New Year, New Natalie?

It is absolutely ridiculous that another entire year has passed! I remember when I was young, and all of the "old people" (anyone over 30) would tell me how fast time goes the older you get. I assure you, I believed that to be complete bullshit...but here I am - constantly in awe of how quickly our time seems to evaporate.

I went in to 2018 a little nervous. The newness had worn off after my surgery. I figured I had definitely lost the weight I was going to lose - - I was weighing in at 209# on January 1st - - I had blown any and every goal I had for weight loss out of the water! Now I'd have to be accountable. I'd have to stay on task. 

It was my standard M.O. to stick with a plan for a while (granted - I'd already stuck with this much longer than most) and then just completely jump ship. Abandon all of the behaviors that had created any amount of success, and go back to my old, destructive ways. 

It was scary. I was concerned that I'd need that "newness" to keep my brain engaged. I was worried that without the shiny new accomplishments rolling in one after the other, I'd lose interest like every other time in my past. I mean, really - - when was the last time I finished something? When was the last time I didn't just give up when things got a little hard? 

But then something happened. My brain finally clicked on, and realized that this whole process has been hard! 

• Admitting I needed to do something as drastic and permanent as surgery - hard. 
• Going to my bariatric appointments, both physically & mentally - hard
• Starting to work with Scott when I weighed 495# - HARD
• Being on a liquid diet for 21 days before my surgery - HARD
• Sticking with all of the nutrition and movement guidelines right after surgery - hard
• Continuing to go workout and push myself - hard
• Sticking with my eating plan, and continuing to follow the 30 minute rule - hard

I've proven I can do hard shit! And I can stick with it. Maybe I can trust myself enough...believe in myself enough...to actually accept this as my new normal. I am now a person who moves her ass, and eats what she's supposed to most of the time. I'm a person who is willing to be honest, and vulnerable, and really excited about things most people don't understand. 

I'm healthy. I'm happy. And I'm grateful. 

I'm heading into 2019 optimistic - which has been a really frightening thing for me in the past. I have this whole "it's easier to be hurt/disappointed when you were hopeful" attitude. I'm not sure when I turned into such a pansy - and now that I'm actually seeing it - I'm NOT a fan. That shit has to go. So here are a couple of things that I'm going to work on in this new year:

1. New Bod - with a new bod comes responsibility. I will have an increased obligation to myself. To get myself as ready as I can for successful surgeries and recoveries. To get back to working out as soon as safely able, and stick with it. To continue to stick to my diet. 
• FUPA removal is 1/10/19
• boobs & arms shortly after - - hopefully
2. Stop Saying "I'm Sorry" all the damn time - - not that I will never show remorse. Not that I will never owe anyone an apology. But what I'm going to try to curb is the automatic reaction within me to apologize if someone isn't 100% on board with my thoughts, statements or actions. The words "I'm sorry" come shooting out way to easy, and have lost all weight. They are just entirely too overused...I hear it all the time from others as well. Don't be sorry for everything you say, feel or do. This world needs to toughen up a little bit. There's a difference between empathy & remorse. Let's all try to be a little more empathetic...that's way more constructive as far as I'm concerned. And I'm NOT sorry to say it 😉
3. Try to turn this new life into...something - - I have no idea what that looks like, or what opportunities there are - - but I trust myself enough in this process to allow myself to try and help others. I believe I have something to offer people who are going through situations similar to mine. I've been contacted by a number of people that are considering bariatric surgery, or are just trying to live a more healthy life - - and I love it. I know it was great for me to have people to talk to that had gone through the process - - and I'd like to be that for other people. So stay tuned...or send suggestions/ideas if you have any

I know I'm a couple of days early - but here's to an ass-kicking 2019! What are your goals for yourself in the new year?