In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I was a woman on a mission. I was working out, and eating well. There was no question as to how my days were going to be spent. I got up, had myself a nutritious and delicious breakfast and headed to the gym. I powered myself through a weight workout, and then did 30 minutes of cardio. I'd have a couple of good-for-me meals to round out my day - and that was about it. Predictable. Healthy. Good.
Then on Christmas Eve I took a day off. Then on Christmas Day I took another day off. But those were holidays. No problem, right? I got back home, and wasn't as focused as I was before my holiday break. I had a session with YC, and figured that would get me back on track. It didn't. The following week I had another session, but it still wasn't enough. Here I was, 2 weeks later - and I'd gone to the gym twice. TWICE!!
At that second session with YC I attempted to explain the unexplainable. I tried to explain how/why I had completely lost my motivation. How I had lost my gym mojo. On top of trying to explain something that I myself don't understand - I was trying to explain it to YC. A guy who is constantly working out. A guy who has probably never had two days in a row without working out, much less two weeks. Trying to explain it o him is when I realized just how much I don't understand it myself.
I know I feel better when I go to the gym. I know it is good for me. I know it is necessary to get to the goals I have set for myself. I understand all of these things. But for some reason that still doesn't appear to be enough to motivate me to go. What the hell is that about!?!? What causes this? I swear I have a short in my brain? Is there ever going to come a time where I don't have these lapses? Will there be a day where the switch is turned on, and it isn't a daily struggle/fight to get myself to gym? What is wrong with me? Seriously.
Until I figure out, or am diagnosed by a professional, I will continue to fight. I will continue to argue with myself during these spurts where I completely lack motivation. I will self-talk myself into getting to the gym, I will pray for that glorious day when it all comes together. When I don't have complete collapses in my desire to fight.
Because every day is a fight for me. A fight against laziness. A fight against pizza and burgers and french fries, and all of the other crap I love to eat. A fight to go to the gym. A fight to eat well. A fight against that person who only sat on her couch. A fight for the person I know I can be. A fight against the fear of failure that I have every day. A fight to believe in myself. A fight for the person who can inspire others to fight as well.
What are you fighting for?