Sending Out An S.O.S.

Relationships. It is one of the greatest things to come out of starting this blog. Whether it is just that family and friends may understand me better. Or the fact that I am now contacted and approached frequently people that I have casually known for years. Or - and this is the craziest part for me - complete strangers become a very real part of my life. I "converse" with them frequently - and the fact that it is all electronically doesn't really matter. 

I have never met, or rarely see, some of the greatest people in my life. I've come to know them better via email, facebook and twitter, than I know people I see on a regular basis. And there are people that reply regularly to my blog that I wish I could interact with, but I am too dense to figure out how to do it through the program I use. (Please don't hesitate to send me an email at any time - I LOVE getting them!)

I have now discovered an issue with these virtual friends, however. When I don't hear from someone for a while, I begin to worry. Like they are my little sisters, and have gone missing. I know it is somewhat psychotic, but it is true. If there is someone who comments with some frequency on my blog, and I don't hear from them for a while - I start to grow concerned. Now - I am trying to hold this in check right now, because I have been a total slacker, and when I am completely scattered/missing, it is hard to keep track of me I am sure. But now I will make an effort to get back to at least 3 posts per week, so I can rebuild some consistency. 

But there is one lady - Lia - who I haven't heard from in a long time. Too long. She contacted me via email months ago, and I would hear from her frequently. She was also a part of our Mission: Move Your Ass challenge. She moved from Prague (I think?) to Finland (I believe?) - so I am trying to talk my self into the fact that she's just busy getting settled. I heard from her once or twice after her move, but then nothing for the last couple of months. I sent her an email about a month ago, and haven't heard back. This is the problem. I don't really know her well. I don't know what her currently living situation is. I am hoping winter has finally ended there. I am hoping she is well. And oddly - I miss hearing from her. That is just not normal for me. This person that I have never met, I miss. It is bizarre! 


So this is my S.O.S. Lia - if you are alive and well, please contact me. I understand that I have been less than inspirational lately, but I would still appreciate hearing from you. Just to know that you're OK, and to see if you've gotten yourself another Y.C.


Here is hoping all of my followers are happy and healthy. And now you know - check in once in a while, or I worry!

Shout Out: Katie

There are a lot of times that I wonder if anyone is out there. If what I am rambling about is finding someone, and speaking to them in some way. If it is helping someone else realize that they aren't alone. That their struggle with weight, although their own personal struggle, is not something only they deal with. I get comments occasionally. There are people who interact on our Facebook page. There are people who follow me on Twitter. I love all of these more than you know.

I have been slacking on my entries lately. I was going through a period of self-doubt. I wasn't sure if me sharing what I'm going through was helping anyone. And not just you guys out there...but me. Was spilling my guts on how much I struggle at times helping? Is allowing the world into my head and heart doing anyone any good? Should I have advertised it to everyone I know on Facebook and Twitter and all of my friends and family? Or is it just providing ammunition to those that don't struggle with a similar issue? The people that don't understand why I fall off the wagon...frequently. The people who don't understand why I don't just eat well, and go to the gym every day - without fail. I was really having an internal battle over whether or not to continue with this.

And then last week I got my answer. I received the email below. I can't explain how much it meant to me to get it. I am so excited for Katie. She stuck to it, and is sticking to it! And she's improving her life! It might not be at the rate she'd like - let's be honest...it NEVER goes as fast as we'd like! But she's doing it! And I am so proud of her. And the fact that I could have helped, in any way, is just so......amazing.

So I'm going to continue. I'm going to keep being honest about what I'm going through (like the bag of Cheetos I had this week, and finshed). I hope you guys will continue to stick with me. And I hope you'll update me on how your life is going. Because I need you guys, too. You motivate me. You remind me that I'm not the only one that has ever wanted to rip their FUPA off and beat the shit out of it because they're so frustrated. You help me.

And Katie - SHOUT OUT to you! For sticking with it. For sending me that email, when I really needed it. And for being one kick-ass broad!

Here is the email:

Just thought I’d let you know…it’s been about a year-ish since I started reading your blog and I’ve lost 25 lbs. It’s only 25 lbs and I’m still in the same size of clothes (because I apparently have to lose 80 before I move a size) but then again, it’s 25 lbs!!! Your blog is truly helping me. I figure I’ve got nothing but time, so however long this takes me to lose, that’s how long it takes me. I’ve learned from your blog that I’m not the only one struggling and that I just have to get back on the horse. That it’s okay to have a bad day, week or even a couple weeks…I just have to keep going.

Anywho…rambling….

Have a good day!

Katie

The Circle of Slack

Does anyone else have a life where it seems like when things are going well, everything is going well? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you are eating well, you are exercising, your are financially sound, you have a job you can tolerate (most of the time)....life is like a box of chocolates. Fat free, counts as a vegetable, good-for-you chocolates.

When I am going to the gym, and simultaneously eating well, I feel like I've really got my crap together. That then translates into a high level of motivation to not only continue doing those things, but also write positive stuff for this blog, I feel unstoppable and capable of handling any crisis - and be really positive (like my genetically make up is mostly hearts and butterflies). Basically, I feel like I have the world by the balls. I think part of the problem is, During these periods, I get a little cocky.

Then, conversely, there is the state I am currently in. And any small misstep from my previously described "world domination mode" can land me right here in the middle of what I call "the circle of slack". The sun is not shining. The birds are not singing. It won't stop snowing. I don't want to eat well. I don't want to go to the gym. I have a hard time coming up with topics for my blog - I sometimes feel like I might need to change the name to "the never-ending whine". I am completely unmotivated, in every aspect of my life - and have spells where I feel bad putting that on you guys. I feel like my genetic make up is....whatever is the opposite of hearts and butterflies. I feel like the world had it's balls around my neck. (funny visual) It's a circle of negativity, and it just keeps going round and round and round. It is these times that I reprimand myself for ever getting cocky.

And the worst part is, I don't know how to pull out of it. I can make all the plans and goals in the world - but as I've explained, that tends to go the opposite of my intention. My goals are like my volleyball skills. I want the ball to go over the net, or to my teammate to set it up for the spike - but it tends to go the opposite direction, screwing me and all those around me in the process. And I don't think my 9 months of solitude is helping. This winter has been the hardest on me, in recent memory. Whether that is because I am actually in charge of dealing with each snow fall (because I am in charge of a house, not in an apartment where someone else has to deal with it) or because I am here...by myself...with no break from my own brain....whatever it is, this season is kicking my ass. I seriously wanted to yell at the sky to quit snowing the other day. See? I'm LOSING IT! (my mind, not my ass - so in the bad way!)

So this weekend I go home to move my stuff into my new home. Then I am back for 5 days, and I move back to MN for good. I think that in itself will help me start to claw my way out of the CoS. I have people there to have gym dates with. I get to play with my nieces (and eventually nephew when he gets a little older), and remind myself of how much more fun we can have when I get in shape. I can take my sister's dog for walks, which is really good for both of us. And I can continue to pray for spring and sunshine.

So friends in MN, be ready. I am going to need you guys. I'm coming back to world domination mode, and I'd like you to join me!