NSV: The Closet

I realized the other day that there has been another transformation that has taken place since my gastric bypass surgery. It was a little less obvious than the physical changes. Not something I am as aware of as the emotional changes. But it is a change none-the-less.

For the 5-10 years (at least) prior to April 18, 2016, I had barely used my closet. It was this area of my house that I tried to ignore. Inside it were a number of garments, ranging in sizes and colors and styles...not one thing in there that would fit. I had jeans in sizes 28, 20 & 32 - most of which wouldn't go past my knees. I had sweatshirts is sizes 2XL that hadn't fit in years. I had button up shirts and pull-over shirts with varying degrees of stretch - all in size 26/28. I had attempted to wear some of the looser, more forgiving (see also: really stretchy) shirts until the last year or so - - but they too had just been hanging there. There was a layer of dust on the top of each hanger, and the clothes hanging on them, because they hadn't been disturbed in such a long time. 

My wardrobe those last few years was made up of about 10 pieces. A pair or 2 of sweatpants - I believe I was wearing size 5X right before my surgery. A few maxi-skirts, which I discovered were even more forgiving than sweatpants, in 4X that I could order online from Target. A few t-shirts - men's size 5X - in long & short sleeve varieties. 2 short sleeve/cowl neck sweaters that were big enough, and long enough, to keep all my things covered. That was it. These items, along with some outrageously sized underwear and few pairs of socks, would rotate between my body, my laundry basket and my washing machine. 

If I kept these very limited number of things in the laundry basket - I didn't have to look at all of the things in my closet I could no longer fit into. I didn't have to have that particular daily reminder of my size, and the lack of options that caused. I didn't have to get slapped in the face each morning when I realized I could no longer fit in the largest sizes available at the "big girl" stores. 

And so it went until I started dropping some weight...when I was like a toddler in reverse because I would grow out of clothes so fast going the other direction. I would try on those old, dust-covered options - - often waiting too long to try them on, and missing that tiny window where they actually fit. I received donations from friends and family - which was just so kind and awesome, and also something completely new! You don't exactly have a lot of people that can give you their hand-me-downs when you're damn near wearing the biggest sizes manufactured. 

And just like that, I started building up an actual wardrobe. Nothing too fancy - - I'm still cheap as shit, and refuse to spend any real money on clothes until I'm done being nipped & tucked to figure out what sizes actually fit! 

It dawned on me just the other morning how weird, and amazing and comforting it is to be able to have this many options. To have a closet full of clothes that actually fit! (except for that one pair of Lucky size 14 jeans...they have until June to fit, or they're out!) Everything in this room can be worn. Some may be a little bit. Some may be a little on the tight side. But all of it can be worn if I'm in the mood. For anyone that has ever been really limited on what they're able to wear, you guys will understand why I'm going to go ahead and count this as a major NSV (non-scale victory). 

The changes...the amazing positives...that have come my way since deciding to have this surgery are still coming in almost 3 years later. They're physical...and emotional....and both...and neither....and I'm just so grateful for all of them.