Under Construction

Any good Minnesota resident knows - if the roads aren't covered with snow and ice, then half of them are being ripped up and repaired in some manner! It seems I can't get anywhere these days without merging, or detouring, or both. It is kind of how I would describe my life in general right now.

Nothing is easy. Nothing is a straight shot. No task can be completed incident-free. Or at least this is the way things seem. Now it could just be my crazy brain is giving me this skewed interpretation....and it is extremely likely that that is the case...but it is still causing me angst. So I am going to take things back, to when I shared everything with you guys. I'm going to be honest - not that I was intentionally trying to not be honest  - but I've gone off the grid. So here we go...here's my vomiting of facts: (that paints a really pretty word picture, doesn't it?)

• My slacking has been completely unacceptable for the month of July. There is really no other way to put it. And because I am going to earn that iPad - I am now in big trouble for August! Lots of ground to make up. But I will do it.
• I have been eating like absolute crap. Not just a little. A LOT. Lite on the veggies, heavy on the grease. It is not a recipe (pun intended) for success.
• I have actually had a few interviews/phone interviews over the past couple of weeks - and hopefully they'll turn into something. Someone has to realize how magnificent I am - right?
• I have allowed my obsession over my job-hunt completely derail everything else. It made a really handy excuse to be lazy as hell.
• One bright spot right now is that a book is printed, with my name on it, and that is pretty frickin sweet
• I have determined that alcohol is not my friend. It makes me walk into pools with my clothes on. It makes me sing karaoke. It has even caused a victory dance to be choreographed, and performed, by me. It basically gives me the green light for all things jackass-like. I need to go back on the wagon. (Please note that I don't have a drinking problem - I've gone over-board twice in the last month, and that's a lot for me over the past couple of years. It is just one more thing I've let slip.)

The one in the blue is me last Saturday night!

 So that's what I've been up to. Just derailing and obsessing. I had made a comment, or at least thought about making a comment, in a previous post about how job-hunting is like dating. It is true. Or at least it's like my form of dating. Or what I can remember of dating ... it's been a while. Here are the similarities, as I see them:

• Sending out a resume is like giving out your number. You wonder if your resume will get them interested enough to pursue you. With a guy it's like: Will he call? Did he like what he saw of me enough to make the effort to learn more?
• The interview is like the first date. With the interview you get kind of nervous. You try to be yourself, but it's a guarded version of yourself. Same way on a first date. You get butterflies. Some friends need a cocktail or two before, just to settle their nerves. (hey - maybe I should have been doing that before my interviews?) You try to be as honest as you can without over-sharing. You try to be witty, and sound smart, and smile. With the interview, or the guy, you don't want them to see all of your crazy up front! You want to ease into it over the next few (or few thousand) meetings.
• Post-Interview and Post-first date: will they call? Was I what they were looking for? Did I say too much? Should I have shared that story? Did they think I was qualified - to be their office bitch, or their girlfriend - because everyone has a bit of a checklist? Did I scare them away? Should I have laughed at that? I was basically just being myself - - was that too much for them?

And I've discovered a negative of this cell-phone carrying, always in touch, day and age! (I can't even believe I'm saying this - because I LOVE MY GADGETS!!) But if you were starting to date before the world had cell phones you might be able to relate to this - - you got sick of staring at the phone, and willing it to ring. You could feel yourself going batty, hoping he'd call. So what did you do? You got the hell out of the house! For any reason! I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to run to Target, and wander for an hour. This would be the perfect time to buy stamps! Whatever you could come up with to kill some time so you didn't just sit there, gradually losing your mind. But now there are cell phones, that we carry with us at all times. And we get our emails directly to those phones. I am so grateful for technology most of the time - but now it is a bit of a curse!  No matter where I go, it's with me. Taunting me with it's non-ringing and non-email-indicating-buzzing. The good news is that I leave it in the car when I'm at the gym. So I talked myself into going today. It was a nice break. =) And hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow. And the day after. Until something fantastic comes my way, and this nuttiness can subside.

