Monday, July 18, 2016

Three Months

Today marks my 3-month surgiversary. One one hand that seems absolutely insane - how has it already been 3 months...but on the other hand, it feels like it has been forever!!! I have worked through so many different phases and emotions - - I am grateful to be at this point where things are starting to feel a little more "normal".

I feel very lucky. Things are going so much better than I thought they would - and so much better than they have gone for other people. I follow a lot of weight-loss surgery folks on Instagram, and have exchanged messages with some, who are having - and have had - a much harder time than I am. I have experienced so little pain and discomfort. I haven't had an issue yet with vomiting up what I've just eaten. With the exception of the protein shakes right after surgery, I've had no issues. Granted - I'm still drinking more FairLife milk than I want to - - but at least I'm no longer nauseous.

Emotionally I had a really hard time right before I hit the 2 month mark. With the 21 days of liquids prior to surgery, and the extremely limited diet for 2 months after, I was about to lose my mind. I needed to have some flexibility. You keep telling me no, no, no - and I'm going to flip out. At my 2 month appointment I was given the green light to have anything except carbs (yes - I could have fruit - but no bread, pasta, etc). That was like a switch for me. I could eat vegetables. I could have peanut butter. I could eat nuts. I was giddy.

I had my 3-month appointment last week. I can now eat everything. I've added a little bit of high-protein granola to my greek yogurt - but otherwise I'm still pretty much eating what I was before. It's working!! And having the option to eat other things seems to have been enough (at least for the time being) to keep my mind at ease. Now I'm sure there will come a day when I am willing to cut someone for a slice of bread - but for now, I can honestly say I don't miss it. But I do miss pizza. I will have it one of these days - but that too doesn't seem to be such a hot issue for me right now.

I'm trying to be more active - which is still hard. I'm still horribly out of shape. I move at a snail's pace. But I'm trying. I've walked 3 miles on 2 different occasions in the last couple of weeks. I wouldn't have attempted to walk .3 miles a year ago - hell, a month ago! I'm out enjoying this beautiful Minnesota summer instead of watching it through my window, and that's pretty damn awesome.

The only existing issue for me at this point is the schedule - - I can't drink 30 minutes before I eat, or after I eat. That is really hard sometimes - especially when you're with a group of people. I inevitably time it wrong, and end up eating by myself after everyone else is done. And work is such a zoo that it's tough to stick to my schedule on days I am there. But this is minor - and something that will improve as I'm able to eat more, and drink less (hoping the milk intake goes down drastically soon).

I've definitely hit the grateful stage. I no longer question if this was the right thing for me to do. (the first few weeks when I was nauseous all the time, I was seriously thinking I'd made a horrible mistake). I've already been able to do so much more than I was before - part of that is because I'm now willing to try, part of it is that my body actually allows me to do so much more now. I am becoming an active participant in my own life again, and it's pretty fucking awesome.

I am surrounded by the most fantastic people. My family. My friends. Strangers who have messaged me, or talked to someone I know and let them know they're rooting for me. People who have offered me their old clothes, or sent me a fitness tracker to try out. Seriously - how many people are ensconced by this type of positivity?!?! I swear I'm the luckiest girl. I don't understand what I've done to deserve you - but I am so thankful every day.