The Exhaustion of Inactivity

It was a little over three years ago that I was the super content to sit on my ass, not doing a thing. Dormancy was my norm. Stillness my comfort. A trip to my kitchen was about the furthest I would walk with any frequency - and that was about 30 feet. Sitting and I were def BFFs.

Then Scott came on the scene...and with that came increased movement. Slow movement. Huffing & puffing movement. Whine-saturated movement. But still...movement. Over the last 3ish years - that had become my norm. I took a 4 week break at the time of my gastric bypass surgery - but still had frequent, short walks incorporated in that recovery.

Going into my first plastics surgery - I tried to get as much movement in as possible. I kept up with my workouts. Incorporated some additional yoga stuff, just to enjoy being able to move pain-free. Stayed on the elliptical. Remained the brightest spot in Scott's Monday & Wednesday afternoons with our sessions. I wanted to go into my surgery strong - knowing I did everything I could to get myself prepared for the best recovery....

I read, and reread, my post-care directives from my surgeon. Memorizing them, so I made sure I didn't cause any additional issues or delays in getting back to my now normal/active life. Little did I know that my surgeon and his team had failed to proofread these instructions - and I was told to walk 20 minutes, 6 times a day. This should have been 6-20 minute walks a WEEK. So the day after they cut around my entire body, and pieced me back together, they had me walking for 2 hours. I was putting on 4-6 miles a day for the first 3 weeks after my surgery. When I should have been enjoying my drug-haze downtime, I was out hoofing it around the hallways of my building.

So needless to say - I was less than jazzed at my 3 week follow-up appointment when they realized their error - and bumped me back down to 1-20 minute walk a day. I'd been walking around repeatedly when I really wanted to sit in my chair and enjoy a relaxing recovery - - but at 3 weeks out, I was feeling pretty good. I was ready to up my activity, and had it knocked back down to basically non-movement.

One of the pamphlets I was given about the circumfrential body lift (aka: FUPA removal) procedure said that people would likely be able to return to activities such as tennis, golf, swimming & sex after 4 weeks. I don't know who the hell would have thought sex sounded fun at 4 weeks - - but bless whoever they are. I can assure you, I still have no interest (not that I have a ton of options thrown my way) at 6.5 weeks out. But if people are able to play tennis at 4 weeks - why I am I still being held to one 20 minute walk a day? Trying to turn back the hands of time/potential damage caused by having me walking 2 hours a day when that is absolutely NOT what I should have been doing? I can't help but wonder...

Now I have realized the exhaustion that is caused by inactivity. I feel like I don't sleep as well as when I'm active. My body is...bored. I swear my brain is not firing on all cylinders! There are likely more side effects to share, but my brain isn't capable of remembering them.... =)

I knew recovery was going to be a change of pace. I just didn't fully realize how dependent I am on movement to keep me content and comfortable. Who would have thought movement could replace pizza?

Natalie and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very Bad Day

Let me start by stating that I absolutely hate what I am about to do. People who post cryptic, passive-aggressive statements or posts in what seem to only be a feeble attempt to elicit sympathy, or concerned questions about their welfare...it drives me bonkers...but here I go....


Today has been the most colossally shitty day that I can recall in a really, really, really long time. I'm not going to get into much for details right now because I feel like I need to give the situation, and myself, a minute before I spout off about things that could correct themselves (although that is seeming unlikely right now). So lets just leave it at the fact that today was absolute shit...and go from there.


Now...over the last few years I've developed slightly better coping skills. Where an emotionally taxing day in my previous life would likely end in some combination of: chocolate cake, beer, French fries, Cheetos, wine, pizza, big macs, copious amounts of queso, vanilla vodka, a Baconator or 2.... I have now typically turned to some sort of physical exertion to help deal with my emotional turmoil....

• a long walk with my headphones on
• a quick, but strenuous, ride on the elliptical
• two words: slam balls!!! (Scott's best purchase)
• flipping tires - although I normally hate it, it makes you feel slightly invincible

So what does one do when their body has been sliced all the way around, and they can't do shit? None of the things on the list that have now become stress-relieving go-to's are allowed. I can't even go for a fucking walk because it makes me swell up, and makes my upper vag sensitive as shit!!! I can't even take a damn bubble bath. About the only thing, not food-related, that I can do is scream into a pillow - - and even that would probably make me pop a fucking stitch.


