Seven Weeks of Liquids

Sunday will mark 7 straight weeks of basically only liquids. This week I was finally able to incorporate some additional flavors by pureeing up an egg with some mayo, mustard and salt & pepper or having refried beans with a ton of Frank's hot sauce. It was wonderful, but still had to be the consistency of applesauce. I'm really looking forward to Monday when I move onto soft foods. Although my diet will still be very limited, I can actually chew! You don't realize how much you miss it until you go this long without it!!

Things continue to go really well for me - - at least for the most part. My incisions are mostly all healed up and cause me no issue at this point. Physically I'm getting around better than I have for a long while - helped along by the fact that I finally hit a pretty major milestone for me on weigh in Wednesday when I finally dropped down under 400. My knees are becoming more and more happy by the day. Physically I'm feeling great. I just have a couple of issues that have continued to bother me. The first is this gross/metallic/disgusting taste I have in my mouth constantly. It doesn't matter how many times I brush my teeth - I can't get rid of it. I may have finally gotten to the bottom of it - - more to follow on that in the info below about my talk with the nurse.

The second is the liquid protein I need to drink. I am not a milk drinker. I hate milk. I tolerated it during the 3 week liquid diet portion leading up to surgery. It was a lot easier to mask it when I had regular taste buds, and a regular stomach. I mixed chocolate things with it, and it was OK. I was warned by the nurses and my dietician prior to surgery that my tastes would change after surgery. They warned me that sugar would likely be an issue. This may have been the biggest understatement they uttered. My little baby sleeve cannot tolerate anything sweet - at all!! Actually, that's not completely true. I've had some zero calorie beverages - Powerade and LifeWater that don't bother me much at all. But all protein options I've tried - my regular chocolate protein powder, the couple of Cellucor options (Peanutbutter, Cinnamon and Red Velvet), my Premier Protein shakes - - all bother me. I've tried watering them down with skim milk, unsweetened almond milk and even using only water - it does no good. I feel nauseous the whole time I drink them, and usually about a half hour or more after. I'm miserable. I dread drinking them, and basically just pissed that I have to.

So I called my nurse yesterday. I had to get the low down on the rules for the next phase of my eating - soft foods anyway - so it was perfect timing. It sounds like she and I might be really similar. She's now 5 years post-op, and has many of the same issues. Does not tolerate sweet well at all, and hates milk. She asked me to try FairLife. She said it's lactose free, so won't upset my stomach like regular milk will, and it doesn't cause her to gag like many other options (I was getting to that point, too). I tried it yesterday. I don't love it. It still tastes kind of "milky" to me - which is the issue. I'm going to see if I can find something - possibly just mixing in a little bit of their chocolate milk (which I loved prior to surgery) and see if maybe that can work - just to give it some flavor? I'll keep you posted on that. Wish me luck.

If there is a positive to this situation, it's that staying away from sweets appears to have just gotten a whole lot easier - - I don't enjoy feeling like crap, and am unlikely to put myself in that position again. And eventually I should be able to get the majority of my protein from actual food - - but that's a couple of months down the road. For right now, I have to consume such small portions while I heal, that I need to get protein through liquid in order to maintain muscle. There just doesn't appear to be much for other options right now. 

We also talked about whether I can have sugar-free gum or mints. I told her the breath thing is becoming a major issue. I feel like I have a film on the inside of my mouth at all times. It's pretty gross. She said that is completely normal (would have been nice to know) because I'm in something called "ketosis". There's a whole lot of medical blah, blah, blah online about this - but basically she said it's basically the term for losing weight so fast - and the "acetone breath" is a side effect. Excellent. She said this is also causing water to taste like metal. Good grief! I had just changed my Brita filter that morning because the water tasted like crap. Even bottled water tasted disgusting. I guess this can be removed by adding lemon & lime - or even oranges - to my water. Good to know. Would have been good to know even earlier. I guess that's why so many weight-loss patients I follow on Instagram always have lemons and limes in their water? Duh! So I am now armed with lemons and limes and ready to get my water intake back up!

