Today marks my 3-month surgiversary. One one hand that seems absolutely insane - how has it already been 3 months...but on the other hand, it feels like it has been forever!!! I have worked through so many different phases and emotions - - I am grateful to be at this point where things are starting to feel a little more "normal".
I feel very lucky. Things are going so much better than I thought they would - and so much better than they have gone for other people. I follow a lot of weight-loss surgery folks on Instagram, and have exchanged messages with some, who are having - and have had - a much harder time than I am. I have experienced so little pain and discomfort. I haven't had an issue yet with vomiting up what I've just eaten. With the exception of the protein shakes right after surgery, I've had no issues. Granted - I'm still drinking more FairLife milk than I want to - - but at least I'm no longer nauseous.
Emotionally I had a really hard time right before I hit the 2 month mark. With the 21 days of liquids prior to surgery, and the extremely limited diet for 2 months after, I was about to lose my mind. I needed to have some flexibility. You keep telling me no, no, no - and I'm going to flip out. At my 2 month appointment I was given the green light to have anything except carbs (yes - I could have fruit - but no bread, pasta, etc). That was like a switch for me. I could eat vegetables. I could have peanut butter. I could eat nuts. I was giddy.
I had my 3-month appointment last week. I can now eat everything. I've added a little bit of high-protein granola to my greek yogurt - but otherwise I'm still pretty much eating what I was before. It's working!! And having the option to eat other things seems to have been enough (at least for the time being) to keep my mind at ease. Now I'm sure there will come a day when I am willing to cut someone for a slice of bread - but for now, I can honestly say I don't miss it. But I do miss pizza. I will have it one of these days - but that too doesn't seem to be such a hot issue for me right now.
I'm trying to be more active - which is still hard. I'm still horribly out of shape. I move at a snail's pace. But I'm trying. I've walked 3 miles on 2 different occasions in the last couple of weeks. I wouldn't have attempted to walk .3 miles a year ago - hell, a month ago! I'm out enjoying this beautiful Minnesota summer instead of watching it through my window, and that's pretty damn awesome.
The only existing issue for me at this point is the schedule - - I can't drink 30 minutes before I eat, or after I eat. That is really hard sometimes - especially when you're with a group of people. I inevitably time it wrong, and end up eating by myself after everyone else is done. And work is such a zoo that it's tough to stick to my schedule on days I am there. But this is minor - and something that will improve as I'm able to eat more, and drink less (hoping the milk intake goes down drastically soon).
I've definitely hit the grateful stage. I no longer question if this was the right thing for me to do. (the first few weeks when I was nauseous all the time, I was seriously thinking I'd made a horrible mistake). I've already been able to do so much more than I was before - part of that is because I'm now willing to try, part of it is that my body actually allows me to do so much more now. I am becoming an active participant in my own life again, and it's pretty fucking awesome.
I am surrounded by the most fantastic people. My family. My friends. Strangers who have messaged me, or talked to someone I know and let them know they're rooting for me. People who have offered me their old clothes, or sent me a fitness tracker to try out. Seriously - how many people are ensconced by this type of positivity?!?! I swear I'm the luckiest girl. I don't understand what I've done to deserve you - but I am so thankful every day.
healthy is sexy....I'm getting there....
Monday, July 18, 2016
Monday, June 20, 2016
Feeling Almost Human Again
It's no secret to most that I've been having a rough time lately. The rules, restrictions, schedules...all of it...were breaking me down. So when my friend Mark, who had the same surgery I did about 2 years before me, asked if I was free for dinner I decided it was time. It was time to take my hammock out for it's first visit to a restaurant.
My first feeling was total excitement. I haven't been out to eat in 3 months. Everything has been shakes, and milk, and things I could make on my own here at home. It felt like such a huge thing to just be able to go out and get something to eat! That lasted for about a minute - - and then the dread kicked in. What if the food doesn't agree with me? What if I get sick in the restaurant? What if I eat to fast/don't chew enough/blah, blah, blah??
So I did what I could - I picked a restaurant that had an item made of things on my current "approved foods" list. I'd leave off the things I wasn't supposed to have yet. I knew if I went to Las Tortillas here in Rosemount, I'd likely be OK with the Chile Rellano, modified a bit. It normally comes with rice on the side, but there would be none of that for me. It's basically a pepper w/ shredded chicken, cheese and an amazing sauce of some sort. It also comes with black beans on the side. PROTEIN!!! It does come with a light batter on it - but figured I'd ask them to leave that off too.
When I arrived there were already chips and salsa on the table. My human stomach would have put down a couple of baskets without even batting an eye. I knew before I went that I was going to try and avoid them all together. With such limited space in my hammock, I didn't want to hog any up with chips - it honestly just didn't seem worth it. Now I've had really good plans before, and have failed miserably. Tonight I was honestly shocked at the fact that avoiding the chips took no effort at all! I wasn't even interested, which is great since they are most definitely not on my approved food list.
I ordered my main course without the rice, and asked them to leave off the batter. They do make them in advance, so the batter can't be removed. No biggie - I just took it off when my plate arrived. I ate pepper, chicken, cheese and black beans until I was content. Didn't over-do it, so I wasn't miserable. I waited 30 minutes after eating before I had anything to drink (the LONGEST 30 minutes ever). I followed my food list. I was more than satisfied with the amount I ate. Everything went great! Panic was for nothing! And I have leftovers!!
The best part - - I felt normal again. Yes, I made good decisions while I was there - which is pretty great for me - and I got to enjoy some delicious food - - but I got to go do something I had taken for granted not that long ago. And I needed to take a break - even if it was a small/modified break - from the non-stop rules/regulations/schedule of my hammock. My emotional state needed this the most, and I'm so happy to have my virgin restaurant run out of the way!
Now I go see my dietician tomorrow - and I think I get to add peanut butter and tomatoes to my diet. Things are really on the upswing around here!!
My first feeling was total excitement. I haven't been out to eat in 3 months. Everything has been shakes, and milk, and things I could make on my own here at home. It felt like such a huge thing to just be able to go out and get something to eat! That lasted for about a minute - - and then the dread kicked in. What if the food doesn't agree with me? What if I get sick in the restaurant? What if I eat to fast/don't chew enough/blah, blah, blah??