The best I could do was try and run the couple of errands I had as quickly as possible, and get my ass home. Drive past all of the fries and pizzas and chocolate cakes. Get myself to the warm, safe haven of my house. Get into my chair. Cover up with my blanket. Allow myself to feel whatever the hell it is I am feeling. Eat my taco meat with jalapeno dip. Keep the (non alcoholic) liquids flowing. And maybe, just maybe, find the outlet I need by firing up this computer and venting right here. Swearing as much as I fucking want to swear.


Not shoveling things "in" to try and make me feel better, but letting things "out". Let my frustration and pissed-off-ness and overwhelming disappointment out in a....questionably...constructive way.


There's still a decent chance I'll be in tears at some point tonight - - my emotions have been a little too close to the surface for the last couple of months - - and both being pissed off and sad/hurt/disappointed tend to bring me to the brink. And if I do, so be it. At least I won't be crying into a beer....which I count as a slight improvement for myself.

My Brain vs. Plastic Surgery

As odd as this is going to sound - there is a small part of me that is kind of sad to be having these skin removal surgeries. I've gotten used to this body. I know this body. I know it's capabilities and short-comings. This loose, soft, mess of a bod has become my normal. And as much as I poke fun at my vagina neck and my scrotum arms - and as much as I bemoan when I hear my FUPA slapping against my legs - - I'm also kind of proud of this body. 

This body hung in there pretty damn well when I pushed both of our limits, taking us to almost 500#. This body tolerated those early "workouts" when every damn thing about them made it hurt. This body kept going, and kept working - shockingly never having a serious injury we needed to work around - until we gradually got to this point. 

So all of that might help explain why although I'm looking forward to this next step, my brain has had numerous doubts. This is going to seem so scattered and random - - but scattered & random is exactly what has been going on in my head the last couple of months... 

Do I really need to have FUPA removal surgery? There isn't really that much skin on my stomach... I can totally live out the remainder of my days unaffected by this... 

You have lost all shame. You rock tank tops all summer, even with your scrotum arms swaying in the breeze. Why do you need to cut off the flub? You've survived this long with them - - what's 20-40 more years? 

You are not a girl that lacks confidence...are you? What are doing this for? Who are you doing this for?

Is the cost/pain/time associated with these surgeries really necessary? I mean - it's not like there is something I'm going to be able to magically do post-surgery that I'm not able to do right now. Cutting off my FUPA is not going to make me a marathoner (my knees and hips are shot - - removing a few pounds isn't going to change that). It's not like I can't get out of bed, but I will be able to once I have my scrotum arms chopped off. 

The boobs. Good God! The boobs! This is the part I'm having the hardest time with... I mean...it will be the weirdest to suddenly have boobs after rockin' these crepes for so long. It's not like I went through something traumatic like my brave, strong, amazing friend who had a double-mastectomy, and more than earned herself a set of sweet cans. I bulked WAY up, then shrunk down a bit - and my tits packed their bags and left... Don't get me wrong - having some boobs that are actually where they're supposed to be, should be pretty sweet...but seriously...I'll be a girl who had a boob job (insert eye roll)

Is this just entirely too vain? Honestly. Vanity has felt, at times, like the only legit factor in choosing to go through this. To put myself through the pain. To make my family take care of me. To be "that girl" that was trying to attain a perfect body through surgery. I just have moments where this feels incredibly narcissistic and selfish. 

But the truth is - there is no other way to get rid of this loosey-goosey skin suit. It is not going to magically contract if I just keep applying lotion. There is no amount of exercising on the planet that is going to tighten this mess up. This is quite literally my only option to not have a swaying orb floating around me at all times. 

I share all of this to let you know that I don't take this opportunity lightly. I fully recognize how lucky I am to be able to do this, and I'm 100% committed to making the most of it. I am very aware of how amazing it is to be surrounded by the supportive, loving, kind, entertaining, giving people that I am. 

I am so excited (and intrigued, to be completely honest) to see what we've been working on the last 3 years - because this has been a group effort. There is no way I would be where I am now without you guys helping to keep me going. I'm happy I get to share the good, the bad & the ugly with you.

I cannot fathom what it will be like to actually see what is underneath all of this...flub. I genuinely cannot even picture it. It's mind boggling. 

Now let's see what's next...let's take Natalie 3.0 for a spin, and see what she can do...

