two steps forward....what seems like a million back....

I realize this won't be news to you guys - but I hadnt written consistently, for months. I am truly feeling invigorated, and ready to start spilling again.

Last weekend was great for many reasons. I went out and had some fun with friends i hadnt hung out with in months. I met a completely oblivious jackwagon, who unknowingly propelled me to write again (see my last post). I got to catch up with old co-workers that I hadnt seen in a couple of years. And best of all - I think I finally put this stall into perspective.

I felt like if I wasn't making headway (losing weight), I had no business writing this blog. If I wasnt working out, I had nothing to share. If I wasn't eating a healthy diet of lean protein and leafy greens, I should keep my trap shut. If I didn't decide I was going to get healthy, and accomplish that goal with unwavering precision, I didn't have anything people woJuld want to read.

But this weekend something dawned on me - - people who go from being extremely overweight to fit - with no set-backs, no stall-outs, no mini (or not-so-mini) hiatuses (or would it be hiat-I?) from their healthful endeavors - are very rare. There are the occasional machines who decide they're going to get healthy, and just do. But I think most people follow a similar path to mine - super-motivated, lose weight, lose some motivation, stall out, gain weight, get it back together, lose weight, gain weight, gain more weight, lose weight. Yo-yo dieting is a term for a reason. Why do you think all of these diet plans try and boast their "__% have kept the weight off for 2+ years!!!!" statistics? I'll tell you why - because it's fucking hard! Because looking at it as a diet is a recipe for disaster in the first place. Because we're human, and completely changing your life - even when you know it will be great for you, and you'll feel better - is not like flipping a switch. It's like a constant damn battle against your mind and your taste buds and the people in your life who can eat whatever they want and your laziness and your willingness to not fight for yourself and that bitch in your brain that keeps telling you you can't do it. It never ends. There are days where it's easier than others - where talking yourself into a workout is easy, and brussel sprouts sound delicious. But the ugly truth is, those days are few and far between - and they become fewer and farther the louder that bitch in your brain gets. And she can get rowdy!

But I know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only one who struggles. Who feels like she's losing more days than she's winning. But who is also willing to lace up her shoes and continue to fight. Because I am worth it. And health is possible. And I have you guys. And so I'm going to write. And I'm going to be honest with you about what I'm going through. The good, the bad, and the (often) ugly. Because I know I'm not alone, and I know some of you can relate. And I hope you'll continue to stick with me, and enjoy my antics.

So let's do this shit, you guys. We can do this. We deserve to do this. And I'm going to be a baaaaad-ass bitch when this is all said and done. I'd love it if you'd join me.

Bones Don't Jiggle

**Quick notice: Today is June 1st, so it is the first day of our new "Mission: Move It To Lose It"!! Check out our page on this blog named: "Move it 2 Lose it" to track our goals and progress!!**

I just watched the rerun of the "Mike & Molly" pilot episode over lunch today. I had forgotten how much I loved Molly's response to her mom's explanation of "you've just got big bones" as an legitimate reason for her being overweight. I just had to use it for the title of this post. It makes me giggle every time I hear it!

Don't worry, kids - I know better than to blame my weight on the size of my bone structure. I'm not even sure what size my bones are because they're buried deep...deep....deep down! On the bright side, I've never broken a bone. I think the impact required to get through all of my...ummm...padding...would probably kill me at the same time, so I am safe. At this point, I'd settle for just being able to see one of my bones. Maybe a kneecap? Instead of a large, padded, pocket of fat it would be nice to actually see a kneecap in there. I trust I have them! I just haven't seen them in a while. One day.....

I also just watched the first episode of "Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition". Did any of you watch it? I thought it was OK. Trying to pack that much time (one year) into that short amount of time (one hour) is hard when you're dealing with something as diverse as obesity. (Man - I really hate that word. I'm going to call it "Remus-ity" instead. I urge you to do the same.) There were a couple of things I thought were interesting about this show. I think the most shocking part for me was when the trainer made the family members carry her weight around the track. I remember when they had Bob put on the weight that Michael had lost on Biggest Loser. He couldn't move! All I could do was imagine my poor skinny family trying to walk around weighing what I do. Holy hell! That would be horrible. I can sort of see why he did it - this girl lived at home with her family, and they were going to be a huge part of her success (or failure). But at the same time - I wouldn't want my family to have to do that. They didn't make me fat. They didn't hoover Big Mac's and sit on the couch all day....every day.... I think it was nice of them to do it - but I wouldn't ever want my family to have to do it. They'd collapse. Seriously. They're too tiny.

