Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Under Construction

Any good Minnesota resident knows - if the roads aren't covered with snow and ice, then half of them are being ripped up and repaired in some manner! It seems I can't get anywhere these days without merging, or detouring, or both. It is kind of how I would describe my life in general right now.

Nothing is easy. Nothing is a straight shot. No task can be completed incident-free. Or at least this is the way things seem. Now it could just be my crazy brain is giving me this skewed interpretation....and it is extremely likely that that is the case...but it is still causing me angst. So I am going to take things back, to when I shared everything with you guys. I'm going to be honest - not that I was intentionally trying to not be honest  - but I've gone off the grid. So here we's my vomiting of facts: (that paints a really pretty word picture, doesn't it?)

  • My slacking has been completely unacceptable for the month of July. There is really no other way to put it. And because I am going to earn that iPad - I am now in big trouble for August! Lots of ground to make up. But I will do it.
  • I have been eating like absolute crap. Not just a little. A LOT. Lite on the veggies, heavy on the grease. It is not a recipe (pun intended) for success.
  • I have actually had a few interviews/phone interviews over the past couple of weeks - and hopefully they'll turn into something. Someone has to realize how magnificent I am - right?
  • I have allowed my obsession over my job-hunt completely derail everything else. It made a really handy excuse to be lazy as hell.
  • One bright spot right now is that a book is printed, with my name on it, and that is pretty frickin sweet
  • I have determined that alcohol is not my friend. It makes me walk into pools with my clothes on. It makes me sing karaoke. It has even caused a victory dance to be choreographed, and performed, by me. It basically gives me the green light for all things jackass-like. I need to go back on the wagon. (Please note that I don't have a drinking problem - I've gone over-board twice in the last month, and that's a lot for me over the past couple of years. It is just one more thing I've let slip.)

The one in the blue is me last Saturday night!
 So that's what I've been up to. Just derailing and obsessing. I had made a comment, or at least thought about making a comment, in a previous post about how job-hunting is like dating. It is true. Or at least it's like my form of dating. Or what I can remember of dating ... it's been a while. Here are the similarities, as I see them:
  • Sending out a resume is like giving out your number. You wonder if your resume will get them interested enough to pursue you. With a guy it's like: Will he call? Did he like what he saw of me enough to make the effort to learn more?
  • The interview is like the first date. With the interview you get kind of nervous. You try to be yourself, but it's a guarded version of yourself. Same way on a first date. You get butterflies. Some friends need a cocktail or two before, just to settle their nerves. (hey - maybe I should have been doing that before my interviews?) You try to be as honest as you can without over-sharing. You try to be witty, and sound smart, and smile. With the interview, or the guy, you don't want them to see all of your crazy up front! You want to ease into it over the next few (or few thousand) meetings.
  • Post-Interview and Post-first date: will they call? Was I what they were looking for? Did I say too much? Should I have shared that story? Did they think I was qualified - to be their office bitch, or their girlfriend - because everyone has a bit of a checklist? Did I scare them away? Should I have laughed at that? I was basically just being myself - - was that too much for them?
And I've discovered a negative of this cell-phone carrying, always in touch, day and age! (I can't even believe I'm saying this - because I LOVE MY GADGETS!!) But if you were starting to date before the world had cell phones you might be able to relate to this - - you got sick of staring at the phone, and willing it to ring. You could feel yourself going batty, hoping he'd call. So what did you do? You got the hell out of the house! For any reason! I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to run to Target, and wander for an hour. This would be the perfect time to buy stamps! Whatever you could come up with to kill some time so you didn't just sit there, gradually losing your mind. But now there are cell phones, that we carry with us at all times. And we get our emails directly to those phones. I am so grateful for technology most of the time - but now it is a bit of a curse!  No matter where I go, it's with me. Taunting me with it's non-ringing and non-email-indicating-buzzing. The good news is that I leave it in the car when I'm at the gym. So I talked myself into going today. It was a nice break. =) And hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow. And the day after. Until something fantastic comes my way, and this nuttiness can subside.

So there you have it. Job-hunting is the new dating. And cell phones, for all of their great perks, can be the devil.

I hope you're all having a more productive month than I am! I promise to be more inspiring going forward. Enough is enough!

Monday, July 11, 2011

a wedding, two pools and the "accident"

This weekend I was reminded of why it is that I don't drink very often anymore. Hangover. Major hangover. But at least I did the work to earn it. I had my sister's sister-in-law's (did you follow that?) wedding on Saturday. I tried to be somewhat helpful with a couple of the babies before and during the wedding. I ended up getting out of part of my duties when I got to stop for a beer on the way to the reception, and that is where things started heading downhill. It was delicious. You really can't beat a cold beer on a hot day - and it was h.o.t. The good part about high humidity - at least for me - is that it kills my appetite if I'm out in it. So I wasn't really hungry - but I sure was thirsty. And I had a ride home, so I was thirsty for beer. I did what I could to insure I will never be invited to another of their family functions by going in the pool with all of my clothes on at about 11pm. I figured I hadn't stopped sweating in about 7 hours - why not just finish the job off? Rational thinking...right? I'm not going to lie to you - it was the best decision my booze-addled brain has ever made. I was completely cooled off after that - and could even get in some dancing. I was basically just a visual treat for everyone still in attendance. I was a never-ending display of jackassery.

Then I opened my eyes on Sunday, and was reminded of why I don't do that anymore. Throbbing headache. I threw some water and ibuprofen down my throat, and went back to bed. I laid low for the day, in the AC - and was feeling better in no time. The one positive for me was that I finally let go of my "my arms have to be toned to wear a tank top" dream - and wore one anyway. Were my arms pretty? No. But did it possibly help my already over-heating body stay just a little bit cooler? I think it did. I finally took the leap, and I'm so glad I did! I feel so liberated!