Have you submitted your guess for the weight of the FUPA? Do that here: Guess the weight of the FUPA (I fixed the link)

It Puts the Lotion on the Back

I think I was born with a FUPA...I probably came out of the womb covered in goo, rocking a fupe. I don't recall a day where I didn't have one. Sure - there were varying degrees. Some smaller - some so, so large. Now it's can best be described as saggy...a loose pendulum swaying side to side with my movements. 

While I had issues working around my whole body those last few years, my stomach was definitely one of the most problematic. I couldn't bend at my waist - - so trying to get my shoes tied, get a golf ball out of the cup, and a million other things - proved nearly impossible. You should have seen me struggle to cut my toe nails, or paint them...laborious to say the least!

This most recent version and I have developed a rhythm. For most of the past couple of years I co-existed with this more deflated version of my FUPA less than consciously. It became automatic to tuck my multiple layers around it, trying to keep the crevices clean & dry -- doing my best to not develop any of the painful looking rashes/skin irritations I have seen others suffer from. It became this soft and squishy extension of myself that I honestly barely noticed...

Well...barely noticed until I'd do certain things at the gym. When I exercise, I repeatedly reposition my workout pants to try to keep them between my FUPA and upper thighs - bound and determined to avoid chafing. Any sled-pushing, and burpee-doing, would result in an audible slap of my FUPA against my legs. Scott claims he couldn't hear it, but that sound was deafening to me...

So as my FUPA and I enter the end of our time together, I've tried to pay attention. To not overlook the inconvenience it causes. To not diminish the tedium of insuring my skin is properly protected and cared for. To actually see the drawbacks of having this dangling mass hanging off my body - - not just the weight of it, but not being able to see some of the progress I've made working my ass off for the last 3 years. I have no idea what's under there, and I'm finally willing to admit I'm pretty damn excited to see it.   

I'm looking forward to having "the spread" (the extra bulk on my hips/ass that spreads out when I sit down) tightened up a bit. (pulling up my lower core area will also pull up my upper thighs/hips/ass) I may legitimately fit in my plane seat, and not have the the spread spill under the arm rests next to me! For a girl who is really happy to finally fit in a plane seat again, this is just the icing on the cake! 

The only drawback is that I will legitimately no longer have an ass. I didn't realized that until we were doing "FUPA's Last Photo Shoot" and I made that video. When I pulled up on the top of my rear, that baby was GONE! Hopefully Dr Camp can build me a little something...we all know I have the extra material... but I've also warned Scott that my return to the gym will have to be known as "Operation: Build a Booty". 

We are down to our last 9 days together. It has been nice having this time to actually observe the changes to my body more closely than I have since my weight loss surgery...and it will be weird as shit for a while when it's gone...but I adjusted to this body pretty quickly. I'm confident I'll be just fine in my new FUPA-less existence. 

Have you guessed the weight of the FUPA yet? Here is a link: FUPA Weight Guessing Game

New Year, New Natalie?

It is absolutely ridiculous that another entire year has passed! I remember when I was young, and all of the "old people" (anyone over 30) would tell me how fast time goes the older you get. I assure you, I believed that to be complete bullshit...but here I am - constantly in awe of how quickly our time seems to evaporate.

I went in to 2018 a little nervous. The newness had worn off after my surgery. I figured I had definitely lost the weight I was going to lose - - I was weighing in at 209# on January 1st - - I had blown any and every goal I had for weight loss out of the water! Now I'd have to be accountable. I'd have to stay on task. 

It was my standard M.O. to stick with a plan for a while (granted - I'd already stuck with this much longer than most) and then just completely jump ship. Abandon all of the behaviors that had created any amount of success, and go back to my old, destructive ways. 

It was scary. I was concerned that I'd need that "newness" to keep my brain engaged. I was worried that without the shiny new accomplishments rolling in one after the other, I'd lose interest like every other time in my past. I mean, really - - when was the last time I finished something? When was the last time I didn't just give up when things got a little hard? 

But then something happened. My brain finally clicked on, and realized that this whole process has been hard! 

