Through junior high and high school, I was always one of the bigger kids, and definitely the biggest girl within my group of friends. But I was always active, I was in sports, and I was in shape. I was a "healthy" big girl. Granted - that didn't equal a lot of dates, but I just never felt particularly left out. I had crushes on the cutest, most athletic or smart guys in school - but was never shocked or hurt that it didn't turn into anything more than that. Maybe I used my delusion as a defense mechanism? Or maybe I was just genuinely content? It has been so long now, I honestly couldn't tell you. But I can say that I don't remember feeling lonely, or like I was an outsider. I got along well with the fellas - and was, and still am much of the time - one of the guys. I like sports, beer, and talkin' shit. I fit in just fine.
this article about how larger women are now more accepted. There is a guy who started a "club" in 1993 for "plus-sized women and their admirers". Seriously. That is fantastic! The one thing that caught my eye was when they interviewed this entrepreneur, and he said "Guys who liked plus-sized women were in the closet — ashamed and were embarrassed about it." Holy Hell!! That was totally it! No wonder I didn't have dates in high school! Those boys would have been too embarrassed to be seen with me. Or it could have been the fact that I didn't really wear make-up. Or the fact that I had a perm all through high school, and some of the biggest bangs I have EVER seen. Or the fact that I didn't know about eyebrow maintenance. Or the fact that I rocked my button-up shirt, buttoned to the neck, with my plaid flannel vest with my cream colored jeans and Eastlands. Good Lord! I wouldn't have dated me, either! I was a complete mess. Regardless - I have gotten myself off point....it is a little sad to wonder if that was it. To wonder if I didn't have dates in high school because of my size - which at that time was tiny compared to where I am now. I guess it had to be that....right? Because I am frickin' delightful!!
I am happy to report that college, and life after college, brought dates. Don't get me wrong - it isn't like every guy I meet hits on me - but I do get male attention. Maybe it is because once you get older, you realize it really isn't all about the outside. What a person has going on inside is way more valuable. That big can be beautiful.
I feel like I am finally getting back to a person that feels worthy of male attention. For a long time I was just completely unhealthy - which is a totally different animal. I couldn't do anything, and I didn't feel good about myself. And honestly, who is going to want you, if you don't want to be you? No one. I am happy with myself. I am proud of myself. I am comfortable in my skin again. Who gives a crap if I'm "plus-sized"? You have to walk in like you own the joint! Every night I go out, it is going to be like 'BBW' (Big Beautiful Woman) night, and I'm going to work it!
I have so far to go in this whole slimming down to sexy process - but one thing is for certain - I will NEVER be a size 2...so I will always be big and beautiful. And I am more than OK with that.
Only 2 days left of being YC's lunch-providing slave! Yippee!! Here is what he is getting for Thursday:
- Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches (2)
- 1/2 baked potato
- steamed yellow squash