So there you have it. Job-hunting is the new dating. And cell phones, for all of their great perks, can be the devil.

I hope you're all having a more productive month than I am! I promise to be more inspiring going forward. Enough is enough!

a wedding, two pools and the "accident"

This weekend I was reminded of why it is that I don't drink very often anymore. Hangover. Major hangover. But at least I did the work to earn it. I had my sister's sister-in-law's (did you follow that?) wedding on Saturday. I tried to be somewhat helpful with a couple of the babies before and during the wedding. I ended up getting out of part of my duties when I got to stop for a beer on the way to the reception, and that is where things started heading downhill. It was delicious. You really can't beat a cold beer on a hot day - and it was h.o.t. The good part about high humidity - at least for me - is that it kills my appetite if I'm out in it. So I wasn't really hungry - but I sure was thirsty. And I had a ride home, so I was thirsty for beer. I did what I could to insure I will never be invited to another of their family functions by going in the pool with all of my clothes on at about 11pm. I figured I hadn't stopped sweating in about 7 hours - why not just finish the job off? Rational thinking...right? I'm not going to lie to you - it was the best decision my booze-addled brain has ever made. I was completely cooled off after that - and could even get in some dancing. I was basically just a visual treat for everyone still in attendance. I was a never-ending display of jackassery.

Then I opened my eyes on Sunday, and was reminded of why I don't do that anymore. Throbbing headache. I threw some water and ibuprofen down my throat, and went back to bed. I laid low for the day, in the AC - and was feeling better in no time. The one positive for me was that I finally let go of my "my arms have to be toned to wear a tank top" dream - and wore one anyway. Were my arms pretty? No. But did it possibly help my already over-heating body stay just a little bit cooler? I think it did. I finally took the leap, and I'm so glad I did! I feel so liberated!

Last week was an epic fail as far as moving my ass was concerned, but I went into this week with a plan. I headed to the gym today to put in somewhere between 5-10 miles - whatever I was feeling once I got there. I did 7. I feel like I was a little dehydrated (see the weekend torture above for the reason) - and my bod just wasn't feeling up to much more than that.  I got my heart rate up, and did some major sweating - so I was feeling pretty kick ass when I was done.

I also decided that today would be the day to head out by the pool for a little bit after my workout. I even got to burn some extra calories by trying to wedge my sweat-soaked body into a swimsuit. No easy task, I can assure you.

The pool was packed - and had many resemblances to the "kid hell" that I have seen in my nightmares. I went to the back corner and picked myself out a chair. There were like 4 adults by me. It was perfect. I was just thinking I might be ready for my second trip into the water to cool down when I heard the whistles. I assumed it was just break time. I was wrong. One of the young lifeguards came by to tell me there'd been "an accident" in the pool, and they didn't know how long it would be closed. He was young and nervous, so I gave him a break and didn't pry further. Instead I put my detective hat on, and set to trying to figure this mystery out. An accident...hmmm...I don't see anyone looking particularly panic-stricken. I don't see emergency services personnel. I don't see a group huddled together trying to save anyone. So what could this "accident" be? With all of those kids in there - I was certain the first time I went in the water I was swimming around with about a 50/50 mix of chlorine water and urine, so I doubt it was just a pee-accident. And that's when I knew. Someone had a poop accident. Sure enough - there was one of the bikini-clad lifeguards (seriously - when did they start wearing bikini's? That is NOT going to go well if you're trying to save someone!) was over with the net on a stick attempting to fish something out of the kiddie area. All I could think of was Eddie Murphy singing "and then a big brown shark came...." from his Delirious stand-up video. My suspicions were confirmed when a girl that appeared to be about ten greeted her friend by my chair with "someone crapped in the pool". I took that as my cue to leave.

I'll be heading back for a workout tomorrow. Until then, may your day be crap-free!

