Carbs: The Scariest Food Group

This will likely come as no shock to anyone who has had WLS (weight loss surgery), but for the rest of you I'll let you in on a secret - - carbs are not our friend. Or at least over-doing it on carbs is frowned upon for those of us living with a hammock. And I'm not talking about natural carbs, like fruit. I'm talking about the delicious, life-giving carbs...pasta, bread, rice, etc. I've had a number of friends do low carb diets over the years - Atkins, South Beach, etc. I have always said I'd rather do a all-carb diet than try to live like that. On more than one occasion I've said I don't want to live in a world without carbs.

That being said - I am now able to have carbs. I was advised to keep under control, but they were no longer "forbidden" as they had been for the first 3 months after surgery. Here is another point where "fat brain" rears it's ugly head - because let's be honest...my pre-surgery body was built on carbs. Many, many, many carbs. So much bread. SOOOOOO much bread. Preferably with butter, garlic and cheese on it. Or with a ridiculously topped burger between it. Pasta? Love. Rice? Give it to me. Although it offered next to no nutritional value, bread was life for me.

So permission to enter back into that world gave me pause. My nurse told me "you'll never be able to eat bread like you used to" (bless you, hammock) which was somewhat comforting - but I also know I can allow myself to work around my current limitations if I want to. Yes - I can only eat so much at a time...but I could still allow myself to eat frequently. That is one of the things my friend M, who had this surgery a few years ago said...he's sometimes finds he's eating when he's "not full" rather than when he's hungry.

I've avoided carbs for the most part, because I don't trust myself. It seems easier to just stay away, than find out the hard way that their siren call is more than I can resist. It's really starting to annoy me though. I need to get carbs coursing through my veins to be able to have the energy to do the things I want to do. So I'm trying to gear myself up to work a some into my diet here and there - sweet potatoes, a bit of rice, a tortilla here and there. But I will likely never again buy a loaf of bread. My nurse told me she can't keep nuts in her house - she doesn't trust herself. For me, it's bread. I was wondering if anyone sells bread by the slice? Something to ask Panera the next time I'm in the neighborhood.....

I have told you all of this, to finally get to my point. I was meeting my fellow VSG/WLS friend M for dinner. I told him to choose the place based on any cravings he might be having. What does he pick? Pasta. The same place we went for his "last meal" before he started his liquid diet before his surgery. The second I read the text I was filled with panic. SHIT!!!! Pasta. And this place also serves this really delicious, warm, salty/peppery bread w/ seasoned olive oil before the meal. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!!!!!! I tried to calm myself by reminding myself of what my nurse had said - - 80/20. Eat on plan 80% of the time. Allow yourself to live a little 20% of the time. I could do this....

Left = before, Right = after

I looked at the menu in advance. I picked out 2 dishes that seemed like they'd be ok - both had chicken. I abstained when the initially brought the bread to the table. I didn't want to hog hammock space, and was slightly concerned I wouldn't stop if I started. I ordered the special - cheese tortellini with spinach and red pepper with chicken. When it arrived I tried to make sure to get a bunch of the chicken down. I enjoyed the cheese in the tortellini because....cheese! It was delicious. I ate slowly so I'd be sure to recognize when I was full. I stopped well before the miserable stage. I even had the salt/pepper top of one of the pieces of bread when I was done. And I had a ton of leftovers.

Now this is a double-edged sword. I love that I can get 2-3 meals out of a standard meal in a restaurant. But I realized I have typically picked things that are still within my plan - so having the leftovers isn't an issue. Like the night we went for pizza - I sent the rest home with my sister, because I would have eaten pizza for ever meal until it was gone - and that is no bueno. But this time I now have 2 more servings of pasta at my house. (I didn't take home any bread) It will test my will, but I am actually feeling very confident that I'll be fine. I'll split them up so I'm not having pasta every day. I'll be more diligent about my other meals to make sure I'm keeping them a little more lean than I normally pay attention to. This was a huge hurdle for me, and I'm feeling confident that I can be responsible...even with the temptation of the dreaded carbs.

Do you have anything that you just can't allow yourself to keep in your house because you just don't trust yourself?

The Waiting Game

It has been brought to my attention that I've been slacking.... Not only at my pre-surgery responsibilities, but at posting updates. My apologies. I kind of felt like I wasn't really doing much, so didn't have much to write about - - but then I realized that's the point. If I want to share with you all what I'm going through, you should also understand what feels like a never-ending waiting game. Waiting for the next appointment. Waiting for everything to stop hurting so I can feel motivated to do the walking/arm-movements they've given me to do. Waiting for the PMS I've been experiencing the last few days to pass - - you know PMS - that bitch that causes you to only want to eat crap and sit on the couch watching "Jane the Virgin" on Netflix when you're supposed to be dropping 30 pounds so you can get that coveted appointment with the surgeon. Waiting for that last department to clear you for surgery, so you're one step closer to actually getting to take this giant leap that you've finally given yourself permission to get excited about. Waiting...and waiting... and waiting.

So during this time of waiting I've been trying to drop 30-40 pounds on my own so I can finally meet with the surgeon, get put on a liquid diet to drop an additional 30-ish pounds and hopefully get that surgery scheduled so we can get this show on the road! This has been going pretty well until the last couple of days when I have found it a bit more of a challenge to stay on task with my calorie intake. I'm still tracking everything on myfitnesspal (be my friend! User name: SlimmingDowntoSexy ) but definitely would have gotten sad faces when I closed out my diary...if they used that sort of ostracizing system. I also haven't felt like doing a thing. I've gotten some laundry done. Cleaned a bit. Went shopping for some of the 342 vitamins I need to take. But other than that I've been on a 3 day bender of laziness. Really going to need to nip that in the ass soon.