So I did what I could - I picked a restaurant that had an item made of things on my current "approved foods" list. I'd leave off the things I wasn't supposed to have yet. I knew if I went to Las Tortillas here in Rosemount, I'd likely be OK with the Chile Rellano, modified a bit. It normally comes with rice on the side, but there would be none of that for me. It's basically a pepper w/ shredded chicken, cheese and an amazing sauce of some sort. It also comes with black beans on the side. PROTEIN!!! It does come with a light batter on it - but figured I'd ask them to leave that off too.
 |
| No chips, removed batter and still 2 meals left over! |
I ordered my main course without the rice, and asked them to leave off the batter. They do make them in advance, so the batter can't be removed. No biggie - I just took it off when my plate arrived. I ate pepper, chicken, cheese and black beans until I was content. Didn't over-do it, so I wasn't miserable. I waited 30 minutes after eating before I had anything to drink (the LONGEST 30 minutes ever). I followed my food list. I was more than satisfied with the amount I ate. Everything went great! Panic was for nothing! And I have leftovers!!
The best part - - I felt normal again. Yes, I made good decisions while I was there - which is pretty great for me - and I got to enjoy some delicious food - - but I got to go do something I had taken for granted not that long ago. And I needed to take a break - even if it was a small/modified break - from the non-stop rules/regulations/schedule of my hammock. My emotional state needed this the most, and I'm so happy to have my virgin restaurant run out of the way!
Now I go see my dietician tomorrow - and I think I get to add peanut butter and tomatoes to my diet. Things are really on the upswing around here!!
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Temptation
The last week and a half has been tough on me. Not physically - but mentally. It seems like it's just one thing after another - - testing me. Fortunately, I have fear and my hammock (my new sleeve/tiny tummy) to help keep me in check - but I'm hopeful that things will ease up soon.
It started last week - - I spent the bulk of Monday just being pissed off. I wanted a diet coke and pizza. Whether it's that I really wanted a diet coke and pizza - or whether the fact that I have way more things on the "you can't" list than the "you can" has caught up to me. When you are told you can't have something, what is the first thing you want? Now imagine that your favorite thing is on the can't list - and it's been on that list for about 3 months, with at least another month before you can consider having it. For me, that's pizza.
It's not that I'm unwilling to make changes - I am very willing to make improvements to my diet. I've known going into this I would be eating a very low carb, high protein/high fat diet for the remainder of my days. I was also told that I likely won't need to completely edit things out of my life - at least for the most part. I will be able to have Mexican food and pizza - 2 of my faves. I likely won't be able to have another diet coke - and I'm OK with that most of the time. But what I didn't realize was that I'd be on an extremely restricted diet for so long. I figured my hammock would need time to heal - I just didn't realize it would need SO LONG to heal. And the 21 days of liquid diet before the surgery is making this whole phase just seem insanely long. I haven't had a carb (with the exception of the small amount of fruit I eat, and the milk I am forced to drink - gag) in....months. It's all got my mental/emotional state in knots.
And that screwed up mindset is what I took into what I anticipated to be one of the hardest stretches of my year - Kath Family Fun Weekend. A 23 year tradition with my dad's side of the family that has every delicious snack/food our family makes, and plenty of booze. I knew it was going to be a challenge. I knew I'd have to separate myself at times. The truth is - most of it would likely not agree with my hammock anyway. But that doesn't keep it from looking and smelling delicious. It's also no fun to have to repeatedly separate yourself. By next year - I'll be fine. I can eat the meals - grilled chicken, pulled pork, tacos, etc. But not this year. So I packed up my own cooler of food, plenty of Powerade and don't forget my milk - and tried to get my mind right.
Right of the gates I had my first test - smelling fried chicken sandwiches in the car as we left town. I'm not going to lie - they smelled delicious - but I was fine. My hammock doesn't react to hunger/smells/etc the same way a regular stomach does. It is one major gift, that is for sure. Once we got to the resort I stocked my crap in the fridge and went on with our day. My schedule was way off - so I was going to have my final serving of milk right before bed. Because I am me, and life needs to be one gigantic test right now, I discovered at about midnight that our refrigerator wasn't working. All the stuff I brought with me had been sitting just above room temp all day. Gross. The next morning I pitched it all and did a little grocery shopping.
I was surprised by how easy it was to ignore the food. Well - ignore might be a little strong...but it was much less temptation that I had anticipated. The thing that made me drool the most? The fresh veggie tray. This may shock people - but I love veggies - especially if someone else gets them prepped for me! I can only have steamed to death veggies (ewww) right now. I cannot wait until the day I'm free to have fresh peppers and broccoli and cauliflower! And tomatoes! OK - enough. But you get the idea. And taco night was rough - because as you know, I love Mexican food. And the booze was a non-factor. I hadn't been drinking much leading up to surgery anyway - so I was fine with my watered down Powerade and Spark drinks.
It was impossible at times to stay on a schedule - I spent one entire afternoon at the pool - soaking up the sun, watching the mayhem and talking shit with my family. I didn't want to have to leave to go drink my milk and make my own food. It just reinforced how much I cannot wait to get to the "real life" portion of this whole process. I guess I should probably stop referring to it as a process...it's my life. And I'm getting really tired of all the damn restrictions.
So I did what I could. I removed myself when needed. I didn't have so much as a Cheeto or chip. I avoided the homemade bread - not even a bite. No cheesy potatoes. Nothing. I at my food I made, on my approved list. The only exception was one meal of a small amount of ham salad and egg salad - both of which are made of things I can have. Otherwise I didn't touch a thing. I was pretty proud of myself. And I did have one non-scale victory - - I slept in a twin size bed - and I fit, sort of. Well - I fit a hell of a lot better than I would have 6 months ago!
Then I got home and stepped on the scale. I weighed the exact same as I had the week before. Exactly. Not even down a tenth of a pound. I couldn't believe it. I just stood and stared at it for a second. How in the fuck is that even possible!?!?! I did everything I was supposed to. I didn't even touch the other food and then lick my finger. How in the hell did I not lose any weight!?!???!!!??!?!?! Then the mind games kicked into overdrive - well, I guess I could have had some damn cheetoes after all. What difference would it have made if I would have made a meal out of cheesy potatoes. I could have used that platter of nachos as a pillow - I wasn't going to lose any damn weight anyway!!
That went on for about 10 minutes. Then I started getting the replies to my slightly insane update on my page. Thank you to all of you that were just nothing but supportive and reassuring and awesome. I know you were right. The fact that I stuck to my plan was huge. I have to take the victories where I can get them. Fuck the scale this week, as my friend said in her super-supportive text. Seriously - you guys are just amazing. I am so grateful for you.
