Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Don't Call It a Comeback

Have I mentioned lately that I love reading the comments you guys leave?  I love hearing what you are thinking.  I like the two-sidedness of it.  Don't get me wrong - I rarely run out of things to say, but it is nice to know I'm not talking to myself. =)

I read a comment the other day from Amber. (please don't be mad about me using this for an entry topic)  She was visiting with family when her father-in-law told her she looked like she was "putting on the beef".  It ruined her whole weekend - and how could it not!?!  Reading about this reminded me of the girl at FC who got told she "wasn't as fat" as her grandmother made it sound like she was.  There was a kid on the bus when I was younger who lovingly referred to me as "Nat-Fat", and I still remember it to this day. (his complete lack of originality probably hurt more than the fat reference...but whatever)  I have been fortunate enough to not have my weight called out by adults, as an adult.  Part of me wonders if that is because I am FAT-Fat, not on-the-cusp-fat?  Or maybe they are just scared I'll sit on them?

What makes people think it is acceptable to comment on another person's weight?  Whether the person is obese, or just put on a couple of pounds - it is not OK to comment on it.  Some (I call these people idiots) may say it is a double-standard...that people want to hear praise when they lose a few pounds, so why wouldn't it be OK to comment when they gain?  Fine.  Never comment on any amount of weight I lose again.  I am OK not having your approval for weight lost if it is going to result in you thinking you have the right to comment on weight gained.

I am just mystified by what outcome these offenders are hoping for?  Do they think they're funny?  Do they believe that you hadn't realized you'd gained a couple of pounds, and needed their keen eye to help you figure out why your pants were tighter?     

Amber thought I probably would have had a witty remark to throw back at him - but I think she overestimates me.  No one is prepared for this type of attack, and it is an attack.  As much as firing something nasty (I can lose weight, but you apparently can't lose stupid) back at them may feel good at the time - and I am not claiming for one second that they don't deserve it - you would ultimately feel bad in the end.  Take the high road, as painful as that can be at times.  My suggestion, if ever faced with this situation, is to simply tell them "thanks so much for noticing!!  I've been working really hard to pack it on!"  Unless they are completely daft, they will hopefully pick up on the sarcasm - and (fingers-crossed) think twice before commenting again.

How would you have responded if someone said this to you?  Or has someone said something similar to you, and how did you respond?   


  1. I have never been good with the comeback. It takes me by surprise that someone could be so boorish. If I respond at all it is mostly to be serious or angry. I denigrate their intelligence for making such a remark or intimidate them with my anger. If it's family, then all bets are off. How 'bout "I can lose my weight but you can't diet away your ugly"

  2. Ridiculous! Who would ever think it was okay to make comments on someone elses weight? Although I do like the 'you can't diet away your ugly' comeback! :)

  3. The school bus was this day the thought of it still makes me cringe. I didn't have a good experience either. However, after hearing about the lives of some of those people today, I feel a little better about it. :)

  4. in my book, the only comment about my appearance that i want to hear is, "You look pretty today." or "That is a cute shirt/dress/etc." i do not want to hear your commentary on my size, shape or fluctuation therein. do not tell me i have a giant pimple or that my hair looks crazy, or my shirt has a big splotch on it. [the exception is, you may tell me if there is stuff in my teeth] I KNOW THESE THINGS, I AM MY OWN WORST CRITIC.

    in summary, children are awful to each other. and i'm guessing in some way or other we all got called terrible things by one another. while i'm sorry for the people who grew up with those insults hanging over them, i'm more sorry for what terrible adults those mean kids must now be.

    good topic, natalie :)

  5. I love that you posted this, Natalie. I've been wanting to post about it on one of my blogs, but don't have the guts to call him out (my FIL) - how stupid is that? I'm still totally pissed/hurt about it.

    I'm right there with ya on the bus comment. It's really sad how well I remember the times I was told by someone that I was fat/overweight - it doesn't hurt any less now that I'm an adult.

    All I know is that, as long as I'm alive, my daughters will always know they're beautiful, no matter their size or shape. That's the best I can do.

  6. I think a simple, " Thank you for noticing!" with some serious eye connection while nodding my head would be my reaction.

  7. My Reply would be depending on the person:
    a girl - Well good thing I'm me and you're you cuz I would never be able to take the roll of going around and telling people they gained weight... I would rather be happy and talk about how awesome I think life is. :-)

    a guy asking would get a question back - a Laugh, a well thank you... (receive their weird look) then a well how did you expect me to answer that question or was it just a statement?? Your move holy man! CHOOSE WISELY (Dane Cook reference)

  8. P.S. I love the cow picture! Can I steal it to post on my blog?

  9. I guess this is a subject everyone has an opinion on! =) Thank you all for sharing.

    And Amber - I just got the pic off the internet, so please use away!

  10. Seriously, I always say that if you don't have anything nice to say, shut your pie hole! I'm happy with the fact that I've gotten to the point where malicious comments slip right off. However, your self esteem is vulnerable to taking a nose dive when someone who is mean spirited makes you feel insecure. Acquiring self confidence is always a work in progress methinks.


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