let us see what we can accomplish when we actually try, shall we?

 Maaaaannnnnnn…. 2023 was really something, am I right?!?! In some ways, this year was so damn fantastic - and in others… lets just say there are some clear opportunities for improvement!

I set myself a goal at the beginning of the year - - to leave the state of MN at least once per month. What I learned was - I can stick to my goals… when they’re fun! I got to experience some truly great things and places. I got to see a bunch of new places - and things that it was really important for me to be a part of (my oldest niece’s last tournament with her club team in CA, and my nephew’s team win their division at the Cal Ripken Experience in SC)

I’ve set a whole bunch of other goals that I didn’t do so well with. Most of them relating to my physical health & wellbeing. At some point, that motivation that had been with me since my WLS in 2016 packed up all of it’s shit, and split. Vanished without a trace - leaving me to wonder if the last 6 years had been an aberration. Had I imagined that working out used to be automatic? Something I did without question. I planned it around whatever other plans I had to make sure I got it in. Instead - in 2023 I couldn’t seem to persuade myself to peel my ass off the couch! 

I allowed myself to make any and every excuse to not show up. Some actual - some exaggerated. At the time I didn’t really see it that way - - but you know how hindsight makes all of the things clear…. The reality is - yes, my bod is more sore. My knees and hips are PISSED a lot of the time. But is there a chance that the complete lack of movement is making it a larger issue? I’m guessing there is. Picking up some extra LBs probably isn’t helping either. 

You guys know I’m an over-sharer, right? Not a whole lot has gone on in the last 7 years that I haven’t been pretty open about. But the one area I have somewhat kept to myself is my personal life. That is the one area of my life that I don’t usually really feel the need to broadcast on social media. Well - that may be misleading. It’s not like there’s been much to share! Lol I go on dating apps - become disgusted with humans (at least the male ones that cross my path) - take a break. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

The reason I am bringing it up is that I have allowed this emotionally exhausting cycle to become an unacceptable distraction this year. To the point that I have made it a part of my goals/resolutions for the year. To allow myself to (hopefully) remove “dudes” from my excuse list:

• I have started working with a therapist. NO - not only because of my relationship challenges, although it is a consistent topic during our sessions. I figured it sure couldn’t hurt to just talk to someone to provide some guidance. I think most of us could use some help/support - and finally decided to start back in August.

• My picker is broken. Completely broken. So instead of continuing to do the same shit, and expect everything to just magically work out, I am taking a break from dating apps for 2024. I know, I know. At my big age - is this a good idea? I had that thought myself… should I really sacrifice an entire year, as old as I am? But I quickly reframed that thought to: I’m not sacrificing a year - I’m INVESTING in myself for this year. Be better. Attract better. Experience better. RIght? RIGHT. 

• I used to be really fucking content all on my own. I don’t know if you guys have gathered this or not - but I am a damn delight! Lol. I did my own thing, dudes be damned! Then I was in a relationship for nearly a year - and realized I really liked having someone around. I’ve been attempting to recreate that - - companionship & affection? I think that’s probably the best way to describe what I’ve been looking for - - for the last couple of years, and the shit isn’t working. So I am using this year to more fully focus on my damn self. What I enjoy doing. What I want to see & do. How I want to spend my time. What’s important to me. Where I want to be. How I want to grow. What I want from this wonderful thing called life. A complete refocus on self-love. 

That’s probably enough about that - - but I felt it was something I wanted to share. It is important to me - and will be a constant work in progress - so is a part of the overall plan for the year. 

My Tracking Chart 💗

What else is part of the plan, you ask? Well - I’m sure you can guess this - - GET MY PHYSICAL HEALTH BACK IN ORDER!!!!! I think I kept expecting to be in the same place I was when I was working out 5-6 times a week consistently - - and then would be shocked and pissed off when I wasn’t. What kind of moronic logic is that!??! I would like to thank said therapist for pointing out that it was really fucking hard when I started working out after my surgery. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t in shape because I wanted to be - - I had to GET into decent shape. And since I’ve basically just took an entire year (or maybe even more if we’re being honest about it) off - I really am basically starting over. I’m not going to be able to do all of the shit I could do before. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to be REALLY fucking uncomfortable sometimes. That really fucking sucks to admit - - but it’s reality. So we’re going to rebuild this shit.

I’ll be starting a new 30 Out of 33: Moderately Inconvenient on January 1st, and I’m actually going to do it this time. I am even taking it back to Kindergarten with a chart and stickers and shit! 

To add some additional motivation - - I have a couple of trips planned later this year that I’d really like to do plenty of walking & hiking - - so getting myself back in shape is really important to me. And I’m giving myself some time to get there - - so it is absolutely something I can accomplish. 

I was thinking I should have done “invest in me in 2023” but I missed it - - but we aren’t looking back any longer. We’re not going to continue to shoulda/coulda/woulda…. 

We’re going to “Invest in me a whole lot more in 2024”