Do you ever underestimate yourself? Do you ever assume you won't be able to do something, without even trying it? I have that. I tend to do it a LOT. Before FC my life was all about editing. Removing places I couldn't go because of seating, or the distance I'd have to walk to get there. And heaven forbid I'd have to move once I got there! Forget that! I wouldn't attempt to do anything I felt like might be the least bit of a challenge, because I was as big as a house and didn't want to look like a fool if I failed.
Not sure why I am still holding on to my fears with a death grip? Maybe it's tied to the fact that I don't really think I've had any significant changes to my size? Or I forget that I am capable of more now than I was a year ago? Or it's just that I'm still just scared of looking like a jackass if I can't do it?
Thursday was a day to confront one of my fears. YC had me doing walking lunges while holding weights. Does this sound like a big deal? Probably not to most people. I have been doing regular lunges for a while now. But walking lunges? This is a whole other matter. I think the balance part of it is what terrifies me. The bigger you are, the less balance you have - or at least that is the way it works for me. What if I get stuck in the lunge? Completely ludicrous fear - I know I can get myself out of a lunge. But with the added weights...you just never know. What if, in the middle of the lunge, I lose my balance and just fall over? So embarrassing! Mortifying to do that in the middle of the gym.
So I went down my list of exercises. And when it came to the walking lunges I considered skipping them. Would anyone really know? No. No one would know, except me. But isn't it kind of silly to lie? Yes, it is. So I gave it a try. I did a couple without weights. What is this? Dare I say - they were "easy"? Yes. I dare to say! They were no problem. No problem at all! I grabbed myself a couple of weights, and did my sets. They were incident-free. What a complete waste of panic!
So...yet another lesson. Maybe I should stop underestimating myself. Maybe I should give things a try before assuming I can't do it. I am getting stronger. The list of things I am capable of is going to continue to grow (hopefully). I will add this to the list of brain changes I need to make.
I wonder what other crap I can do that I don't know about?