I was also going over the approved food list with her for this next month - yes, MONTH - of soft foods. It went a little something like this:
Q: Can I have _________ (baked chicken breasts, string cheese, pickles, etc)
A: No - I doubt you'll be able to tolerate that very well at this time
Bummer! But there are still some bright spots to this new eating phase. I get to have the following - which I love: cottage cheese, berries, melon, baby bells (cheese!), taco meat and even chili. I'm looking forward to getting in some additional flavors and mixing things up a bit more. My dad also made me pickled eggs - and I can't wait to bust into those babies!

The only other weird thing is that I feel like I have a super-human ability to smell. Seriously - everything stinks! Maybe it is just me and my damn breath? But I swear if anyone has even looked at garlic or an onion, and I can smell it. The hallways at my apartment building are a minefield! Hopefully that will lighten up with time as well. 

I have my one month follow-ups Friday the 20th with the dietician and the nurse. Hopefully I'll be able to get a more solid plan for dealing with the couple of kinks that are causing me issues, and also get cleared to start working out again. Fingers crossed the soft food phase gives me enough energy to do that too! 

2 Weeks Post-Op

It's somewhat hard for me to believe it's already been 2 weeks! It seems like it's flown by, and taken forever to get here, all at the same time!

I am feeling shockingly well, at least compared to what I anticipated feeling like. I'm sleeping back in my bed. I'm able to move around with little or no pain. Physically, I'm great. I feel so lucky for that. I mean I really had some crazy shit running through my head prior to surgery about all of the things that would/could be an issue. At one point I was certain I wouldn't be able to wipe my own ass. Seriously. I had a talk with my sisters about it. I told them I was concerned they may have to do it for me. Luckily - it never came to that. Partially because I wasn't nearly as immobile as I thought I'd be, and also because it took until Thursday for me to take my first shit. Five days! I guess that makes sense when I'm literally taking in NOTHING. Water, popsicles, jello, broth....that's about it. It was nuts.

After my first week of clear liquids I got to graduate onto a couple of new things. I could have cream of wheat (gag) but wasn't interested. Instead I opted for either flavored greek yogurt or tomato soup. I could have 2 tablespoons of one or the other, three times a day. It really felt like I was getting a huge treat after weeks of non-stop protein shakes and clear liquids. Then I found out I had to water down the yogurt when I had it. Everything needed to be the consistency of apple sauce - and slide off my spoon like apple sauce. I had gotten myself some Panera tomato soup from Target, but quickly learned I couldn't have that - - it had tomato skins in it. Everything I had for these next 2 weeks called "full liquids" had to be completely smooth. No chunks of anything. Luckily Wendy gave me some Trader Joe's tomato soup to get me through week 1. I also had to have protein shakes - so I could get myself close to 65grams of protein a day.

About Thursday the nausea hit. It would appear around the time of my protein shakes. The yogurt and soup would go down just fine, but I'd gag trying to drink my protein shakes. I spent the next 2 days - including one at a family wedding/reunion - feeling like hell. Then my friend Melissa came to my rescue! She gave me a couple of different flavors of protein powder to try, and asked if I'd tried almond milk. Good grief! Why didn't I think of that?!?! I am not a milk drinker. I don't think I've consumed a half gallon of milk in the last 10 years combined, and I'd been drinking milk for what was basically 4 weeks straight now. My body was not having it any longer. I got myself some unsweetened almond coconut milk and tried those new flavors -- I'm sitting pretty now! I called the nurse today to insure these changes are OK - and we're good to go! Melissa - you are a life saver. Thank you! And I also have a nice reserve of homemade tomato soup from my aunt Karlene. It is fantastic. Definitely going to make the last week of this phase go so much easier!

Because I'm consuming next to no calories, my goal is to walk 5 minutes, 4 times a day. I go walk around my block, which is a good fit for my timeframe. By the time I get to the end of my walk, I typically feel woozy. Seriously. Kind of light headed. I can't wait to get onto some more foods, so I can get some energy back!