So I'm back. I'm making a batch of chili for when I return to work tomorrow. I've got "soft foods" approved meals all set for the next few days. And I didn't go off plan - even during my tantrum, I didn't stray. For this girl, that is such a massive victory!
Next Tuesday I meet with my dietician for my 2-month follow-up. I'll still be on soft foods for another month, but I think I increase the amounts and I GET TO ADD PEANUT BUTTER!!! Woo-hoo!!! Just one more month until I meet with my nurse who told me "we'll meet at your 3-month mark and work on transitioning you into real life". I am trying to focus on that day....when I can be a little more human than I am right now.
Until then - let's hope I don't have to break the scale in half next week. Let's hope the tides are turning, so I don't feel like each day is a test my emotional state forgot to study for. Let's hope......
It started last week - - I spent the bulk of Monday just being pissed off. I wanted a diet coke and pizza. Whether it's that I really wanted a diet coke and pizza - or whether the fact that I have way more things on the "you can't" list than the "you can" has caught up to me. When you are told you can't have something, what is the first thing you want? Now imagine that your favorite thing is on the can't list - and it's been on that list for about 3 months, with at least another month before you can consider having it. For me, that's pizza.
It's not that I'm unwilling to make changes - I am very willing to make improvements to my diet. I've known going into this I would be eating a very low carb, high protein/high fat diet for the remainder of my days. I was also told that I likely won't need to completely edit things out of my life - at least for the most part. I will be able to have Mexican food and pizza - 2 of my faves. I likely won't be able to have another diet coke - and I'm OK with that most of the time. But what I didn't realize was that I'd be on an extremely restricted diet for so long. I figured my hammock would need time to heal - I just didn't realize it would need SO LONG to heal. And the 21 days of liquid diet before the surgery is making this whole phase just seem insanely long. I haven't had a carb (with the exception of the small amount of fruit I eat, and the milk I am forced to drink - gag) in....months. It's all got my mental/emotional state in knots.
And that screwed up mindset is what I took into what I anticipated to be one of the hardest stretches of my year - Kath Family Fun Weekend. A 23 year tradition with my dad's side of the family that has every delicious snack/food our family makes, and plenty of booze. I knew it was going to be a challenge. I knew I'd have to separate myself at times. The truth is - most of it would likely not agree with my hammock anyway. But that doesn't keep it from looking and smelling delicious. It's also no fun to have to repeatedly separate yourself. By next year - I'll be fine. I can eat the meals - grilled chicken, pulled pork, tacos, etc. But not this year. So I packed up my own cooler of food, plenty of Powerade and don't forget my milk - and tried to get my mind right.
Right of the gates I had my first test - smelling fried chicken sandwiches in the car as we left town. I'm not going to lie - they smelled delicious - but I was fine. My hammock doesn't react to hunger/smells/etc the same way a regular stomach does. It is one major gift, that is for sure. Once we got to the resort I stocked my crap in the fridge and went on with our day. My schedule was way off - so I was going to have my final serving of milk right before bed. Because I am me, and life needs to be one gigantic test right now, I discovered at about midnight that our refrigerator wasn't working. All the stuff I brought with me had been sitting just above room temp all day. Gross. The next morning I pitched it all and did a little grocery shopping.
I was surprised by how easy it was to ignore the food. Well - ignore might be a little strong...but it was much less temptation that I had anticipated. The thing that made me drool the most? The fresh veggie tray. This may shock people - but I love veggies - especially if someone else gets them prepped for me! I can only have steamed to death veggies (ewww) right now. I cannot wait until the day I'm free to have fresh peppers and broccoli and cauliflower! And tomatoes! OK - enough. But you get the idea. And taco night was rough - because as you know, I love Mexican food. And the booze was a non-factor. I hadn't been drinking much leading up to surgery anyway - so I was fine with my watered down Powerade and Spark drinks.
It was impossible at times to stay on a schedule - I spent one entire afternoon at the pool - soaking up the sun, watching the mayhem and talking shit with my family. I didn't want to have to leave to go drink my milk and make my own food. It just reinforced how much I cannot wait to get to the "real life" portion of this whole process. I guess I should probably stop referring to it as a process...it's my life. And I'm getting really tired of all the damn restrictions.
So I did what I could. I removed myself when needed. I didn't have so much as a Cheeto or chip. I avoided the homemade bread - not even a bite. No cheesy potatoes. Nothing. I at my food I made, on my approved list. The only exception was one meal of a small amount of ham salad and egg salad - both of which are made of things I can have. Otherwise I didn't touch a thing. I was pretty proud of myself. And I did have one non-scale victory - - I slept in a twin size bed - and I fit, sort of. Well - I fit a hell of a lot better than I would have 6 months ago!
Then I got home and stepped on the scale. I weighed the exact same as I had the week before. Exactly. Not even down a tenth of a pound. I couldn't believe it. I just stood and stared at it for a second. How in the fuck is that even possible!?!?! I did everything I was supposed to. I didn't even touch the other food and then lick my finger. How in the hell did I not lose any weight!?!???!!!??!?!?! Then the mind games kicked into overdrive - well, I guess I could have had some damn cheetoes after all. What difference would it have made if I would have made a meal out of cheesy potatoes. I could have used that platter of nachos as a pillow - I wasn't going to lose any damn weight anyway!!
That went on for about 10 minutes. Then I started getting the replies to my slightly insane update on my page. Thank you to all of you that were just nothing but supportive and reassuring and awesome. I know you were right. The fact that I stuck to my plan was huge. I have to take the victories where I can get them. Fuck the scale this week, as my friend said in her super-supportive text. Seriously - you guys are just amazing. I am so grateful for you.
So I'm back. I'm making a batch of chili for when I return to work tomorrow. I've got "soft foods" approved meals all set for the next few days. And I didn't go off plan - even during my tantrum, I didn't stray. For this girl, that is such a massive victory!
Next Tuesday I meet with my dietician for my 2-month follow-up. I'll still be on soft foods for another month, but I think I increase the amounts and I GET TO ADD PEANUT BUTTER!!! Woo-hoo!!! Just one more month until I meet with my nurse who told me "we'll meet at your 3-month mark and work on transitioning you into real life". I am trying to focus on that day....when I can be a little more human than I am right now.
Until then - let's hope I don't have to break the scale in half next week. Let's hope the tides are turning, so I don't feel like each day is a test my emotional state forgot to study for. Let's hope......
