in what's going on around me. This week, I have chosen to shut all of that off, apparently!

My gym - LifeTime Fitness - closes annually for a complete-club clean. They rotate locations, so it typically isn't too bad. It lasts about 5-7 days, so it is pretty easy to work around. Usually. But Monday, between the cold and the cramps, and the locker room being closed - I must have been distracted. Nowhere did I see any sign or notation that the gym was going to be closing this week for cleaning. That was until today.

Last night my lower back was bugging me. Who knows what I did to it - probably just slept on it weird. It happens fairly frequently. It bugs me for a couple of days, and then it's fine again. But last night I just couldn't sleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Couldn't get settled in. I was also determined not to take any cold medicine (I have some pretty strict rules about meds, and thought I needed to take a night off) so I didn't have that to knock me out. Needless to say - I didn't sleep worth a crap. I got about 3 hours of sleep, and that is not nearly enough for this girl to function properly.

Case in point: I decided that it would make me feel better to hit the gym for some cardio. I pulled up to the gym - and an almost empty parking lot - and headed toward the door. I was in some sort of daze - or maybe it was just my joy over seeing the sun, because I didn't notice the 2 signs on the door telling me the gym was closed. Right inside the door was a large tri-pod holding a large board describing what services were available during the shut down. I nimbly (yeah right) side-stepped it without registering what it was talking about, and headed for the 2nd set of doors. Now you would have for sure figured the signs on those doors would have stopped me in my tracks - right? Not so much. I threw open the doors and finally started to take in my surroundings. Like the fact that the club was pretty much dark. There was no one at the front desk. There were 3 young ladies across the entry way looking at me like I was out of my mind. And that is when I saw it - finally. The sign on the front desk that said the club was closed for cleaning. Good LORD! What kind of zone was I in that I had no idea? So I turned around and headed back to my car. I had just turned out of the parking lot when I realized I forgot to look and see what dates they were actually closed.

I was going to head to a different location, but realized I had forgotten my phone and wallet at home. I determined if I was struggling this much with such mundane tasks I might as well pack it in for the day and try again tomorrow. So wish me luck, kids. I'll be seeing if I can't make it to the next closes club Friday morning - and don't worry....I've already checked to see that they're open.

Here's to hoping that you're functioning better than I am! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Timing

2011-05-03T21:36:00.000-05:00

I am one of those people who is always going to start tomorrow. Or as soon as the weather gets nice. Or as soon as I'm caught up on all of my chores. I am always waiting for the perfect timing on everything. I'm going to start eating better as soon as I can do a complete grocery shopping trip - because what is the point in starting to eat better right away? I need to be fully prepared! I'm going to make sure I start eating more fruits and veggies as soon as the weather warms up - because then I'll be in the mood. I'm going to go to the gym as soon as I get all of my gym clothes washed or my iPod charged or my playlists made. I'm going to get rid of this cold, so I can breathe before I can do anything. Basically - the planets have to align in a way that only happens every 3 billion years in order for the time to be just right. Sure - this is basically just an advanced case of excuse-making - but I prefer to word it as "waiting for the perfect time".

Then I was flipping through my magazine from my gym. On the last page they usually have some sort of nature-y scene, and a quote meant to inspire. Typically I just roll my eyes, and throw it to the side. But something about this one spoke to me.

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now." - Mark Victor Hansen

So I got up today, and I went to the gym. I went in spite of my chest cold, and my cough and my cramps. I went, in part, because I would finally be able to watch another episode of Sons of Anarchy (I downloaded them with a birthday gift card, and only get to watch them when I am on a piece of cardio equipment). And you know what? I survived. I was tired, and my breathing was more labored than usual. I had a few limited coughing spasms worked in for good measure. But I survived. And tomorrow I'll do it all over again. Because I can. And because waiting for everything to be perfect is going to do nothing but keep me waiting. I'm not perfect. Life isn't perfect. It's time to start working with what I have - and I could be stuck with a whole lot worse than I am.

Are you getting started now?

Shout Out: Katie

2011-04-28T11:27:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of times that I wonder if anyone is out there. If what I am rambling about is finding someone, and speaking to them in some way. If it is helping someone else realize that they aren't alone. That their struggle with weight, although their own personal struggle, is not something only they deal with. I get comments occasionally. There are people who interact on our Facebook page. There are people who follow me on Twitter. I love all of these more than you know.

I have been slacking on my entries lately. I was going through a period of self-doubt. I wasn't sure if me sharing what I'm going through was helping anyone. And not just you guys out there...but me. Was spilling my guts on how much I struggle at times helping? Is allowing the world into my head and heart doing anyone any good? Should I have advertised it to everyone I know on Facebook and Twitter and all of my friends and family? Or is it just providing ammunition to those that don't struggle with a similar issue? The people that don't understand why I fall off the wagon...frequently. The people who don't understand why I don't just eat well, and go to the gym every day - without fail. I was really having an internal battle over whether or not to continue with this.

And then last week I got my answer. I received the email below. I can't explain how much it meant to me to get it. I am so excited for Katie. She stuck to it, and is sticking to it! And she's improving her life! It might not be at the rate she'd like - let's be honest...it NEVER goes as fast as we'd like! But she's doing it! And I am so proud of her. And the fact that I could have helped, in any way, is just so......amazing.

So I'm going to continue. I'm going to keep being honest about what I'm going through (like the bag of Cheetos I had this week, and finshed). I hope you guys will continue to stick with me. And I hope you'll update me on how your life is going. Because I need you guys, too. You motivate me. You remind me that I'm not the only one that has ever wanted to rip their FUPA off and beat the shit out of it because they're so frustrated. You help me.

And Katie - SHOUT OUT to you! For sticking with it. For sending me that email, when I really needed it. And for being one kick-ass broad!

Here is the email:

Just thought I’d let you know…it’s been about a year-ish since I started reading your blog and I’ve lost 25 lbs. It’s only 25 lbs and I’m still in the same size of clothes (because I apparently have to lose 80 before I move a size) but then again, it’s 25 lbs!!! Your blog is truly helping me. I figure I’ve got nothing but time, so however long this takes me to lose, that’s how long it takes me. I’ve learned from your blog that I’m not the only one struggling and that I just have to get back on the horse. That it’s okay to have a bad day, week or even a couple weeks…I just have to keep going.

Anywho…rambling….

Have a good day!

Katie

5k's of walking

2011-04-19T15:14:00.000-05:00

Now I know that a 5K isn't that much. And for the most part, 3.1 miles doesn't seem like that much to me anymore, either. But when you take some time off from the treadmill, and spend the bulk of your cardio time on some sort of elliptical, your heels can become soft. At least they can when you are delicate and sensitive - like a peach wrapped in a flower - like I am. This is not the end of the world, but it will cause some issues when you hope on the treadmill for your beginning 5k for the 90DWLC! I was about 1/2 way through when it felt like I may have rubbed all of the skin off, and might be down to bone on my left heel. And when you walk like I do - sssllllooooooowwwwwlllllllyyyyyyyy - half way means you still have a lot of time left! So I gritted my teeth, focused on SportsCenter and the cute baseball players, and pressed on. I had another distraction when I was down to .55 miles left - my iPod died. It went silent. It locked up on me. But there will be more about that later.

ewwwwwww

By the time I finished my walk, I had grown immune to the pain. I didn't even look at my shoe or heel. I was on a high from having completed it. When I hopped in the shower I was reminded of the open wound now on my body as soon as the water hit it. But that searing pain subsided as well. It wasn't until 2 days later that I noticed that there was blood on my shoe. Gross. So basically - I need to get my ass on the treadmill more often, so my heels can toughen up a bit. I went through the same thing a few months ago when I started walking a lot more. This damn delicate body of mine can soften up in no time!

So my starting 5k time is 1hr12min14sec. The good news is that I have a lot of room for improvement. If I can maybe shed a decent amount of Remus over the next 3 months, I'll feel like I'm flying! So I was OK with my time. I realize it is slow as hell - but oh well. Life will go on. Then I was watching the times from the Boston Marathon come in. The fastest woman was at like 2 hours and 22 minutes. To run 26.2 miles. it took her one extra hour to go 19 miles. Holy shit! That is ridiculous!! Not that it makes me feel any differently about my time - but I just thought that was a shocking number to share! Amazing!

And here is my week's highlight. For those of you that know me well, you are well aware of my electronics obsession. I have had just about every iPod made at one time or another. I have a deep seeded need for a iPad, although I have no actual requirement for one. I love new phones and gadgets. I am the IT specialist for my parents, and usually have a "test" (something to look at and attempt to fix) or two when I visit. I have spent so many dollars with Apple, I hate to even begin to guess how much it might be. But here is where that comes in handy. When I got on my treadmill for my 5k, I couldn't get the tuner to come in clearly for the ESPN TV unless I had my iPod clipped to the collar of my shirt. Now...for the average gym-goer, this would be no issue. For me - sweaty mcsweaterson, it is a huge issue. I don't glisten. I don't look "dewey". I SWEAT! Like my whole t-shirt is drenched when I am done, sweat. So needless to say, my iPod got wet, which caused the "it died" issue. I took it home (not realizing that it getting wet was the issue) and tried to fix it myself (I have had many issues over the years - all of which I have been able to eventually fix on my own). I spent about 2 hours between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning trying to fix it. It would show glimpses of working, and then spaz out on me again. I surrendered. I called the Apple store at Southdale. I made an appointment for that afternoon. I walked in and got to see my guy right away. It took him 20 seconds to discover it was wet. He starts clicking away on his phone, and tells me they can get me a replacement for free. FOR FREE!!! Now I don't know about you - but that doesn't happen to me. I am guessing that when he scanned the serial number it showed them how many devices I currently own (3) and how many I have purchased over time (10+) and how many dollars I have spent on iTunes (45 bajillion). It was supposed to take 7-10 days, and it took one. The moral of this story is: Don't sweat on your iPod, but if you do Apple might just be awesome about it.

Hope you are all having a great week!

The Return

2011-04-11T18:40:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! My apologies for my extended absence! I could get into the myriad of reasons for this too-long hiatus, but the simplest way of putting it is: I was dealing with a lot of shit - brought on by a series of errant personal and financial decisions. I was getting a big thumbs down from life for my efforts. I was feeling much less than inspiring - and didn't want to project my crap on to all of you. The good news is that I have got things turned around, and heading in a much more stable and workable direction. Basically - it's time to get this ship (and by ship, I mean swollen body and multiple FUPAs) moving full steam ahead!

