Remember when I started all this crap?? And by "all this crap", I mean - trying to get my life switched around so I could be the poster child for healthy living. I was so full of hope and optimism and positivity. Like I had the world by the balls. Like this time it was going to be a piece of cake, and not a daily, mind-numbing battle. I felt like I was riding a unicorn while safely ensconced in a shawl made of hearts and butterflies and puppies and bunnies. Basically - living in la la land, thinking I had it all figured out. I got cocky.
Well....somewhere along the line I lost it. I got bucked off the damn unicorn, and lost my frickin' shawl! I found myself, by myself, wondering how the hell everything got so hard all of the sudden. I left the protective bubble of FC, and found myself alone in the tundra surrounded by temptation. The cocktails started to call to me. Soda - granted I drink diet, but apparently that's almost worse - totally had my number and wouldn't leave me alone! And then out of nowhere, my taste buds turned back on. They could no longer be kept content with veggies and low-sodium healthy crap...I mean stuff. They wanted - nay! they demanded flavor in form of fat and salt. They could not be silenced.
I've half-assedly tried to re-create the bubble. I've tried to keep only good things in my house. I've left my wallet at home so I can't stop and pick up bad things. I've set my alarm to get up and work-out in the morning. (do you guys even realize how easy it is to reset it for an hourish later, and just go back to sleep?) But there's this thing that keeps getting in my damn way! Life. Made up of work, money and bills - Life is working against me. In this trying economy, and me with my non-degree'd-self, I'm working for far less than I believe my abilities merit. Can't the world see that my intangible list of skills warrants a large salary, and an amazing benefits package?? Geesh! So I better just learn how to work with it.
Since going back to work, I've made some questionable decisions - like quitting my gym. How are you going to try and be a person who is getting healthy, and quit your gym? Seriously. Hey - I'm working on getting in shape, and losing weight - - I don't need that stupid gym membership! Idiotic. So I have finally realized the errors of my ways, and have determined that it is essential that I have a gym membership. Some people work out in their homes, and it works great for them. If I had an elliptical in my living room, I'm sure I'd spend time on it - but I can't currently afford a decent one, so that's out. The baby-gym (and I use the term gym loosely here) at my apartment complex is just too depressing to use. And yes - I can go walk outside, and have - but it seems to be 90+ and humid more days than not lately, and I don't care for that. So I'm on the hunt for something reasonably priced, that isn't a crackerjack box. On a related note - If anyone knows of a person in the Twin Cities who'd like to donate personal training sessions, I'd be all for it. I could pay them in high fives...or hugs...scratch that - I'm not much of a hugger...or dirty looks while they train me. Who could turn down that deal? Please pass along their information. =)
So I've learned some things. When things are super-easy, DON'T TRUST IT! Especially considered I'd given it the old college try about 34235 times - did I really think I was just going to breeze my way to fitness and smallness? Apparently, I did. But I've now come to the point where I can admit it's going to be just as much work as I'd hoped it wouldn't be. Every day. What to eat? How to fit in the workout. Every. Day. So here I go....a little less sunshiny....but going none-the-less. I will lose weight. I will get healthy. I will.....it just isn't going to be easy.