Other than my epic collapse the last few days, things have been going pretty well. I was doing my walks - short, 5-6 minute walks, a few times a day. This doesn't sound like much, and it isn't. But compared to what I'd been doing, it's progress. I'm wearing my FitBit ( Be my friend! user email: slimmingdowntosexy@gmail.com ) which I know many don't trust because it isn't exactly the most accurate - but if you use it for consistency - - trying to reach similar numbers each day, and don't focus on the fact that you walked 14 million fictional steps, it serves its purpose.

Also working on eating better. Cooking more of my own food. Eating less over-processed crap from any of my favorite fast-food establishments. And it's working. I don't enjoy cooking at all - but I do feel so much better when I don't eat crap constantly. I'm working on some easy meals that are still healthy but don't dirty 8 pans and don't take forever to prep. I'm getting there.

The other milestone I've reached is that I had my CPAP follow-up appointment last week. It went very well, and I've been cleared for surgery by them as well. He did have some rather alarming info to share. There is a number that is measured by the sleep study, and my CPAP machine - - it's referred to as AHI (apnea-hypopnea index). Basically, the number of times in an hour that your breathing is interrupted in an hour. Anything under 5 is considered good. What did they measure mine to be at my sleep study? 163. One-hundred sixty three. SERIOUSLY!!! He basically said he didn't understand how I was functioning. How I was able to make it to work, etc. What he didn't know was that I would spend about 12 hours in bed trying to get enough rest to add up to an 8 hour night. I'd many times fall asleep on the couch shortly after waking up. I would frequently feel on the verge of falling asleep when driving long distances. My sleep, or lack thereof, was just another contributing factor me me allowing life to pass me by - I was too damn tired.

So after a month of using my CPAP machine - and I do use it every night, the entire time I'm sleeping - what is my AHI? 1.2. One point two. ONE POINT TWO!!! My educator couldn't believe the improvement. And I do feel totally different. Don't get me wrong - the first 2 weeks were rough. Whether it was machine-related, or just random life timing - I felt like I had a fever, and I couldn't seem to get my breath when I wasn't on the machine. But sticking with it - combined with eating better and moving a bit more - has resulted in a much more rested Natalie. I still like my sleep - don't get me wrong. I still get about 9 hours of sleep a night. I would sleep more if I let myself. But I've started setting an alarm for around 9 hours, and I feel great. No more chronic drowsiness. I can actually function.

So I'll say this to any of you who are maybe like me.... who sleep like crap - up every hour or two - but feel like you might feel claustrophobic with the mask on...give it a try. Do the sleep study. I still have to tell myself to relax for about 30 seconds every night when I put the mask on - but I sleep really well. Now I still wake up every few hours, because my body hurts if I lay in on position for too long - but I don't have to get up to use the loo. I don't check my phone to kill time until I fall back to sleep. I reposition myself and I'm right back out. I'm grateful this whole process insisted I get help with my sleep issues. My quality of life would have continued to disintegrate, or would have ended one one of my "breathing episodes" became a permanent episode.

So my goals for the next few days are to eat better and move my ass. I have an appointment with my dietitian November 2nd. I'm hoping I can be down close to 30 pounds by then. Keep the positive thoughts coming.... =)

what a pain in the ... back?

For the last two days my lower back had been bugging me. I am assuming I am blaming the fact that I've been sleeping on my stomach - since lately I've been waking up laying on my face in a pile of my own drool. (It is dawning on me that I may never get another date if I keep sharing these types of details with you guys, but oh well). Or maybe it's the fact that I've spent hours at my computer lately, bent over trying to read fairly small print? Whatever is causing it, I am not a fan.

back pain blows

Monday I found it to be mildly annoying. I also allowed it to become one of the many circumstances that weren't beyond my control - but I let become the control - that kept me out of the gym. And with the end of week 2 for Mission: Move It 2 Lose It in sight, it is not what I needed to be doing. So I woke up Tuesday, knowing I had a lot of miles to do in order to remain even close to my weekly goal, with a major pain in my back. Getting out of bed, standing straight up, bending over to wash my face - all of these became major challenges. This is not the first time I have had back pain like this. It tends to happen fairly frequently. I'm just not used to it when I'm actually working out. I typically get this when my laziness reaches an all-time high. So I just had to tell myself that the gym would make it feel better. That by working out, I would break the pain's will to survive. That I had to beat the pain into submission. And it worked...sort of. While I was on the machine, I felt pretty good. When I got done, and was driving home, the pain returned. I did finally break down and take an Aleve - we'll see if that helps. If not, we'll do it all over again tomorrow.

Trying to help me eat better has become a world-wide proposition. My sister and I ordered salads from a restaurant Monday night - don't worry, they were grilled chicken, and I ordered the dressing on the side. I guess just doing the dressing on the side wasn't sufficient, however. When we opened up our salads, they left the dressing out all together. Luckily the salad came with pico de gallo and a side of guacamole, so there was enough going on to eat it without. I salute you, local food chain restaurant. Your efforts in helping me cut calories is appreciated. Now if someone could have kept my car from the McDonald's drive-thru this afternoon after the gym, that would have been great. Oh well. It is no longer a frequent lunch destination, and I was having a major craving. Now back to better eating for this girl. I promise.

Today I also received my new arm band for Bonnie in the mail! The velcro is coming off the one I have, and it...well...it stinks....so I thought I could get myself a new one. I decided I needed to try a different color, because black is a little boring. I got myself a pink one...surprise, surprise! I can't wait to try it out tomorrow! I can tell Bonnie is super-excited about it, too.

How do you eat out, and still be calorie-conscious?