Over the last couple of weeks I have gotten myself back to the gym on a regular basis. Today (Monday) I also did my weigh in for the 90-Day Weight Loss Challenge through my gym. There are a couple of friends and supporters of SDtS doing it also! I figure for $25 I can at a minimum have a slight incentive to get my rear to the gym, and stop hoovering crap - and if this is somehow, miraculously, the motivation I need - I could win a free gym membership for a year and a trip to a spa in California. What have I got to lose? So I am going to need you guys. I need you to comment on this blog, or write on our Facebook wall, or "Tweet" me on Twitter - with all of the things you are doing to be healthier. Did you exercise? Tell me about it. Did you choose veggies over chips? I'd love to hear about it! People doing positive things, and making healthy choices, inspires me to want to do the same. Plus, selfishly, I love hearing from all of you! It helps me want to do better than I have been. I need all of you. =)

So this morning I had my weigh in for the 90DWLC. I met with a personal trainer named Doug. Bless his heart - he is just no YC. While talking to him, he told me - and I am serious about this - that not only should I watch my carbs (I know this is true - but it is also sad. I LOVE my carbs, people!) - but he also told me I should watch my fruit and vegetable intake. If I want veggies, I should stick to dark leafy greens as much as possible - and when I do eat veggies, I should really have some protein with it. Really?!?! Now I can't just eat fruits and vegetables and trust I'm making a decent decision? Everything needs to be accompanied by protein? I told him that sounded like a nightmare, and probably wasn't going to happen, but I appreciated his input.

So off I go on the next chapter in the life of a girl just working on Slimming Down to Sexy....Eventually.

What have you guys been up to while I was gone?

Show Yourself!!

2011-03-09T06:00:00.003-06:00

Let me start by saying - I am a huge fan of free speech. I tend to have an opinion on just about everything going, and am very grateful for the freedom to share them. I am also, typically, very interested in hearing what other people think. People, and their thought processes and opinions, intrigue me! I can't vouch for the fact that I will agree with you, or that I won't think you're an idiotic jackass - but I appreciate that you have the opportunity to express yourself as well.

That being said - I do have one personal requirement to all of this free speech: it should not be done anonymously. If you have an opinion you feel strongly about, you should be willing to put your name on it. I do not value the voice of someone who only seems capable of sharing the truth according to them when they can do it anonymously. Say whatever you want. Have whatever opinions you want to have. As long as you aren't breaking any laws, go to town. But have the balls to own it. Put your name on it, or shut up.

I first realized how dangerous anonymity could be when my cousin was in his first campaign. He has now gone through two elections to be the state representative of my home town district. During each campaign, people come out of the woodwork with erroneous claims, and slanderous comments. The common link? None of the people writing these things are adult enough to put their name on it. I am talking first and last name. Not "0034TpXY" or "BigTeddyBear". If you believe it enough to write it, then you should believe in yourself enough to take ownership.

Tuesday morning I was greeted with my first negative comment on this blog. Negative is only part of it. My interpretation was that it was insulting, and condescending. I have pasted it below, to save you the effort of having to go back and read it. Now I am not for one minute going to say that this person doesn't make some valid points. The issues that I have are:

While I don't expect everyone that reads this blog to continually blow smoke up my ass, and be non-stop sunshine and butterflies - I don't want to take on other people's negativity. I am fighting my own on a daily basis.
The first paragraph is absolutely true. The rest, although it contains some decent points, is written is such a manner that I wouldn't listen to him/her regardless of intent.
I understand that making a blog public to the world leaves me open to others' opinions and emotions. But I'm not trying to fix anyone else. I am sharing my story. What I am going through. I am also not asking anyone to fix me. I think there are people that can relate to what I am going through, because they are as well. There is comfort in realizing you are not alone. If you don't connect with what I am doing, or writing - please feel free to discontinue reading this blog immediately.
Please don't ever use the term "unacceptable" when referring to me, or my effort, again.
Please don't comment on the support or "cheerleading" provided by the people reading and commenting on this blog. They have created a community of kindness and support, that not everyone is fortunate enough to have outside of this location. If you don't want to be a part of it, or it doesn't satisfy your needs - I wish you luck in finding it elsewhere.
If you wanted to help, you would have put your name on this. If you were doing it for any reason, other than to try and make me feel bad, you would have included you own personal information. When you hide behind anonymity, you remove any relevance your words would have possibly carried. Be an adult. Take ownership of your words.

To those of you that have stuck with me through the motivated, and unmotivated - I appreciate you. I am working to get back to the spot where I can be an inspiration to you, and myself. I will have moments where I need you guys to pick me up, and I hope I can do the same for you.

Because of my distaste for this experience, I have changed some of the comment settings for this blog. I have it set up so I will have to approve the comments before they post. This is not because I want to edit those of you that leave comments - I want you to be completely honest!! Feeling great? Feeling pissed? Feeling frustrated? Disagree with something I said? Share it!! But I also want you to take ownership of what you're writing.

If you use the "anonymous" feature, so you don't have to register as a follower of my blog, just put your name at the bottom of your comment and I'll send it right through. Negativity, hiding behind Anonymity, will be rejected. Not only on this blog, but in life.

Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Dickwad

And here is the comment:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I Am NOT The Next Biggest Loser":

Natalie,

In reading your blog, it appears that you already have access to a gym, plenty of time to go to the gym, plenty of friends to go to the gym with you, healthy food options, and knowledge about weight loss. It seems that the only thing that BL would offer to you that you don't have in your life right now is people who really hold you accountable when you slack. Does that seem like a fair assessment? And is that what you need? Because there are probably a few people who read this blog who would volunteer to fill that role.

For starters, when I checked the MYA page, I saw that you've only moved 30 miles in the last 4 weeks instead of the 80 miles that you promised. That is unacceptable. We expect to see a minimum of 20 miles every week (and even that is probably a fraction of how much the contestants move on BL -- if you're not working, you could spend several hours each day on a treadmill or elliptical or in the pool or walking at the mall or around your neighborhood -- do it for an hour in the morning, another hour in the afternoon, and another hour in the evening -- even if you move at a pace of 2 or 3 miles per hour, you could be doing 40 to 60 miles per week).

Also, if you aren't doing it now, you should start calculating the calories that you're consuming each day. You don't need to share that in the blog, but I think it's necessary for you to do the math for yourself so that you realize how much you need to move in order to burn more calories than you're consuming and "slim down."

I realize this blog is supposed to be a place of support, but the type of support or cheerleading that you have been receiving here doesn't seem to motivate you on a consistent basis. There have been too many weeks of slacking (both in terms of exercise and diet) and too many excuses, and nobody calls you out on it. Maybe a less warm-and-fuzzy type of support (similar to the type provided by the trainers on BL) is necessary.

If you (or other readers) think this is harsh, think about how harsh it would be to go on BL and have millions of TV viewers watching and commenting about you. My words are nothing compared to being forced to stand on a scale wearing a sports bra and biker shorts while a giant scale flashes your actual weight for the entire world to see.

I Am NOT The Next Biggest Loser

2011-03-07T10:53:00.000-06:00

I would like to apologize in advance for the rambling below - but sometimes that is just how I roll!

There have been many times over the years that I have thought I should be on the Biggest Loser. There was even a time about 4 years ago that I attempted to make a tape and send it in. (Embarrassing - I know). My friend S. and I had often talked about trying out for the team shows (I have a grievance I would like to discuss with the BL people on this! Please call it "Duos" instead of "Couples". How are a father/daughter, mother/son, father/son, mother/daughter, friends, sisters, brothers, etc a "couple"? THEY AREN'T! Please change it immediately. Thank you). So when the casting was coming to Minneapolis, the discussion was had once again. S said she couldn't take 2 months off of work, so the discussion died there. My friend M from FC was contacted by the BL people, so I talked to him about it a little bit as well - but that didn't really go anywhere. And you needed a current photo - which I make it a practice to NOT keep on hand because I find them depressing as hell - so I had decided it was not going to happen.

While on my return drive to MN on Friday I received a text from my sister. I guess there were a few people who felt like I should go to the tryouts. Crap. So I spent the next 5 hours alternating between "no way!" and "why the hell not?". I put it on Facebook, and was greeted (not shockingly - because my friends are fantastic!!) with an overwhelming amount of support. How could I not do it after that? So I needed a picture. Shout out to Amy for meeting me, and taking a current photo. I got it printed out Friday night, so I could go if I felt the desire to. By the time I left my photo session I had pretty much been talked into it by Amy and my brother-in-law. Really - what did I have to lose? Yes, it was a waste of time (as I was certain I wouldn't get picked) - but as my very smart friend Stephanie asked me "have you ever wasted a day before?". Just so you know - the answer to that is: often.

At 5am on Saturday, I was up and in the shower. I assessed my chances - and gave myself about a 5% chance of getting chosen. At 7am (when the lines were supposed to be starting to form) I walked into the Mall of America. I found myself at 148th in line. Here is where a couple of things became evident:

I am more "generic" looking than I had thought. So much so, that a lady in the line next to me asked if the girl in front of me and I were twins or sisters. Uh-oh. About 5 minutes later the two ladies that lined up behind us asked the same question. Wow. I am really going to stand out!
In Minnesota time 7am must mean 4am? Seriously. There was one woman who told the news crew (yes - there was a news camera and reporter there. I hid.) that she'd been there since 4am. That means she waited outside the door. In winter. In Minnesota.

So I settled in for the wait. Interviewing started at 10am. I had some time to kill. I felt really lucky to be where I was in line - I was by very nice people, I could sit on the floor and lean against the wall and I wasn't trapped in the middle row. As time went by, it kept getting warmer and warmer in our little alley. I guess you can only have so many overweight people in tight quarters before the temperature starts to rise? Shockingly - I wasn't even a complete sweaty mess. While chatting with my new friend J, she said something kind of interesting. We were discussing how many people would turn out for the call, and she said that MN is one of the most fit states. She works for the Dept of Health - so knows these things. I had never thought about that. I guess I am usually the biggest person...everywhere...so that seems about right. I fit in a little better when I lived in GA.

Anyway...we were finally given our short questionnaires. I went through and had mine done in about 5 minutes. I noticed - because I was the first one done - that people were spending a lot more time on them than I was. Is that a negative? Or a positive because I wasn't over-thinking it? Crap. Who knows. I did notice while walking around at one point that there was a girl who had a notebook with her. She appeared to have written out a little speech because it started with "hi, my name is....". I guess she didn't realize what a ridiculous farce this was going to be, either. It was at that point that I realized that some people had put a LOT of effort into this. And there were people there - like the gentleman whose stomach was hanging out the bottom of his shirt - that probably needed this more than I did.

The line finally started to move. My hands were clammy. I didn't feel nervous, so not sure why? It was about 5 minutes later that my new friend P said she'd heard we were going in in groups of 12. Twelve!?!? What the hell?!? I thought that seemed silly, and she probably mis-heard them. Nope. About an hour later I was to the front of the line. It is explained that we will go in in groups of 12, but everyone will have a chance to answer their question. This should get interesting. After talking new friends K and P off a ledge (they were super-nervous) we were taken in to the room where we got to line up again. 3 rows of 12 in the entry of an office area. They really like to pack a lot of fatties in tight quarters! Then the 3 groups in the interview "rooms" (not actual rooms, but sections of open space separated by cloth curtains - while a huge room sat unused) had to walk through us to get out. I started thinking whoever laid out the logistics of this thing could have used some help. That was the least of it, I would soon learn.

