Preposterous Statements: why I can't go to the gym

As many of you know, I have given my notice of cancellation at LTF. I just can't justify the cost of their monthly membership, when I don't currently use the services (group fitness & the pool) that would make that worth it. So I have the month of October to figure out what I'm going to do instead. One of my options is the gym in my building. This isn't a long-term solution - - it only has about 5 pieces of cardio equipment, and very few weights - - but would work just fine for a month or two, to get me back on track. So last night I hatched a plan. I was going to get up this morning and go check it out. I was working the late shift today, so had an extra half-hour to work with this morning - so as you can see, the stars were aligning for success! I set my alarm, and drifted off to sleep...visualizing myself workin' it on the elliptical...

How things can change in 8 hours. My excitement over this new option went from red hot at 10pm, to non-existent at 6am. While I was sitting on the can trying to talk myself into it, Remus kept arguing with me! Here's a little of how it went -

Me: just do it.
Remus: but what if people are in there
Me: who gives a shit - you aren't shy, and you'll feel so much better if you go.
Remus: yeah - but is it really worth going through all the work of getting ready to possibly get down there and have people using all of the equipment?
Me: whatever - how likely is that, really?
Remus: well, do what you want - but wouldn't you be better-served by 45 more minutes of sleep?
Me: (silence)

Remus won. I didn't go. I laid in bed, feeling like a lazy pile. I really didn't go because I though all of the equipment might be in use? Really? I can really come up with some absurd shit. And that got me thinking....this isn't the first time I've talked myself out of a workout using this flimsy crap.

But...I can't watch what I want...

So I decided to make a list of my most frequent, toxic, mind-thoughts. A list of crazed confessions, if you will. And let me state for the record: if I heard anyone else using these as excuses, I'd slap them....or at least really want to slap them....but like waxing my eyebrows - I just can't do it to myself. So I thought maybe by sharing them, I might be compelled to stop using them? It's a crap-shoot, but worth a shot! So here are a few more:

• (typically thought on Sunday night)..."I have to go back to a full week of work tomorrow. I better just take it easy, so I'm ready"....because sitting on my ass at a desk is something I couldn't do if I burned a couple hundred calories the night before. And why isn't this the rationale during the week, when I still have to go to work the next day? No damn idea.
• "The gym is going to be soooooo busy". Yes - until you hit the jackpot and can install a home gym (to probably just avoid, also), you are going to have to deal with other people there as well. The good news? Some of them might be hot. So just get your ass there.
• "My shoes are worn out, and I need new ones". Maybe if I was a distance runner. Maybe if I was partaking in some sort of specialized training. Maybe...oh forget it! There is no probable instance in my foreseeable lifetime where my tennis shoes should hinder me from a workout. Short of the soles literally coming off - there is nothing. I could make it through a typical workout in my socks with very little issue - so the fact that I want to blame my laziness on my shoes is asinine.
• "There probably won't be any good parking spots at the gym, and I'll have to park far away". Ummm - HELLO!! Why the hell are you going to the gym? Heaven forbid you walk an extra 100 feet on actual ground, instead of a treadmill. Idiot.
• "The channel I want to watch isn't in front of the equipment I like to use". This is what people on twitter would call a #FirstWorldProblem. Basically meaning - there are people in this world with real issues, so quit your damn bitching about something so damn insignificant, and get your ass to the gym - but that hash-tag would be too long.
• "My comfortable gym clothes are all dirty" to appreciate this one, you have to understand that I don't wear cute things to the gym. I wear some variation of sweatpants and old booze t-shirts. So it isn't like all of my matching separates are dirty. And I could go to the gym twice a day for two weeks, and not run out of t-shirts. Basically, my nice loose stuff - - you know what I'm talking about - the stuff that doesn't make you feel like you're wearing a sausage casing - - is dirty. And it's probably dirty from sitting on my ass around the house. If only my mind could comprehend that all of those slightly tight shirts would fit a whole lot better if I just went to the gym...but alas, my mind is dumb sometimes.

I'm sure there are, and will be more...but this is what I could remember off the top of my head. Now if only I could use this mind for good, instead of evil....

Do you have a favorite go-to excuse for skipping a workout?