Post #251: the one where I get my shit together...again

Well...did you guys miss me!??!?

I didn't really realize how much time had gone by since my last post, until I looked at the date on it. Oops. Been missing since October 10th. I wish I could tell you that I'd been absent because I was so busy working out, I didn't have time to post - but that would be a lie. A huge one. And you guys deserve better. So here's what I have been doing...in the form of a "Sometimes" list...

Sometimes...  you finally break down and give ALDI (a discount grocery store in my area) a try, and find it actually isn't nearly as scary as you'd made it in your crazy brain

Sometimes...  your return to the workforce messes with your ability to effectively time-manage yourself...for months...

Sometimes...  you feel like you're eating a lot better than you were, because you're cooking it at home - and then you realize you're still eating processed crap because it's cheap, and it really bums you out

Sometimes...  your costs triple, while your income remains the same - and it takes you a while to figure out how you're going to adjust to these new numbers - because you are terrified that you might slip back into your unresponsible (not a word, but you get my point) financial ways, and dig yourself right back into that hole

Sometimes...  if you worked out for the half the amount of time you thought about working out, planned to work out, came up with excuses not to work out, felt guilty for not working out - you'd be able to run a damn marathon by now!

Sometimes...  it really pisses you off that fruits and vegetables are as expensive as they are. I want the chips. They taste better. And they cost less? Come on world! Give me some damn incentive to eat the broccoli!! (other than it's "good for me")

Sometimes... You have to set yourself up with a weekly weigh-in - because you feel you have no accountability to anyone, or anything, anymore. It's Tuesday, by the way - and you can follow my progress (yes - there will be progress) on my Facebook page (see the link on the right side of my blog)

Sometimes... you make yourself a pan of Biggest Loser Baked Ziti, because it's fairly easy, delicious, makes 8 servings, and you actually like the leftovers - and your kitchen looks like a war zone. That's when you remember one of the major reasons you hate cooking. The clean-up.

Sometimes...  you think you need YC to move to Minnesota so he can babysit you - because even though you know a lot of things: you need to work out, you need to eat well, you can feel much better than you currently do, you can do some amazing shit when you put your mind to it, you're going to love the way you feel when you do all of the crap you're supposed to, your confidence will improve, your brain will work better if the rest of you is taken care of...and on, and on... you just can't seem to make yourself do anything positive on a consistent basis.


Sometimes...  enough is enough, and you get so damn sick of yourself that you just can't take it any more. Enough of the excuses. Enough of the hiding from you guys, because I don't have anything positive to write about. Enough. If I was J.Lo, I'd be training to kick my own ass when I got home.

Sometimes... you actually make yourself a schedule. Like literally start yourself a google calendar to schedule your health - like it's a job. Daily workouts, scheduled. I've also scheduled out to go back over all my literature from fat camp. You know those things that had me feeling like I had the world by the balls? Yeah - that stuff. Cover your nuts, world, cuz I'm back!

Preposterous Statements: why I can't go to the gym

As many of you know, I have given my notice of cancellation at LTF. I just can't justify the cost of their monthly membership, when I don't currently use the services (group fitness & the pool) that would make that worth it. So I have the month of October to figure out what I'm going to do instead. One of my options is the gym in my building. This isn't a long-term solution - - it only has about 5 pieces of cardio equipment, and very few weights - - but would work just fine for a month or two, to get me back on track. So last night I hatched a plan. I was going to get up this morning and go check it out. I was working the late shift today, so had an extra half-hour to work with this morning - so as you can see, the stars were aligning for success! I set my alarm, and drifted off to sleep...visualizing myself workin' it on the elliptical...

How things can change in 8 hours. My excitement over this new option went from red hot at 10pm, to non-existent at 6am. While I was sitting on the can trying to talk myself into it, Remus kept arguing with me! Here's a little of how it went -

Me: just do it.
Remus: but what if people are in there
Me: who gives a shit - you aren't shy, and you'll feel so much better if you go.
Remus: yeah - but is it really worth going through all the work of getting ready to possibly get down there and have people using all of the equipment?
Me: whatever - how likely is that, really?
Remus: well, do what you want - but wouldn't you be better-served by 45 more minutes of sleep?
Me: (silence)

Remus won. I didn't go. I laid in bed, feeling like a lazy pile. I really didn't go because I though all of the equipment might be in use? Really? I can really come up with some absurd shit. And that got me thinking....this isn't the first time I've talked myself out of a workout using this flimsy crap.

But...I can't watch what I want...