Finally group B (my group) was lead into one of the curtain rooms. There was a table, 12 chairs and ONE casting person - - we'll call her "Patsy". Before we even get started, Patsy warns us that if she has to cut it off, we shouldn't take it personally - but we need to keep things moving. There were about 4 rounds of questions asked. I get to answer all of the questions first. The highlights were that I got to share my weight and my occupation - two real bright spots for me. I do not believe I am exaggerating when I tell you that we were in the room for about 5 minutes. Seriously. Beyond getting to share my highlights - here were a couple of faves/questions from the "interview":

There was one girl in my group that sounded like she was going to cry when they asked our names. For reals, y'all. I wanted to tell her "honey, you don't stand a chance" - but thought better of it. She probably got a 2nd interview.
Patsy spent 1/2 of our 5 minutes with her back to me
What do they use as a basis to pick the people for 2nd interviews? You have a 1/12 shot with Patsy - which really turns into worse odds, because she saw a minimum of 200 people that day (probably closer to 300)
I am beige. I wasn't wearing anything crazy, I didn't have pink hair, I didn't look so sad and beaten down that they had to worry I might not survive one more rejection, I didn't come in hooting and hollaring, I didn't say anything crazy, I answered their rapid questions without crying. I had a stranger-twin for Christ's sake!
I'm too normal.

After being in the "interview" (absurd to even try and call it that!) room, I felt my chances were at about -15%. I knew there was no chance. While I was waiting to go into the rooms, one guy in the groups filing out of the rooms told his buddy "it doesn't give you a chance to shine". I actually laughed out loud. Partially because that is funny, but mostly because a dude just used the word "shine", and wasn't talking about the sun or his freshly polished car.

So I want to thank all of you, again, for being so wonderful and supportive! I appreciate all of you so much! But this is for the best. I don't have to wear next to nothing on national TV. I don't have to do their silly challenges. I don't have to worry about being arrested for assult after punching Ali in the neck because she is so annoying. It is for the best. There are other people that need this worse than I do. I might be moving at a snail's pace, but I can and will do this on my own. BL wasn't ready for me.

Adios, Wisconsin!

2011-03-04T06:00:00.005-06:00

I cannot believe my time here is up! In some ways this 9 months has seemed to take forever - but in many more it really did fly by. I do not regret my decision to come here. At the time I did, I think it was the best thing for me to do. I was a mess,(that is not to say I am not currently a mess. I am more than willing to admit I spend much of my time in this category! =)) had recently lost my job and was trying to figure out what to do with myself. Basically - a little solitude did me some good!

I can honestly say, I have had enough "me" time for a while. I am looking forward to the hustle and bustle that is my life at home. I can't wait to go build amazing lego creations with my nieces any time I want to. I am looking forward to being able to see my friends and family with much more frequency. I'm ready to no longer be house-bound (totally my own issue), and get out - especially now that winter will *fingers crossed* be coming to a close soon!

Sure - there are things I am going to miss.... I'll miss YC. I'll miss the other people that work at my gym - they are all so great! I'll miss being able to go to the bathroom with door open. =) I'll miss....ummm....well - I guess that is all I'll really miss.

I look forward to having gym dates. I have learned that I like to do cardio on my own - because I am in horrible shape, and don't really like sharing the extent of of my anti-cardio strength with others! =) But I'll be doing weight workouts four days a week - and if you are anything like me, it is easier to get my ass to the gym when someone is expecting to see me there! I have had a few offers already, and am looking forward to it.

So thank you, Wisconsin, for the last 9 months. I might just come back to visit.

And to Minnesota - Let's get back on track together. That means - enough snow already! And for my part, I'll get my ass back to the gym regularly. Deal?

Curves Ahead

2011-03-02T06:00:00.000-06:00

I was thinking today about what I want to get from my body. How I want it to look, what I want it to do, what I need to do to get it there. Regular goal-setting does NOT work for me, so I am maybe going to have to try something different. I am thinking a series of pictures, like I'm a 4 year old? Who knows..... It might just work. While searching for some images that might work for ideals of what I'd like my bod to look like...eventually...I came across the picture below. It made me laugh out loud, so I figure I should share.

Truth: it is true that not every man needs a size 0 "stick-insect" (shout out to Bridget Jones!)

if they're good enough for Pierce Brosnan, that's good enough for me

What helps motivate you guys? I am open to any and all ideas! I NEED HELP!

Movin' West

2011-02-28T06:00:00.002-06:00

For those of you that know me, it will come as no shock that I HATE moving. Ironically (or is stupidly?) I probably move more than anyone I know. I guess I like to make my own life as miserable as possible. So this last weekend I headed back to Minnesota to move. Compound that with a good dose of freezing cold (definitely one of my top 5 sadness causers), and this did not disappoint in the category of "suck"!

It was my sister Mackenzie and I. She lives in a house of stairs, and had been storing my bed and dressers for me. She is also moving to Chicago for love, so we were moving her things as well. Here is a little breakdown on how it went.

Phase 1: 9:30am - Meet at Mackenzie's to dismantle and carry down my dressers and bed. We had a quick lunch at Chipotle, then M went to get the truck, and I went to her house to bring some additional things down, and load my car with delicates (like my TV). I locked myself out of the house, but luckily my car was unlocked and I had an extra key. I don't make anything easy. We loaded my bed, dressers, etc - and take them to Shakopee to unload at my new home (SHOUT OUT to Linda for taking me in, so I am not homeless!) This went shockingly smooth in spite of the stairs we encountered there as well. I stayed to assemble my bed, so I could fall into that night without having to be slowed down while M finished packing back at her place. I changed into dry shirts (I sweat a LOT). I required a Diet Mountain Dew on tap on the way back to Mackenzie's, to help insure I could maintain a somewhat good attitude.

Phase 2: We loaded up all of the things that are going with M to Chicago. We also hauled the dressers down 2 flights of stairs (so there was only 1 left to get them on the truck) because I suspected I wouldn't want to do it after phase 2. I am very wise. Phase 2 is where M started to show signs of cracking - - laughing for no reason, etc. We are so good at what we do! We loaded up all of her things and headed to Hudson to drop them off. We were greeted by a couple amazing things when we arrived. 1) there was help there! 3 extra people!! and 2) it was all on flat land. NO STAIRS!!! Needless to say, we had Phase 2.2 completed in about 5 minutes. Shout out to the Laurie (Sp?), Gene & Neighbor Mark! I appreciate you more than you know!

Phase 3: Load up the things heading to my parents' for storage. This includes a 3000 pound (maybe a bit of a stretch - but it is heavy!). We get the kitchen table, chairs, dressers and bike loaded up. Then M's future brother-in-law (probable?) and 2 lovely neighbors came in to save the day! They loaded the heavy couch, and brought my old couch and chair to the garage for easy loading on Saturday. SHOUT OUT to Corey, Pro & Jose. You are lovely.

After some much-needed, and well-deserved snacks at Houlihan's, we slept. Plans to meet at 7am to head down for phase 3.2 were made, and miraculously we were both on time!

Phase 3.2 went pretty well - we dropped most of the stuff off at my Dad's warehouse, put it on a pallet, and then headed to my parents' house to unload the beast (heavy couch). Luckily, my other sister Wendy was there, and we were able to get the couch into the basement. The inside of my hands were on fire, but at least it was done!

Phase 4: involved me loading up, and trying to get rid of my old couch and chair (probably about 10-12 years old), and my parents' old couch (25-30 years old, brown with flowers. pretty) at Goodwill. No go. They sent me to Chaps. No go. I called the landfill - $50 to get rid of them. Geesh! Steve thinks he can get rid of them, so they got to stay on the truck.

Noon on Saturday, the fun is finally over. I am BEAT! Met some friends for lunch, took a nap and headed out for a few hours.

I did observe a few things during this move:

I wish I wouldn't have forgotten my Body Bugg in WI. I can only imagine how many cals and steps I got in on Friday! FEEL THE BURN!
Although I have moments where I don't feel like I've come very far since starting FC, I have. Yes I got winded, and yes - I was sweaty. But I could keep going! We did a LOT of stairs with weights!
Most amazing? I was totally able to still move on Saturday! I was sure I was going to wake up completely sore and broken. Nope. My legs were a little stiff when I first got up, but they were fine after a couple of minutes. My body was tired, but it wasn't sore like I thought it would be. If I wasn't covered head to toe in bruises, I may not have even realized I'd done anything on Friday.

You don't always need the gym to get in a good workout! =)

The Circle of Slack

2011-02-23T06:00:00.003-06:00

Does anyone else have a life where it seems like when things are going well, everything is going well? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you are eating well, you are exercising, your are financially sound, you have a job you can tolerate (most of the time)....life is like a box of chocolates. Fat free, counts as a vegetable, good-for-you chocolates.

When I am going to the gym, and simultaneously eating well, I feel like I've really got my crap together. That then translates into a high level of motivation to not only continue doing those things, but also write positive stuff for this blog, I feel unstoppable and capable of handling any crisis - and be really positive (like my genetically make up is mostly hearts and butterflies). Basically, I feel like I have the world by the balls. I think part of the problem is, During these periods, I get a little cocky.

Then, conversely, there is the state I am currently in. And any small misstep from my previously described "world domination mode" can land me right here in the middle of what I call "the circle of slack". The sun is not shining. The birds are not singing. It won't stop snowing. I don't want to eat well. I don't want to go to the gym. I have a hard time coming up with topics for my blog - I sometimes feel like I might need to change the name to "the never-ending whine". I am completely unmotivated, in every aspect of my life - and have spells where I feel bad putting that on you guys. I feel like my genetic make up is....whatever is the opposite of hearts and butterflies. I feel like the world had it's balls around my neck. (funny visual) It's a circle of negativity, and it just keeps going round and round and round. It is these times that I reprimand myself for ever getting cocky.

And the worst part is, I don't know how to pull out of it. I can make all the plans and goals in the world - but as I've explained, that tends to go the opposite of my intention. My goals are like my volleyball skills. I want the ball to go over the net, or to my teammate to set it up for the spike - but it tends to go the opposite direction, screwing me and all those around me in the process. And I don't think my 9 months of solitude is helping. This winter has been the hardest on me, in recent memory. Whether that is because I am actually in charge of dealing with each snow fall (because I am in charge of a house, not in an apartment where someone else has to deal with it) or because I am here...by myself...with no break from my own brain....whatever it is, this season is kicking my ass. I seriously wanted to yell at the sky to quit snowing the other day. See? I'm LOSING IT! (my mind, not my ass - so in the bad way!)

So this weekend I go home to move my stuff into my new home. Then I am back for 5 days, and I move back to MN for good. I think that in itself will help me start to claw my way out of the CoS. I have people there to have gym dates with. I get to play with my nieces (and eventually nephew when he gets a little older), and remind myself of how much more fun we can have when I get in shape. I can take my sister's dog for walks, which is really good for both of us. And I can continue to pray for spring and sunshine.