There is a line of staples that created my new tummy

Monday the 9th I get to start my one week of pureed foods. I know - that sounds disgusting - but it is necessary. I have to allow my new baby tummy to heal. But there is some good news -- I get to add in some new flavors!! Everything still has to be super-liquidy, but I can have refried beans with hot sauce, or taco sauce. I can make egg salad - a hard boiled egg with mayo and mustard. I can season things so they have some flavor!! I can have pureed chicken or turkey - but let's be serious....I don't think there is one chance in hell I would be able to get that down the hatch. The thought makes me gag. It's only one week. I can do it! I've been told after that that I can actually chew things. Soft things - but not pureed things none-the-less!  I posted one day last week that I'd do unspeakable things for a taco...that still holds true. Not because I want to eat junk, but because I can't wait to consume something that makes some noise!

At this point, I've determined that it is no wonder people lose weight with this surgery. If you follow the eating plan they put in place you don't have to do a thing. You'll BORE the weight right off you. For real. I am now on week 6 of the same boring shit. Yes - I got to add in a nibble of yogurt and a thimble of tomato soup - but for the most part everything is the same! I'm not working this weight off - - it's running away because it's so damn bored!! But I guess it gets me to my goal in the end, right?

To end this post I need to send some long-overdue thank yous. To my sisters and mom who took such good care of me my first days at home. To my brother-in-law who covered their insanely busy lives so my sister could take the time to take care of me. To my friends and family who are just awesome every time I see any of them! To those that have sent cards and messages and follow my social media accounts - - I am so lucky to have this amazing support system around me. I am more grateful than I can adequately express. I appreciate you all so much. Let's keep kicking a little ass.

Natalie 2.0

The day finally arrived! My surgery date was Monday - and I'm not sure I could be more delighted to just have it over with! Between the too-long liquid diet leading up to it, and the nonstop freaking out over all of the possible horrible outcomes, I was exhausted!

Sunday night I got to take an hour long shower - seriously - that what they wanted me to do. I soaked in the tub for a while, and then took a 25 minute shower. That is the best I could do. After the shower I had a packet of towelettes I had to wipe down with in a very specific order. They claimed I might feel sticky for a bit while my body dried. Lies. I was still sticky the next morning when I woke up. No food or liquid after midnight, and no shower allowed after the cleansing procedure Sunday night, I was mostly just fueled by nerves.

My sister Wendy picked me up and drove me to the hospital. I got checked in, and Wendy was given the buzzer (like one of those buzzing/light up things you get at a restaurant when you're waiting for a table). She had to wait downstairs while I was taken up to a tiny little room to get my blood drawn, vitals taken, changed into my sexy surgical gown, wiped down with more towelettes and my IV started. Oh! And they needed me to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. I told them I hadn't had anything to drink for hours, so it might be an issue.... All of this was done while sweating profusely. My nerves were manifesting themselves in the form of perspiration. Once I was done with everything they had me lay on the bed, and hooked this hose up to my gown. It actually blows air through the gown, and cooled me down right away.

After the student tried unsuccessfully to get my IV started, and my nurse took 2 seconds to get the needle in my arm, my family could come up. Wendy and my Mom joined me in the room for the last hour+ of wait time. We all chit chatted, met many on the anesthesia team and my surgeon, and tried not to mention the fact that we were all freaking out a bit. And then it was time. I was wheeled down a couple of short hallways and into another room. They had me switch onto another bed while the 4 people in the room got my arms strapped down, my compression boots on, and warned me I'd get getting very sleep soon. That's about all I can remember until I woke up in recovery. First thought: YES!!! I WOKE UP!!!! Yes - there were plenty of days that I thought it was a very distinct possibility that I wouldn't. I wasn't wearing my CPAP machine, so knew things must have gone alright. My next concern was the chest pain I was having. I would learn that the air/gas they pumped into me for surgery would be my biggest issue over the next couple of days. I have no concept of time - I was in and out constantly. I was kind of freaking because the chest pressure was making me feel like I could barely breath. Two nice folks came to move me to my room (thank God I didn't have to share) where we had to deal with my next biggest issue: nausea.

