My Biggest Hurdle: My Own Brain

Today's session with Scott was bad. Really bad. Not due to anything he said, did or asked of me. It was 100% on me.

It's been a long week. Work stuff has just completely worn me out. I'm trying to eat better, but I know I probably didn't get enough to eat yesterday (my pre-prepped meals ran out on Wednesday....I'm still trying to get myself organized in that department) - which Scott has repeatedly warned me is a problem. I walked into the gym feeling drained - physically and even more so emotionally. It was a recipe for disaster. And it was a disaster.

I did my walk while we chatted. Don't get me wrong - I still don't love my walks - but they've become much more tolerable. But today I just kept looking at my Fitbit praying for it to be over. While I was finishing up, Scott starting putting together the equipment for the next phase of my workout. "Shit. Shit. SHIT." was all that was going through my head as I realized it was going to be a lower body day. Lower body days are the worst...I have to haul all of this bulk along with me for all of the exercises. I'm hopeful one day that will be much easier than it is now - but for the time being, it is awful. A very necessary evil, I know....

So damn true.....

So I made up my mind before I even started that it was going to suck. Then Scott told me the duration I needed to do each station. That was it. My brain had already decided I couldn't do it. Well - truthfully, my fear decided I couldn't do it, and quickly got my brain onboard. And how do I react to fear, feeling uncomfortable and insecure? That's right - by being a raging bitch. I instantly turned into a petulant child. I was so sure I couldn't do it before I started that I didn't even give myself a chance to try.

Instead of just doing the best that I could - and listening to Scott's direction - I pouted, gave half-assed effort and smarted off to him. I behaved horribly. To his credit, he didn't tell me to get the hell out of the gym and never come back. I suspect I may have done that if I had been in his shoes.

I went to Scott because I need someone to push me. I trust him. I know he knows what he's doing. I obviously do not, or I wouldn't be in my current situation - - so where does my brain get off thinking it knows best? I made him aware of what my goals were, and asked him to help me. I told him I'd do what he asked me to do. He is more than living up to his end of the deal. I am the one who is not.

This is about enough of that shit. I am looking forward to so many positive changes, I should probably start with my attitude. So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to fight my inner bitch. She is ruled by fear, and I no longer need her to protect me. I'm going to prove to myself that I can do things my fear immediately tells me I can't. I'm going to get mentally tough. I'm going to do the things Scott asks me to do. I'm going to do them as well as I can. And I'm going to keep my mouth shut. And in the event that I forget, I'm going to ask him to please remind me to tell my inner bitch to shut the hell up and get to work. Because that hag is not going to keep me from living my best life.

It's time to toughen up buttercup. Physically, and most importantly - mentally.

Do Work

** this was supposed to post at 6am. Not sure what happened. Sorry. =)

This week I started my new workouts from YC. He's trying to kill me. Bless his little heart - I think he may have also been on something when he put the weights in for each of the exercises. I have done most of the exercises before, some of them very recently - and some I even do more than twice a week. I did the final new routine (I have four total) on Thursday, and noticed some peculiar things:

1. On Monday I had to do dumbbell presses up over my head while standing. I used 17.5# weights. Today I had to do the same exercises, using 25# weights. I'd also like to share with you a little helper I found today. When you are having a hard time getting the last couple of reps up, it really helps to stand up on your tiptoes. At least on one foot. Yes. I was the fool doing that.
2. Sometimes, on Tuesday, you have to do one arm press downs. Knowing what that is isn't nearly as important as knowing that he expected me to be able to do them at 40 pounds (I got 7 done with my right arm and gave up. I moved it down to 35). Today I got to do the same exercise with two arms, and he had me set to do that with 30 pounds. Seriously. 
3. There were about 4 other exercises - I won't continue to bore you with the details - where he had me doing way less weight than I had been doing, or he all of the sudden decided I should be so mighty and capable of lifting double of what I could.

So needless to say, I have something entertaining to look forward to tomorrow. I can't wait to ask him what exactly was going on when he put these workouts together. Granted - he was just coming off a weekend of excessive drinking with his college buddies, so maybe he temporarily killed too many brain cells?

 

These workouts are great, though. My body is so tired! The leg workout is absolutely brutal! I suspect it is because I have to haul my above-average sized ass up and down for every rep. Every squat, lunge and step-up. I wonder if the workouts will get easier as I drop some LBs? Who am I kidding? YC will just make me use weights to make up for it. It was nice to get to use normal-sized weights, instead of the tiny washer weights, for my squats.

When I first got to the gym, there was a girl who passed out in the locker room. It was kind of scary! I was walking toward her - she was sitting on the tile with her knees up, which I thought was weird, and then she put her head on her arms that were crossed over her knees. Little did I know, she was out cold. Two ladies that work at the gym helped her. She came to for a couple of seconds, and then was out again. I decided me staring at her wasn't going to help, so I went about my day. I guess they had to call the ambulance, and she had to go with them! Freaky!

Take care of yourselves, everyone!