So friends in MN, be ready. I am going to need you guys. I'm coming back to world domination mode, and I'd like you to join me!

One Year Anniversary: Fat Camp

2011-02-21T12:26:00.000-06:00

It is unbelievable to me that it has already been a year since the day I arrived at FC! It was 365 days ago that I got to drive into Durham with my sunroof open in February. Since I walked through the doors of Duke Diet & Fitness Center. Since I met some truly amazing people that I am still in contact with. Since I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time that I could change my life for the better.

In this year, a lot has happened. I lost my job, discovered some potential new skills, lived in Milwaukee for nine months, shot out of the gates and lost 60 pounds in 3.5 months, used my good-luck-charmness to help WI win the super bowl (shout out to my Packer-loving friends), met YC who is one of my favorite people, walked a couple 5K's (slowly), had entire weeks where I couldn't move major portions of my body due to weight lifting, stalled out and bounced around in the same 20 pounds for about 8 months, spent those same 8 months in constant battle with myself to get to the gym and eat right....the list could go on and on and on.

Some, including myself at times, feels like I should have done more. I should have exercised more. I should have lost more weight. I should be able to do more than I currently am able to. Should, should, should. Who the hell decides what "should" happen, anyway? Here is the truth: I have days where I am pissed at myself for not having lost more weight than I have. For having not accomplished more at the gym. For my butt still being the size that it is. I have, after all, nothing but time. What the hell else do I have to do?

Then I need to check myself a bit. Because you know what I didn't do? I didn't gain it all back, and then some. I didn't completely stop going to the gym for months at a time. I didn't give up. And all of those things are what I usually do. When it gets hard, or uncomfortable, I stop. I usually stick to my attempt at health for much less than a year.

So even though I haven't accomplished all I had envisioned for myself a year ago, I have done something pretty amazing for me. I have maintained a loss of 60 pounds. I go to the gym regularly, and I work hard while I'm there. And most importantly - I'm not ready to quit. I am just getting started.

I'm feeling re-energized. Winter is (hopefully) coming to an end. I'll be back home in a couple of weeks, surrounded by my friends and family, and I'll be using them to help keep me moving. It is almost baseball season. By the end of June, my ass will fit in one of those seats! I know it won't be easy. I know it is going to require a lot of work on my part. It is also going to require a more healthy diet than I have been using during most of this past year. But I know I can do it. And I appreciate all of you helping to keep me motivated. For helping me remember that this isn't easy, and I am not alone. I appreciate all of you for sticking with me for this past year. Let's make the next one even better!

It's about time I show Remus what a bitch I can be when I don't like someone. =)

I'll Be Back....

2011-02-16T20:48:00.000-06:00

Hello friends!

I just realized that the message I typed Monday morning didn't post. Excellent. I apologize for disappearing. I am taking this week off from blogging as I try to finish up some packing, and work on sticking to some sort of healthy routine! =) I'll be back Monday the 21st, and will be posting new updates on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I will also be updating the "Mission: Move Your Ass" page as often as I get updates, so make sure to check that out when you stop by!

Thank you all for sticking with me! I'll be back in a few days, and be back on my game!

Love, Natalie (& Remus)

From Fear to Success

2011-02-11T06:00:00.005-06:00

Do you ever underestimate yourself? Do you ever assume you won't be able to do something, without even trying it? I have that. I tend to do it a LOT. Before FC my life was all about editing. Removing places I couldn't go because of seating, or the distance I'd have to walk to get there. And heaven forbid I'd have to move once I got there! Forget that! I wouldn't attempt to do anything I felt like might be the least bit of a challenge, because I was as big as a house and didn't want to look like a fool if I failed.  

Not sure why I am still holding on to my fears with a death grip? Maybe it's tied to the fact that I don't really think I've had any significant changes to my size? Or I forget that I am capable of more now than I was a year ago? Or it's just that I'm still just scared of looking like a jackass if I can't do it? 

Thursday was a day to confront one of my fears. YC had me doing walking lunges while holding weights. Does this sound like a big deal? Probably not to most people. I have been doing regular lunges for a while now. But walking lunges? This is a whole other matter. I think the balance part of it is what terrifies me. The bigger you are, the less balance you have - or at least that is the way it works for me. What if I get stuck in the lunge? Completely ludicrous fear - I know I can get myself out of a lunge. But with the added weights...you just never know. What if, in the middle of the lunge, I lose my balance and just fall over? So embarrassing! Mortifying to do that in the middle of the gym. 

So I went down my list of exercises. And when it came to the walking lunges I considered skipping them. Would anyone really know? No. No one would know, except me. But isn't it kind of silly to lie? Yes, it is. So I gave it a try. I did a couple without weights. What is this? Dare I say - they were "easy"? Yes. I dare to say! They were no problem. No problem at all! I grabbed myself a couple of weights, and did my sets. They were incident-free. What a complete waste of panic! 

So...yet another lesson. Maybe I should stop underestimating myself. Maybe I should give things a try before assuming I can't do it. I am getting stronger. The list of things I am capable of is going to continue to grow (hopefully). I will add this to the list of brain changes I need to make. 

I wonder what other crap I can do that I don't know about?

Guest Post by Thais from "Living in the (k)Now":

2011-02-10T06:00:00.000-06:00

I love Twitter. I spent years being scared of it. Now I can not possibly imagine why I felt that way. It has introduced me to so many fantastic people that I never would have met otherwise. One of my favorites is my "Twitter Twin" Thais (we have found we have a ton in common). She writes her own blog: Living in the (k)Now and was kind enough to do a guest blog to share with all of you. Thank you, Thais, for sharing with us! I really appreciate it!

I asked her to write a short bio, so you guys can get to know her a bit. So...without further ado.... Our first guest blog:

Hello all! My name is Thais (pronounced ta-eee-ss) and I was born in Sao Paulo, Brazil. I attended Boston University and graduated with a degree in business and I hope to open up my own yoga studio someday (taking my yoga teacher certification in June!) I love exercising because of the way my body feels afterward (can't honestly say I like exercise for the sake of it though!), and I have devoted countless hours educating myself on nutrition. I am a true believer that you are what you eat and I take pride in having a very whole, organic, healthy diet with no deprivation. That being said, people often forget how abundant love is in this world and I hope my blog will inspire readers to keep a clear heart and open mind.

The Winter Blues

I am self proscribed seasonally depressed. This winter has just been so rough for me! I am always cold, always hungry, and always moody. Every day I miraculously find energy to get myself out of bed and into the gym before work but boy all I want to do is stay in my warm, comfy bed. My resentment pours into the other aspects of my life and I find myself extra sensitive. It’s like I am in constant PMS mode. I lash at the people I love, alienate my friends and isolate my heart. Really, this cold weather is not doing me well.

One evening during a yoga nidra class (yoga nidra is a type of yogic sleep; a deep relaxation that allows your mind to drift between realms), I started crying hysterically. And after the class it hit me why– I am tired of fighting what is. Tired of resisting life. Fighting reality is a lose-lose because at the end of the day, you cannot change the moment presented to you. The only thing you can control is your attitude. I cannot will the weather to be warmer but I CAN make the best of what I have. I can embrace the present and realize that eventually, it will be warmer again. I do not want to look back at winter and regret because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

After bitterly complaining for weeks, I have come to realize that I am not doing anyone any good. My coworkers are tired of my rants. My family stays away from me and I am just tired of being dragged down! It is a malicious cycle that I need to snap out of. Immediately.

So, you might ask, what is good about the winter?!? This is the list I came up with:

· You don’t feel bad that you are stuck in an office all day the way you feel bad when it’s a beautiful summer afternoon
· The snow truly is beautiful if you look at it
· I love wearing scarves

Ok the list is rather short. One yoga session was not powerful enough to make me LIKE winter. But at least I can appreciate it a little more. Because without winter I know I would take summer for granted. And there is nothing worse than taking something for granted.

Every day I wake up and I set a positive intent. Today will be a good day regardless of the cold. I will get out of bed and to the gym because my body loves me for it. This moment, this breath, is the only one you have.

What do you do to keep the warm cheer in your heart?

oh the places I can reach....

2011-02-09T06:00:00.001-06:00

As anyone who has ever been as...ummm...voluminous...yeah, voluminous...as I have been knows - sometimes reaching things - especially on your own body - can be difficult. I could barely put my arms down at my sides - they were at constant 45 degree angles from my body because of my fluff!You can't bend your arms or legs as far as you need to for certain things. Try scratching your back, bending over to tie your shoes or pick up your golf ball - when you're absolutely rotund! Forget about it. It is nearly impossible. Picking things up off the floor would often require an all out body bobbing motion, where I'd just pray I grabbed the thing on my first try.

As large and in charge people, we have more creases and folds on your body to get to! It is an issue in a million different ways - getting dressed, scratching an itch and even cleaning yourself. When I was at my biggest, there were just so many places it was difficult to get to. There were times when getting showered felt like I'd just had a workout with all of the strenuous stretching. Let's face it - there is nothing worse than a person that smells, and the bigger you are the harder it is to get everything scrubbed up. (here I go again with the over-sharing) An itch on my back would require me to go into Ed-Mode (my grandpa) and find a good corner to scratch it on. It is ridiculous, but there were just a lot of spots on my body that I couldn't see, or easily reach.

But I noticed something the other day. I can reach places on my body that I couldn't before. (get your mind out of the gutter =)) I can actually reach the majority of my back. I first noticed it when I was trying to put my sports bra on too soon after my shower, and it was rolled up into a tube at my shoulder blades (ladies...you've probably been there...is there anything worse?). Typically I would have to take the bra off, and start over again - which is no easy feat itself. But I noticed that I could bend my arm in such a way that I could actually reach it behind my back and pull it down. I don't remember that last time I could do that. Seriously. When I started FC I could barely hook my fingers behind my back to stretch. Now I can reach up to my shoulder blades? Amazing.

There are so many times where I don't feel like I'm noticeably smaller. Where I don't really feel like I've changed much physically. And then I have moments where I realize I can do things I couldn't before. And it is usually something that so many people take for granted - like being able to reach the middle of your back. Things that are nothing most people would never even consider as an issue are the moments I realize how far I've come. It's nice to have little reminders every once in a while.

I think maybe it is my body's way of telling me to get my ass back to the gym. It knows there are a ton of cool things coming our way, and would like to get there sooner or later. My body gets pretty impatient sometimes.

Two Zero Zero

2011-02-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

You know what today is? It is my 200th post. I know, right! How the hell did we get here? How have you guys put up with my over-sharing for this long? How have you stuck with me through this much incessant rambling? How have you tolerated my whining? My complaining? My committing? My lack of commitment? My re-committing? My six days of being really good, and my 10 months of being not-so-god? I am a damn human yo-yo, and you guys have stuck with me through it all. I tip my cap to all of you! I don't know if I could have done it. You are all, as I've always suspected, remarkable.

