Under the Knife

Hello, old friends. It has been so long since I have checked in, and for that I apologize. With the exception of a 5 month stretch last summer, I have continued to fail at my battle against the bulge. It is very hard to want to share ones constant, and repeated failures - so I went silent. Occasionally using my Facebook page, but otherwise keeping my struggle to myself. Well, not really to myself - anyone that was looking at me could see it - - but you know what I mean.

It was only after dodging my annual doctor's appointment for 6 months that I was willing to admit that it was time. Time to stop being so damn stubborn. Time to not necessarily admit I was incapable of getting healthy, but adjusting my expectations. Time to admit that for a person as overweight as myself, there is one beaming, bring beacon of hope that has time and again shown to be the best opportunity for future health. It was time for me to listen to my doctor's repeated suggestion. Time to look around at the number of people I have known who have opted for surgery and had it be a huge success. It was time to stop fooling myself and admit I need major help. It was time to seriously consider bariatric surgery.

I told my youngest sister first. Excitement and positivity were sent my way. Then sent a text to my immediate family - who continue to be so supportive, even after my less-than-successful past attempts. When I admitted to being a complete pain in the ass about everything, and said I should have just done this 5 years ago, I was met with "Yes, but don't look back. Lets look forward to many good years to come!!!". I've got the coolest damn family.

I met with a friend who has had the surgery recently. I asked if there was anything he wished he'd known - or anything that was less than what he'd anticipated - and was told absolutely not. No regrets. The best decision he'd ever made. I had another friend contact her coworker for information on her surgery - same response. Best decision she'd ever made.

I finally booked my appointment with my doctor, and thought she was going to hug me she was so excited. She reiterated again that is by far the best possibility of success for a person in my current condition. I told one side of my extended family at our vacation in June and received nothing but encouragement, and options, and excitement. I put it up on Facebook and Twitter - and everyone was so supportive and encouraging.

I'm surrounded by outstanding people.

So there I was - - finally allowing myself to admit that I wasn't going to do this on my own. That I needed something major, something permanent, something painful, something completely life-altering to help me. So excited about all of the doors this would open, or re-open for me. And then the bottom fell out. My company has "excluded" this type of surgery from our plan. I am not covered by insurance. (I have so much more to say about this, but it will require it's own post later) The issue became - how much did I want my life back? I am so lucky to have a financing option, so I could choose whether it was important enough for me to go into debt, but have a life. Whether it was worth it be that active person I've wanted to be for so long, but my body just will not allow it. And there was no hesitation in me deciding that yes - it's totally worth it. It will be completely worth having to pay this surgery off like a car payment because I'll be able to live life while I do it. I will no longer have to spectate this really sad excuse for an existence I've been rocking for the last 10ish years.

So I've decided. It's surgery for me. Now I just need to hope that the bariatric department at the hospital I've chosen will feel the same. I had my first round of appointments September 9th, the next round September 21st. At this time, I've gotten the go ahead from the 3 people I've met with. Now it's just fingers crossed for the next few. This whole process is going to test me - especially my non-existent patience. But I know it will be worth it. I know I'm worth it.