• Admitting I needed to do something as drastic and permanent as surgery - hard. 
• Going to my bariatric appointments, both physically & mentally - hard
• Starting to work with Scott when I weighed 495# - HARD
• Being on a liquid diet for 21 days before my surgery - HARD
• Sticking with all of the nutrition and movement guidelines right after surgery - hard
• Continuing to go workout and push myself - hard
• Sticking with my eating plan, and continuing to follow the 30 minute rule - hard

I've proven I can do hard shit! And I can stick with it. Maybe I can trust myself enough...believe in myself enough...to actually accept this as my new normal. I am now a person who moves her ass, and eats what she's supposed to most of the time. I'm a person who is willing to be honest, and vulnerable, and really excited about things most people don't understand. 

I'm healthy. I'm happy. And I'm grateful. 

I'm heading into 2019 optimistic - which has been a really frightening thing for me in the past. I have this whole "it's easier to be hurt/disappointed when you were hopeful" attitude. I'm not sure when I turned into such a pansy - and now that I'm actually seeing it - I'm NOT a fan. That shit has to go. So here are a couple of things that I'm going to work on in this new year:

1. New Bod - with a new bod comes responsibility. I will have an increased obligation to myself. To get myself as ready as I can for successful surgeries and recoveries. To get back to working out as soon as safely able, and stick with it. To continue to stick to my diet. 
• FUPA removal is 1/10/19
• boobs & arms shortly after - - hopefully
2. Stop Saying "I'm Sorry" all the damn time - - not that I will never show remorse. Not that I will never owe anyone an apology. But what I'm going to try to curb is the automatic reaction within me to apologize if someone isn't 100% on board with my thoughts, statements or actions. The words "I'm sorry" come shooting out way to easy, and have lost all weight. They are just entirely too overused...I hear it all the time from others as well. Don't be sorry for everything you say, feel or do. This world needs to toughen up a little bit. There's a difference between empathy & remorse. Let's all try to be a little more empathetic...that's way more constructive as far as I'm concerned. And I'm NOT sorry to say it 😉
3. Try to turn this new life into...something - - I have no idea what that looks like, or what opportunities there are - - but I trust myself enough in this process to allow myself to try and help others. I believe I have something to offer people who are going through situations similar to mine. I've been contacted by a number of people that are considering bariatric surgery, or are just trying to live a more healthy life - - and I love it. I know it was great for me to have people to talk to that had gone through the process - - and I'd like to be that for other people. So stay tuned...or send suggestions/ideas if you have any

I know I'm a couple of days early - but here's to an ass-kicking 2019! What are your goals for yourself in the new year? 

#WhatNatalieEats

Food. My narcotic of choice. For years, it basically ruled my existence. It was quite nearly my demise.

BS (before surgery) Diet: Diet Coke, Pizza, Diet Mt Dew, Burgers, Fries, Fried Chicken Sandwiches, more Diet Coke, Copious amounts of alcohol, more pizza, many fried things…with a just a dash of water thrown in so my organs didn’t completely shut down. Needless to say, the drive-thrus got a work out!!!

Sure…I’d pull it together for short periods of time. Every time I’d start a new program, I’d be militant in my execution. ON POINT! I’d have a few weeks. A couple of months, maybe. It was the same with all of them: Weight Watchers, Slimgenics, Fat Camp, LA Weight Loss….I was a star…until I wasn’t. Then I’d quickly pack back on any weight I had lost + a whole lot more. The cycle was constant.

Then at the end of March 2016 there was the liquid diet. Twenty-one of the worst days of my life. Looking at my life now it is very easy to throw it in the “totally worth it” column - - but holy shit was that hard! For 21 days the closest thing to food I got to consume was sugar-free jell-o or popsicles. Otherwise everything was literally liquid. It was the absolute fucking worst. I had nightmares that I cheated…one time I was guzzling Diet Coke like it was going out of style…another time I was hoovering a caramel Twix… I’d wake up in a panic, until I realized that I had literally given away ALL of my food, and there was nothing left in my house to cheat with…I was safe.

In the last 2.5 years we’ve been working on our relationship, food & I. It’s had it’s rough moments – but overall I’d say we’ve come out of this whole thing stronger J I don’t really care for cooking – so I am frequently grateful that I can literally eat the same things, day after day, without getting sick of them. I still have the things I want to have, when I want to have them (assuming they’re available to me) – I just have them in much smaller quantities. I have lost the will to leave my house to grab something if I am having a craving – so have found my need for it will likely pass by the time I have access to it.