I have told you guys things I don't believe I've ever really talked about before. I have received an astronomical amount of support from everyone who has contacted me. It is so truly amazing, and I am so grateful. I'm sure there has been much in this vomiting of information that you wish I wouldn't have shared - shout out to "pancake boobs"! Am I right, or am I right? But it's all part of this crazy experience. This slow...painfully slow at times..."journey" that I'm on. And I committed to being honest. Sometimes it is embarrassing...admitting your short-comings/failures/back-slides to anyone that cares to read about them. But then there are the times I get to share something really great - something as simple as being able to cross one leg over the other - that so many people take for granted, but it is something remarkable for a someone who has spent a lot of time severely overweight.

I have been a completely sarcastic ass. I have been depressing as hell when things aren't going the way I want them to. I have been motivated. I have been a slug. All of you have been delightful. You have cheered me on enthusiastically. You have believed in me (even though many of you don't know me personally) - especially when I didn't believe I could do it.

Thank you all for sticking with me. I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have, and pray we stay together forever! (OK - maybe not forever...but for a long time!) Thank you for all of the comments and emails you have sent - I truly cherish every one of them, and they make my day. You guys are slowly but surely restoring my belief in human-kind, and I appreciate all of you. I am so grateful.

On A Mission

2011-02-07T06:00:00.003-06:00

Sunday was not only the Super Bowl - it was also the kick-off of Mission: Move Your Ass! I am doing something a little different for this one. I have made a page for it. Please check in there early and often! I will be updating it as new info comes in, and updating weekly when people report in. Please let me know if you are interested in joining.

I, for one, am very glad we have a new mission getting started. I have hit an anti-motivated streak here, so having this mission will hopefully help propel me to get my ass to the gym! I have an appointment with YC on Monday. I may get the opportunity to burn some extra cals, because I may have to kick him if he wants to gloat over the Packer victory.

So enough of sitting on my ass. Enough of eating whatever I feel like. It is time to get it together for my last month here. It is time to get in as much bonding time as I can with YC. It is time to get in as much time as I can at the WAC before I have to go back to LTF - and no longer have my own personal TV on my treadmill. It is time to move my ass.

Before I go, I do have one more note. SHOUT OUT to "Big Sexy". The half of my eye candy that has spent the last couple of months on the Packers practice squad. He now has himself a Super Bowl ring. It is the one spec of silver-lining I can find about being trapped here right now.

Broken-ness

2011-02-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

Lift with your legs, not your back. Who of us has not heard this before? I had it running on a constant cycle through my brain during my many...many...many hours of snow shoveling on Wednesday. I tried to use good form. I did. But at some point while using a baby shovel to move 2+ feet of snow...you're going to slip occasionally. It did not help that there was a great deal of "throwing" of snow involved. Honestly. I may be trained for a high level of performance if they decide to add this to the X games. Unfortunately, the training for an intense faux competition can cause some issues physically.

I woke up this morning with a completely broken back. Not "needing surgery" broken, but more of the "I will shoot pains up your back if you move too quickly" type of pain. My hips were sore/tight when I went to bed on Wednesday, but were feeling much better by Thursday morning.

When YC texted to see if I was coming in for a workout I went for honesty. I told him I was sort of broken, and felt like I might need to take a day off. Shock of all shock!! He said resting might not be an all bad idea! What?!? So I did. I took the day off. Trying to stretch periodically. I think it worked! I am feeling a thousand times better.

Now I'm looking forward to Mission Move Your Ass, starting on Sunday. So far I have 2 joiners. Anyone else? It isn't too late! Just get me your info by this Sunday! Come on! What do you have to lose?!? It might be amazing! It WILL be amazing! Join us! You can link to the information here. I look forward to hearing from you soon! =)

My Day in Pictures: Snow-nami

2011-02-03T06:00:00.008-06:00

Let me start by saying: I know it is winter, and snow should be expected. That does not, however, prepare one for what I woke up to today. Complete and total snow domination! Every surface was covered with 1-5 feet of snow, depending on how the ridiculous volume of wind dealt with the obstacles on your yard. It did not make my flower flourish. I thought I would describe how my day went by using some photos I took of this day.

I looked out the front windows, and this is what greeted me:

This is what it looked like at the front door. Yes - that is Ja Lisa (who proved to be a complete beast later in the day) almost completely buried. Where is the sidewalk, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine.

Looking slightly right out the front door....yes, there is a sidewalk somewhere down there, too. The plows are nowhere in sight, and my neighbors hadn't ventured out yet either.

Here is a look at the back yard. I know it is hard to see by these pics (I took them with my phone, and tried to blow them up so they are kind of fuzzy. You would never guess I got blue ribbons on my photography projects in 4-H!) but that is a 5' drift against the garage of the lady behind me. The snow is basically 2-3 feet deep in the whole backyard/alley.

After seeing all of this, I texted YC to cancel our appt. He said he couldn't get out of his garage, so it was no problem. This storm was ridiculous.

I got to use the baby shovel to get through the waist-deep snow out to the road. It was at that time that John - the neighbor with the snow blower - returned home. SHOUT OUT to John. He did the front (perpendicular) sidewalk for me.

I found the rounded sidewalk around the house! What was awaiting me, there? A drift up to my boobs/pancakes. That was super-fun. It also helped me understand why I couldn't get out the side door.

I finally dug my trench through the back yard!! When i got to the alley I was greeted by my second hero of the day: Joel. SHOUT OUT to Joel for using his snow blower to help John clean out the alley! Diane, Katie and I shoveled off one of the parking pads, and did the edge shovel work. Our "team" was the first to have their section of the alley cleared out. I would still be out there if it wasn't for these guys. SO GRATEFUL.

After spending 2 hours on these areas, I went inside for about an hour until the plow went through. Then I got to dig JaLisa out - the freshly plowed snow was up to the bottoms of the windows. I was too irritated at this point to continue with my photos. Thirty minutes later I was ready to try and drive out of my spot - enter "the Beast"! Got my car out on the first try! I decided to check my body bugg for my calorie burn when I got back in the house. 3500 calories burned! It was like 3:30pm! I thought I was done. But the City of Milwaukee had another surprise for me.

We had all moved our cars, so they did that side of the street now. They completely buried my sidewalk to the street. I went back out to shovel. For the third time. At least the sun was out. I was delighted to see that the snow plow had pushed snow over the mound on the boulevard, and onto the sidewalk. Another 20ish minutes to clean out my path to the street, John's path to the street (I owed him!) and our front sidewalks. Then I was done. Officially. Now I wait for the zero degree temps.

Have I mentioned how much I loathe winter? I have? OK.

NOTE: my post for yesterday didn't post until after 8pm. I am having a hard time getting the "schedule" feature to work. Incase you want to read about my crankiness! =)

Mind Over Lazy

2011-02-02T20:42:00.000-06:00

**It is official. The "schedule" post feature doesn't appear to be working. This should have been up at 6am. GRRRRRRR.

I was greeted Tuesday morning with about 6-8 inches of snow. Not the end of the world. Shoveling isn't that bad. Actually - I partially take that back. Trying to shovel the alley is horrific. The concrete is beat to hell, and has been maintained with a series of tracks of black rubber filling the cracks. Basically, you can push your shovel no more than 4 inches before it is stopped by a said rubber tracks, or differing concrete heights. It annoys the crap out of me, to say the least. It should take me about 20 minutes to shovel, but takes closer to 40 with these noted obstacles. Sorry for the rant, but it broke me down.

After finishing the snow removal, I came in for some breakfast. I had my standard (1 egg, 3 egg whites, 1 laughing cow wedge, a whole wheat English Muffin, yogurt and a banana) "I'm trying to eat healthy" day-starting meal. While waiting for my appointment to meet YC, I lost all interest in going outside again. I am sorry - but sometimes the thought of having to brush off my car just seems like too much. I went so far as to type him half of a cancellation text. But that is not going with my new plan to put my boot in SAD's ass, now is it? So I went. Begrudgingly.

I think YC would have preferred I stay home. Have you ever had a day where you just couldn't even smile? Where you are tired, and cranky, and void of all humor? That was me today. I suspect I looked a little something like the pic to the left. And YC wasn't having it. He decided to fight fire with fire. He threw the sass right back at me, and was extremely disinterested in my opinions about the weights he was giving me. He basically told me to shut my mouth and do it - only he wasn't that nice about it. Bonus? We get to meet tomorrow, too. I guess I shouldn't have told him my motivation is in the negatives. Now he is going to make me meet with him daily, and I fear he might make me cry tomorrow.

Wish me luck everyone! And here is to a crank-free day!

I'm going to put my (snow) boot in SAD's ass!

2011-02-01T07:29:00.000-06:00

Last week was a colossal failure. I was lazy, and ate like crap. I went back to MN for the weekend, and things didn't improve there. I am going to just go ahead and blame it on this gray, depressing weather! The older I get, the more I think SAD is a legit issue! Sure...deep down I know it is my own issue. That I'd rather sit on my couch than go work hard at the gym. That I'd rather eat something super-delicious than something that is super-good-for-me.

The truth is, winter sucks. It is cold, and dreary, and depressing. I don't embrace outdoor activities. I hate the idea of having to bundle up, and get in a cold car, and get out at your cold destination. It all sucks. Winter puts me in a foul mood. I should probably move south, but it just isn't going to happen. I have all of my friends and family in the tundra, so it is probably about time I find a responsible way of dealing with it. My current reaction: huddling up on the couch, under a blanket - doesn't seem to be the most enlightened way to deal with the issue. Step one of my new outlook is to embrace shoveling (which I honestly don't even mind. It is WAY better than raking, and I haven't found any corpses so far!) as the good exercise that it is. Bundle up, and get it done.

For the next month (my remaining time in WI) I am going to force myself to be more constructive in my dealings with my winter-induced-sadness. I am going to go to the gym 6 days a week, and soak in the fluorescent lighting. I am going to try and convince myself that it is the sun. On the third and sixth days of the week - I am going to treat myself to some time in the tanning bed. (not to worry - I am a lover of sunscreen, and avoid sunburn at all costs) I just need a few minutes of faux-sun to snap me out of my funk. I figure it's worth a shot...right?

I have my new mission starting soon, and a lot of miles to put on each week, so the gym will be a necessity. It is just as warm there as it is at home. I get to watch TV. It is basically like a moving couch! And all of the movement keeps me really warm, and really sweaty - so I've got that working for me as well!

I'm going to eat as well as I can. The reality is, that this freezing cold weather doesn't make me want to eat salads and fruit. It makes me want to eat pasta and pizza. I will fight that as often as I can, while simultaneously trying to keep myself satisfied so I don't go completely off the rails. I am choosing my battles. I know I need to eat healthy the bulk of the time - and will make myself lighter options of some faves. I will be as good as I can be. And hope that is enough.

Do you guys suffer from winter blues? If so, how do you fight it?

