Do you ever underestimate yourself? Do you ever assume you won't be able to do something, without even trying it? I have that. I tend to do it a LOT. Before FC my life was all about editing. Removing places I couldn't go because of seating, or the distance I'd have to walk to get there. And heaven forbid I'd have to move once I got there! Forget that! I wouldn't attempt to do anything I felt like might be the least bit of a challenge, because I was as big as a house and didn't want to look like a fool if I failed.
Not sure why I am still holding on to my fears with a death grip? Maybe it's tied to the fact that I don't really think I've had any significant changes to my size? Or I forget that I am capable of more now than I was a year ago? Or it's just that I'm still just scared of looking like a jackass if I can't do it?
Thursday was a day to confront one of my fears. YC had me doing walking lunges while holding weights. Does this sound like a big deal? Probably not to most people. I have been doing regular lunges for a while now. But walking lunges? This is a whole other matter. I think the balance part of it is what terrifies me. The bigger you are, the less balance you have - or at least that is the way it works for me. What if I get stuck in the lunge? Completely ludicrous fear - I know I can get myself out of a lunge. But with the added weights...you just never know. What if, in the middle of the lunge, I lose my balance and just fall over? So embarrassing! Mortifying to do that in the middle of the gym.
So I went down my list of exercises. And when it came to the walking lunges I considered skipping them. Would anyone really know? No. No one would know, except me. But isn't it kind of silly to lie? Yes, it is. So I gave it a try. I did a couple without weights. What is this? Dare I say - they were "easy"? Yes. I dare to say! They were no problem. No problem at all! I grabbed myself a couple of weights, and did my sets. They were incident-free. What a complete waste of panic!
So...yet another lesson. Maybe I should stop underestimating myself. Maybe I should give things a try before assuming I can't do it. I am getting stronger. The list of things I am capable of is going to continue to grow (hopefully). I will add this to the list of brain changes I need to make.
Dunno how you do it Natalie, but somehow you always write about the things I'm also struggling with :-) I arrived to Finland yesterday, and I was careful enough to reserve a hotel with an in-house gym, so that I can't skip going, convincing myself, that it wouldn't be smart to go out in minus 20 degrees. Yesterday I skipped, as I was too tired from the journey. Today I intended to go, but have been sitting here, reading blogs for an hour or so... then I came to your post and realized what I'm doing - trying again to skip going somehow, like reading blogs until it closes. Why? Because I'm scared. Scared, because it's not my gym, where I know the equipment and my ways around. And it's a hotel gym, probably very small, no corners to hide. What if there won't be any cardio machines? Or only machines I don't know how to use? Or small enough weights for me? How would it look, if I went in and came out 15 minutes later, because I don't know what to do with myself in this new place?
ReplyDeleteAnd now, as I've written these down, they sound totally stupid. So, I'll just think of your courage and get my fat ass up from here and get down to the gym. In the worst case I'll just do some sets of lunges ;-)