Thursday, November 11, 2010

Big is Beautiful? Damn right!

I have always been a "big" girl. Back in elementary school, I was a giant (I've been 5'6" since like 5th or 6th grade) - and I think I may have been a size 2 in kindergarten...if then? Opposing teams in our Park and Rec basketball league gave me the nickname "the wall", if that gives you any indication of my size. But it wasn't meant as an insult - or at least I don't think it was. I was just tall, strong, healthy girl. When those tiny little girls would run into me, I wouldn't move. I was the wall.

Through junior high and high school, I was always one of the bigger kids, and definitely the biggest girl within my group of friends. But I was always active, I was in sports, and I was in shape. I was a "healthy" big girl. Granted - that didn't equal a lot of dates, but I just never felt particularly left out. I had crushes on the cutest, most athletic or smart guys in school - but was never shocked or hurt that it didn't turn into anything more than that. Maybe I used my delusion as a defense mechanism? Or maybe I was just genuinely content? It has been so long now, I honestly couldn't tell you. But I can say that I don't remember feeling lonely, or like I was an outsider. I got along well with the fellas - and was, and still am much of the time - one of the guys. I like sports, beer, and talkin' shit. I fit in just fine.

I came across this article about how larger women are now more accepted. There is a guy who started a "club" in 1993 for "plus-sized women and their admirers". Seriously. That is fantastic! The one thing that caught my eye was when they interviewed this entrepreneur, and he said "Guys who liked plus-sized women were in the closet — ashamed and were embarrassed about it." Holy Hell!! That was totally it! No wonder I didn't have dates in high school! Those boys would have been too embarrassed to be seen with me. Or it could have been the fact that I didn't really wear make-up. Or the fact that I had a perm all through high school, and some of the biggest bangs I  have EVER seen. Or the fact that I didn't know about eyebrow maintenance. Or the fact that I rocked my button-up shirt, buttoned to the neck, with my plaid flannel vest with my cream colored jeans and Eastlands. Good Lord! I wouldn't have dated me, either! I was a complete mess. Regardless - I have gotten myself off is a little sad to wonder if that was it. To wonder if I didn't have dates in high school because of my size - which at that time was tiny compared to where I am now. I guess it had to be that....right? Because I am frickin' delightful!!

I am happy to report that college, and life after college, brought dates. Don't get me wrong - it isn't like every guy I meet hits on me - but I do get male attention. Maybe it is because once you get older, you realize it really isn't all about the outside. What a person has going on inside is way more valuable. That big can be beautiful.

I feel like I am finally getting back to a person that feels worthy of male attention. For a long time I was just completely unhealthy - which is a totally different animal. I couldn't do anything, and I didn't feel good about myself. And honestly, who is going to want you, if you don't want to be you? No one. I am happy with myself. I am proud of myself. I am comfortable in my skin again. Who gives a crap if I'm "plus-sized"? You have to walk in like you own the joint! Every night I go out, it is going to be like 'BBW' (Big Beautiful Woman) night, and I'm going to work it!

I have so far to go in this whole slimming down to sexy process - but one thing is for certain - I will NEVER be a size I will always be big and beautiful. And I am more than OK with that.

Only 2 days left of being YC's lunch-providing slave! Yippee!! Here is what he is getting for Thursday:
  • Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches (2)
  • 1/2 baked potato
  • steamed yellow squash


  1. Nat,

    You are so right about having a realistic attitude about size, I go to the gym and all I see is my fat now granted there is alot less but let's face it i'm going to be 48 in dec and I have spent most of my adult life abusing my body. It's not going to look perfect. But it does look better lots better close to normal and I was just thinking that at the club when i was doing a work out and watch the fat under my arms move. I stopped looking at my arm fatties swaying and focused on parts that were better. Self acceptance is a big part of staying on goal and you are so smart to realize that now. I have this one friend and she got her stomach tied and she lost lots of wt. and she looks so good but she still smokes and she does not work out and she is always commenting on how bad others look. She is one of those people who think they hotter than they are. She has not only lost wt but she also lost her compasion for others. I was taking care of a very obese man he is 6 foot 5 and 600 lbs he is dying. At first I was mad that I had to take care of him because he cannot move and he needs us to move him he seemed demanding and somewhat selfish. After getting to know him and his story we became alias in his fight to hold on to what ever days he has left. When I was at sculp and strench and then my yoga class I worked out extra hard that day not to so much improve my self but to do some movements for my friend who is a mystic time traveler I hoped he could feel me move for him don't much about mystics but if there is something to it I wanted to send him something sense he could no longer move. Addictions of any kind are a hard battle and sometimes we do need to pull together to grab those brass rings. I'm glad that you are there for me and so many others nat! Sincerely yours lisa.

  2. I had totally forgotten about "The Wall"!!! And how ironic that in High School basketball you were a member of "The Wall Squad"!!!!!

  3. Stis -
    Healthy and big/beatiful is sweet and doesn't make me feel like we might have to help you deal with a health crisis...thus, eliminating any threat of future interventions. :)
    Love you,

  4. I might need a life-sized portrait of the pic on this post! :)


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