SDtS Mission 101: The Final Week

2011-01-31T12:56:00.000-06:00

**I inadvertently picked the wrong date for posting, so this is late. Sorry about that!

Mission 101 has come to a close. This was the last week. I cannot express the appropriate level of gratitude to those of you that went through this with me! I am so appreciative! You are all fantastic! Whether we ultimately reached our final goals, or not - I think we were all more conscious of the decisions we make for ourselves. Hopefully the healthy choices have increased? I know they have for me... I still totally have lapses, but they have become shorter. =)

Below are the totals for January. Thank you, again - to all of you! Please let me know if you are interested in "Mission: Move Your Ass" that starts next week. So far, I'll be moving it by myself....

Jennifer

SHARE: Holding steady...it was a crazy week. Hardly time to breathe. I am going to look for a class to do or finally give in and buy a wii so I can exercise at home...what does everyone think about wii fit???

Dawn

Maintained her weight for a total loss of 2 pounds
Worked out 6 times

Kate

Lost one pound for a total loss of 2.8 pounds
SHARE: Total -12.6…I think I lost. On a roll now!

Kari

Lost .5 pounds for a total loss of 1.5 pounds
SHARE: Happy that overall I'm down 15 pounds since October!

Mackenzie

SHARE: I have been doing some toning exercises at home- no cardio. Eating pretty healthy on a regular basis. yippee!

Linda

Lost a total of one pound
SHARE: last week I was up a pound but slept all 7 nights. This week I’m back down the pound but slept only 5 of the 7 nights.

Marill

SHARE: Still doing well. Making a lot of the right choices with food this week and still haven't broken my promises I made :-) ... Still need a scale but Im down 4 total since we started.

Gela

Lost a total of 1.2 pounds
SHARE: Umm, not working out = no losing weight. Duh! Gained .6 lbs (not bad) and ran zero miles. :( BUT, I am cancer free and we get our travel dates on Monday, so LIFE IS GOOD!

Melissa

SHARE: I got all 4 workouts in this week...up .3 =(

Hillary

SHARE: I lost 3 pounds (I had a really bad stomach bug this week) for a total of 4.6.

Lia

Maintained weight for a total loss of 10.3
Exercise 4x/week - 5x
Track all food eaten - until Thursday, when I fell ill and didn't care about food after then too much.
SHARE: It was an OK week I guess. The only highlight was YL saying today while I was sweating on the spinning bike "I thought your pulse would go higher than that...", and when I looked at him puzzled, he continued smilingly "...and that's a praise."

Natalie

Lost a total of 5 pounds
SHARE: my slacking attitude last week, and trip back to MN, were not kind to me on the scale. Back to business, now.

Thank you to everyone that went through this mission with me! I hope some of you will join meon my next one!

Randomness

2011-01-26T06:00:00.002-06:00

Tuesday was a day of struggle. Not real, legitimate, struggle. But rather "I'm feeling kind of lazy, and kind of have a stomach ache and my head hurts" struggle. Basically, a self-inflicted struggle - brought on by my own dramatics.

That being said, I had no idea what to write for this blog update. I usually have a couple of extras written for when I hit the wall like this - but when you're coming off a 2-week motivational drought, your stored up entries are non-existent. So I decided I was going to just have a random post. A post containing some observations and opinions and a couple of confessions - then I will ask for some participation from you at the end. Random may be a bit of an understatement, so please bear with me. I am a bit all over the place on this one.

This is going to be fun...or a colossal failure...so let's see how it turns out!

Let's start with the observation/opinion/confession portion of our post.

I have discovered, during my stint as house-sitter, that I love having a laundry shoot. This is the first time in my life that I've had one, and it is magnificent. I realize that having laundry in the basement no longer makes sense for new homes, but I love it. I am going to miss it when I go back to MN.
I have also discovered during this period of house-sititude that I do not like having a window in the shower. Yes, it is frosted, so no one can see me (thank goodness for them), but it is COLD in the winter. Not great.
At the strong suggestion of a friend, I finally signed up for Twitter. I had been scared of it for years, but in September I finally took the plunge. I absolutely love it. It has provided a whole new level of support (beyond you guys that read this - - thank you to all of you!) during this life overhaul. It also allows me to satisfy my desire for stalking with a minimum of effort on my part. It is truly a win-win in that capacity. If you are on Twitter, my name is @SlimDownToSexy
There are days where I literally talk to myself...like out loud...while driving down the road. It tends to be when my brain is telling me it would like french fries. Internal dialogue is just not enough to get my point across sometimes- and I have to tell my brain to "fu....I mean...screw off" with volume.
I am trying not to spaz out about the book. I sent the rewrite to EB a week ago, and haven't heard back. Does that mean she hates it? I wish I had some idea how this whole system works, so I could stop freaking out about it.
I slacked on the gym today. I was being a baby because I didn't feel great. Better luck on Wednesday. (this would be one of the confessions)
Of all of the weight-related shows on TV, I think "Heavy" on A&E may be the best one to illustrate what it is like to be morbidly obese (I really hate that term). I just wish they wouldn't try to jam 6 months for 2 people into 40 minutes. I think they could do an even better job if they spread it out a little bit.
No matter how hard I try - there are some days where I just need to have pizza. There is no way around it. The good news is, those days seem to be coming further and further apart.

Now here's where you come in. I have some ideas for future posts, but would like some input from you guys.

I am going to do an interview with YC. What question(s) would you guys like me to ask? He is a personal trainer, so it doesn't have to be specific to me - you can ask anything and I will pass it on.
Would any of you be interested in, or willing to, do a guest blog for me? Kind of just lay out what your relationship is with your weight, food, exercise, etc. You can do it as anonymously as you'd like. I just think we are doing a great job of creating a community here - and I think hearing from more people might help solidify that.

Please comment to this post, or email me at natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com

I can't wait to hear from you!!

SDtS Mission 101: January Week 2

2011-01-25T06:00:00.004-06:00

Week two has come to a close for those of us still trying to drop some LBs with Mission 101. Overall, I'd say it was a success. We've got one week left to show this thing who's boss! I'm certain we call all do it! There are a thousand things to distract you from your goals. Hopefully this is one thing that will help erase a few of them. Now let's kick some ass, and take some names in this last week!

Hillary

Lost .6 pounds for a total loss of 1.6 pounds (Goal: 4)

Lia

Lost 2.9 pounds for a total loss of 6.4 pounds (Goal: 10)
Exercised 4 times this week (Goal: 4)
Tracked all food eaten, even though it is a painful, painful task =)
SHARE: Young Leslie is still a godsend, he gives me a boost every time we meet. He motivates me by showing how much I developed already, he made me run 20 minutes on the treadmill yesterday - and I was able to! (I could not run for even 1 minute, when we started the trainings 1 month ago.) And he gave me a fantastic chocolate whey-shake, which I can drink after each workout and it did wonders in these past two weeks - it's a treat, feeds my chocolate craving and is good for me :-) I'm very happy, that I reached my goal of losing 10 lbs and ready to continue on (need to lose still 40 to my ideal weight).

Kari

Gained .5 pounds for a total loss of 1 pound (Goal: 3)
SHARE: Bad week. Have been sick and just did not care how I ate! Must do better this last week!

Melissa

Maintained her weight (Goal: lose 7)
Exercised five times (Goal: 4)

Gela

Gained .4 pounds for a total loss of 1.8 pounds (Goal: 6.2)
Ran 8.5 miles (Goal: As much as possible)
SHARE: Naughty eating & beers last night! Not a good idea night before weigh in!

Dawn

Lost 1 pound for a total loss of 2 pounds (Goal: 6.6)
Exercised six times (Goal: 4)

Stephanie

Maintained her weight for a total loss of 1 pound (Goal: 6)
SHARE: Give ya one good guess.......YEP, stayed the same I swear I need to get that scale checked!!! But haven't been able to excercise cause of surgery either.....but I had the flu one day and was hoping that would've at least been good for a lb or 2!!!

Marill

SHARE: Oh man I have no idea if I am up or down but I have been doing great with keeping up with my goals! I need to get another scale so then I will know if I am actually staying on track but as of right now I think I am doing well and feel great!

Molly

SHARE: This week it was role reversal. Good on food, bad on running. No running. However, I was super busy and feel good about all the other exercise I was able to get in!

Kate

Lost 1.8 pounds for a total of 1.8 pounds (Goal: 4.5)
note: with this loss, Kate broke the 10 pound barrier!!

Natalie

Lost 8 pounds for a total loss of 10 pounds (Goal: 15)
Exercised six times (Goal: 6)

Mission: Move Your Ass

2011-01-24T06:00:00.003-06:00

Back in September, a beautiful thing happened. I told you guys I was starting a mission for myself, and had a bunch of you offer to join me. Although I didn't reach my ultimate goal of the mission (to lose enough weight to reach a total of 101 pounds lost by January 1st), it was so helpful to have you guys doing it with me. For those of you that stuck with it, I thank you. I am so inspired and motivated (when it is possible for me to be, that is =)) by all of you! I will have the Mission 101 results posting tomorrow. I am giving the last stragglers a couple more minutes to get their results in (you know who you are... LOL).

Alas, the time has come to announce a new mission! I decided to make this one exercise-based instead of focusing on weight-loss. The reason, you ask? Because even if you don't have weight to lose, you should probably be exercising. It isn't just skinny people who have dangerous health conditions: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc. A lot of this stuff is hereditary, and exercise can help. I have a few family members who are in or near their ideal weight range who still have health issues.

So with that in mind, my latest brain-child has been born. I am proud to announce "Mission: Move Your Ass"! (PC-ly referred to as "Mission: MYA" in emails, so no one gets in trouble!) I would love to have anyone interested join me! Here is what I am thinking for the guidelines.

What: Mission: Move Your Ass
When: February 6th-April 30th
Who: Anyone willing to join me
Why: Because moving your ass is good for your heart...and your ass
Where: Wherever you are! You can do it anywhere!!

So here is what I was thinking. You can choose any combination of the parameters below for your goal:

Miles moved (most equipment will track your distance for you)
Steps taken (you can get a pretty cheap pedometer at any Wal-Mart, Target or sporting goods store)
total minutes of medium-high intensity cardio (for those of you that participate in group fitness classes)

You can also change your goal at any time. I will be increasing mine each month. I am counting a week as Sunday-Saturday.

For example - my goal is pretty straight forward. I am not counting my weight-lifting. I am only counting my cardio/machine work. I am also increasing as the mission marches on.

My Goals

My goal is to put on 20 miles/week. (60 miles for the 3 weeks in February)
I will increase to 90 miles for the 4 weeks of March
I will go for 120 miles for the 5 weeks of April

You also have an option for how often you want to report. You can do it weekly, bi-weekly (every 2 weeks, not twice a week) or monthly. This is basically like a "Choose-your-own-mission" like those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids! Who didn't love those? No one. The same number of people who won't like this mission! =)

So are you ready to move your ass? Are you ready to dust off your treadmill/elliptical/nordic track/gazelle? Are you ready to buy an actual drying rack, and stop using your exercise equipment as one? Then email me your info! It is going to be AWESOME!!