I do feel like my taste buds have changed since my surgery. I still love Cheetos - not those puffy ones – but the crunchy. Like, really love. But I have some new/odd things I crave as well:

• Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips
• Combos! Seriously. The buffalo/pretzel & 7 layer dip ones...YUMMO!
• Hotdogs! I spend a lot of time at softball fields in the summer, and can't seem to get enough. Gross - but so good. 
• Cucumbers - this has been the last few months - but put them with buffalo chicken dip, or HyVee ranch dip...swoon...
• Caesar Salad Kits - - thankfully this one was mostly last summer, or I could have died!

I still love pizza – and that remains the one food I limit how frequently I eat it. I try to keep it to at least 2 weeks in between. A few times it’s been less. A lot of the time it has been more. 

As cliche and annoying as it sounds - I do genuinely see food more as a means to an end now, than the thing that brings me peace and comfort. Due to the schedule (waiting 30 minutes on each side of eating to drink) I have removed the opportunity for mindless snacking. In order to stick to my schedule, and get enough food in, and drink enough, I have to stay on task. No taking my time, eating more than I am supposed to at any sitting - because I can literally only eat so much at one time. I do see people that have had my surgery who spend 2 hours eating a meal...I have no idea how they make that work. I get in, eat, and get out - so I can wait my 30 minutes and drink again. My life is a series of schedules and rules - but they're working - so I try my best to roll with it. 

My new life wants me to do High Protein, High Fat, Low Carb. Daily goal is 80 grams of protein. It seems like I eat the same stuff every day. Here are some of the regulars:

** please do not take my diet as any sort of nutritional guideline! I eat very differently than the average human should - - but it works for me. Consult a professional with questions/ideas/guidance **

·         Protein Shakes: it is still my least favorite. Likely because my brain knows I HAVE to have it, and I don’t like being bossed around.

·         Greek Yogurt with granola

·         Turkey Chili

·         Cured meats/Jerky

·         Cheese, cheese, cheese

·         Nuts

·         Bacon

·         Eggs with cheese, EBtB seasoning & mayo – sounds gross, but trust me

·         Balanced Breaks – before the gym

The biggest adjustment I have made, is packing my food. Each day I pack snacks and lunch. Every weekend I go to tournaments I have a cooler packed with snacks and beverages. I CAN eat whatever I want, but I CHOOSE to stay on plan the majority of the time. Yes, I have hotdogs and cheetos - - but I eat my yogurt and nuts the rest of the time. Sometimes the planning gets a bit annoying - but it has just become my life now...and my body thanks me for it. 

Happy New Year!

2017 has definitely left an impression. Looking back it seems like it lasted about 15 minutes...but when I look at all of the things I've done this year...things it simply would not have been possible for me to do before...it's more than slightly mind-boggling.

For those of you that follow along on Facebook or Instagram - you likely already know most of this, so hopefully you don't find my recap too boring...but so many people type up their holiday letters recapping their year of adventure and accomplishment - - and for the first time in forever, I feel like I have some pretty cool shit to share!

The word I would use for 2017 would be "amazing". I started the year feeling amazing - - I was at about 280pounds. I had lost over 215 pounds. I had already flown past where I was hoping I'd get after surgery. I was working out. I was eating pretty well. I was able to fit into actual pants again...I could wear jeans. I was feeling fantastic. I was thinking that if I could just maintain that loss - - if I could somehow keep myself on track, and not have a huge backslide, I'd have it made. I was no longer limited by my size. Don't get me wrong - I was still a sizable lady - - but compared to where I had started....I was content as hell!! But I would learn that I didn't need to be content with where I was at...because things were just going to keep moving!

In March I did something I hadn't done in years...which kind of seemed like a theme for this year... I loaded my ass onto a plane, somewhat fitting in one seat! My sister & bro-in-law used their miles to allow Wendy & I to go Mexico to visit our aunt an uncle for a few days. I realized a few things while on this trip:

• I truly am solar powered - - winter is horrible
• It is so much less anxiety-producing to fly on a plane when you're able to somewhat fit through the aisle, and don't barely fit through sideways
• My face sunscreen had obviously expired, because I fried the shit out of myself from the neck up

