Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Apology

For those of you that have been with me since the beginning - you may remember the story about my "Fat Intervention".  My sister Wendy had to lead the charge.  She is also the one that did the initial research, to find me some Fat Camp options.  She did a lot of work.  It took me a few weeks, after the initial FI, to tone down my sass and embrace this opportunity.  In my defense, I was trying to figure out how to relay to all friends and family (and eventually strangers) that I was going to FC - and the anticipation of having to do this was making me want to throw up.  Those first few conversations with friends/family were brutal.  I wasn't sure how people would react, and I was nervous.  Me being nervous tends to result in even more sarcastic/sassy comments.  It is my defense mechanism.  If you don't feel comfortable, just get pissed!  Seems like a super-healthy way to deal with your emotions - right?  No worries, everyone.  I am working on it.  I think I have chilled out considerably in the weeks since I left for FC. 

My sister Wendy just happened to be along with me, when I told my first friend about my upcoming trip to Duke.  She didn't have a lot of appreciation for my re-enactment of the FI - and went so far as to tell me she would be expecting an apology and a hug when my life was amazing.  After informing me that "you have turned into someone I don't even know" (because things that used to drive me crazy, and make me cranky - no longer affect me.  I am taking that as a positive change?) Wendy said she was about ready for her apology.  I think she has waited long enough.  I can't give her the hug over this blog - but I figured I could give her the very public apology she deserves.

Wendy - I would like to apologize for every eye roll, every snarky comment, every time I mocked the "love you" intervention.  I realize that you did it for me - did it for me to have a better life than I was accomplishing on my own.  As much as I would have liked to believe I could do it on my own, I couldn't.  I suspect the time leading up to the FI/LYI was extremely unpleasant, and having to be the one to start the speech had to have been horrible.  I cannot express how grateful I am to you for being willing to risk me never speaking to you again (Did you really think I would be that mad?  How would that even be possible?!?!) in order to save me.  I feel like you, Ken, mom, dad & Mackenzie did save me.  I can do things already that I never would have been able to, or tried to do, before.  I am only getting started on my new life as "Sensatalie" and I already feel like I have so many options that weren't available to me before FC.  You did that, and as I said before - that is way bigger than taking that baby and telling you to go shower.  I am hopeful that one day I will figure out a way to repay you, although I don't know that an opportunity that big will present itself.  I love you, and I appreciate you - and I apologize for being a bitch.  I'm working on that. =)   


  1. Note to self: Quit reading this blog at work if you don't want people to wonder why your crying!

  2. Agreed Stephanie. :)

    I am often reminded of how fantastic your family is, Nad - either through the stories you tell or being around your sis's. But your overall attitude and progress has become invigorating to a lot of people - and that is a tribute to you, your wonderful sense of humor and storytelling ability - and of course the courage to do what you are doing - I thank you, Wendy and your family/friends that have led you to the point where you are at right now - It has been a true inspiration to me :) --Darc

  3. OK - note to self - don't read the blog at Perkin's before training...:) Well, now you just owe me the hug. Welcome any time. ha ha.
    Nad - sometimes it's hard to think that you didn't believe in yourself because you always seemed so confident. Obviously, nobody understood what you were dealing with and I'm glad that DFC helped YOU figure that out. You've taken charge of your life and it's really fun to watch so that's all the payment I need. Just keep it up and make yourself a priority. I am learning a lot from you as you go through this and this can be continual improvement for all of talking about how we feel? Ever? ha ha. Love you!


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