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Goals
People have been asking about what my goal weight is...what weight do I want to get to now that I've had this surgery to assist me in getting there. The truth is - I have no idea what a realistic expectation for me is. I've been so insanely over a healthy weight for so long, I have no idea what weight is going to work for me long-term. I can assure you it isn't the 130-144 pounds for a medium framed 5'6" female. I think I passed that weight in about 5th grade. It's a tough thing for me to wrap my head around.
At this point I'm hoping for 225-250. Now most of you are probably thinking why would I aim to still likely be classified as "obese". But the truth for me is that I weighed well above that when I graduated from high school. I'm thinking 225 was likely what I weighed in about 10th grade. I found this picture yesterday when I was looking for something else - and figured this might be me at about that weight. This is the summer before my sophomore year, after I'd had surgery on my left knee (it's still swollen). I'm guessing I was around 225 pounds in this picture - granted about 15 pounds of that was likely my bangs! (good grief - what was I thinking with that hairdo??) and another pound for shoulder pads - but you get the idea. I figure at that weight I should have no issue fitting into chairs, stadium seats or an airplane seat. That will also be light enough for me to skydive!! At that weight and size I should have absolutely no issue living the kickass life I want to. I'd be able to decide what I legitimately want to do, and do it - without being concerned about the walk, standing, or fitting into whatever seats are available. I'd be back in charge of my life...with slightly less bangs.
That being said - I have no idea if that is a realistic goal or not - but I know I'm willing to work my ass off to get to it. I'll make it realistic.
As far as where I am now - - things are going really well. I have a slightly less gross taste in my mouth. I've heard that will go away as the weight loss slows a bit - and apparently that is what I am to expect in month 2. I am consuming FairLife milk to get myself to, and beyond, my protein goal. I'm getting to eat actual food - a very curtailed list, but real food none-the-less. I'm starting to take my vitamins again, so hopefully my energy level will improve. I'm feeling great. I'm feeling like much more of a joiner than I had before. I'm not staying at home rather than going to do things because I may have to walk from the far side of the parking lot. I'm willing to participate, which is a huge step for me!
I've been using MyFitnessPal to track my food, to make sure I'm hitting my 65grams of protein each day. I'm not able to actually complete out my days however, because it keeps giving me errors that I'm not eating nearly enough to survive. I don't know how to tell the ap that I have a baby stomach now? I saw someone who has had this surgery post on Instagram that our stomachs are the size of an egg. Not sure I believe they are quite that small - I will definitely have to ask about that - but if that's true it's insane! Would definitely explain why when I tried to eat 2 hardboiled pickled eggs (made for me by my dad because I requested them) I thought I was going to die! Way too much food for me at this time. I've also learned that I cannot eat and then lay down. I was certain I was going to vomit last week. After 5 minutes of non-stop swallowing and deep breaths I finally started feeling OK again. Lots of learning last week on my first few days of "soft foods".
I'm going to keep plugging along with my tiny portions. I'm going to try and start adding in more movement. This phase of this process is baby steps. My lack of patience is really getting a workout! =) But I'm hanging in there. The number of times per week that I question this decision is decreasing all the time....
 |
| Summer 1990 - approx 225# |
That being said - I have no idea if that is a realistic goal or not - but I know I'm willing to work my ass off to get to it. I'll make it realistic.
As far as where I am now - - things are going really well. I have a slightly less gross taste in my mouth. I've heard that will go away as the weight loss slows a bit - and apparently that is what I am to expect in month 2. I am consuming FairLife milk to get myself to, and beyond, my protein goal. I'm getting to eat actual food - a very curtailed list, but real food none-the-less. I'm starting to take my vitamins again, so hopefully my energy level will improve. I'm feeling great. I'm feeling like much more of a joiner than I had before. I'm not staying at home rather than going to do things because I may have to walk from the far side of the parking lot. I'm willing to participate, which is a huge step for me!
I've been using MyFitnessPal to track my food, to make sure I'm hitting my 65grams of protein each day. I'm not able to actually complete out my days however, because it keeps giving me errors that I'm not eating nearly enough to survive. I don't know how to tell the ap that I have a baby stomach now? I saw someone who has had this surgery post on Instagram that our stomachs are the size of an egg. Not sure I believe they are quite that small - I will definitely have to ask about that - but if that's true it's insane! Would definitely explain why when I tried to eat 2 hardboiled pickled eggs (made for me by my dad because I requested them) I thought I was going to die! Way too much food for me at this time. I've also learned that I cannot eat and then lay down. I was certain I was going to vomit last week. After 5 minutes of non-stop swallowing and deep breaths I finally started feeling OK again. Lots of learning last week on my first few days of "soft foods".
I'm going to keep plugging along with my tiny portions. I'm going to try and start adding in more movement. This phase of this process is baby steps. My lack of patience is really getting a workout! =) But I'm hanging in there. The number of times per week that I question this decision is decreasing all the time....
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Seven Weeks of Liquids
Sunday will mark 7 straight weeks of basically only liquids. This week I was finally able to incorporate some additional flavors by pureeing up an egg with some mayo, mustard and salt & pepper or having refried beans with a ton of Frank's hot sauce. It was wonderful, but still had to be the consistency of applesauce. I'm really looking forward to Monday when I move onto soft foods. Although my diet will still be very limited, I can actually chew! You don't realize how much you miss it until you go this long without it!!
Things continue to go really well for me - - at least for the most part. My incisions are mostly all healed up and cause me no issue at this point. Physically I'm getting around better than I have for a long while - helped along by the fact that I finally hit a pretty major milestone for me on weigh in Wednesday when I finally dropped down under 400. My knees are becoming more and more happy by the day. Physically I'm feeling great. I just have a couple of issues that have continued to bother me. The first is this gross/metallic/disgusting taste I have in my mouth constantly. It doesn't matter how many times I brush my teeth - I can't get rid of it. I may have finally gotten to the bottom of it - - more to follow on that in the info below about my talk with the nurse.