The nurses got me going on some more meds, somehow magically got my gown changed, and then there were my sisters and my mom. I was still high as a kite. In and out for the next few hours. Got started on some ice chips. I was then told our goals for the day were to get me out of bed and into the chair right next to it - and then I'd go for a short walk. Oh goody. But by some miracle, I was able to move myself. I basically got out of bed and into the chair on my own. I did the sip test (basically drinking a shot glass of water in 1/2 hour). I needed to do 2 of them. No problem. Down the hatch. Then it was time to get on my feet and go for a short walk. I expected my legs to just not work after being bedridden for so many hours - but it was no problem. Very short walk, but it was a success. Then I also used the restroom. I would come to find out all of things things are good things.

I slept  like crap on Monday night - nausea and gas pain wouldn't allow it. Was feeling much better by Tuesday, but basically slept the whole day away. My sisters and dad came to visit, but I basically slept through that. I tried to reply to messages on my phone, but felt like I was going to hurl every time I looked at it. Went for walks and slept. That was it. Wednesday morning it was time to get sprung. The nurse showed me how to give myself shots in the stomach once I got home - - apparently the shots prevent blood clots. After a visit from Dr. Jones, I was on my way.

Nausea again on the ride home, but otherwise everything was great. My sister had everything unpacked and put away before I even got to my chair to pass out! She went and got my 5 - yes FIVE - prescriptions. Anything I could need she got me. I have the greatest family. I have the greatest friends. And I am so grateful to all of you for making this terrifying experience as manageable as it can be!

Now I'm at home. Walking and sipping. I was told about 3422 times that the reason most people have to go back into the hospital is due to dehydration or pneumonia. I'm definitely going to try and avoid that shit.

I've decided - possibly partially due to the fact that I likely still have the Oxy in my system - that is time to share the last tidbit of my story. I've been pretty open and honest about things up until now - but I've never actually shared my weight. Likely because I knew deep down I was going to be heading right back for that number, and likely a higher one, when my latest weight-loss attempt failed miserably. My starting weight at my first appointment on September 9, 2015 was 495 pounds. Nearly 500. Holy shit. It is no longer that shocking that I couldn't walk, or stand - or that I was in constant pain. That was my highest by far, but I also KNOW I will never see anything near that number on my scale again. When I weighed in the morning of my surgery I was at 424.8 pounds. I'd lost 70 pounds on my own. I'd done what was needed of me before my surgery to insure it could be done as safely as possible. I had worked hard. I'd proven that I'm willing to do what I need to do to change. I haven't had a soda since February. Fast food is a thing of the past. I have made changes, and will continue to make changes, because I will never see a number like that on a scale again. My body is going to be so damn grateful, and I can't wait to see what I can do once I'm not hauling all of that around with me all the time. This is literally day 5 of my new life, and I am so damn excited to be a part of it! And I am so glad you are joining me.

Chronically Hangry

I should warn you before you get started - - my current experiences are leaving me incapable of hearts and butterflies (aka: positivity) and tend to make me cuss like a sailor. I would completely understand if you want to turn back now. For those of you choosing to continue - here is an honest summation of my last 17 days.

Being on a liquid diet is absolute bullshit. It sucks. There is only one positive - weight loss - and that is so overshadowed by all of the negative crap that it is nearly impossible to appreciate it.

There is a reason that the average person going for this surgery is only put on a liquid diet for 10 days, and that reason is that 21 days is too fucking long. TOO LONG. I remember at my meeting with the surgeon when he told me a tale about a guy who kept postponing his surgery date (so he could lose more weight prior to surgery) because he wasn't hungry, and the liquid diet wasn't bad. I can assure you - these were lies!! Unless that man had nothing to do all day, and an insatiable thirst - there is NO WAY he wasn't miserable.

The truth of the matter is - I  had a couple of days around days 6-10 where I didn't spend every minute hungry. Not sure how, or why - but they were tolerable. The other 15 days have been unendingly unpleasant. I drink my shakes, which I am just so damn tired of. I eat sugar-free jello. I drink my spark drinks. I eat popsicles. I've tried some broth. I've had some tea. But seriously - a person can only drink so much! And I'm not really good at forcing myself to consume things I have no interest in consuming!

