Pity...party of one

I found myself having one hell of a pity party for myself on Thursday. There was no legitimate reason for it, but it was happening. There were lots of tiny things I could blame it on - but the truth of the matter is, I was being a spoiled brat. I have this thing within me that on occasion allows me to feel completely entitled. Like things should go the way that I want them to, and move at the speed I want them to. That's legit, right? It all seems pretty easy, and cut-and-dried to me. I should control everything around me. I am at a complete loss as to why the rest of the world hasn't caught on to the fact that things should happen as I want them to!

Actually - I don't really feel that way about everything in life....or at least I don't think I do. I understand that I have to work to make things happen. That positive things are very rarely going to fall in my lap - - and I already had a horseshoe up my ass when I got this book deal. But when I've been making an effort, I just feel like things should work out. And they should work out quickly. At least some of the time.

So when I caught myself sitting at my desk - staring back and forth between my inbox and my phone, willing someone to contact me with a fantastic opportunity - I decided that was enough. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Well watching your email inbox like a hawk doesn't make a new message appear. And longingly staring at your phone won't make it ring - whether you're waiting for a prospective employer to call, or that hot guy you gave your number to last weekend. It just doesn't work.

So I once again had to have a stern talk with myself. I swear - I talk to myself more than I talk to other people sometimes. I guess I have been needing a lot of lectures. But this one was positive, and it seemed to work. I told myself to get my ass off this chair, and go to the gym. Quit using my self-imposed stressful life situation as another convenient excuse to be lazy. In other words - stop frickin' whining, and do something positive. And you know what - I felt so much better when I got home. Endorphins, baby. They're the real deal.

So I need to remember that over the next few weeks, as I continue to look for that perfect employment opportunity....the gym is a great stress reliever, and might just help me remain sane....maybe....