The second is the liquid protein I need to drink. I am not a milk drinker. I hate milk. I tolerated it during the 3 week liquid diet portion leading up to surgery. It was a lot easier to mask it when I had regular taste buds, and a regular stomach. I mixed chocolate things with it, and it was OK. I was warned by the nurses and my dietician prior to surgery that my tastes would change after surgery. They warned me that sugar would likely be an issue. This may have been the biggest understatement they uttered. My little baby sleeve cannot tolerate anything sweet - at all!! Actually, that's not completely true. I've had some zero calorie beverages - Powerade and LifeWater that don't bother me much at all. But all protein options I've tried - my regular chocolate protein powder, the couple of Cellucor options (Peanutbutter, Cinnamon and Red Velvet), my Premier Protein shakes - - all bother me. I've tried watering them down with skim milk, unsweetened almond milk and even using only water - it does no good. I feel nauseous the whole time I drink them, and usually about a half hour or more after. I'm miserable. I dread drinking them, and basically just pissed that I have to.
So I called my nurse yesterday. I had to get the low down on the rules for the next phase of my eating - soft foods anyway - so it was perfect timing. It sounds like she and I might be really similar. She's now 5 years post-op, and has many of the same issues. Does not tolerate sweet well at all, and hates milk. She asked me to try FairLife. She said it's lactose free, so won't upset my stomach like regular milk will, and it doesn't cause her to gag like many other options (I was getting to that point, too). I tried it yesterday. I don't love it. It still tastes kind of "milky" to me - which is the issue. I'm going to see if I can find something - possibly just mixing in a little bit of their chocolate milk (which I loved prior to surgery) and see if maybe that can work - just to give it some flavor? I'll keep you posted on that. Wish me luck.
If there is a positive to this situation, it's that staying away from sweets appears to have just gotten a whole lot easier - - I don't enjoy feeling like crap, and am unlikely to put myself in that position again. And eventually I should be able to get the majority of my protein from actual food - - but that's a couple of months down the road. For right now, I have to consume such small portions while I heal, that I need to get protein through liquid in order to maintain muscle. There just doesn't appear to be much for other options right now.
We also talked about whether I can have sugar-free gum or mints. I told her the breath thing is becoming a major issue. I feel like I have a film on the inside of my mouth at all times. It's pretty gross. She said that is completely normal (would have been nice to know) because I'm in something called "ketosis". There's a whole lot of medical blah, blah, blah online about this - but basically she said it's basically the term for losing weight so fast - and the "acetone breath" is a side effect. Excellent. She said this is also causing water to taste like metal. Good grief! I had just changed my Brita filter that morning because the water tasted like crap. Even bottled water tasted disgusting. I guess this can be removed by adding lemon & lime - or even oranges - to my water. Good to know. Would have been good to know even earlier. I guess that's why so many weight-loss patients I follow on Instagram always have lemons and limes in their water? Duh! So I am now armed with lemons and limes and ready to get my water intake back up!
I was also going over the approved food list with her for this next month - yes, MONTH - of soft foods. It went a little something like this:
Q: Can I have _________ (baked chicken breasts, string cheese, pickles, etc)
A: No - I doubt you'll be able to tolerate that very well at this time
Bummer! But there are still some bright spots to this new eating phase. I get to have the following - which I love: cottage cheese, berries, melon, baby bells (cheese!), taco meat and even chili. I'm looking forward to getting in some additional flavors and mixing things up a bit more. My dad also made me pickled eggs - and I can't wait to bust into those babies!
The only other weird thing is that I feel like I have a super-human ability to smell. Seriously - everything stinks! Maybe it is just me and my damn breath? But I swear if anyone has even looked at garlic or an onion, and I can smell it. The hallways at my apartment building are a minefield! Hopefully that will lighten up with time as well.
I have my one month follow-ups Friday the 20th with the dietician and the nurse. Hopefully I'll be able to get a more solid plan for dealing with the couple of kinks that are causing me issues, and also get cleared to start working out again. Fingers crossed the soft food phase gives me enough energy to do that too!
Things continue to go really well for me - - at least for the most part. My incisions are mostly all healed up and cause me no issue at this point. Physically I'm getting around better than I have for a long while - helped along by the fact that I finally hit a pretty major milestone for me on weigh in Wednesday when I finally dropped down under 400. My knees are becoming more and more happy by the day. Physically I'm feeling great. I just have a couple of issues that have continued to bother me. The first is this gross/metallic/disgusting taste I have in my mouth constantly. It doesn't matter how many times I brush my teeth - I can't get rid of it. I may have finally gotten to the bottom of it - - more to follow on that in the info below about my talk with the nurse.
The second is the liquid protein I need to drink. I am not a milk drinker. I hate milk. I tolerated it during the 3 week liquid diet portion leading up to surgery. It was a lot easier to mask it when I had regular taste buds, and a regular stomach. I mixed chocolate things with it, and it was OK. I was warned by the nurses and my dietician prior to surgery that my tastes would change after surgery. They warned me that sugar would likely be an issue. This may have been the biggest understatement they uttered. My little baby sleeve cannot tolerate anything sweet - at all!! Actually, that's not completely true. I've had some zero calorie beverages - Powerade and LifeWater that don't bother me much at all. But all protein options I've tried - my regular chocolate protein powder, the couple of Cellucor options (Peanutbutter, Cinnamon and Red Velvet), my Premier Protein shakes - - all bother me. I've tried watering them down with skim milk, unsweetened almond milk and even using only water - it does no good. I feel nauseous the whole time I drink them, and usually about a half hour or more after. I'm miserable. I dread drinking them, and basically just pissed that I have to.
So I called my nurse yesterday. I had to get the low down on the rules for the next phase of my eating - soft foods anyway - so it was perfect timing. It sounds like she and I might be really similar. She's now 5 years post-op, and has many of the same issues. Does not tolerate sweet well at all, and hates milk. She asked me to try FairLife. She said it's lactose free, so won't upset my stomach like regular milk will, and it doesn't cause her to gag like many other options (I was getting to that point, too). I tried it yesterday. I don't love it. It still tastes kind of "milky" to me - which is the issue. I'm going to see if I can find something - possibly just mixing in a little bit of their chocolate milk (which I loved prior to surgery) and see if maybe that can work - just to give it some flavor? I'll keep you posted on that. Wish me luck.
If there is a positive to this situation, it's that staying away from sweets appears to have just gotten a whole lot easier - - I don't enjoy feeling like crap, and am unlikely to put myself in that position again. And eventually I should be able to get the majority of my protein from actual food - - but that's a couple of months down the road. For right now, I have to consume such small portions while I heal, that I need to get protein through liquid in order to maintain muscle. There just doesn't appear to be much for other options right now.