It did also provide me with a good reminder - one I am reluctant to believe - and that is: it isn't so much what you're doing, as what you're putting in your mouth. That poor girl was working out 4-5 hours a day, but wasn't watching what she was eating close enough. She only lost 3 pounds in 3 months. Now - "only" might seem like the wrong word choice here - she'd lost 130 pounds in the six months leading up to that. But anyone putting in that kind of time at the gym should lose more than that! I keep wanting to fight it. I keep wanting to believe I can still eat what I want if I work out. And I can - if I want to bounce around in the same 10-20 pounds for the rest of my life. But since that is not my goal, I best remind myself numerous times a day that it's what going in that's going to decide my success. And why do I want to beat the hell out of myself at the gym to not see results. It's easy - I don't. So put it all together, I must. At least it's getting warm. It's always easier to eat better when it's nice outside.

Do you find that your eating and exercise habits change with the seasons?

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu. -Jane Wagner

OK - so it is way more than 10 pounds, but you get the point!  I believe you will find that the average 35 year old, who has been overweight the majority of his/her life, has tried many of the "diet" options out there - and boy are there options!  The positive is that he/she doesn't feel alone - there are so many other people that are overweight as well, that every commercial block has at least one ad for some sort of blubber-battling option.  I just saw an ad for Kirstie Alley's new diet program.  I am not kidding!  I do not mean to be negative, because that is not how we roll at SDtS - but come on!!  I try and give people credit for making any attempts at self-improvement, but Ms. Alley - are you serious?!?  That would be like me trying to pedal a.....well, a new weight loss program!  Until you have lost weight, and been able to successfully keep it off for more than 10 minutes (which I think we all know is the most challenging part) you are not allowed to sell products for weight loss!  I guess I shouldn't blame her.  I should appeal to the poor, misguided folks who are paying her for her program.  That would be like paying Toni Braxton (a singer who just filed for bankruptcy for the 2nd time) to manage your money!  It appears to be true - people will buy anything tied to a celebrity.

I have personally tried Weight Watchers (more than once) and LA Weight Loss (which I believe is out of business?).  I have a couple of friends who have had great success with Atkins.  The truth is, every program will work, if you follow it.  For me, a major problem is thinking I am on a "diet".  Calling it a diet leads my brain to believe there is an end in sight.  That one day I will be able to go back to the drive thru's and binge drinking, and everything will remain hunky dory! (just realized I have no idea how to spell that - - so hopefully you guys can make some sense of it)  In this world of people looking for the "quick fix", I have given in to the reality that weight loss comes with a life change.  A life of me using all of these fitness fragments and nutrition nuggets I have obtained over the years to get to, and maintain, a more fabulous (& SEXY) Natalie.  Another truth is that I am going to have to work my ass off.  I am going to have to go to the gym....a lot!!  If I ever want to see my clavicles again (I am assuming at some point in my life they were visible, but I honestly can't remember a time when they were), I am going to have to work it!

As an ode to "diets-past", I thought I would share some of my favorite "nutritional nuggets" with you:

• a banana is not one fruit, it is 2.  So when tracking your limited fruits for the day, make sure to mark that down as 2 if you "accidentally" eat the whole thing.  Who eats 1/2 of a banana beyond the age of 4? 
• Triscuits (reduced fat) count as a starch.  How many can you have as one starch serving, you ask?  Three.  Seriously.  I believe the quote from my friend, who was also on this diet with me, was "I would have had 3 gone before I even thought to see what a serving size was!"
• When trying to save up your "points" for a night of heavy drinking out on the town, it is not a good idea to only eat carrot sticks (zero points).  They absorb next to no alcohol, and you may fall on your face at the Wild Onion.  Maybe.
• Squeezing lemon into your water will help alleviate puffiness, according to one diet source
• when eating "volumetrically" cucumbers are your best bet.  They contain a lot of water.
• Pretzels have almost no nutritional value, and are basically just a conveyor of salt.  Avoid them.

During attempts at the various "diets" on the market, I received a number of helpful hints, both solicited and unsolicited.  Shout out to the people who believe it is beneficial to tell fat people to just exercise more and eat less.  Apparently, according to these people, there is a direct link between obesity and a complete lack of common sense.  If it were as simple as that, everyone would be fit.  If it were as easy as "don't have more than one drink a day", no one would be an alcoholic.  If it was as simple as "just don't buy cigarettes", no one would smoke.  Does anyone ever walk up to someone suffering from bulimia or anorexia and tell them they could solve all of their problems by just exercising more and eating less?  An eating disorder is an eating disorder is an eating disorder - and I believe obesity is one.  I cannot understand what it is within people that makes them think that just because I am overweight I want to hear their opinions about it?   

So I am promising this: I am banishing the word "Diet" from my dictionary, and I promise to never comment on someone's life as it pertains to weight, unless I am asked.  I will share what I find to be useful to me, and hope that it can help someone else.  (I would appreciate the same from you guys)  Hey...I might be on the way to designing my own "Weight Loss System"?!?!  I'm kidding.  That would be too ridiculous.

Please share a nutritional nugget with us!!