Pity...party of one

I found myself having one hell of a pity party for myself on Thursday. There was no legitimate reason for it, but it was happening. There were lots of tiny things I could blame it on - but the truth of the matter is, I was being a spoiled brat. I have this thing within me that on occasion allows me to feel completely entitled. Like things should go the way that I want them to, and move at the speed I want them to. That's legit, right? It all seems pretty easy, and cut-and-dried to me. I should control everything around me. I am at a complete loss as to why the rest of the world hasn't caught on to the fact that things should happen as I want them to!

Actually - I don't really feel that way about everything in life....or at least I don't think I do. I understand that I have to work to make things happen. That positive things are very rarely going to fall in my lap - - and I already had a horseshoe up my ass when I got this book deal. But when I've been making an effort, I just feel like things should work out. And they should work out quickly. At least some of the time.

So when I caught myself sitting at my desk - staring back and forth between my inbox and my phone, willing someone to contact me with a fantastic opportunity - I decided that was enough. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Well watching your email inbox like a hawk doesn't make a new message appear. And longingly staring at your phone won't make it ring - whether you're waiting for a prospective employer to call, or that hot guy you gave your number to last weekend. It just doesn't work.

So I once again had to have a stern talk with myself. I swear - I talk to myself more than I talk to other people sometimes. I guess I have been needing a lot of lectures. But this one was positive, and it seemed to work. I told myself to get my ass off this chair, and go to the gym. Quit using my self-imposed stressful life situation as another convenient excuse to be lazy. In other words - stop frickin' whining, and do something positive. And you know what - I felt so much better when I got home. Endorphins, baby. They're the real deal.

So I need to remember that over the next few weeks, as I continue to look for that perfect employment opportunity....the gym is a great stress reliever, and might just help me remain sane....maybe....

Checking Myself Out

Get your minds out of the gutter people! When I say "checking myself out" I meant I google'd myself. Wait...that still sounds kind of dirty. But you know what I mean. I have been on the job-hunt trail lately - so I was curious what people would be able to find on me if they were looking. I figured on most of it: I have a facebook page, you can find me on Twitter, you can see I'm on LinkedIn, I write a blog...yadda, yadda, yadda....but there was one link I didn't expect to see.

It went a little something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Natalie-Kath/e/B0052XMDZK

this screams professional - right?

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!! MY NAME IS ON AMAZON.COM!!! I'm not going to lie! I was somewhat stunned!! I had absolutely no idea my book would be available through Amazon until January! And Amazon even has a place to do a bio and stuff in an area called "Author Central" - which I now, apparently, qualify for!! OMG!!! Now I just need to get a usable picture - because I'm not sure they'd care for this pic of me with my "sexy bitch" goblet.

This was just one of the many fantastic things going on this weekend! I may not have done a ton for my physical well-being (I was a gym slacker, but did get to do one beginner Zumba class on Monday) - but I did a crap-load for my emotional well-being. I spend the entire day Sunday on a deck overlooking Lake Minnetonka with a ton of awesome people, and then got to hang with family and friends on Monday. The weather was GORGEOUS, and I even have a bit of a tan to show for it. It is Monday night and the best description I have for myself right now is "content". This weekend was so great!

So now that I got to enjoy the most perfect weekend, it's time to get back at it tomorrow. I'm going for 10 miles on Tuesday....and I know I can do it.

What's the most shocking thing you found out when you google'd yourself?

Obstacles

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. I had less than 15 miles to go to actually meet my June goal for our current mission. I went to happy hour and dinner with a bunch of friends last night, and was still on a high from seeing all of them. I was determined to not let my stress continue to ruin my life - everything is fine, and it's going to work out.

Then I got out of bed.

As soon as I looked in the mirror, I realized that the horn (see also: blemish or zit) I had developed and tried to treat by ignoring until Tuesday night - on the left side of my jaw had grown. And not just grown - it now had my entire jawline puffy, and it was now painful to touch it or smile. I am not claiming that my jawline isn't normally puffy - I have an anti-chiseled jawline - but it makes me feel like I look like I got punched. Mainly - I think my horn has taken on a life of it's own.

