Friday, November 19, 2010

Brain Damage

I'm trying to change this brain. My brain. I am trying to get it on board with all of these changes I am trying to make in this life of mine. It has proven to be quite the process! I started FC in February, and I was ready to go.  Body and brain were all on the same page. Enthusiasm filled the air. I was so excited take in all of the information coming at me, share it with my friends and family, and then use it to change my life. Change it for the much-better, I might add. Things were going along swimmingly. I got back from FC, and stayed on task. I got canned, and continued to exercise and eat well. I got cockily optimistic - which is to say: I felt unstoppable. Stand back world! I got this!

Then - some time in May - my brain gave me the finger, and basically told me to F-off. My brain had different plans. My brain wanted to exercise occasionally, but didn't want to put in the time necessary, or effort required, to make a big difference. At least not the differences I had thought were going to be so easy and attainable just a couple of months before. My brain wanted to eat pizza - and it wanted a lot of it. My brain loves pizza. Stupid brain. It isn't that I was eating a lot. I was just eating crap. Before FC I would eat a lot of crap - so it wasn't as bad as that. When you combine a semi-lazy ass with an overactive mouth, it is not going to equate to weight-loss success.

I thought I was fine. My jeans still fit when I put them on. I may have ignored the fact that they were a smidge tighter - but they still fit - so I was good, right? Wrong. I had packed back on almost 20 pounds. A lot of you are probably thinking - how do you gain 20 pounds, and it isn't abundantly clear? Here is how: 
  1. Your brain tricks you into thinking you don't feel any different. It isn't harder to get off the couch. Your body doesn't hurt a little more than it did a month ago. The tightness of your jeans when you put them on is because you just washed them, not because you are bigger. Your FUPA isn't any bigger than it was a couple of months ago. 
  2. When your body is the size of Smart Car - it is harder to notice 20 pounds. Not really more to say on this topic.
Out of sheer necessity, Mission 101 was born. I told YC I was re-dedicating myself to the gym. We were going to meet a couple of times a week, so he could whip me into shape. And I was good about the gym from that day. I would go lift weights 5 times a week, with one extra cardio session. I had a week back in MN that was completely off the program, but got back on track when I returned. 

The issue those first couple of weeks was that my brain had the thought process of "I went to the gym, so I can eat what I want". That's super-good rationale. Go bust your ass for over an hour at the gym, and then get a burger and fries. It is flawless thinking. Wait. Working out and then hoovering junk food might not make as big of a difference as I had hoped. It isn't like I show McDonald's my gym card, and everything is magically calorie/fat/sodium-free. Honestly. What is wrong with my brain. I never thought of myself as an idiot, but my brain was working overtime to prove me wrong.

Then something clicked. It clicked about the same time my weight popped up on the scale I finally broke down and bought. Why would I go workout every day to completely undo that with a pizza? For two weeks now, I have been eating much better and still putting in my time at the gym. My body is telling my brain what's what. I just hope my brain gets on board soon. I am getting stronger by the day, and I'd hate for my body to have to kick my brain's ass. 

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