I was also going over the approved food list with her for this next month - yes, MONTH - of soft foods. It went a little something like this:
Q: Can I have _________ (baked chicken breasts, string cheese, pickles, etc)
A: No - I doubt you'll be able to tolerate that very well at this time
Bummer! But there are still some bright spots to this new eating phase. I get to have the following - which I love: cottage cheese, berries, melon, baby bells (cheese!), taco meat and even chili. I'm looking forward to getting in some additional flavors and mixing things up a bit more. My dad also made me pickled eggs - and I can't wait to bust into those babies!
The only other weird thing is that I feel like I have a super-human ability to smell. Seriously - everything stinks! Maybe it is just me and my damn breath? But I swear if anyone has even looked at garlic or an onion, and I can smell it. The hallways at my apartment building are a minefield! Hopefully that will lighten up with time as well.
I have my one month follow-ups Friday the 20th with the dietician and the nurse. Hopefully I'll be able to get a more solid plan for dealing with the couple of kinks that are causing me issues, and also get cleared to start working out again. Fingers crossed the soft food phase gives me enough energy to do that too!
Monday, May 2, 2016
2 Weeks Post-Op
It's somewhat hard for me to believe it's already been 2 weeks! It seems like it's flown by, and taken forever to get here, all at the same time!
I am feeling shockingly well, at least compared to what I anticipated feeling like. I'm sleeping back in my bed. I'm able to move around with little or no pain. Physically, I'm great. I feel so lucky for that. I mean I really had some crazy shit running through my head prior to surgery about all of the things that would/could be an issue. At one point I was certain I wouldn't be able to wipe my own ass. Seriously. I had a talk with my sisters about it. I told them I was concerned they may have to do it for me. Luckily - it never came to that. Partially because I wasn't nearly as immobile as I thought I'd be, and also because it took until Thursday for me to take my first shit. Five days! I guess that makes sense when I'm literally taking in NOTHING. Water, popsicles, jello, broth....that's about it. It was nuts.
After my first week of clear liquids I got to graduate onto a couple of new things. I could have cream of wheat (gag) but wasn't interested. Instead I opted for either flavored greek yogurt or tomato soup. I could have 2 tablespoons of one or the other, three times a day. It really felt like I was getting a huge treat after weeks of non-stop protein shakes and clear liquids. Then I found out I had to water down the yogurt when I had it. Everything needed to be the consistency of apple sauce - and slide off my spoon like apple sauce. I had gotten myself some Panera tomato soup from Target, but quickly learned I couldn't have that - - it had tomato skins in it. Everything I had for these next 2 weeks called "full liquids" had to be completely smooth. No chunks of anything. Luckily Wendy gave me some Trader Joe's tomato soup to get me through week 1. I also had to have protein shakes - so I could get myself close to 65grams of protein a day.
About Thursday the nausea hit. It would appear around the time of my protein shakes. The yogurt and soup would go down just fine, but I'd gag trying to drink my protein shakes. I spent the next 2 days - including one at a family wedding/reunion - feeling like hell. Then my friend Melissa came to my rescue! She gave me a couple of different flavors of protein powder to try, and asked if I'd tried almond milk. Good grief! Why didn't I think of that?!?! I am not a milk drinker. I don't think I've consumed a half gallon of milk in the last 10 years combined, and I'd been drinking milk for what was basically 4 weeks straight now. My body was not having it any longer. I got myself some unsweetened almond coconut milk and tried those new flavors -- I'm sitting pretty now! I called the nurse today to insure these changes are OK - and we're good to go! Melissa - you are a life saver. Thank you! And I also have a nice reserve of homemade tomato soup from my aunt Karlene. It is fantastic. Definitely going to make the last week of this phase go so much easier!
Because I'm consuming next to no calories, my goal is to walk 5 minutes, 4 times a day. I go walk around my block, which is a good fit for my timeframe. By the time I get to the end of my walk, I typically feel woozy. Seriously. Kind of light headed. I can't wait to get onto some more foods, so I can get some energy back!
Monday the 9th I get to start my one week of pureed foods. I know - that sounds disgusting - but it is necessary. I have to allow my new baby tummy to heal. But there is some good news -- I get to add in some new flavors!! Everything still has to be super-liquidy, but I can have refried beans with hot sauce, or taco sauce. I can make egg salad - a hard boiled egg with mayo and mustard. I can season things so they have some flavor!! I can have pureed chicken or turkey - but let's be serious....I don't think there is one chance in hell I would be able to get that down the hatch. The thought makes me gag. It's only one week. I can do it! I've been told after that that I can actually chew things. Soft things - but not pureed things none-the-less! I posted one day last week that I'd do unspeakable things for a taco...that still holds true. Not because I want to eat junk, but because I can't wait to consume something that makes some noise!
At this point, I've determined that it is no wonder people lose weight with this surgery. If you follow the eating plan they put in place you don't have to do a thing. You'll BORE the weight right off you. For real. I am now on week 6 of the same boring shit. Yes - I got to add in a nibble of yogurt and a thimble of tomato soup - but for the most part everything is the same! I'm not working this weight off - - it's running away because it's so damn bored!! But I guess it gets me to my goal in the end, right?
To end this post I need to send some long-overdue thank yous. To my sisters and mom who took such good care of me my first days at home. To my brother-in-law who covered their insanely busy lives so my sister could take the time to take care of me. To my friends and family who are just awesome every time I see any of them! To those that have sent cards and messages and follow my social media accounts - - I am so lucky to have this amazing support system around me. I am more grateful than I can adequately express. I appreciate you all so much. Let's keep kicking a little ass.
I am feeling shockingly well, at least compared to what I anticipated feeling like. I'm sleeping back in my bed. I'm able to move around with little or no pain. Physically, I'm great. I feel so lucky for that. I mean I really had some crazy shit running through my head prior to surgery about all of the things that would/could be an issue. At one point I was certain I wouldn't be able to wipe my own ass. Seriously. I had a talk with my sisters about it. I told them I was concerned they may have to do it for me. Luckily - it never came to that. Partially because I wasn't nearly as immobile as I thought I'd be, and also because it took until Thursday for me to take my first shit. Five days! I guess that makes sense when I'm literally taking in NOTHING. Water, popsicles, jello, broth....that's about it. It was nuts.
