The Rate of Progress

One not-even-remotely shocking tidbit about me is that I am someone who enjoys immediate gratification. This need is likely what tended to fuel most of my food choices. Why wait to cook something at home when I can go get a ready-made meal in any drive thru? I want cheetoes, I will have cheetoes. Immediately. This is something I'm very aware will need to change - and I am working on it - but the change is slow.

Currently, the most glaring issue I'm having with my immediate gratification need is with my body. I expect that if I'm expending the smallest amount of energy to exercise, eat right, etc - my body should somehow miraculously just decide to drastically shrink, and be incredibly mobile. I ate a carrot stick instead of a cheeto yesterday - I should have lost 20 pounds! I walked for 45 seconds - - I should now be able to have full range of pain-free motion! Sadly - this is not how it works.

Enter, my current pity party. I woke up this morning to aching knees. Nothing new there, but it just triggered something in me. With little to no warning, I was on the verge of tears. I thought my emotions had leveled out after spending a couple of trying weeks on the cusp of what felt like a nervous breakdown - but alas they are not! 

It has been a little over 2 weeks since I've had fast food, soda or sweets. TWO WEEKS!! For me, that is an eternity. I've been working with Scott. I've been making an effort to do what he asks me to do. I've been eating more fruits and veggies, and making an effort to prepare my own food. I'm making sure I get in breakfast. I've been trying to change! Trying to start to mold the active, healthy life I'm so looking forward to having! But then I just feel like my body isn't cooperating. I still get winded easily. My hips and knees still ache/hurt more than I'd like. WAY more than I'd like. Diet Coke still calls to me. It's moments like this morning that I feel like I haven't made any progress at all!

But then I need to take a minute. I need to realize that I have made progress. I'm eating so much better - have you heard - I've gone 2 weeks without fast food, soda or sweets! As Scott tries to point out to me - I'm improving with my workouts. Yes - I still get winded doing very little - but now I'm DOING very little. I'm  not sitting on my couch. I'm walking and flipping tires and lifting weights. And considering where I started - I have definitely had progress. I may not be happy with the rate of the progress. It's not immediate. Not even close. It is slow and steady. But it is steady. And with each day, things will hurt less. The ache in my joints will become a thing of the past. I will be strong. I will be fit. Eventually....

So I will allow myself my momentary pity party. I am giving myself until 3pm today. At 3:30 I meet with the psychologist to hopefully get my last pending approval for surgery. Everything is moving forward. I'm moving forward. And I'm really excited for what's in front of me - I just need to try and enjoy the journey a little bit, and not be so concerned with how fast I'm getting there....because I'll never be here again...