Thursday, October 7, 2010

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu. -Jane Wagner

OK - so it is way more than 10 pounds, but you get the point!  I believe you will find that the average 35 year old, who has been overweight the majority of his/her life, has tried many of the "diet" options out there - and boy are there options!  The positive is that he/she doesn't feel alone - there are so many other people that are overweight as well, that every commercial block has at least one ad for some sort of blubber-battling option.  I just saw an ad for Kirstie Alley's new diet program.  I am not kidding!  I do not mean to be negative, because that is not how we roll at SDtS - but come on!!  I try and give people credit for making any attempts at self-improvement, but Ms. Alley - are you serious?!?  That would be like me trying to pedal a.....well, a new weight loss program!  Until you have lost weight, and been able to successfully keep it off for more than 10 minutes (which I think we all know is the most challenging part) you are not allowed to sell products for weight loss!  I guess I shouldn't blame her.  I should appeal to the poor, misguided folks who are paying her for her program.  That would be like paying Toni Braxton (a singer who just filed for bankruptcy for the 2nd time) to manage your money!  It appears to be true - people will buy anything tied to a celebrity.

I have personally tried Weight Watchers (more than once) and LA Weight Loss (which I believe is out of business?).  I have a couple of friends who have had great success with Atkins.  The truth is, every program will work, if you follow it.  For me, a major problem is thinking I am on a "diet".  Calling it a diet leads my brain to believe there is an end in sight.  That one day I will be able to go back to the drive thru's and binge drinking, and everything will remain hunky dory! (just realized I have no idea how to spell that - - so hopefully you guys can make some sense of it)  In this world of people looking for the "quick fix", I have given in to the reality that weight loss comes with a life change.  A life of me using all of these fitness fragments and nutrition nuggets I have obtained over the years to get to, and maintain, a more fabulous (& SEXY) Natalie.  Another truth is that I am going to have to work my ass off.  I am going to have to go to the gym....a lot!!  If I ever want to see my clavicles again (I am assuming at some point in my life they were visible, but I honestly can't remember a time when they were), I am going to have to work it!

As an ode to "diets-past", I thought I would share some of my favorite "nutritional nuggets" with you:
  • a banana is not one fruit, it is 2.  So when tracking your limited fruits for the day, make sure to mark that down as 2 if you "accidentally" eat the whole thing.  Who eats 1/2 of a banana beyond the age of 4? 
  • Triscuits (reduced fat) count as a starch.  How many can you have as one starch serving, you ask?  Three.  Seriously.  I believe the quote from my friend, who was also on this diet with me, was "I would have had 3 gone before I even thought to see what a serving size was!"
  • When trying to save up your "points" for a night of heavy drinking out on the town, it is not a good idea to only eat carrot sticks (zero points).  They absorb next to no alcohol, and you may fall on your face at the Wild Onion.  Maybe.
  • Squeezing lemon into your water will help alleviate puffiness, according to one diet source
  • when eating "volumetrically" cucumbers are your best bet.  They contain a lot of water.
  • Pretzels have almost no nutritional value, and are basically just a conveyor of salt.  Avoid them.

During attempts at the various "diets" on the market, I received a number of helpful hints, both solicited and unsolicited.  Shout out to the people who believe it is beneficial to tell fat people to just exercise more and eat less.  Apparently, according to these people, there is a direct link between obesity and a complete lack of common sense.  If it were as simple as that, everyone would be fit.  If it were as easy as "don't have more than one drink a day", no one would be an alcoholic.  If it was as simple as "just don't buy cigarettes", no one would smoke.  Does anyone ever walk up to someone suffering from bulimia or anorexia and tell them they could solve all of their problems by just exercising more and eating less?  An eating disorder is an eating disorder is an eating disorder - and I believe obesity is one.  I cannot understand what it is within people that makes them think that just because I am overweight I want to hear their opinions about it?   

So I am promising this: I am banishing the word "Diet" from my dictionary, and I promise to never comment on someone's life as it pertains to weight, unless I am asked.  I will share what I find to be useful to me, and hope that it can help someone else.  (I would appreciate the same from you guys)  Hey...I might be on the way to designing my own "Weight Loss System"?!?!  I'm kidding.  That would be too ridiculous.

Please share a nutritional nugget with us!!


  1. No nutritional nuggets (from the girl who eats Nutella for breakfast every morning!) but I love your blog. I agree that an eating disorder is just that, whether over/under/binge/purge - whatever! Lots of it in my family - over and undereating. I think it's harder than other things, because while you don't have to drink or smoke, everyone needs to eat! Good luck with your evolving sexiness ;)

  2. Remember when I was reading cosmo and they were making fun of dating tips they had printed in the past? "Fast all day before a big date, then eat some raw hamburger before going out. It will make you feel fit and sexy."
    WRONG...and GROSS!!

  3. Nat, you are quite amazing. I can't imagine having the courage to be so open about all of this. About dieting, I have one observation. You say it's not that easy as eat less and exercise more, and I agree that easy isn't the word, but simple would be. It's like anything else the mind has to deal with. Understanding and acceptance takes time, and the mind can rationalize away anything. Don't buy cigarettes, that is quite simple, but not easy. Doing what's right in almost any situation is usually quite a simple matter, but rarely an easy one.
    Anyway, my two cents (which is only worth about 0.76 cents these days). Your words are very inspirational. They make me want to be a better person, with things that have nothing to do with weight.

  4. You are preaching to the choir, girlfriend. My body reacts to the word diet in the same way. To avoid sabotaging any effort I may put forward, I abstain from even whispering the know what.:)


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