 The end of winter/early spring also gave me the courage to do something else I'd been hesitant to do. Reconnect with friends from years ago. I was lucky enough to get back together with some of my absolute favorite ladies from my Moorhead State days...it's amazing how we were able to just pick up where we left off - - didn't miss a beat! I hadn't seen them in 20 years - most recently because I was just too damn embarrassed about how I'd completely let myself go, and gained approximately 1 million pounds.
In April I went to Seattle with a group of fantastic friends that I've had since 7th grade. Seriously, so much fun! We walked, and walked, and walked. Something there is not one chance I would have been able to do before. And I only got "hangry" once. Live and learn - always carry snacks! =)

 This year I attended a bunch of concerts and sporting events. I know most of you totally take for granted the fact that your ass is just going to fit into whatever seating is offered/available - - but let me assure you, when you've been on the other side of that - - having anxiety over seating/walking/standing for years, it is so fucking fantastic when you realize you can now fit. In stadium seating, in tiny folding chairs all strapped together. You can go up or down the number of steps required to get to and from your seat. You're not worried about how far you might have to walk to get to your final destination. You don't panic if you might have to stand for a bit (although you will forever prefer sitting on your ass if given the option). You finally get to remove "no" from your list of auto-responses, and actually getting to formulate your answer based on your genuine interest in whatever the event is you have the option to attend. It's magical!

One of my biggest reasons I decided to have this surgery - - other than the sheer exhaustion of being a 500# person - - was my family. I knew they were concerned about me - - many awkward conversations later, and I finally heard them. But anyway - - they were a huge factor. I was so tired of missing shit! So I have now gotten to attend more softball games, basketball games, t-ball/coach pitch (which lets face it - - is like watching a few adults try to herd cats) in the last couple of years than the 10+ years before that combined. It is honestly so amazing to get to watch these kids accomplish such amazing things - - and I'm finally there for it!! I'm there for it all!! I just don't know how to describe it other than I am just so grateful! I love these 3 kids so much - - and being able to be present for them is just indescribable. And I feel like I have like 30 nieces and nephews now - because I appreciate their friends and teammates - and want nothing but fantastic things for all of them!

 In September I crossed a major experience off my bucket list. We went skydiving!!! I had wanted to do this for years. YEARS!!! And my dad & sisters did it with me. And my poor mom came along and took pictures, and watched her entire family load onto a plane, just to jump out of it! And as a huge added bonus, one of my best friends from Jr High/High School brought her nephew on the same day, at the same time! All 6 of us got to go on the same plane. All of us got to experience this amazing thing together. I know there were a couple in my family that weren't exactly excited about it - - but once we all made it safely to the ground - - I came in on my ass, which seems appropriate - - I think they were glad they joined. It was, you guessed it...amazing. And finally being to the point where I could do it was....just...wow.

And, as if this year wasn't rad enough - I went to Utah in November. My youngest sister/activity coach went to visit my bonus sister and her love. I don't even know how to describe this experience. It was just the greatest. Our hosts were fantastic, and took such good care of us. And were so patient with me, and my cardio limitations/crazy brain. Everywhere I looked, it was just beautiful. I saw some of the most amazing shit. And it was just miles and miles and miles of untouched/unfuckedwith beauty. As a girl from Minnesota, I had no damn idea just how many mountains were out west! This was such an eye-opening experience. And I feel like it demonstrated, in the most gorgeous way possible, just how far I have come since I made the decision to have this surgery. I was just so damn thankful for being able to experience it.

So....those are the big things. Those were the major milestones. But what it's not telling are the millions of tiny little things that made this year uniquely awesome. I weigh in tomorrow - on the 1st - so we'll see if the sugary treats of the holiday season have caught up with me - - but as of today I've lost another 73# this year. I'm down a total of 288#. I've gone from a mens size 5X tshirt to a mens L. I now feel like a bit of a slug if I don't move my ass a bit during the day. I'm going to keep track of the miles I put on in 2018 - - I think that will be a really interesting number...especially considering my mileage for 2015 was probably about 30 miles...total. Seriously.

See....amazing. Doing amazing things, surrounded by amazing, supportive people. I am so damn lucky. I appreciate all of you.

I am not naive enough to think that 2018 won't have it's challenges. Going into the maintenance phase....trying to stay motivated when the pounds aren't dropping off...will be a major focus for me. Sticking to the things that got me to this point - - working out, lifting weights, watching what I shove into my face, moving my ass. And I will likely start researching some skin removal options...but that honestly scares the shit out of me....so we'll see. But even with these things staring me in the face, I am so excited to see what this new year brings. What experiences I'll have that just a couple of years ago seemed impossible.....