Please email me by Thursday, February 3rd, if you are interested in participating! Please include the information below.

email me at: natalie@slimmingdowntosexy.com
What name would you like to go by for the mission? (Sadly, Sensatalie is already taken!)
Which parameter, or combination of parameters, would you like to use as your goal?
What quantity, or quantities, would you like to use as your goal?
A short bio. Anything you're comfortable reporting...so we can get to know you a little bit. We're like a team! =)
How frequently would you like to report?

Thank you in advance for joining me on this quest! We are going to kick some ass, with move your ass!!

And as always - if you know of anyone else that might like to participate, they should be reading my blog! =) Kidding...sort of. Please pass this on to them, so they start! And they can get signed up for Mission: MYA!

But I'll Look So Silly.....

2011-01-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

So I have this new issue. Since starting to lift weights regularly, I have developed calluses on my hands. I guess I'm just too delicate. Seriously...I'm like a peach wrapped in a flower. That delicate. You can tell just by looking at me! I'm fragile.

Anyway - - so I am developing calluses on my hands. Regardless of how much lotion I put on them - they are still there. And then they get kind of peel-y. I was going to take a picture, but they didn't turn out well enough for you to see my issue. I mean, I've never been a really girly-girl. I've always been a bit of a tomboy. But that does NOT mean I want callused hands. I figure, the rest of me is soft, so my hands should match. Right?

So I talked to my sister about this when I was back over Christmas. Her response was the one that I had been fearing. She suggested that I get some gloves. Not just any gloves. Weight-lifting gloves. Now - I don't really have anything against these gloves, per se. I just think they typically look kind of silly. They look silly on fit women, who you can tell obviously put a lot of time in at the gym. Just imagine how they would look on a lady such as myself. A lady who is....over-sized...to say the least. A girl who doesn't look like she goes to the gym...ever...much less enough to necessitate gloves. I just fear I'd feel ridiculous.

I don't know where this fear stems from. I'm sure that no one is paying attention to me while I'm at the gym. They wouldn't notice, or care, if I was wearing weight-lifting gloves. I played softball for years and never wore a batting glove. I don't wear gloves when I play golf. I am just not a "glove gal".

There has to be another way. I am determined to find it. Do any of you weight-lifting ladies have any suggestions?

has the funk finally lifted?

2011-01-20T06:00:00.003-06:00

It will likely come as no surprise to you all that I have been in a bit of a funk lately. It went beyond just not wanting to work out. It went beyond just wanting to eat pizza all day. I would have been content to sit on my couch - all day, every day - for the foreseeable future. I didn't want to write this blog, because I had nothing positive to share. Thank you all for sticking with me while I was such a downer.

I think the days of drear and sadness have finally lifted. The fog/funk I've been in are finally letting up a bit. I am feeling like I'm getting back to my old self, and my old motivation...slowly. It is still less than a given that I'll get my rear to the gym every day, but it is also a little bit less of a fight than it was a couple of weeks ago. I am back on track with my eating, and I'm sure that is a contributing factor. So much easier to want to do things when you aren't weighed down by pizza grease. =)

I'm just going to go ahead and blame it on a slight case of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) because of this gray, gloomy, winter weather. Something that can only be beaten into submission by the sun-like effects of the fluorescent lighting at the gym. Now - I do realize this is a complete crock of crap - but I don't really know what caused it. I like to have somewhere to place the blame, in addition to my own laziness - so I don't have to take complete responsibility.

There have been a few bright spots over the last few days. I believe it is the universe's way of welcoming me back to life. I'd like to share a couple of them with you now:

As of Wednesday evening, I haven't had to shovel snow for like 36 hours. A total gift.
On Wednesday I saw the sun shining for like 2 hours. It was amazing.
The people on the machines next to me on Wednesday were not coughing (every 10-15 seconds) all over their machine, like the guy on Tuesday. I wanted to kick him off his machine. Not "tell him to leave" kick him off - - but literally kick his legs out from under him so he fell off. I am still working on my resolution to be kinder in 2011. It is a process.
I survived my extra reps/sets of step ups on Tuesday, and can still walk. It is a miracle.
I made "Eye of the Tiger" my alarm in the morning. It is ass-kicking inspiration.
I saw half of my eye candy at the gym on Wednesday. Granted - it was just his back as he went into the locker room - but I saw him. He is back. It is a treat for the eyes.

Have you had any unexpected bright spots? I'd love to hear about them.

Tears for Fears?

2011-01-19T06:00:00.010-06:00

You guys know how I love shows about weight loss, right? Well there is a new one on A&E called "Heavy". It will follow two people each week. They go through a 6 month program - where it appears they have a personal trainer and nutritionist working with them the whole time. The first episode was on Monday night. I watched it today, and I am hooked. Something about it just rings true - like it might give people a more accurate idea of what it is like to be severely overweight - better than say, Biggest Loser does? Or maybe it just wasn't so much yelling. And it seems more realistic. I don't think these people are working out for 8 hours a day, and doing crazy workouts, like on BL. I like it.

But while I was watching the show, I couldn't help but notice something. On every weight loss show that I have ever watched, crying is basically it's own character. Whether it is from the pain of the workout, or the memories of what has happened in their past, or names they were called. It seems like it is a prerequisite that tears get a lot of screen time. And that is what hit me. I don't think I have had an all-out emotional breakdown. I have yet to be overtaken by tears, and am still waiting to go into crying hysterics. Wait! I guess I kind of wanted to cry today when I was on my last set of step ups....(kidding. sort of) Maybe they workout way harder than I do? Maybe they push themselves closer to the brink than I have at this point?

Maybe that is what's holding me back? Maybe I need some grand display of emotion to get me, and keep me, on track? Why have so many people, in a state similar to mine, shed so many tears? And why haven't I? Trying to lose as much weight as I am, and the people on these shows are, is a very emotional experience - but I guess mine is maybe manifesting itself in another way? Maybe I just try to internalize too much? Maybe I really am dead inside? Or maybe I haven't been traumatized as severely as some other obese people? Maybe I'm just lucky?

Well - let's face it. I am lucky. I have a wonderfully supportive family and great friends. I somehow maintained overall fair health (no diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) in spite of my enormous size and completely nonexistent exercise habits. I guess I have just been fortunate that this whole area of my life hasn't caused the all-encompassing distress that these contestants appear to be going through. Just one more thing to be grateful for. I'll add that to my list....and boy is that list getting long!

How about you guys? How do you deal with your tough life situations?

Goal = Rebel

2011-01-18T06:00:00.002-06:00

Before I get started, we have another Mission 101'er that reported in. Here are the results for week 1:

Stephanie

Gained 1 pound (Goal: 6)
SHARE: Yikes!!!!!! :)

*****************

I know a lot of people who are completely "goal-based". They need to continually set new goals for themselves. They always need to have that carrot dangling in front of them in order to stay motivated. They set themselves a goal, and they achieve it. It helps give them the focus they need to get to their desired end result. Nothing will get them to their destination quicker than setting goals.

Then there are people like me. I had to confess my condition to YC during our recent conversation about my new goals. Goals make me do the opposite. I think it is a side-effect of my "self-destructive personality disorder" (my made up diagnosis for my tendency to stop doing things that are good for me). I make weight loss goals, and I will gain. There is something within me that finds enjoyment from shooting myself in the foot.

I had a comment on my post yesterday from someone (it was anonymous - so I have no idea who they are. Thank you, for your suggestions!) that asked if there were ways to help me with my seeming addiction to "junk". Food, not clutter. I wish it were that simple. They made some great suggestions - most of which I have attempted to follow at some point in my life.

I have set myself rules and guidelines for eating and exercising for as long as I can remember. Tomorrow I'll get up and go to the gym before I go to work. I'll pack my lunches instead of going out to buy something. I won't stop and go through the drive-thru. I'll make a list each week, and shop for only those items. I'll cook for my week on Sunday, so I have leftovers on hand. And on, and on and on. I am great at setting up rules. I am amazing at making guidelines for myself. Need a plan put together? I'm your gal! Now executing...that's where things fall apart. I am a total cheater cheater pumpkin eater! I am a rebel without a cause. I cannot follow the rules.

So I'll just add this to my ever-growing list of things to work on. To be a rule-follower. To comply with the parameters I've set for myself. I go on stretches where it is no issue what-so-ever to eat well and exercise - as I have laid out in my plans. But then I hit stretches where I just can't. I just need to keep expanding the amount of time where I comply, and minimize the amount of time where I rebel. I can be better, and I will be better.

SDtS Mission 101: January Week 1

2011-01-17T06:00:00.000-06:00

Everyone had a great week! Everyone lost weight, which is awesome! Seeing all of you guy sticking to your goals is helping motivate me. There were a few days at the gym this week that I wanted to stop my cardio before I had reached my distance goal. I mean - it's not like you guys would know if I lied. Right? But I would know. And you guys deserve better. So thank you, all of you, for helping motivate me to keep moving! Now lets kick some ass in week 2!

Hillary 

Lost 1 pound (Goal: 4)
Hasn't had soda in 10 days!

Lia

Lost 3.5 pounds (Goal: 6.1)
Worked out 5 times (Goal: four)
Tracked all food eaten
SHARE: this week was like a roller-coaster ride, my mood went up and down and my motivation went for holiday. Your vent post was the perfect description of my thoughts and feelings. Still, with the help of your encouragement and my wonderful trainer YL the results are good, so now I feel a bit better about myself :-)

Kari

Lost 1.5 pounds (Goal: 3)

Linda

Lost 1 pound (Goal: 4)
Slept 7+ hours every night
SHARE: I need to focus on a better diet - junk food is to accessible and/or tempting

CCS

Lost 1.6 pounds
SHARE: I feel good, positive about the new year

Michelle

Lost 1 pound (Goal: 5)

Melissa

Worked out 3 times (Goal: four)
NEW GOAL: Lose 7 pounds
SHARE: So, not so much of a butt kicking for me this week--I worked out just 3 days--room for improvement. After my workout this morning I feel motivated to kick next weeks butt!

Gela

Lost 2.2 pounds (Goal: 6.2)
Ran 5.6 Miles

Camille

SHARE: Good week.......got my walking in, only got one swim in but my week was crazy so next week will be better and I have been getting my water in so overall it went well. A bonus, I lost 4 lbs. since Christmas break. Being back in a routine sure helps

Dawn

Lost 1 pound (Goal: 6.6)
Exercised 5 times (Goal: 4)

Marill

Lost .07 pounds (Goal: 10)
SHARE: better then nothing. So I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing!

Molly

Ran 2 times (Goal: Twice)
SHARE: Not so good on avoiding mindless eating, ran two times. That is my main goal, running, so feel good about it. Eating, wasn't terrible but could be improved!

