Natalie and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very Bad Day

Let me start by stating that I absolutely hate what I am about to do. People who post cryptic, passive-aggressive statements or posts in what seem to only be a feeble attempt to elicit sympathy, or concerned questions about their welfare...it drives me bonkers...but here I go....


Today has been the most colossally shitty day that I can recall in a really, really, really long time. I'm not going to get into much for details right now because I feel like I need to give the situation, and myself, a minute before I spout off about things that could correct themselves (although that is seeming unlikely right now). So lets just leave it at the fact that today was absolute shit...and go from there.


Now...over the last few years I've developed slightly better coping skills. Where an emotionally taxing day in my previous life would likely end in some combination of: chocolate cake, beer, French fries, Cheetos, wine, pizza, big macs, copious amounts of queso, vanilla vodka, a Baconator or 2.... I have now typically turned to some sort of physical exertion to help deal with my emotional turmoil....

• a long walk with my headphones on
• a quick, but strenuous, ride on the elliptical
• two words: slam balls!!! (Scott's best purchase)
• flipping tires - although I normally hate it, it makes you feel slightly invincible

So what does one do when their body has been sliced all the way around, and they can't do shit? None of the things on the list that have now become stress-relieving go-to's are allowed. I can't even go for a fucking walk because it makes me swell up, and makes my upper vag sensitive as shit!!! I can't even take a damn bubble bath. About the only thing, not food-related, that I can do is scream into a pillow - - and even that would probably make me pop a fucking stitch.


The best I could do was try and run the couple of errands I had as quickly as possible, and get my ass home. Drive past all of the fries and pizzas and chocolate cakes. Get myself to the warm, safe haven of my house. Get into my chair. Cover up with my blanket. Allow myself to feel whatever the hell it is I am feeling. Eat my taco meat with jalapeno dip. Keep the (non alcoholic) liquids flowing. And maybe, just maybe, find the outlet I need by firing up this computer and venting right here. Swearing as much as I fucking want to swear.


Not shoveling things "in" to try and make me feel better, but letting things "out". Let my frustration and pissed-off-ness and overwhelming disappointment out in a....questionably...constructive way.


There's still a decent chance I'll be in tears at some point tonight - - my emotions have been a little too close to the surface for the last couple of months - - and both being pissed off and sad/hurt/disappointed tend to bring me to the brink. And if I do, so be it. At least I won't be crying into a beer....which I count as a slight improvement for myself.