Wednesday, February 24, 2016

State of the FUPA: Volume 1

A lot has been happening the last few days. Mostly good, which is more than welcome by me at this point. 

I've remained in my funk from the end of last week through the weekend and the beginning of this week. Irritated, frustrated, demoralized and cranky. Not feeling like the scale was reflecting what I've been doing. Not feeling like the joints on the lower half of my body are cooperating with me - and allowing me to do what I'd like to be doing in a somewhat pain-free way. I've been a mess. 

I woke up Friday morning feeling like someone was taking a chisel to the inside of my left knee. Every step - every time I put weight on that leg - pain. Sharp pain. The kind that really gets old after 6 days straight of it. I took it easy that morning and later I met with a lady in the psychology division of the bariatric surgery department. The good news was that I was found sane enough for surgery, and given approval to proceed. Victory.

I received a call on Monday to finally get my appointment scheduled with the surgeon. This is just my pre-surgery consultation - but I should be getting my surgery date soon! On Wednesday March 2nd I'll be having an ultrasound done on my gall bladder, a meeting with a nurse and then meeting the surgeon! Hopefully they will decide a date for my surgery. Then I meet with the dietitian Friday, March 11th to get my pre and post surgery diet guidelines. We're making move, people!

As excited as I was to finally be moving forward, and in some fairly major ways, I was still just salty as hell when I went to my appointment with Scott this morning. That poor guy. I am certain he finds me to be one of the crankiest individuals on the planet, and I can't say what he's experienced has been anything but. Unfortunately for him, he ends up being my shrink as well. But that actually ended up being a good thing today. We spent my walk chatting, and I realized I hadn't explained my full situation to him very well. I think we've got things cleared up now - and he's working on a new plan for me to help get some of this weight off quicker, to hopefully help alleviate some joint pain - and ultimately get me closer to my surgery date. 

When I initially told him about my pre-surgery weight-loss goal, I'd unknowingly left some fairly pertinent information out. Yes - I'm certain part of the reason they want me to lose some weight prior to my surgery is to prove I'm capable of making good choices. (I am still fast food, soda and *mostly* sweet free since February 2nd. That includes NO Cheetos!!) But the major reason for my weight loss prior to surgery is for my safety. The more you weigh, the more dangerous surgery/being put under is. The sad thing is that even for a procedure designed for overweight people, I'm still on the very heavy end of the spectrum. The more weight I lose on my own means the less days I spend on the liquid diet. They want me to have lost about 70 pounds by the time I have my surgery. I'm currently at about 37. Good, but not great. 

Now that he is understanding the full picture, Scott is devising a plan. I'm going to be doing some sort of cleanse next week. High nutrients, lower calories. Yes - I want that to get me closer to my surgery goal weight, but I am the most hopeful that it will help with my damn knees! I'm so sick of being in pain all the time! I want to be able to push myself in my sessions with Scott. I want to make the most of my time prior to surgery to make some headway in getting myself stronger. But when every movement is painful, it just gets really demoralizing! My self-talks - basically just repeatedly telling myself to get the hell over it - aren't working. So hoping shedding some more weight will get me over the hump to where my body can cooperate with me a little bit. I suspect a pain-free body will result in a happier Natalie, which will make the life of all those forced to deal with me just a little bit easier. =)

Well - that is where I am at for now. I meet with Scott Friday to put together the plan for cleanse week next week. I'm honestly kind of excited. I could use some accelerated movement in the right direction. My emotional well-being needs it. My knees and hips need it. My disposition needs it. It's time to kick it up a notch. 

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