It is unbelievable to me that it has already been a year since the day I arrived at FC! It was 365 days ago that I got to drive into Durham with my sunroof open in February. Since I walked through the doors of Duke Diet & Fitness Center. Since I met some truly amazing people that I am still in contact with. Since I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time that I could change my life for the better.
Some, including myself at times, feels like I should have done more. I should have exercised more. I should have lost more weight. I should be able to do more than I currently am able to. Should, should, should. Who the hell decides what "should" happen, anyway? Here is the truth: I have days where I am pissed at myself for not having lost more weight than I have. For having not accomplished more at the gym. For my butt still being the size that it is. I have, after all, nothing but time. What the hell else do I have to do?
Then I need to check myself a bit. Because you know what I didn't do? I didn't gain it all back, and then some. I didn't completely stop going to the gym for months at a time. I didn't give up. And all of those things are what I usually do. When it gets hard, or uncomfortable, I stop. I usually stick to my attempt at health for much less than a year.
So even though I haven't accomplished all I had envisioned for myself a year ago, I have done something pretty amazing for me. I have maintained a loss of 60 pounds. I go to the gym regularly, and I work hard while I'm there. And most importantly - I'm not ready to quit. I am just getting started.
I'm feeling re-energized. Winter is (hopefully) coming to an end. I'll be back home in a couple of weeks, surrounded by my friends and family, and I'll be using them to help keep me moving. It is almost baseball season. By the end of June, my ass will fit in one of those seats! I know it won't be easy. I know it is going to require a lot of work on my part. It is also going to require a more healthy diet than I have been using during most of this past year. But I know I can do it. And I appreciate all of you helping to keep me motivated. For helping me remember that this isn't easy, and I am not alone. I appreciate all of you for sticking with me for this past year. Let's make the next one even better!
It's about time I show Remus what a bitch I can be when I don't like someone. =)