I've managed to get through work with a decent attitude - - but the issue is that I've sucked up all of my limited patience and tolerance there. I have zero left to give outside of those walls. I am miserable, and irritated, and cranky what feels like all the time. Having to sit at work and smell the non-stop buffet (tacos one day, a literal buffet all day Saturday, people cooking pizzas, free nachos for the Twins home opener) doesn't help either. I have one day left. I'm really trying to focus all of my energy on getting through those 9 hours tomorrow and getting the hell out of there for a few weeks. And I am not mad at my co-workers. They should be able to eat and enjoy everything they want to enjoy. A couple of them even cooked their pizza in a closed room to try and help me out (SO NICE)... but being around things that smell delicious when you can't have a damn thing is...bullshit.

I still think about food constantly - but as an added bonus, these thoughts are now invading my dreams. The last few nights I've had dreams that I cheated. That I ate things. I can't remember what I ate, but I know I wake up with this sinking feeling that I just messed everything up - and than it dawns on me -- I have zero food in my house. I couldn't cheat if I wanted to! But really? On top of everything else, my unconscious needs to completely screw with me as well!?!?!

So here I am... hungry all the time with guilt dreams. Kind of pissed off all the time. Basically just miserable. And I know I'm a whiner. I know it is a means to an end. I know I should keep my eye on the prize. I know I'm almost there. I know, I know, I know. But that doesn't make this any better or any easier.

Four. Days. Left.

Liquid Diet: Week 1

One of the pre-surgery requirements for gastric bypass surgery is to do a liquid diet prior to the actual date. The minimum number of days, at least with the program I'm working with, is 10 days. I was told on March 2nd that I would need to do 21 days of a liquid diet.

I was assuming this was in large part to get me down to a weight that would make it safer to have this surgery. I was also told the length of time was, at least in part, based on what they needed my organs (specifically my liver) to do prior to surgery. I'd had an ultrasound done earlier that day - and based on those results it was determined I'd require a longer liquid diet. I wasn't particularly shocked to hear this news - nor was I jazzed.

I was able to enjoy my Easter - eating as many cheesy potatoes as I could handle at the time. I even allowed myself a piece of aunt Linda's french silk pie. I knew I had my liquid diet sentence starting the next day, so I tried to enjoy every bit of it.

Here is what I can have: 65-70grams of protein a day through protein shakes made with milk, protein powder or carnation instant breakfast packets. Broth, Tea, Propel, sugar-free jello, popsicles and Crystal light (I was approved to use Spark instead)

Monday morning came, and I did a little shopping. I bought 2 gallons of milk (which is more milk than I've probably had in the last 10 years combined) and used the protein powder I had on hand to get a couple of shakes mixed up. I was sad to discover that Costco didn't have a huge case of sugar-free jello. I guess there isn't a real need for fruity flavored air in bulk quantities? I'm going to confess - I thought to myself "maybe 2 weeks and 6 days is enough - -I could have one more day of eating". It was short-lived, and I didn't do it, but the thought crossed my mind.

My trainer Scott had shared a secret with me earlier - if you mix up your protein shake, and put it in the freezer for about an hour, it tastes icy and delicious when you drink it. I decided this was going to be my secret to success. I mixed up the 3 shakes as described by my dietician to get me to the appropriate amount of protein. I supplemented that with a couple of Spark (fruity powder you mix with water - made by Advocare) shakes. Monday was long, and boring - but it was the first day so I was naively feeling confident.

Then day 2 hit. I was starving! I had to work that day, so I was grateful for the distraction. I had my 3 protein shakes again that day, had a couple of Spark shakes, and decided I was definitely going to need to get a couple of other things on my extremely limited list of approved items to supplement this thing. I went and bought sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsicles and carnation instant breakfast. The carnation packets are lower in protein than my protein powder, so I'd be able to have more of them. I had a new strategy for the fight. I had a popsicle as soon as I got home, and it may have been the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten.

Wednesday I had 2 protein shakes and 2 carnation shakes. Two sparks shakes, 2 cups of sugar-free jello and a couple of popsicles. I was still hungry. Every. Minute. This is also the day that I really started to notice a couple of the less-than-pleasant side-effects. I felt like I was on fire much of the time. I am going to go ahead and blame the feeling of starvation for the increase in body temp. I also started experiencing - and I apologize in advance for being so graphic - a fair amount of gas. How is this even possible, with the limited things I'm consuming!?!? But it's the reality.