Trying to ignore the pulsating lower quadrant of my face, I got dressed and headed to the gym. The timing was just about perfect - the Twins game was about to start, so I'd have something to listen to. Walking in, I was somewhat more distracted than usual. There were a lot of large trucks working on the outside of the building, and a lot of taped off sections to avoid near the entrance. I clearly wasn't paying enough attention because I quickly realized once I was on the Octane machine that I had stepped in gum. Now I not only had gum on my shoe, but it was all over the foot area on the machine. Thank you, and shout out to, the jackwad that spit their gum out in the gym parking lot. You had to have passed a minimum of five garbage cans on your way out of the building. Hats off to you for waiting until you were in a high-traffic area to spit it on the ground. You're awesome.

In spite of my morning having a somewhat rocky start, I still put on 8.22 miles between the Octane machine (I wasn't feeling it today, and finally just surrendered to those feelings after 5 miles) and the bike. I have less than seven to do tomorrow to reach my goal for June.

I have been feeling somewhat sluggish the last couple of weeks - probably another sweet symptom of the stress I've been feeling. But Friday starts a new month. A month in which I have to do more distance. So I better turn this frown upside down, or get this butt out of it's rut, or go with the notion to get in motion. (sorry - I just made a couple of those up, and they're awful!)

So tomorrow I'm going to wake up in the optimistic mood of today, and trust it will go a little better!

the stress is great within me

make that tacos, and that's been me

This week I've learned that a good positive attitude, and being really optimistic, only takes you so far - and only lasts for so long. Being fully immersed in the job-hunt is stressing me out! And as I have learned - I have some opportunities for improvement where my dealings with stress are concerned! When I'm feeling stressed out, I hoover anything filled with fat and salt. A deep-fat-fryer becomes my best friend. I guess something about the sound of my arteries clogging relaxes me? I also learned earlier this year, as an added bonus, my hair falls out! Awesome! Nothing hotter than a greasy, bloated, bald lady - am I right fellas?!?!

So the good news is that I was able to identify last week that I was in my stress-spiral, and tried to yank myself out of it. I stocked the pantry with healthy-ish vittles, and tried my best to be strong! I have learned (see also: been reminded of) a couple of things:

1. I LOVE grapefruit. Cut it in half, with a packet of faux-sweetener, and go to town. Delicious.
2. Plums are yummy. That is all.
3. Crystal Light might actually be saving me from having complete organ shut-down
4. When you stop eating a lot of salt, and simultaneously go back to the gym - your pancakes come back at full-force!
5. Job hunting is like dating. You wait by the phone (or computer) wondering if they'll call (or email). You wonder if you said the right thing. You wonder if they'll like you. 

And although I can totally identify what is going on - I still can't stop myself from wanting to eat crap. Just last night I had to have a REALLY stern talk with myself. It was almost 9pm. I wasn't hungry. But I still wanted to go get tacos. Why? I have no damn idea. But I totally got the win.

I guess I was just feeling stress about the job hunt. But maybe I need to get some perspective. I have been hard at it for like two weeks. A number of the jobs I applied for didn't even close until last Friday. I have moments of extreme positivity, where I'm sure there is someone out there that is going to realize what a fantastic employee I will be, and how much value I will bring to their company. Then I have the lows - which is also tied to my need for immediate gratification - when I don't understand why I haven't heard from them within 24 hours of sending in my resume. I just need to take a chill pill, and trust that something fantastic is coming my way.

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I am not a person who is typically content to "drink" their calories. I want to actually eat. I need the satisfaction of chewing. But in the summer, post-workout, I am OK with a protein shake to hold me over for dinner. Here is the recipe for the protein shake I'm in love with! It uses powdered peanut butter!! The whole thing is only 260 calories - and it really does fill you up!

• 1 heaping scoop of (VegaMixx??) protein powder (I am using vanilla, because they didn't have chocolate - and it is still delicious) = 100 calories
• 2 Tbls powdered peanut butter = 45 calories (SERIOUSLY!)
• 1/2 sliced banana = 55 calories
• 1 cup almond milk = 60 calories
• ice cubes/water = 0 calories

I use my Magic Bullet, and it is ready in less than 1 minute. Instant gratification is my friend.

