Maaaaannnnnnn…. 2023 was really something, am I right?!?! In some ways, this year was so damn fantastic - and in others… lets just say there are some clear opportunities for improvement!
I set myself a goal at the beginning of the year - - to leave the state of MN at least once per month. What I learned was - I can stick to my goals… when they’re fun! I got to experience some truly great things and places. I got to see a bunch of new places - and things that it was really important for me to be a part of (my oldest niece’s last tournament with her club team in CA, and my nephew’s team win their division at the Cal Ripken Experience in SC)
I’ve set a whole bunch of other goals that I didn’t do so well with. Most of them relating to my physical health & wellbeing. At some point, that motivation that had been with me since my WLS in 2016 packed up all of it’s shit, and split. Vanished without a trace - leaving me to wonder if the last 6 years had been an aberration. Had I imagined that working out used to be automatic? Something I did without question. I planned it around whatever other plans I had to make sure I got it in. Instead - in 2023 I couldn’t seem to persuade myself to peel my ass off the couch!
I allowed myself to make any and every excuse to not show up. Some actual - some exaggerated. At the time I didn’t really see it that way - - but you know how hindsight makes all of the things clear…. The reality is - yes, my bod is more sore. My knees and hips are PISSED a lot of the time. But is there a chance that the complete lack of movement is making it a larger issue? I’m guessing there is. Picking up some extra LBs probably isn’t helping either.
You guys know I’m an over-sharer, right? Not a whole lot has gone on in the last 7 years that I haven’t been pretty open about. But the one area I have somewhat kept to myself is my personal life. That is the one area of my life that I don’t usually really feel the need to broadcast on social media. Well - that may be misleading. It’s not like there’s been much to share! Lol I go on dating apps - become disgusted with humans (at least the male ones that cross my path) - take a break. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
The reason I am bringing it up is that I have allowed this emotionally exhausting cycle to become an unacceptable distraction this year. To the point that I have made it a part of my goals/resolutions for the year. To allow myself to (hopefully) remove “dudes” from my excuse list:
I have started working with a therapist. NO - not only because of my relationship challenges, although it is a consistent topic during our sessions. I figured it sure couldn’t hurt to just talk to someone to provide some guidance. I think most of us could use some help/support - and finally decided to start back in August.
My picker is broken. Completely broken. So instead of continuing to do the same shit, and expect everything to just magically work out, I am taking a break from dating apps for 2024. I know, I know. At my big age - is this a good idea? I had that thought myself… should I really sacrifice an entire year, as old as I am? But I quickly reframed that thought to: I’m not sacrificing a year - I’m INVESTING in myself for this year. Be better. Attract better. Experience better. RIght? RIGHT.
I used to be really fucking content all on my own. I don’t know if you guys have gathered this or not - but I am a damn delight! Lol. I did my own thing, dudes be damned! Then I was in a relationship for nearly a year - and realized I really liked having someone around. I’ve been attempting to recreate that - - companionship & affection? I think that’s probably the best way to describe what I’ve been looking for - - for the last couple of years, and the shit isn’t working. So I am using this year to more fully focus on my damn self. What I enjoy doing. What I want to see & do. How I want to spend my time. What’s important to me. Where I want to be. How I want to grow. What I want from this wonderful thing called life. A complete refocus on self-love.
That’s probably enough about that - - but I felt it was something I wanted to share. It is important to me - and will be a constant work in progress - so is a part of the overall plan for the year.
My Tracking Chart 💗
What else is part of the plan, you ask? Well - I’m sure you can guess this - - GET MY PHYSICAL HEALTH BACK IN ORDER!!!!! I think I kept expecting to be in the same place I was when I was working out 5-6 times a week consistently - - and then would be shocked and pissed off when I wasn’t. What kind of moronic logic is that!??! I would like to thank said therapist for pointing out that it was really fucking hard when I started working out after my surgery. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t in shape because I wanted to be - - I had to GET into decent shape. And since I’ve basically just took an entire year (or maybe even more if we’re being honest about it) off - I really am basically starting over. I’m not going to be able to do all of the shit I could do before. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to be REALLY fucking uncomfortable sometimes. That really fucking sucks to admit - - but it’s reality. So we’re going to rebuild this shit.
I’ll be starting a new 30 Out of 33: Moderately Inconvenient on January 1st, and I’m actually going to do it this time. I am even taking it back to Kindergarten with a chart and stickers and shit!
To add some additional motivation - - I have a couple of trips planned later this year that I’d really like to do plenty of walking & hiking - - so getting myself back in shape is really important to me. And I’m giving myself some time to get there - - so it is absolutely something I can accomplish.
I was thinking I should have done “invest in me in 2023” but I missed it - - but we aren’t looking back any longer. We’re not going to continue to shoulda/coulda/woulda….
We’re going to “Invest in me a whole lot more in 2024”