Thursday was the same. Friday was the same. I started praying that one of these days I would turn the corner and not be hungry every second of every day. Gratefully, that day came on Saturday. I finally realized I wasn't starving all the time. Don't get me wrong - that was day six, and I hadn't experienced anything close to feeling full in all of those days....but it was the first day I noticed I wasn't actively hungry all day long. It felt like such a victory. I added some broth in on day 7 after a couple of friends on my page urged me to do so - and it was so delicious. A different flavor from the chocolate or fruity I'd been experiencing for 6 days. I totally recommend.

I am now on day 9. I'm down a total of 54 pounds. I have 13 days left of this liquid diet, and then it's the big day. But there are a few things that haven't changed for the better in these 9 days - - I still think about food constantly. I catch myself planning out my next meal. I spend my time on social media hiding all of the food ads/videos I come across. I turn the radio when food commercials come on. Unfortunately, I have to go to the store to get my rations. I almost dove face-first into the Doritos display right inside the door at Target this morning. I keep expecting to wake up one morning having had a dream where I was wrapped lovingly in a pizza.

The truth of the matter is - this is pretty miserable. I'm trying to keep my eyes on the prize. I'm trying to remember why I'm doing this - and focus on all of the things I'll be able to do in 6 months that I can't do now. I'm trying to...maintain some semblance of sanity. I try to forget the fact that I'd be done tomorrow if I wasn't a special case. I try...but a lot of the time I just don't win.

Here's to the next 13 days flying right by!

A Teller of Truths

I feel like my emotions are going about a million miles an hour, and in about a million different directions. I don't know if that makes any sense to most of you - - but it's how I'm feeling. I'm going to lay down some truths for you - - "these are my confessions" *Ursher voice*

Surgery

I'm freaking out! I have been for a while. I think it is probably normal to have some nerves before a surgery. But this one comes with a complete life change as well. Granted - I am hopeful most of the changes are going to be positive - but EVERYTHING is going to change. And it is flipping me out! Having no idea what to expect is playing a rather large role in all of this. Having to sign forms that acknowledge I'm too heavy for a some of the testing equipment they would use if there is an issue during surgery doesn't help either. I'm almost 41 years old and I still feel like my parents should be signing all of this paperwork for me! The rational part of my brain trusts everything is going to be fine. I like my surgeon. He's assembled the perfect team for my particular situation. It's going to be fine. But no matter how many times I tell myself that, I still continue to have my mini freak out sessions. Mostly internal - but they're happening...frequently.

Food

I have realized I spend an insane amount of time thinking about food. It's like my brain forgets I'm on a liquid diet. Not for long periods of time - but I have multiple times a day I  think about what I'll eat next. Occasionally looking out days in advance. If I have an appointment - what restaurant to I like near there, and what should food should I pop in and get? These moments are short-lived as it doesn't take long for me to remember that I don't get to chew. And when I do, it won't be whatever delicious, sodium and fat-filled treat I was just thinking about. If I can somehow ween myself off this behavior, I'll have plenty of free time on my hands.

 I've also realized that eating was very comforting to me. The actual act. It was like a kid and their blankie - only with calories. Lots of calories. I realized this during my detox, and it has come back full force in the days since I've started my liquid diet. I miss food. I'm guessing a drastically decreased appetite will help with this - - but it is definitely going to continue to be a battle for me. I'm going to have to find new comfort. Maybe knitting. Maybe walks. Maybe something completely new will present itself as I lose the weight.

My Bod

Don't get me wrong - I realize my current body is not something I want to spend much more time with...but it's been my home for years. I don't remember what it was like living in a body that wasn't large enough to cause consistent issues. I don't remember what it was like to assume my ass will fit in whatever seat is provided. I don't remember what it was like to not be seriously concerned about how far I'd have to walk, how long I'd have to stand, how sweaty I would get - -just performing any function. Running errands are a chore in this body. Everything is a challenge in this body. But I'm used to this body. What is this new body going to be like? Other than being able to do a shit ton more - - what will I look like? Will I even look like me anymore? Will I be unrecognizable to myself and others? How long will it take me to lose the size-anxiety I experience every time I'm going somewhere? Will I just be one big blob of loose skin? How am I going to control this loose skin? Is there something stronger than Spanx? Will my damn FUPA hang to my knees? Will my boobs be even more pancake-ish than they currently are? Will my loose arm skin hang out the bottom of my sleeves so I can never wear short sleeves again? I'm getting a brand new home, and it's kind of freaking me out.