Natalie

Lost 2 pounds (Goal: 15)
Exercise: Yes - all 6 days, met distance & weight-training goals
SHARE: I need to stop eating junk. I worked entirely too hard this week to only lose 2 pounds. Flozilla was in town, but that was not enough to cause this low number. I will do better next week. The scale went down - I guess that's a win, right?

the vent session

2011-01-14T06:00:00.001-06:00

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I was a woman on a mission. I was working out, and eating well. There was no question as to how my days were going to be spent. I got up, had myself a nutritious and delicious breakfast and headed to the gym. I powered myself through a weight workout, and then did 30 minutes of cardio. I'd have a couple of good-for-me meals to round out my day - and that was about it. Predictable. Healthy. Good.

Then on Christmas Eve I took a day off. Then on Christmas Day I took another day off. But those were holidays. No problem, right? I got back home, and wasn't as focused as I was before my holiday break. I had a session with YC, and figured that would get me back on track. It didn't. The following week I had another session, but it still wasn't enough. Here I was, 2 weeks later - and I'd gone to the gym twice. TWICE!!

At that second session with YC I attempted to explain the unexplainable. I tried to explain how/why I had completely lost my motivation. How I had lost my gym mojo. On top of trying to explain something that I myself don't understand - I was trying to explain it to YC. A guy who is constantly working out. A guy who has probably never had two days in a row without working out, much less two weeks. Trying to explain it o him is when I realized just how much I don't understand it myself.

I know I feel better when I go to the gym. I know it is good for me. I know it is necessary to get to the goals I have set for myself. I understand all of these things. But for some reason that still doesn't appear to be enough to motivate me to go. What the hell is that about!?!? What causes this? I swear I have a short in my brain? Is there ever going to come a time where I don't have these lapses? Will there be a day where the switch is turned on, and it isn't a daily struggle/fight to get myself to gym? What is wrong with me? Seriously.

Until I figure out, or am diagnosed by a professional, I will continue to fight. I will continue to argue with myself during these spurts where I completely lack motivation. I will self-talk myself into getting to the gym, I will pray for that glorious day when it all comes together. When I don't have complete collapses in my desire to fight.

Because every day is a fight for me. A fight against laziness. A fight against pizza and burgers and french fries, and all of the other crap I love to eat. A fight to go to the gym. A fight to eat well. A fight against that person who only sat on her couch. A fight for the person I know I can be. A fight against the fear of failure that I have every day. A fight to believe in myself. A fight for the person who can inspire others to fight as well.

What are you fighting for?

Finally!!

2011-01-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

It would appear that I may have finally gotten myself, at least somewhat, back on track. YC laid the smack down last Thursday. He gave me a list of goals that I needed to write. I have decided that putting them here will be another way for me to be held accountable. So here we go!

YC: Weight loss by the time I leave (March 5th)
Goal: 36 Pounds

YC: Weight Loss per week
Goal: 5 pounds/week - 6 one week

YC: Time in the gym each week
Goal: Weight lifting - 45 minutes, 5x/week

YC: Time on cardio machines
Goal: Treadmill: 60 minutes or 3 miles - 3x/week
   Elliptical: 45 minutes or 3 miles - 2x/week
   Treadmill: 90 minutes or 5 miles - 1x/week

YC: Distance on Cardio Machine
Goal: See above

So far, so good. Monday and Wednesday I did arm weight workouts and 3 miles on the treadmill. Tuesday I did my leg workout and 3 miles on the elliptical. My right knee has been rebelling since my leg workout. I am choosing to believe it will be fine in a day or two.

Another finally? I finally finished the rewrite on my book, and sent it off to EB. Keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't hate it. =)

Are you working on any goals?

Vampires Trump Overweight?

2011-01-12T06:00:00.002-06:00

I am borderline ashamed to admit this - but I usually tend to get sucked into the reality show "The Bachelor". I have avoided a few seasons - having the sense not to watch even one episode. It only takes one, you know. One episode of 10-20 crazed women consenting to all date, make out with, and probably do much more than that with - the same guy. It is insanity. And I just can't look away. So it was with my usual sense of morbid curiosity that I tuned in to the first episode last week. They have upped the absurdity this season by welcoming back Brad (the guy who dared to not pick either of the women the first time he was the bachelor). Like they don't have any other guys who are willing to let 20 crazies fight over them.

I couldn't quite watch the entire episode...it was too much for even me. I forwarded to the end, where I knew I would find the real gem: previews of the season. It was during these previews that I noticed something I couldn't quite believe. The lady with fangs made it through the first round! For those of you that don't get sucked into this crap - let me elaborate. There is a girl - who auditioned, and was chosen to be on the show - that wears fangs. Like a vampire. Like she believes she is a vampire!!!!!

That is when I started to think...about all of the seasons of this crap (Bachelor/Bachelorette) that they have put on TV. In all...like 20 seasons?...I don't recall there ever being an "plus-sized", or overweight woman on there. Not just that there was one, and they got axed the first night. Like I honestly don't think there has ever been an overweight woman chosen to be on the show. Period.

What in the hell has this world come to? When they allow someone so unhinged that she believes she is a vampire on the show, but don't allow anyone that is larger than a size 4. Seriously!! Crazy is better than fat? Insane is better than overweight? A woman that wears fangs is OK, but a woman with a FUPA is not?

I am not typically one to try and push the plus-sized agenda, but I just cannot wrap my head around this. I think maybe the screeners for this show have become a little too obsessed with the Twilight series!

Maybe I am in the minority? Maybe the world is more prepared to accept vampires than they are the overweight? Maybe guys really would rather be with someone with fangs than someone with some padding? Maybe fangs are like the new braces, and guys want to see what it's like to kiss someone with them? Or maybe this is the end of civilization as we know it, and we are all doomed?

What do you guys think?

SDtS Mission 101: January Participants

2011-01-11T10:25:00.002-06:00

Something within blogger is trying to test me. This was supposed to post at 6am. Sorry for the delay...again. =(

And so it continues... I've got 15 people who are kind enough to continue on, with Mission 101, through January. To each of you - thank you! Seeing your goals coming in over the weekend, and having to write goals of my own, was finally enough to inspire me to get it back together. To get my butt back to the gym. I did that Monday for the first time in a little over two weeks.

I asked everyone to send me new goals, for the 3 weeks we will have in January. Below are the new goals, or the adjusted old goals, based on the time we have left. I think we are all really motivated to take some positive strides. You're going down, January.

Hillary

Lose 4-5 pounds
Eliminate unhealthy things from diet. Today I cut out coke zero! Next week, microwave popcorn (in favor of air-popped). Trying to eliminate some chemicals from my diet!

Lia

Lose 6.1 pounds
Exercise 4x/week
Track all food eaten

Kari

Lose 3 pounds

Linda

Lose 4 pounds
Sleep!

CCS

Be patient
No "pounds lost" tracking, just a goal weight range
No deadline. However long it takes, it will get done
Do physical activity that makes me happy, not miserable
Eat healthy =)
I'm in for the long haul!

Michelle

Lose 5 pounds

Melissa

Exercise 4x/week

Gela

Lose 6.2 pounds (total will be 10)
Exercise as often as possible, for as long as possible

Camille

Exercise 4x/week
Walk to school 4x/week
water, water, water

Dawn

Lose 6.6 pounds (total will be 10)
Exercise 4x/week

Stephanie D

Lose 6 pounds

Marill

Lose 10 pounds
No fast food
Minimal snacking, pay attention to carbs
No pop or snacking after 9pm

Molly

Run 2x/week
Eat intuitively, not mindlessly

Katie

Lose 1.5 pounds/wekk
Joining a Biggest Loser Challenge at work
No pizza
Play Wii with the kids

Sarah

Sarah was going to join us - but then broke her wrist while she was snowboarding this last weekend. Boo. =( I will continue to include her on the emails, in the event she can rejoin us!

Natalie

Lose 15 pounds
Exercise 6x/week

Good luck this first week, everyone!! We can totally do this!

Ch-ch-changes.....

2011-01-09T17:55:00.002-06:00

Hello All! Thank you for stopping by! I have made a couple of changes I wanted to make you aware of!

You can now find my blog using the address: www.slimmingdowntosexy.com . The "blogspot" address will also continue to work.
I have added a 2nd page with my bio. The link is under the "Slimming Down to Sexy" box at the top, and is called "About Sensatalie"
I have also added a "Shout outs" page. The link can be found next to the "About Sensatalie" link. This page links to other blogs that have mentioned me, or allowed me to contribute.

If you have any feedback, or other things you'd like to see - please let me know!

I will be getting back on track, starting Tuesday, with 6am posts.

Have a fantastic week, everyone!

Dear 2010...

2011-01-07T06:00:00.001-06:00

...I know this letter is a few days overdue, and for that I apologize. You were really great to me, and I should have been more punctual. Unfortunately, I have been in a bit of a funk since the beginning of the year, and had to deal with that before I could tell you just how much I appreciated everything you did for me. I think I am ready now.

Thank you, 2010. I will always look back at you as the year I finally started changing my life for the better. I will remember you fondly as the year I improved my diet, exercise, over-all health...the year I regained hope.

I made a decision in February, right before starting fat camp, to start this blog. OK - maybe I didn't decide to. I was forced to. But I will be eternally grateful to my sister Wendy for pushing me to do it. It has honestly been the most rewarding experience of my life. I made a decision to be honest. Not kind of honest - but honest, honest - about what the experience of trying to get healthy is like for me. It hasn't always been pretty, and I am sure I have many rough days ahead of me - but it has always been worth it. I have been so shocked by and overwhelmed by and grateful for the completely unexpected outpouring of kindness I have received from people. From the very beginning I have received nothing but kind words and encouragement from friends, family and even people I have never met - but I now consider friends. It has truly been an amazing experience so far - and I will always remember you as the year it all started.

You surrounded me with a fantastic support system. Friends who went hiking with me, or to the gym with me, or cook me healthier meals. A family that humors me by eating my "light" meals, when they don't have to - and a supportive grandma (who makes all of us bags of snacks - cookies, snack mix, fudge, etc - for Christmas gifts each year) who gave me less of the sugary snacks, and added in apples and oranges. And YC - who is a young kid who is used to dealing with football players, but who doesn't coddle me or belittle me - but pushes me to do more than I would have ever done on my own.

Oh - 2010...you gave me some challenges. I was canned from my job - but can now honestly look back on that as a positive. It allowed me to do some other things, and afforded me other opportunities, that I never would have had the chance to look at while still at that position. I get to write a book! Who would have thought?!? I was a girl who never did well in English class, and who initially thought of writing a blog as a waste of time. Now look at me. Writing is now something I really enjoy, and would love to do for the rest of my life!

We had our ups, and we had our downs - but I will always look back on you with fondness. You were the year I got my life back. You were the launching pad for this whole new exciting life full of possibilities I never would have thought of for me before. You showed me that people still have an amazing capacity for kindness - you just have to put yourself out there. You showed me that I may have some untapped talents. You gave me back my optimism. You reminded me that I am worth the effort. I will appreciate you forever.

Thank you again for all you've done for me.

Sincerely,
Natalie

P.S. I hope your brother, 2011, is ready for me! I am about to kick his ass!