So I decided to make a list of my most frequent, toxic, mind-thoughts. A list of crazed confessions, if you will. And let me state for the record: if I heard anyone else using these as excuses, I'd slap them....or at least really want to slap them....but like waxing my eyebrows - I just can't do it to myself. So I thought maybe by sharing them, I might be compelled to stop using them? It's a crap-shoot, but worth a shot! So here are a few more:

• (typically thought on Sunday night)..."I have to go back to a full week of work tomorrow. I better just take it easy, so I'm ready"....because sitting on my ass at a desk is something I couldn't do if I burned a couple hundred calories the night before. And why isn't this the rationale during the week, when I still have to go to work the next day? No damn idea.
• "The gym is going to be soooooo busy". Yes - until you hit the jackpot and can install a home gym (to probably just avoid, also), you are going to have to deal with other people there as well. The good news? Some of them might be hot. So just get your ass there.
• "My shoes are worn out, and I need new ones". Maybe if I was a distance runner. Maybe if I was partaking in some sort of specialized training. Maybe...oh forget it! There is no probable instance in my foreseeable lifetime where my tennis shoes should hinder me from a workout. Short of the soles literally coming off - there is nothing. I could make it through a typical workout in my socks with very little issue - so the fact that I want to blame my laziness on my shoes is asinine.
• "There probably won't be any good parking spots at the gym, and I'll have to park far away". Ummm - HELLO!! Why the hell are you going to the gym? Heaven forbid you walk an extra 100 feet on actual ground, instead of a treadmill. Idiot.
• "The channel I want to watch isn't in front of the equipment I like to use". This is what people on twitter would call a #FirstWorldProblem. Basically meaning - there are people in this world with real issues, so quit your damn bitching about something so damn insignificant, and get your ass to the gym - but that hash-tag would be too long.
• "My comfortable gym clothes are all dirty" to appreciate this one, you have to understand that I don't wear cute things to the gym. I wear some variation of sweatpants and old booze t-shirts. So it isn't like all of my matching separates are dirty. And I could go to the gym twice a day for two weeks, and not run out of t-shirts. Basically, my nice loose stuff - - you know what I'm talking about - the stuff that doesn't make you feel like you're wearing a sausage casing - - is dirty. And it's probably dirty from sitting on my ass around the house. If only my mind could comprehend that all of those slightly tight shirts would fit a whole lot better if I just went to the gym...but alas, my mind is dumb sometimes.

I'm sure there are, and will be more...but this is what I could remember off the top of my head. Now if only I could use this mind for good, instead of evil....

Do you have a favorite go-to excuse for skipping a workout?

Pity...party of one

I found myself having one hell of a pity party for myself on Thursday. There was no legitimate reason for it, but it was happening. There were lots of tiny things I could blame it on - but the truth of the matter is, I was being a spoiled brat. I have this thing within me that on occasion allows me to feel completely entitled. Like things should go the way that I want them to, and move at the speed I want them to. That's legit, right? It all seems pretty easy, and cut-and-dried to me. I should control everything around me. I am at a complete loss as to why the rest of the world hasn't caught on to the fact that things should happen as I want them to!

Actually - I don't really feel that way about everything in life....or at least I don't think I do. I understand that I have to work to make things happen. That positive things are very rarely going to fall in my lap - - and I already had a horseshoe up my ass when I got this book deal. But when I've been making an effort, I just feel like things should work out. And they should work out quickly. At least some of the time.

So when I caught myself sitting at my desk - staring back and forth between my inbox and my phone, willing someone to contact me with a fantastic opportunity - I decided that was enough. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Well watching your email inbox like a hawk doesn't make a new message appear. And longingly staring at your phone won't make it ring - whether you're waiting for a prospective employer to call, or that hot guy you gave your number to last weekend. It just doesn't work.

So I once again had to have a stern talk with myself. I swear - I talk to myself more than I talk to other people sometimes. I guess I have been needing a lot of lectures. But this one was positive, and it seemed to work. I told myself to get my ass off this chair, and go to the gym. Quit using my self-imposed stressful life situation as another convenient excuse to be lazy. In other words - stop frickin' whining, and do something positive. And you know what - I felt so much better when I got home. Endorphins, baby. They're the real deal.

So I need to remember that over the next few weeks, as I continue to look for that perfect employment opportunity....the gym is a great stress reliever, and might just help me remain sane....maybe....

Timing

I am one of those people who is always going to start tomorrow. Or as soon as the weather gets nice. Or as soon as I'm caught up on all of my chores. I am always waiting for the perfect timing on everything. I'm going to start eating better as soon as I can do a complete grocery shopping trip - because what is the point in starting to eat better right away? I need to be fully prepared! I'm going to make sure I start eating more fruits and veggies as soon as the weather warms up - because then I'll be in the mood. I'm going to go to the gym as soon as I get all of my gym clothes washed or my iPod charged or my playlists made. I'm going to get rid of this cold, so I can breathe before I can do anything. Basically - the planets have to align in a way that only happens every 3 billion years in order for the time to be just right. Sure - this is basically just an advanced case of excuse-making - but I prefer to word it as "waiting for the perfect time". 

Then I was flipping through my magazine from my gym. On the last page they usually have some sort of nature-y scene, and a quote meant to inspire. Typically I just roll my eyes, and throw it to the side. But something about this one spoke to me. 

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now." - Mark Victor Hansen

So I got up today, and I went to the gym. I went in spite of my chest cold, and my cough and my cramps. I went, in part, because I would finally be able to watch another episode of Sons of Anarchy (I downloaded them with a birthday gift card, and only get to watch them when I am on a piece of cardio equipment). And you know what? I survived. I was tired, and my breathing was more labored than usual. I had a few limited coughing spasms worked in for good measure. But I survived. And tomorrow I'll do it all over again. Because I can. And because waiting for everything to be perfect is going to do nothing but keep me waiting. I'm not perfect. Life isn't perfect. It's time to start working with what I have - and I could be stuck with a whole lot worse than I am.

Are you getting started now?