 Failure

There is still a part of me - granted that part is becoming smaller and smaller - but there is still a part of me that is a little sad it's come to this. That I allowed myself to get to this size, and failed so many damn times to just stick to a decent diet and exercise program - that now drastic surgery is my only option. I'm still pissed at myself. I still feel like a failure. I still look at myself, and shake my head. I should have been able to do this on my own. I should have been strong enough. I should have had the will-power. I should have been...so many things that I'm not. Or at least haven't been.

Excited

In spite of all of this - I'm so damn excited for my future. I'm excited to see what this body can do. I'm excited to experience things that are going to feel new because I haven't been able to do them for so long - or will legitimately be new experiences. I know the recovery is going to be hard. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. But I also have hope. And I have a 5 year old nephew who's pretty damn excited about what my future holds as well - and he's awesome enough to remind me of it frequently. 

Meet the Surgeon

I've been meaning to get to this post for a week now. So sorry for the delay.

Last Wednesday was major. I finally got to meet my surgeon. It seems like I've been waiting an eternity. It had only been since September 9th - - but man does that seem so long ago! I've had countless meetings with other departments - the nurse, the doctor, the dietitian, the psychologist. All of whom had to grant their approval for me to get to this moment.

My morning started with a fasting ultrasound of my gall bladder. It is a standard thing with all potential bariatric surgery patients to make sure the gall bladder is working condition. Mine, unfortunately, had some stones - so it will be removed while they're in there doing my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Two for the price of one.

My mom joined me for my next 2 appointments - the meeting with the nurse was first. We checked my weight and my vitals. I was down a total of 44 pounds since my first appointment. My vitals were good. We went over the gall bladder results and determined mine would be removed. My nurse Dorothy had hers removed 13 years ago, and said I wouldn't even miss it =) We watched a video that was going to give me a better idea of what to expect leading up to, and immediately after surgery. I was given the cleansing requirements for the day before surgery. The instructions say to take a 1 hour - you read that correctly - - a ONE HOUR shower and then I have a pack of wipes I have to use in a certain sequence to insure I'm all shined up. I know it's worth it to stave off infection - - but it's a little intense!

After meeting with Dorothy I finally got to meet my surgeon. Dr. Thomas Jones. I adored him immediately. He's a fairly soft-spoken man. But he's also a straight shooter. I appreciate that. He pulled no punches advising that my success post-surgery is pretty much completely up to me. I'm going to get out of it what I put into it. I'm going to need to work out to be successful. I'm going to need to stick to the eating plan to get the results I want. I'm in charge of my future. But I do have a couple of things going for me now. I'm young. I had to clarify when he was talking about how it was good to have the surgery when you're young - with so much time left to enjoy the outcome. He chortled a bit when I asked "am I young?". Then he did also say I have great body-type for this surgery. I told him I thought this was possibly the first time I'd ever been told I had the perfect body type for anything!! It works in my favor that I have - as my mom pointed out to Dr. Jones - the "Blaha body". Blaha is my mom's maiden name - and the ladies tend to be built with a healthy posterior and thighs, while being somewhat smaller around the rib cage. The site of my surgery is between my under-boob and FUPA - so the fact that that area is smaller (relatively speaking) bodes well for me.

Because of my weight - because even though I am going for weight loss surgery, I'm still on the heavy side - Dr. Jones wants to insure he has the right team in place to make sure I'm as safe as possible. The date that all of the stars aline is April 18, 2016. My surgery time is 9:40am. It should last about 2 hours. Assuming all goes well, I will spend 2 nights in the hospital.

I've been asked to do 21 days of a liquid diet. That will start the day after Easter.

This Friday - April 11th - I meet with my dietitian to go over my pre and post surgery diet. I'm sure I'll have some interesting updates after that meeting. 

It's getting real. It's getting close. The nerves and the excitement are fighting to rule right now.