UPDATE!! BOOK NEWS!! I guess they are going to reprint in paperback later this year - so it will be available in stores like Barnes & Noble around January 1st! That's pretty damn exciting!!





Do you notice you eat more based on certain emotions? How do you control it?

But I "earned" it!

I cannot seem to shut my "validation" switch off. I'm not sure if anyone else out there has this particular issue. It is that internal voice that tells you that if you do something good - no matter how small it may be - you are somehow entitled to a reward. I have it in many aspects of my life. It is a major part of what dug me into the financial hole I wrote about recently. But for this post I am talking about my workout vs. food issue.

I have heard it a thousand times - it is more about what you're putting into your body, than how much you exercise. As much as I keep trying to prove that isn't true, unfortunately it is. But how do I stop my brain from telling me it's OK to reward myself with fat/sugar/salt for a job well done? The "I worked out really hard today, so it's OK to have cheese curds" or the "I'm having a salad instead of a burger, so I can pile anything I want on top of it....it's still a better choice". I can rationalize just about anything in this brain of mine. Now that I am actually working out more than I had been recently, this validation/reward issue is really back with a fury! Every day I heard: I did "x" miles today, so it is OK to get tacos and potato oles. I'm an idiot. Or actually - Remus is an idiot. I blame him. I need to get some duct tape to shut him up.

It went on for about a week, and then it dawned on me (again)...why the hell am I busting my ass at the gym, to immediately eliminate any benefit with what I shove in my mouth? Wouldn't it be nice to see a reflection of the work I'm doing at the gym on the scale? So yesterday I went out and got my fridge and pantry stocked with healthy vittle options.

Apparently, I need to put myself on a shopping schedule as well, I guess. One day a week I need to stock up. I abhor the grocery store (and I'm a poet and didn't know it) - so I tend to put it off. It's just easier to stop and grab something on the way home from the gym. But when I have healthy food on hand, I tend to eat it.

YUMMO!!

 

I remember them preaching at FC that it comes down to planning - and I have not been. It is time start. I've never been a person who planned out their week of meals, and then shopped for them. I've been a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-plus-sized-pants-and-hope-when-push-comes-to-shove-I'll-make-a-good-decision" type of girl. Why I still believe that is possible in spite of the 1239834 times I've proven it doesn't work for me, is beyond me.

My biggest issue is: I wait to long to eat, and then want something immediately. When I don't have anything healthy on hand to whip up quick, I make bad decisions. So I'm also going to try and put myself on more of an eating schedule too - so it doesn't get to the point where I'd like to eat my arm, and go for the first thing I can find.

Yesterday was my first run. I did pretty well - except I forgot the noodles for one of my dishes. Otherwise I have three "entrees" planned - that have leftovers I'll actually eat. I have eggs, english muffins, laughing cow, peppers, yogurt and fruit for breakfast (that is usually my largest meal at this point). I bought some 160 calorie chocolate oatmeal (it was really good once I let it cool down a little bit. It doesn't taste as good when you're worried about burning all of the skin off the inside of your mouth - which I think is weird! =)) to have as a snack, or a rush breakfast. I loaded up on string cheese. I have all of the fixins for protein shakes. I got a big bag of pistachios to snack on. I got lettuce to make myself salads (without 600 calories worth of stuff on top =)). I am prepared - which for me is way more than half the battle!

I have already had one small victory. I'm watching my nephew today (he has a fever and is banned from daycare) and I was on the verge of ordering a pizza - but I talked myself out of it.

Now that I appear to have gotten myself in the mode of getting my miles in - no matter if it takes two back-to-back days of hell like last week,or not - it is time to get just as serious and dedicated about what I'm throwing at my face.

How do you guys make sure you eat healthy? Do you plan? Do you have a routine? Do you prep? Do you just know you'll make good decisions? Do you just hope for the best?