After my first week of clear liquids I got to graduate onto a couple of new things. I could have cream of wheat (gag) but wasn't interested. Instead I opted for either flavored greek yogurt or tomato soup. I could have 2 tablespoons of one or the other, three times a day. It really felt like I was getting a huge treat after weeks of non-stop protein shakes and clear liquids. Then I found out I had to water down the yogurt when I had it. Everything needed to be the consistency of apple sauce - and slide off my spoon like apple sauce. I had gotten myself some Panera tomato soup from Target, but quickly learned I couldn't have that - - it had tomato skins in it. Everything I had for these next 2 weeks called "full liquids" had to be completely smooth. No chunks of anything. Luckily Wendy gave me some Trader Joe's tomato soup to get me through week 1. I also had to have protein shakes - so I could get myself close to 65grams of protein a day.
About Thursday the nausea hit. It would appear around the time of my protein shakes. The yogurt and soup would go down just fine, but I'd gag trying to drink my protein shakes. I spent the next 2 days - including one at a family wedding/reunion - feeling like hell. Then my friend Melissa came to my rescue! She gave me a couple of different flavors of protein powder to try, and asked if I'd tried almond milk. Good grief! Why didn't I think of that?!?! I am not a milk drinker. I don't think I've consumed a half gallon of milk in the last 10 years combined, and I'd been drinking milk for what was basically 4 weeks straight now. My body was not having it any longer. I got myself some unsweetened almond coconut milk and tried those new flavors -- I'm sitting pretty now! I called the nurse today to insure these changes are OK - and we're good to go! Melissa - you are a life saver. Thank you! And I also have a nice reserve of homemade tomato soup from my aunt Karlene. It is fantastic. Definitely going to make the last week of this phase go so much easier!
Because I'm consuming next to no calories, my goal is to walk 5 minutes, 4 times a day. I go walk around my block, which is a good fit for my timeframe. By the time I get to the end of my walk, I typically feel woozy. Seriously. Kind of light headed. I can't wait to get onto some more foods, so I can get some energy back!
 |
| There is a line of staples that created my new tummy |
At this point, I've determined that it is no wonder people lose weight with this surgery. If you follow the eating plan they put in place you don't have to do a thing. You'll BORE the weight right off you. For real. I am now on week 6 of the same boring shit. Yes - I got to add in a nibble of yogurt and a thimble of tomato soup - but for the most part everything is the same! I'm not working this weight off - - it's running away because it's so damn bored!! But I guess it gets me to my goal in the end, right?
To end this post I need to send some long-overdue thank yous. To my sisters and mom who took such good care of me my first days at home. To my brother-in-law who covered their insanely busy lives so my sister could take the time to take care of me. To my friends and family who are just awesome every time I see any of them! To those that have sent cards and messages and follow my social media accounts - - I am so lucky to have this amazing support system around me. I am more grateful than I can adequately express. I appreciate you all so much. Let's keep kicking a little ass.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Natalie 2.0
The day finally arrived! My surgery date was Monday - and I'm not sure I could be more delighted to just have it over with! Between the too-long liquid diet leading up to it, and the nonstop freaking out over all of the possible horrible outcomes, I was exhausted!
Sunday night I got to take an hour long shower - seriously - that what they wanted me to do. I soaked in the tub for a while, and then took a 25 minute shower. That is the best I could do. After the shower I had a packet of towelettes I had to wipe down with in a very specific order. They claimed I might feel sticky for a bit while my body dried. Lies. I was still sticky the next morning when I woke up. No food or liquid after midnight, and no shower allowed after the cleansing procedure Sunday night, I was mostly just fueled by nerves.
My sister Wendy picked me up and drove me to the hospital. I got checked in, and Wendy was given the buzzer (like one of those buzzing/light up things you get at a restaurant when you're waiting for a table). She had to wait downstairs while I was taken up to a tiny little room to get my blood drawn, vitals taken, changed into my sexy surgical gown, wiped down with more towelettes and my IV started. Oh! And they needed me to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. I told them I hadn't had anything to drink for hours, so it might be an issue.... All of this was done while sweating profusely. My nerves were manifesting themselves in the form of perspiration. Once I was done with everything they had me lay on the bed, and hooked this hose up to my gown. It actually blows air through the gown, and cooled me down right away.
After the student tried unsuccessfully to get my IV started, and my nurse took 2 seconds to get the needle in my arm, my family could come up. Wendy and my Mom joined me in the room for the last hour+ of wait time. We all chit chatted, met many on the anesthesia team and my surgeon, and tried not to mention the fact that we were all freaking out a bit. And then it was time. I was wheeled down a couple of short hallways and into another room. They had me switch onto another bed while the 4 people in the room got my arms strapped down, my compression boots on, and warned me I'd get getting very sleep soon. That's about all I can remember until I woke up in recovery. First thought: YES!!! I WOKE UP!!!! Yes - there were plenty of days that I thought it was a very distinct possibility that I wouldn't. I wasn't wearing my CPAP machine, so knew things must have gone alright. My next concern was the chest pain I was having. I would learn that the air/gas they pumped into me for surgery would be my biggest issue over the next couple of days. I have no concept of time - I was in and out constantly. I was kind of freaking because the chest pressure was making me feel like I could barely breath. Two nice folks came to move me to my room (thank God I didn't have to share) where we had to deal with my next biggest issue: nausea.
The nurses got me going on some more meds, somehow magically got my gown changed, and then there were my sisters and my mom. I was still high as a kite. In and out for the next few hours. Got started on some ice chips. I was then told our goals for the day were to get me out of bed and into the chair right next to it - and then I'd go for a short walk. Oh goody. But by some miracle, I was able to move myself. I basically got out of bed and into the chair on my own. I did the sip test (basically drinking a shot glass of water in 1/2 hour). I needed to do 2 of them. No problem. Down the hatch. Then it was time to get on my feet and go for a short walk. I expected my legs to just not work after being bedridden for so many hours - but it was no problem. Very short walk, but it was a success. Then I also used the restroom. I would come to find out all of things things are good things.
I slept like crap on Monday night - nausea and gas pain wouldn't allow it. Was feeling much better by Tuesday, but basically slept the whole day away. My sisters and dad came to visit, but I basically slept through that. I tried to reply to messages on my phone, but felt like I was going to hurl every time I looked at it. Went for walks and slept. That was it. Wednesday morning it was time to get sprung. The nurse showed me how to give myself shots in the stomach once I got home - - apparently the shots prevent blood clots. After a visit from Dr. Jones, I was on my way.
Nausea again on the ride home, but otherwise everything was great. My sister had everything unpacked and put away before I even got to my chair to pass out! She went and got my 5 - yes FIVE - prescriptions. Anything I could need she got me. I have the greatest family. I have the greatest friends. And I am so grateful to all of you for making this terrifying experience as manageable as it can be!
