Friday, January 14, 2011

the vent session

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I was a woman on a mission. I was working out, and eating well. There was no question as to how my days were going to be spent. I got up, had myself a nutritious and delicious breakfast and headed to the gym. I powered myself through a weight workout, and then did 30 minutes of cardio. I'd have a couple of good-for-me meals to round out my day - and that was about it. Predictable. Healthy. Good.

Then on Christmas Eve I took a day off. Then on Christmas Day I took another day off. But those were holidays. No problem, right? I got back home, and wasn't as focused as I was before my holiday break. I had a session with YC, and figured that would get me back on track. It didn't. The following week I had another session, but it still wasn't enough. Here I was, 2 weeks later - and I'd gone to the gym twice. TWICE!!

At that second session with YC I attempted to explain the unexplainable. I tried to explain how/why I had completely lost my motivation. How I had lost my gym mojo. On top of trying to explain something that I myself don't understand - I was trying to explain it to YC. A guy who is constantly working out. A guy who has probably never had two days in a row without working out, much less two weeks. Trying to explain it o him is when I realized just how much I don't understand it myself.

I know I feel better when I go to the gym. I know it is good for me. I know it is necessary to get to the goals I have set for myself. I understand all of these things. But for some reason that still doesn't appear to be enough to motivate me to go. What the hell is that about!?!? What causes this? I swear I have a short in my brain? Is there ever going to come a time where I don't have these lapses? Will there be a day where the switch is turned on, and it isn't a daily struggle/fight to get myself to gym? What is wrong with me? Seriously.

Until I figure out, or am diagnosed by a professional, I will continue to fight. I will continue to argue with myself during these spurts where I completely lack motivation. I will self-talk myself into getting to the gym, I will pray for that glorious day when it all comes together. When I don't have complete collapses in my desire to fight.

Because every day is a fight for me. A fight against laziness. A fight against pizza and burgers and french fries, and all of the other crap I love to eat. A fight to go to the gym. A fight to eat well. A fight against that person who only sat on her couch. A fight for the person I know I can be. A fight against the fear of failure that I have every day. A fight to believe in myself. A fight for the person who can inspire others to fight as well.

What are you fighting for?


  1. Talie, this is Gela speaking...all I can say is you have been total motivation for so many of us that are following this blog. EVERYONE (ok, maybe not YC), but all of us regular people out here struggle from time to time. I have totally had the thoughts of, "I should just go straight home and work on adoption stuff, organize things for travel, mentally prepare myself for life with a baby (ahhhh!), etc. etc.", but then I think about sending in my weekly updates and your blog makes me WANT to turn in positive numbers. I feel a sense of guilt when I slack and, at the same time, feel a sense of pride & happiness when I have good things to report. This is because of YOU and this blog! Keep on fighting the good fight...I know you can! You're Talie and you rock! Your goals looks awesome and attainable. Do it! :)

  2. All I can say, if you have a short in your brain, so do I. And if you ever, ever find the solution, please share it with us. I promise I'll do the same.

    In the meantime I have a session with my YL tomorrow, and hope he can get me back on track...



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