Last week was an epic fail as far as moving my ass was concerned, but I went into this week with a plan. I headed to the gym today to put in somewhere between 5-10 miles - whatever I was feeling once I got there. I did 7. I feel like I was a little dehydrated (see the weekend torture above for the reason) - and my bod just wasn't feeling up to much more than that.  I got my heart rate up, and did some major sweating - so I was feeling pretty kick ass when I was done.

I also decided that today would be the day to head out by the pool for a little bit after my workout. I even got to burn some extra calories by trying to wedge my sweat-soaked body into a swimsuit. No easy task, I can assure you.

The pool was packed - and had many resemblances to the "kid hell" that I have seen in my nightmares. I went to the back corner and picked myself out a chair. There were like 4 adults by me. It was perfect. I was just thinking I might be ready for my second trip into the water to cool down when I heard the whistles. I assumed it was just break time. I was wrong. One of the young lifeguards came by to tell me there'd been "an accident" in the pool, and they didn't know how long it would be closed. He was young and nervous, so I gave him a break and didn't pry further. Instead I put my detective hat on, and set to trying to figure this mystery out. An accident...hmmm...I don't see anyone looking particularly panic-stricken. I don't see emergency services personnel. I don't see a group huddled together trying to save anyone. So what could this "accident" be? With all of those kids in there - I was certain the first time I went in the water I was swimming around with about a 50/50 mix of chlorine water and urine, so I doubt it was just a pee-accident. And that's when I knew. Someone had a poop accident. Sure enough - there was one of the bikini-clad lifeguards (seriously - when did they start wearing bikini's? That is NOT going to go well if you're trying to save someone!) was over with the net on a stick attempting to fish something out of the kiddie area. All I could think of was Eddie Murphy singing "and then a big brown shark came...." from his Delirious stand-up video. My suspicions were confirmed when a girl that appeared to be about ten greeted her friend by my chair with "someone crapped in the pool". I took that as my cue to leave.

I'll be heading back for a workout tomorrow. Until then, may your day be crap-free!

Friday, July 8, 2011 of one

I found myself having one hell of a pity party for myself on Thursday. There was no legitimate reason for it, but it was happening. There were lots of tiny things I could blame it on - but the truth of the matter is, I was being a spoiled brat. I have this thing within me that on occasion allows me to feel completely entitled. Like things should go the way that I want them to, and move at the speed I want them to. That's legit, right? It all seems pretty easy, and cut-and-dried to me. I should control everything around me. I am at a complete loss as to why the rest of the world hasn't caught on to the fact that things should happen as I want them to!

Actually - I don't really feel that way about everything in life....or at least I don't think I do. I understand that I have to work to make things happen. That positive things are very rarely going to fall in my lap - - and I already had a horseshoe up my ass when I got this book deal. But when I've been making an effort, I just feel like things should work out. And they should work out quickly. At least some of the time.

So when I caught myself sitting at my desk - staring back and forth between my inbox and my phone, willing someone to contact me with a fantastic opportunity - I decided that was enough. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Well watching your email inbox like a hawk doesn't make a new message appear. And longingly staring at your phone won't make it ring - whether you're waiting for a prospective employer to call, or that hot guy you gave your number to last weekend. It just doesn't work.

So I once again had to have a stern talk with myself. I swear - I talk to myself more than I talk to other people sometimes. I guess I have been needing a lot of lectures. But this one was positive, and it seemed to work. I told myself to get my ass off this chair, and go to the gym. Quit using my self-imposed stressful life situation as another convenient excuse to be lazy. In other words - stop frickin' whining, and do something positive. And you know what - I felt so much better when I got home. Endorphins, baby. They're the real deal.

So I need to remember that over the next few weeks, as I continue to look for that perfect employment opportunity....the gym is a great stress reliever, and might just help me remain sane....maybe....

Monday, July 4, 2011

Checking Myself Out

Get your minds out of the gutter people! When I say "checking myself out" I meant I google'd myself. Wait...that still sounds kind of dirty. But you know what I mean. I have been on the job-hunt trail lately - so I was curious what people would be able to find on me if they were looking. I figured on most of it: I have a facebook page, you can find me on Twitter, you can see I'm on LinkedIn, I write a blog...yadda, yadda, yadda....but there was one link I didn't expect to see.

It went a little something like this:

this screams professional - right?
HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!! MY NAME IS ON AMAZON.COM!!! I'm not going to lie! I was somewhat stunned!! I had absolutely no idea my book would be available through Amazon until January! And Amazon even has a place to do a bio and stuff in an area called "Author Central" - which I now, apparently, qualify for!! OMG!!! Now I just need to get a usable picture - because I'm not sure they'd care for this pic of me with my "sexy bitch" goblet.

This was just one of the many fantastic things going on this weekend! I may not have done a ton for my physical well-being (I was a gym slacker, but did get to do one beginner Zumba class on Monday) - but I did a crap-load for my emotional well-being. I spend the entire day Sunday on a deck overlooking Lake Minnetonka with a ton of awesome people, and then got to hang with family and friends on Monday. The weather was GORGEOUS, and I even have a bit of a tan to show for it. It is Monday night and the best description I have for myself right now is "content". This weekend was so great!

So now that I got to enjoy the most perfect weekend, it's time to get back at it tomorrow. I'm going for 10 miles on Tuesday....and I know I can do it.

What's the most shocking thing you found out when you google'd yourself?