Now I'm at home. Walking and sipping. I was told about 3422 times that the reason most people have to go back into the hospital is due to dehydration or pneumonia. I'm definitely going to try and avoid that shit.
I've decided - possibly partially due to the fact that I likely still have the Oxy in my system - that is time to share the last tidbit of my story. I've been pretty open and honest about things up until now - but I've never actually shared my weight. Likely because I knew deep down I was going to be heading right back for that number, and likely a higher one, when my latest weight-loss attempt failed miserably. My starting weight at my first appointment on September 9, 2015 was 495 pounds. Nearly 500. Holy shit. It is no longer that shocking that I couldn't walk, or stand - or that I was in constant pain. That was my highest by far, but I also KNOW I will never see anything near that number on my scale again. When I weighed in the morning of my surgery I was at 424.8 pounds. I'd lost 70 pounds on my own. I'd done what was needed of me before my surgery to insure it could be done as safely as possible. I had worked hard. I'd proven that I'm willing to do what I need to do to change. I haven't had a soda since February. Fast food is a thing of the past. I have made changes, and will continue to make changes, because I will never see a number like that on a scale again. My body is going to be so damn grateful, and I can't wait to see what I can do once I'm not hauling all of that around with me all the time. This is literally day 5 of my new life, and I am so damn excited to be a part of it! And I am so glad you are joining me.
Sunday night I got to take an hour long shower - seriously - that what they wanted me to do. I soaked in the tub for a while, and then took a 25 minute shower. That is the best I could do. After the shower I had a packet of towelettes I had to wipe down with in a very specific order. They claimed I might feel sticky for a bit while my body dried. Lies. I was still sticky the next morning when I woke up. No food or liquid after midnight, and no shower allowed after the cleansing procedure Sunday night, I was mostly just fueled by nerves.
My sister Wendy picked me up and drove me to the hospital. I got checked in, and Wendy was given the buzzer (like one of those buzzing/light up things you get at a restaurant when you're waiting for a table). She had to wait downstairs while I was taken up to a tiny little room to get my blood drawn, vitals taken, changed into my sexy surgical gown, wiped down with more towelettes and my IV started. Oh! And they needed me to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test. I told them I hadn't had anything to drink for hours, so it might be an issue.... All of this was done while sweating profusely. My nerves were manifesting themselves in the form of perspiration. Once I was done with everything they had me lay on the bed, and hooked this hose up to my gown. It actually blows air through the gown, and cooled me down right away.
After the student tried unsuccessfully to get my IV started, and my nurse took 2 seconds to get the needle in my arm, my family could come up. Wendy and my Mom joined me in the room for the last hour+ of wait time. We all chit chatted, met many on the anesthesia team and my surgeon, and tried not to mention the fact that we were all freaking out a bit. And then it was time. I was wheeled down a couple of short hallways and into another room. They had me switch onto another bed while the 4 people in the room got my arms strapped down, my compression boots on, and warned me I'd get getting very sleep soon. That's about all I can remember until I woke up in recovery. First thought: YES!!! I WOKE UP!!!! Yes - there were plenty of days that I thought it was a very distinct possibility that I wouldn't. I wasn't wearing my CPAP machine, so knew things must have gone alright. My next concern was the chest pain I was having. I would learn that the air/gas they pumped into me for surgery would be my biggest issue over the next couple of days. I have no concept of time - I was in and out constantly. I was kind of freaking because the chest pressure was making me feel like I could barely breath. Two nice folks came to move me to my room (thank God I didn't have to share) where we had to deal with my next biggest issue: nausea.
The nurses got me going on some more meds, somehow magically got my gown changed, and then there were my sisters and my mom. I was still high as a kite. In and out for the next few hours. Got started on some ice chips. I was then told our goals for the day were to get me out of bed and into the chair right next to it - and then I'd go for a short walk. Oh goody. But by some miracle, I was able to move myself. I basically got out of bed and into the chair on my own. I did the sip test (basically drinking a shot glass of water in 1/2 hour). I needed to do 2 of them. No problem. Down the hatch. Then it was time to get on my feet and go for a short walk. I expected my legs to just not work after being bedridden for so many hours - but it was no problem. Very short walk, but it was a success. Then I also used the restroom. I would come to find out all of things things are good things.
I slept like crap on Monday night - nausea and gas pain wouldn't allow it. Was feeling much better by Tuesday, but basically slept the whole day away. My sisters and dad came to visit, but I basically slept through that. I tried to reply to messages on my phone, but felt like I was going to hurl every time I looked at it. Went for walks and slept. That was it. Wednesday morning it was time to get sprung. The nurse showed me how to give myself shots in the stomach once I got home - - apparently the shots prevent blood clots. After a visit from Dr. Jones, I was on my way.
Nausea again on the ride home, but otherwise everything was great. My sister had everything unpacked and put away before I even got to my chair to pass out! She went and got my 5 - yes FIVE - prescriptions. Anything I could need she got me. I have the greatest family. I have the greatest friends. And I am so grateful to all of you for making this terrifying experience as manageable as it can be!
Now I'm at home. Walking and sipping. I was told about 3422 times that the reason most people have to go back into the hospital is due to dehydration or pneumonia. I'm definitely going to try and avoid that shit.
I've decided - possibly partially due to the fact that I likely still have the Oxy in my system - that is time to share the last tidbit of my story. I've been pretty open and honest about things up until now - but I've never actually shared my weight. Likely because I knew deep down I was going to be heading right back for that number, and likely a higher one, when my latest weight-loss attempt failed miserably. My starting weight at my first appointment on September 9, 2015 was 495 pounds. Nearly 500. Holy shit. It is no longer that shocking that I couldn't walk, or stand - or that I was in constant pain. That was my highest by far, but I also KNOW I will never see anything near that number on my scale again. When I weighed in the morning of my surgery I was at 424.8 pounds. I'd lost 70 pounds on my own. I'd done what was needed of me before my surgery to insure it could be done as safely as possible. I had worked hard. I'd proven that I'm willing to do what I need to do to change. I haven't had a soda since February. Fast food is a thing of the past. I have made changes, and will continue to make changes, because I will never see a number like that on a scale again. My body is going to be so damn grateful, and I can't wait to see what I can do once I'm not hauling all of that around with me all the time. This is literally day 5 of my new life, and I am so damn excited to be a part of it! And I am so glad you are joining me.
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